THE STARTING 11: Reasons to bring Vuvuzelas to Toronto

A rare South African double-horned Bafana sighting

After the first few days of the World Cup there is only one word that the global audience has learned - vuvuzela. The much-maligned (except in Sith Ifrici) noise-maker is the dominant element when watching matches on TV and apparently ear-splitting in person. Despite calls to ban the plastic horns it looks as if they are set to stay through the duration of the Cup but we wonder, how could they be useful at BMO Field when TFC returns?
　
11. Just for the fun of hearing Craig Forrest say the word "vuvuzela"
　
10. Not quite as annoying as Year 4 of "The Dichio Song"
　
9. You can fit four chip buttys in the wide end
　
8. The GO Train would sound like a diesel-powered swarm of bees
　
7. Helpful in the new "MO BLOWS" campaign
　
6. "Qu-est ce que Vuve?" "Vuvule Les Rouges zele!"
　
5. Handy for summoning centaurs
　
4. TFC's new nickname: BMOfana! BMOfana!
　
3. Mating call to Argos fans
　
2. Fan giveaway: "Viagra Vuvuzela Day! - "Get the horn with Viagra!"
　
1. Vuvu-Beer Bongs

"Oh Herc, you can blow my horn anytime!"

CAPPED! - June 11th, 2010

Capped! is back for another week and what better day than the first day of the World Cup? The month long foot and ball orgy is under way and only slightly more competitive than this here captioning game.

Reigning champion "Jeronimo" had been on a two-week tear and followed it up again with a dazzling knowledge of flag text but it wasn't enough to beat out the mad word-play styles of "Busy B" and his Braziltastic caption. Much like the next World Cup Champion, "Busy B" is basking in the glory of a world famous win. Except without the glory. Or fame. Or... pretty much everything. On to this week!

One shot from the giant blow dart and Maradona's rampage through Cape Town was over.

World Cup Minnow Idol

In a couple of days the eyes of the world will be on South Africa (pronounced Sith Ifrici if you're new) and the month-long foot and ball orgy that is the World Cup. You may have gleaned from this site that us Yorkies, and indeed our readers, are fairly avid (see mentally unstable) footballing aficionados. With our beloved TFC on break, we, like the rest of the world (minus North American hosers and/or rednecks) will be glued to the TV for 64 glorious matches. The only problem is... who to support?
　
Much like in our hometown of Toronto, there is no shortage of nationalistic favourites amongst Yorkies membership. Yes, we lean heavily to the England way of things but not in consensus. Sadly Canada is not an option ("The CSA: Watching on TV since 1986") so we have chosen to adopt a team. Now a big-wig like Brazil, Spain or Germany is no fun, so here now we present the final of "The Yorkies World Cup Minnow Idol"! The winner, no matter how “Canada '86” they play, is this site's official squad for the 2010 World Cup. Let's meet the finalists as they plead their cases...

CONTESTANT # 1: HONDURAS
- Their nickname is "Los Catrachos" which loosely translates to "The Hondurans". Not creative but definitely succinct.
- The capital city has the kick-ass name "Tegucigalpa"
- All-time most capped player and current captain is Toronto FC alumni Amado Guevara
- The current squad has a set of flyin' Honduran brothers - Wilson and Johnny Palacios
- They are Canada's CONCACAF cousins (pro) / They are Canada's CONCACAF cousins who usually beat Canada (con)

CONTESTANT # 2: NEW ZEALAND
- Majority of the team plays their club football at Wellington Phoenix. As New Zealand's only club in Australia's A-League that makes The Phoenix the Toronto FC of Oceania
- Contrary to internet rumour, the nickname "All Whites" is in no way racist
- New Zealand is a Commonwealth cousin and the country is very much the Canada of the Southern Hemisphere
- New Zealand football fans have to put up with stick from alpha-male Rugby fans much like Canadian footy fans having to defend their sport against boorish puck-heads
- Team NZ features former TFC defender Andrew Boyens who apparently "Likes to rock the party"

CONTESTANT # 3: NORTH KOREA
- In their only previous World Cup appearance they eliminated Italy
- Their nickname is the "Chollima" (a mythological Korean horse) and they wear TFC-esque red kits
- They're so ronery
- North Korea only televises matches that they win - they are in a group with Brazil, Portugal and Ivory Coast... so… reruns of "Everybody Loves Kim" anyone?
- They may well fire missiles at whatever country they lose to

And the winner is... (Idol-esque pause for dramatic effect)...

NEW ZEALAND!!! Yes, "It's Business Time" and The Yorkies officially back The Kiwis in this year's Cup! So let's take roll call (Murray. Present. Bret. Present. Yorkies. Present.) and say "Up the All Whites!" Again... not racist.

THE STARTING 11: TFC World Cup break plans

Law Offices of Cellino, Barnes & LaBrocca (LaBrocca not pictured)

With Major League Soccer's World Cup break in full swing, many of The Reds are making plans for how to spend their three week mini-break. While they should be nursing injuries, watching past game tapes and staying in shape, many of the Toronto players and staff may actually be making other plans for the next twenty-odd days...
　
11. Preki: Cursing in long Serbian words at the TV
　
10: Julian de Guzman: Inviting underprivileged Scarborough kids to watch the World Cup from the comfort of his hair
　
9. Danny Dichio: Spray-painting his head gold to resemble the World Cup trophy
　
8. Mo Johnston: Loyally cheering for South Korea. Loyally cheering for North Korea one week later.
　
7. Chad Barrett: Wings. Beers. Broads. Boxer shorts. Big screen TV... repeat 64 times
　
6. Jon Conway: Taking vacation to Tokyo - pretending he's Godzilla
　
5. Nick LaBrocca: Moving to Upstate New York - becoming a personal injury lawyer
　
4. Joseph Nane: Finding evil twin "Nane Joseph" and destroying him
　
3. Maxim Usanov: Punching stuff
　
2. Stefan Frei: Supporting Switzerland by doing drive-by cheesings and late-night prank yodelling
　
1. Raivis Hščanovičs: legally Canadianizing his name to "Randy Hancock"

TFC's World Cup of wellness

"It's only a flesh wound."

When the final whistle blew at the end of Saturday's tepid match against KFC, the Toronto players could at least console themselves with an upcoming three week mini-break. For the first time in league history, MLS will shut down operations during the opening rounds of the World Cup. The break will give many of The Reds a chance to recuperate after a tough and injury-laden stretch which has left them quite banged up.
　
Let's take a look at those Torontos who are ailing and in need of some World Cup medicine. Here are both the officially listed... and those who are just maybe carrying a rumoured mystery ailment.
　
THE INJURED LIST
(As listed by Toronto FC)
- Julian de Guzman: Hamstring
- Chad Barrett: Leg (cramping)
- Amadou Sanyang: Dizziness
- Joseph "Nane Joseph" Nane: Separated shoulder
- Emmanuel Gomez: Undisclosed knee (long-term)
　
THE POSSIBLY INJURED LIST
(As told by The Yorkies' street pharmacist "Steve")
- Dwayne De Rosario: Strutter's knee/ Strained corn row
- Jacob Peterson: The plainest common cold possible (minor)
- Stefan Frei: Swiss knees
- Sam Cronin: Loneliness
- Adrian Cann: Grover voice
- Martin Saric: Argentine-Croat schizophrenia
- Jon Conway: Gigantism
- Maksim Usanov: Drago fist
- Nick Garcia: Lowered expectations
- Raivis Hščanovičs: Vowel deficiency

The South Stand Report : Toronto v Kansas City... or Am I Seeing Blue or Teal On The Pitch?

Yeah, it was a sh*t pun...

Who remembers the MISL? This guy..

After all of the f'ing rain we've been delivered and promised, we break with tradition and are blessed with a sunny day with moderate cloud cover. I was starting to think I was travelling to Glasgow on match day...

In our next-to-final game before the World Cup break *cough*En-ger-land*cough*, TFC is defying all odds, well mostly ours, and playing some productive, aggressive and, dare I say it, victorious football lately. I know, I'm startled just re-reading that. All predictions came flying in with pro-TFC results, including my own 2-0. Yes, I know predictions are pointless since I never get them right. Except that one time I called for a hat trick from Chad and he bagged a brace... strange.

Wonder how Garcia will screw up this game. Own goal perhaps?

Anyways...

8' - Vanilla Peterson gets a through ball from DeRo and fires a shot that was stopped by KC's Nielson's face. You're welcome.

16' - Barrett gets a low cross in that ricochets around and goes out for a corner.

Seriously, 16 minutes and THIS is all I've got to report. It's gonna be one of those games...

27' - RED - Nick Garcia for a clumsy tackle barrelling into Kei "Whups" Kamara. Bookable? Yes. Send-off-able? No. It was a overblown call, but the ref maybe doing us a favour. He must know we hate him too.

I think the main point was that this moment sparked discussion:

Are we better off having Garcia on the pitch as an 11th man or having 10 without him?

That's some serious philosophical pondering in there...

32' - Ryan Smith fires a ball from 20 yds out forcing Frei to make a leaping-tip over the bar type of save. There's probably a better way of writing that out, but I don't care.

38' - The Chad breaks free and stumbles over the ball, but manages to maintain control slotting a pass through the box to DeRo who gets hauled down and NO CALL but the pass had enough momentum for deGoo to fire a shot at Nielson forcing a great stop from 15 yds out.

43' - Kansas City press, (finally) threatening as a looping ball comes into the 6 yd box for "Whups" Kamara to head it wide.

44' - Barrett takes a glancing boot to the face from a high ball and NO CALL for a dangerous challenge. Maybe MLS finally issued a memo to the refs to resume calling sh*t against TFC for the season. They did last year when it looked like we were going to make the post season sitting mid-table.

2 minutes of extra time

45' - YELLOW - DeRo goes into the books for getting held onto by Harrington and as another KC player flies past him to get the loose ball, goes to ground after brushing DeRo. Yeah, stellar call.

HALF-TIME MOOD: If there's a middle point between boring and stupid, this is it.

SUB - Sanyang off for Harden, Vanilla Peterson off for our favourite apple Gala

51' - DeRo pops the ball over himself and loses his defender, then pokes it to Gala who, does the unthinkable, passes it before losing it by being closed down by the requisite two defenders. It's that notable and boring that this fact makes the cut.

57' - 2 yellows equal 1 red for Rocastle as KC is now down to 10 men as well. Given how well TFC have been playing with 10, KC should be in for some pain.

64' - SUB - The Chad off for O'Brien White. The Chad looks to have been limping a little but he played well.

Potential Quote of the Match

"Who names a kid after a colour?"
"Or a duck?"
"God, I HOPE it's the colour..."

~ Julie and I on Teal Bunbury


65' - deGoo has a go from 25 yds out to be parried by Nielson. You have a sense that he's going to score an absolute rocket one game and maybe they'll finally have a song for our DP

68' - OBW springs the annoying KC trap and passes on two good shooting opportunities to take up a third nearly flush with the face of goal. Keep your head up
sir.

70' - deGoo looks to be favouring his hamstring and we're all out of substitutes.

85' - First sign of offensive threat in over a quarter hour and the result? DeRo well offside.

Dammit it IS one of those games. Even the Vancouver one from Wednesday was more interesting, rain and humidity and all.

88' - Ty Harden floats a ball over the top that OBW can't quite get to, but the clear ends up in the path of deGoo and he destroys the ball towards Ontario Place (which for you out-of-towners is an amusement part about a kilometer south of the stadium)

Quote of the Match :
It's like I'm trying to watch the game through a Kidstreet Rebus
~ Josh on the U-Sector flags waving way too early

Brilliant. Sorry Julie, but it is.

89' - deGoo is still limping. Hopefully it's a strain

2 minutes of extra time.

Toronto 0, Kansas City 0

Man of the Match : Wow. In an unremarkable game all across the board, it's hard to pick a standout. If I had to pick one, deGoo stood out for me the most but this choice is done under duress. Also, Attakora would've been our MotM except he rarely saw the ball, but when he did, he did excellent.

Goat of the Game : Garcia. Any guesses why?

Ref Rating : 1 out of 5. Those 50/50 calls all went against TFC all game. Sure the ref "made it up to us" by the two yellows, but the real head-scratching calls and over-bookings were appalling. Good thing TFC didn't lose. Too bad the 100% record is lost.

Kansas City's shallow offside trap was excellent, and that kept TFC aggression at bay. I question OBW's substitution given how far up the pitch KC was playing the trap and how, shall we say, "un-fast" White is. Preki is doing wonderful things with this team. I'll write my apologies at season's end (even if I still don't understand why Gerba was let go).

This was a stale-mate and a boring one. You know those graphs that they put up in FIFA percentage of where the game was played on the pitch? It would read 5%-92%-3% from KC to Toronto. It would be like watching Royce Gracie have a jiu-jitsu match against himself : lots of rolling around, no one really doing anything.

And nobody wants that. Not even Royce Gracie.

THE MATCHUP: TFC want bucket of goals against KFC

KFC! (clap-clap-clap) KFC!

TORONTO FC (7th) VS. KANSAS CITY WIZ (14th)
　
BMO Field - Saturday, 4PM ET
TV: CBC
　
What better way to top of a fresh NutCan than getting a bucket of goals off of Kansas' Football Club... or KFC if you must. The timing may actually be perfect for the red hot Reds (the football team - not Schneider’s Red Hots hot dogs) to grab yet another "Fortress BMO' win. After resting most of their starters mid-week in the NutCan, the fresh TFC will face Eastern Division (for what that matters) rival and first ever BMO Field guests Kansas in the last clash before the MLS World Cup break.
　
KFC have been having a hard time of it as of late. "The Colonel’s" find themselves without a win for quite some time and having just as much trouble finding the net. The absence of suspended captain Davy Arnaud and World Cupped Roger Espinoza add to their woes. They meet TFC at a time when the "Butty Boys" have been at their defensive best and have been shutting down better teams - especially at home. KFC will have to have all 11 herbs and spices... er... players at their best and try to batter Toronto's defence with their boneless wingers... I mean wing play. I need a moist towelette.
　
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "The Johnston/ Preki/ Garcia Testimonial Match"
　
EXTRA CRISPY: Kei Kamara FW, Jimmy Conrad D, Teal Bunbury FW
ROLLIN' WITH RED-HOTS: Dwayne De Rosario MF, Chad Barrett FW, Adrian Cann D
　
THE ODDS:
- Chances that Kei Kamara will repeat this stellar move...

:3-1
　
WHO ARE YA?
- Team not actually named after "The Wizard of Oz" but after former owner, the late Lamar Hunt's, favourite night-time lullaby: 1970's "The Wizard" by Black Sabbath
- Wizards legend Mo Johnston is apparently Director of Football for another North American club. As he never appears in public, the rumour can't be verified
- In an attempt to cash-in on "Harry Potter Mania", Wizards have asked MLS and Adidas if club can wear "athletic wizard-style robes" instead of regular kit in 2011
- Original 1996 "Wiz" logo has accepted offer to be the Grand Marshall at Kansas City's Gay Pride Parade
　
RED HOTS ON ROLLERS SAY: 2-0 Toronto
KFC GREEN COLESLAW SAYS: 1-1 Draw
HEADLINE: "TFC ATTACK GETS UP THE WIZARDS' SLEEVE"

Pride

CAPPED! - June 3, 2010

In the short, yet illustrious, history of Capped! no one has done the seemingly impossible and retained back-to-back titles. This week it all changed. The one and only "Jeronimo" indeed won last week's contest with his truly bizarre and blasphemous gem.

"The Big J" is now two-time "Wittiest Supporter" and has upped the ante for all you other would be caption engineers. With two wins comes two times the prizes! Two times zero is... well at least you have bragging rights. Can anyonne dethrone "The King of Caption" Jeronimo? This week's contest starts now!

Meet Brazil's new defender: Perverto Carlos

The South Stand Report : Toronto v Vancouver... or The cashews are gone and all we have left is this NutCan

If there's such a thing as a "Calgarian Shiekh Oil Baron" then it's only a matter of time...

Wooooooo! Eat it Guelph! F*ck you Estevan! Cry more Iqaluit! Canadian Champions!
It's currently 6pm EDT, or "sometime between tokes" for you out-westerners, and it's a bonnie sunny Glasgow evening here in Toronto (meaning "drizzlin' piss"). Not that I'm a weather watcher, but I'd like to point out that this is the 5th game where it was scheduled to rain, and likely the 4th where it will actually do so. I hate the rain.

TFC had the audacity to inform the supporters that we have the possibility of "Toronto FC Academy players appearing in a Toronto FC match for the first time!" which translates to me as hooker and vodka party at Usanov's place DeRo's staying home and Vanilla Peterson is in charge of half-time orange slices. The perks keep coming and coming...

Predictions : Vancouver [(minutes played by TFCA players * 0.2)/45 minutes], Toronto [(number of TFC regulars who play any amount of time * 0.65)]

Yeah, it's math. What... don't read this blog with that look on your face?!
Anyways...
3' - Nane Joseph is at the wrong end of a challenge which leaves him kicking his legs on the ground like a 4 yr old being told he can't have a box of smarties while going through the grocery store checkout. Yeah, it was a long-winded metaphor, but it was accurate. It would've been completely comical had he been on the other team or...

4' - SUB - Joseph out, Usanov in. I guess he was hurt badly enough.
Still looked funny. Sorry.

9' - Usanov chases a ball out of bounds, sliding right into the boarding. Somehow, not hurt and ankles still work. Remarkable. Good hustle.

Tonight, your Yorkies present the newest game sensation that's sweeping the red nation

"Who the F*ck is That?"

Our first contestant is wearing #30 and is in goal, please give a warm round of applause to TFC signee, and Serbian White Eagles loanee, Milos Kocic!

Wearing #26, TFC Academy player Doniel Henry is playing centre back-ish.

At #35, your "The Chad" understudy, centre forward Allando Matheson.

We'll be back with more as the game progresses.

19' - Haber gets loose from TFC defenders and has a go just over the bar. This guy is quality.

22' - Vancouver free kick swings beautifully wide with Tsiskaridze just getting his foot to is and shanking it over the bar. I know it was a miss, but Vancouver tends to play a style of football where you catch yourself holding your breath ever so slightly on the chance that their crazy-ass attempt works. And you know it does.

27' - Ibrahim traps a ball on his chest, turns, and then skies the ball. Oh Ibby...

32' - RED - Marcus Haber does TFC a favour by going late studs up tackle. He doesn't look like he's protesting too much either.

Quote of the Match
Vancouver looks to be reverting to Italian formation...
~ Alex on Vancouver's apparent 7-1-1 styling

35' - Ibrahim gets absolutely hammered in a tackle resulting in a Vancouver booking. Probably a physical warning for Ibby's rehashing of a 10 yr old on a slip-n-slide for the last 10 minutes. Sorry Ibby, but I'd have tackled you too for what you were pulling.

38' - YELLOW - Henry for, um, something... probably deserved it.

39' - Gala fights off two defenders... and gives up a free kick? Couldn't see anything on the replay that would've made him innocent. Meh.

42' - Henry hip-checks Tsiskaridze sending him spinning right round (like a record, baby, right round...)

44' - Tsiskaridze jukes and cuts a cute pass to Davies who pops a shot 16 yds out prompting Kocic to make a very good leaping palm save.

3 minutes of added time

45' - Ensuing free kick was f'ing embarrassing. If I got the name, I'd out him for being total crap.

45+2' - Ibrahim breaks in and has a weak shot 20 yds out. Easy save for Nolly, but WTF was Matheson playing 5 yds offside while the shot was taken? I didn't get it.

HALF-TIME MOOD : soaked, unimpressed and in dire need of a roof on the south stand.

45' - SUB - de Guzman out,...

Welcome back to

Who the F*ck is That?

Making his way into the game, a TFC Academy forward, #29 Nicholas Lindsay

52' - Hščanovičs doesn't push up while Gala is getting pressure in the left corner, but somehow profited when the coughed up ball ended up at his feet. Ensuing cross went errant.

53' - Lindsay gets free and at 5 yrds out curls the ball around the post. I'd like to say something poignant like "welcome to the big leagues, kid" but that's stupid and clichéd... so how about "What in the fu... oh, Academy player? Nevermind. Good try!"

66' - SUB - Matheson out, DeRo in. I guess Preki doesn't want this to be a glorified scrimmage after all. For excitement's sake, he should've come on at half-time too.

78' - Gala first cross fails. Gets a second opportunity and the ball is hauled in by Nolly. I'm glad he's trying to pass it.

83' - Hščanovičs gets his first touch in what's felt like half an hour and crosses it into the box. Seriously, what did he do? If being Latvian is wrong then I don't want to be right!

85' - Hščanovičs nails Davies in a solid tackle which sends him to the ground. Knight gets on his high horse (get it!... cuz he's... yeah, sh*t pun, I know) to stick up for him.

2 minutes of extra time.

FULL TIME : Toronto 0, Vancouver 0

I could do the equation prediction and figure out what the score should've been, but what would that prove? Honestly?

Man of the Match : While there wasn't much to sing about (no really), Usanov was all over the pitch, running up the right wing and doing his best to create chances and chase down balls.

Goat of the Game : Staying away from the academy players, who really weren't bad, the only one I can call out was Gala. My favourite apple has a fear of both passing forward and getting rid of the ball any time earlier than "too f'ing late". Sure he was getting closed down, but holding onto a ball 5 seconds longer than necessary would cause that. Ibby almost got this award but Gala frustrated me AS SOON AS he touched the ball.

Ref Rating : 5 out of 5. Let them play, given the state of the grass and subsequent sliding. If they're not a ref crew in MLS, then someone should take a look at'em.

OK, two prominent themes came to play tonight.

1) Hščanovičs : How is it he was the lone player in his third of the field for long periods of the game? Which third, you ask? The LEFT third. If I was a player, which I am not, the only reasonable explanation why he was getting no service that I can conjure is that Hščanovičs has a fear of running up into an offensively aggressive position for death fear of getting caught out of place. They could've used such chance-taking when Vancouver were grouping up in the middle.

2) The lop-sided imbalance that was TFC possession v. lack of quality attacking opportunities. Nevermind the red card, Toronto who controlled the ball at least 60% of the game could not get the ball anywhere near the 18 yd box. Nolly was tested sparingly. I'm willing to score this one 'too many kids' but it was alarming how anemic TFC was in the final third of the pitch. If you're wondering why there wasn't much writing in the second half (then thanks for wondering at all!) was because this was exactly how the play went for about 30 minutes of the half. Pass, pass, pass, lose ball. Pass, pass, cross, shot fired wide. I don't want to chronicle that crap.

Now that the NutCan nonsense is out of the way, bring on Amado Guevara and C.D. Motagua. I'm sure the "T.O. Reject *clap* *clap* *clap*clap*clap*" will put the boots to us, but who knows... this whole Preki thing is starting to work out and much of us here are not quite eating crow, but we're looking at it wondering how much HP sauce we will need to choke it down later.

THE MATCHUP: TFC Academy 4: NutCans On Patrol

Now that's an Academy

TORONTO FC VS. VANCOUVER WHITECAPS FC
　
BMO Field - Wednesday 8PM ET
TV: SPORTSNET EAST & WEST
　
The highlight of this match will be before kickoff when TFC lifts The Voyageurs Cup and celebrates its second NutCan in a row. After the whistle... maybe bring a PSP and play some FIFA. The cupless wonders from British Columbia may very well try and salvage a little face from a terrible tournament for them but Toronto has made it clear - this match doesn't matter.
　
The Reds made their intentions clear by calling up seven youngsters from TFC Academy who can potentially play in this "match" and when academies get involved - hijinks ensue! There will no doubt be a funny and suave ladies man, a guy who can make noises with his mouth, a really tall dude with a heart of gold and a gun-toting maniac in camouflage. There may be some comic trouble in the middle of the match but in the end they all become good friends and graduate. Then a hooker is placed in the podium before Preki's post-match press conference. Something like that.
　
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "Worst. Unofficial. Friendly. Ever. Derby."
　
CUPLESS & CRANKY: Doudou Toure FW, Justin Moose MF, Ricardo Sanchez MF
CUPFUL & COCKY: Fuad Ibrahim FW, Gabe Gala MF, Random Academy Player # 2,
　
THE ODDS:
- The Queen showing up in BMO Field's Royal Box for trophy presentation: 500-1
- Sportsnet's viewer ratings higher than re-run of Westminster Dog Show: 90-1
- MLSE selling "2010 Canadian Champion" t-shirts for $49.99: Evens

- Whitecaps stealing the trophy, taking it to Centre Island's yacht club only to have it rescued by squad of wacky rookie cops on jet skis: 3-1
　
WHO ARE YA?
- There is still no definite scientific proof that Whitecaps' defender Justin Moose isn't fractionally part actual moose
- The Voyageurs Cup trophy comes filled to the brim with "Dale Mitchell's Homemade 7-Layer Dip" and a small bag of CSA-brand generic corn chips
- Angry fans are planning to greet the Whitecaps at Vancouver airport by throwing stale tofu and bong water at them in disgrace
- The NutCan Winner's Medal isn't just handsome but is also good for a free coleslaw at participating Swiss Chalet restaurants
　
MAHONEY SAYS: 2-1 Toronto
LT. HARRIS SAYS: 0-1 Vancouver
HEADLINE: "TFC LIFTS TROPHY - MO JOHNSTON SIGNS 10 YEAR EXTENSION"

"2-1." "No, 0-1." (Horse noise)