THE STARTING 11: North Korean World Cup bonuses

------------- It rewinds and... wait for it... fast forwards!

One of the quirkiest oddities of World Cups is the added bonuses that players are promised if successful. Yes there is prize money for the winners but it was always fun when the Royal Family of a Middle Eastern nation would promise any player who scored a goal a new Rolls-Royce or gold plated pyjamas. No official word but MLSE apparently owes Chad Barrett five Chip Buttys. The biggest bonus surprises at this year's World Cup would have to be from the ultra-secretive North Korea (or DPR Korea to its friends). Just what luxuries could be in store for the plucky communists?
　
11. Ten minute head start at next attempted defection
　
10. Free "Axis of Evil - 2010" t-shirts
　
9. Get to become pitchmen for popular North Korean sports drink "Democratic Peoples' Thirst Elimination Liquid"
　
8. Players and their families get two-night stay at "Sandals Pyongyang Resort Camp"
　
7. Kim Jong Il-style khaki jumpsuits for the whole team
　
6. Two month supply of spicy pickled cabbage upon return
　
5. Cameo appearance on North Korea's #1 sitcom "Everybody Loves Kim... Or Else"
　
4. Get face on stamp instead of stamped on face
　
3. Brand new Sanyo BetaMax VCR for every goal-scorer
　
2. Get to fire opening missile at World War III
　

1. Shoes!!!

Sweet jumpsuit

World Cup Minnow Idol

In a couple of days the eyes of the world will be on South Africa (pronounced Sith Ifrici if you're new) and the month-long foot and ball orgy that is the World Cup. You may have gleaned from this site that us Yorkies, and indeed our readers, are fairly avid (see mentally unstable) footballing aficionados. With our beloved TFC on break, we, like the rest of the world (minus North American hosers and/or rednecks) will be glued to the TV for 64 glorious matches. The only problem is... who to support?
　
Much like in our hometown of Toronto, there is no shortage of nationalistic favourites amongst Yorkies membership. Yes, we lean heavily to the England way of things but not in consensus. Sadly Canada is not an option ("The CSA: Watching on TV since 1986") so we have chosen to adopt a team. Now a big-wig like Brazil, Spain or Germany is no fun, so here now we present the final of "The Yorkies World Cup Minnow Idol"! The winner, no matter how “Canada '86” they play, is this site's official squad for the 2010 World Cup. Let's meet the finalists as they plead their cases...

CONTESTANT # 1: HONDURAS
- Their nickname is "Los Catrachos" which loosely translates to "The Hondurans". Not creative but definitely succinct.
- The capital city has the kick-ass name "Tegucigalpa"
- All-time most capped player and current captain is Toronto FC alumni Amado Guevara
- The current squad has a set of flyin' Honduran brothers - Wilson and Johnny Palacios
- They are Canada's CONCACAF cousins (pro) / They are Canada's CONCACAF cousins who usually beat Canada (con)

CONTESTANT # 2: NEW ZEALAND
- Majority of the team plays their club football at Wellington Phoenix. As New Zealand's only club in Australia's A-League that makes The Phoenix the Toronto FC of Oceania
- Contrary to internet rumour, the nickname "All Whites" is in no way racist
- New Zealand is a Commonwealth cousin and the country is very much the Canada of the Southern Hemisphere
- New Zealand football fans have to put up with stick from alpha-male Rugby fans much like Canadian footy fans having to defend their sport against boorish puck-heads
- Team NZ features former TFC defender Andrew Boyens who apparently "Likes to rock the party"

CONTESTANT # 3: NORTH KOREA
- In their only previous World Cup appearance they eliminated Italy
- Their nickname is the "Chollima" (a mythological Korean horse) and they wear TFC-esque red kits
- They're so ronery
- North Korea only televises matches that they win - they are in a group with Brazil, Portugal and Ivory Coast... so… reruns of "Everybody Loves Kim" anyone?
- They may well fire missiles at whatever country they lose to

And the winner is... (Idol-esque pause for dramatic effect)...

NEW ZEALAND!!! Yes, "It's Business Time" and The Yorkies officially back The Kiwis in this year's Cup! So let's take roll call (Murray. Present. Bret. Present. Yorkies. Present.) and say "Up the All Whites!" Again... not racist.