THE STARTING 11: Reasons why Torsten Frings tossed the captain's armband away

Voller: men's hairstyling legend



If there was a bad movie-of-the-week about Saturday's loss to D.C. United, the moment when Torsten Frings came off the pitch injured would have been very melodramatic. Frings (as played by Casper Van Dien in the film) marched off the field injured and frustrated and tossed aside the black captain's armband in what looked like a disgusted motion. (Imagine the armband hitting the grass in slow-motion with thudding sound effects and the crowd gasping... now!) After the match, the renowned professional Frings dismissed talk that the tossing was an act of impudence but rather that he needed to leave the pitch in a hurry for treatment. Yup. But what else could be behind Das Kapitan's doffing of cloth?
　
11. Somewhere, a baseball cap was in dire need of reversing
　
10. With De Ro in attendance, Frings thought it was tradition for TFC captains to make a bold silent gesture of disgust
　
9. Hasn't yet learned how to say "I've had enough of this f*cking sh*t, I’m a God damned World f*cking Cup legend" in English
　
8. Upset after his pre-match attempts to style his long hair into a 1980's Rudi Voller style perm failed once again
　
7. After himself, he felt that the next best team leader would be a blade of grass
　
6. Armband still slippery with hair product from Jim Brennan's days as Toronto FC captain
　
5. Thought that Joao Plata was going to take his place and was simply tossing it down to where his arm should be
　
4. Furious with Miguel Aceval's inability to pronounce Borussia Moenchengladbach properly
　
3. Far too anxious about the future of the European Union's financial austerity measures after the election of socialist Francois Hollande as French President
　
2. Had to get into the locker room quickly before Danny Koevermans ate all of the Black Forest Cake that his family sent from Bavaria
　
1. It was actually an experiment to see if anything could plummet to the ground faster than TFC's playoff hopes

In honour of our Kapitan here he is on lead guitar performing with German pop sensation Peter Schilling. Also, Miroslav Klose on drums...

Captain Scarborough takes the bridge of "The No-Love Boat"

--------------"Umm... you say it took 5 years to build this?"

It must have been a great honour and a fabulous challenge when asked to steer such a slow, lumbering, lopsided mess towards glory in the United States – all the while trying to avoid likely disaster. He must have felt like the "King of the World"! I'm talking of course of Captain Edward Smith who was in charge of the SS Titanic. Why? Who were you thinking of?
　
In other non-related, simile-free captaincy news, Toronto FC manager Preki made the only decision he could today by replacing the retired Jim Brennan (now to be referred to as Jo Bronston or The Mo-ppet) with TFC’s best ever player, Dwayne De Rosario. Scarborough's finest (the non-smokeable kind) becomes TFC's second captain and takes over at a time of great change and upheaval. With new players still apparently being added (Mo's famous 2 or 3) and a host of new faces already in red, De Ro will need to lead in a big way… and quickly.
　
De Ro will be an interesting sort of captain - more The Skipper than Captain Stubing. While Jim Brennan showed great grit on the field there are questions about divisions left in the dressing room. Brennan was obviously very close with management (thus his new job as Mo's pool boy) and that couldn't have been an easy mesh with other players. Obviously there have been major personality clashes in the locker room leading to classy veteran stalwarts like Carl Robinson being moved out. A big part of De Ro's job will be getting this new group whistling to the same tune.
　
Make no mistake, De Ro has been given the wheel somewhere in the middle of the words "Iceberg!" and "...straight ahead!". No doubt the Scarborough Town "Centre" (get it? He plays centre!... What? I'm bored of nautical jokes) would have rather taken the armband in good times but perhaps this is his chance to prove the naysayers wrong. There are some who don't agree with his outspoken "say it how you see it" ways but it would seem like anyone willing to speak the truth at TFC would be very welcome… and rare. God knows, if HMCS Five-Year-Plan does sink, it won't be the truthful new captain's fault – it will be the fault of the Scottish Admiral hiding upstairs in the poop deck with his new parrot. Sorry, that's the last nautical pun for today.
　
"Yo Mo Mo, and a bottle of trialists!"
(Sorry again. Actually more pirate than nautical though.)
　
　
Poop deck.

-----------------------Scarborough: It's how we roll.