Toronto FC - Now with added Scottish ginge! (Ask about our Kiwi BOGO!)

Relax Steven, it's just a loan

Apparently the way to fix Toronto FC's leaky wingback situation which has led to many a last-minute heartbreaker... is to loan a centreback. Yes, TFC have reportedly gone back to mining the English Championship loan market again this time grabbing Scotland International and soon-to-be ex-Birmingham City defender Steven Caldwell.

The deal for the 32-year-old, which sees him spend the remainder of his Blues' loaned to Toronto (until June 30th), has been confirmed by BCFC today but we await official confirmation from The Reds. Knowing TFC's news handling skills you can expect the announcement sometime in August.

On the surface it is a curious yet no-risk move for TFC. It gives The Reds a little bit of depth on an ever-porous backline that could do with another veteran voice (especially in the 80-90 minute era) while allowing Caldwell to put himself in the shop window - either in MLS or back in the UK. The only negative side-effect of the deal is that it may intensify rumours of Danny Califf's odd situation at centreback as the big Californian has seen his playing time cut drastically in the last few weeks. In the end, Toronto FC has added their first new Scottish ginger since one Maurice Johnston - so good things should follow! 

"I approve this message..."

UPDATE: Hot on the heels of the Steven Caldwell story, Australian press is rather flippantly reporting that New Zealand International and star of the A-League's Wellington Phoenix (The TFC of the South Pacific) Jeremy Brockie is also headed to BMO Field on loan.

Few details were given and this story has yet to have any official backing like Caldwell's but the Ryan Nelsen connection does give it some weight. Brockie is a 25-year-old attacking midfielder who has notched 27 goals in the A-League since 2010. Rumours that he is the "goalscoring Andrew Boyens" are completely made up. By us.

"Brockie! Brockie! Brockie!"

 

UPDATED UPDATE: As per Toronto FC policy, the club officially announces all news many hours after the rest of the world has reported it. If your didn't believe us this morning, you can go here. Non-believers. We'll see who's laughing when Loch Ness turns out to be real.

THE STARTING 11: Ways Ryan Nelsen passes the time on transatlantic flights

Download the new "Irate Southern Hemisphere Birds" for iPhone



It's hard not to take a shine to our new New Zealish new overlord Ryan Nelsen. During his few appearances so far in Toronto he has come across as an affable and thoughtful gent who is genuinely excited about his opportunity to manage TFC. Of course his hiring wasn't without controversy - especially the early fears that he wouldn't arrive for duty until after the Premier League season ended. Of course that has now been sorted, and hand-wringing has been decreased, but Nelsen still has to fly back-and-forth to London a few times before he settles in Toronto for good. The man must be running out of passport pages by now which makes us wonder… just how does he spend his time on those numerous and annoying long-haul flights?
　
11. Tries to figure out how many more Air Miles he needs to buy the southern half of New Zealand
　
10. Attempts to figure out what Jim Brennan actually does
　
9. Assigns each TFC player a character from Lord of the Rings
　
8. Gets around to reading Andrew Boyens' four dozen recent text messages "RE: Job"
　
7. Works on the lyrics for his upcoming debut hip-hop album "Straight Outta Christchurch"
　
6. Reads all three pages of the book "Legends of New Zealand Soccer"... again
　
5. Gets back to doing Harry Redknapp's taxes
　
4. Has one too many complimentary in-flight wines... starts calling the flight attendant "a shining light"
　
3. Wanders around the cabin giving Australians the stink-eye
　
2. Plays game of "Angry Kiwis" on his phone
　
1. Relaxes in business class; reads over Toronto FC depth chart; weeps gently

TFC Manager Meeting: Ryan Nelsen? Present?

You think you're beaten up now Ryan? Just wait.



When the Ryan Nelsen to Toronto FC rumours began floating around last week, the direction it would take was unclear. Potential player acquisition turned into player/coach turned into assistant coach turned into the downright shocking.
　
Harry Redknapp told the press a few days ago that his defender Nelsen was going to return to "America" because he wants to be a manager - most thought it was just 'Arry at his self-proclaimed illiterate best. Turns out he knew something we didn't. - the big Kiwi is reportedly going to take over the full head coaching duties at TFC from Paul Mariner. With the Redknapp "Seal of 'Trifficness" freshly stamped, Nelsen heads to the troubled Reds as the biggest splash in Kevin Payne's revolution so far.
　
There will no doubt be much weary hand-wringing among the TFC support as Nelsen would become the club's eighth manager through six seasons - and yet another rookie manager at that. In his early defence he is considered by most that have played with him or managed him as a tremendous character and leader and he has much experience playing in MLS with D.C. United under Kevin Payne's presidential leadership. While these aren't managerial accolades by any means, Payne has a history of hiring rookie managers in the likes of Peter Nowak and Ben Olsen. Whether Nelsen becomes one of their ilk or more like TFC's past rookie managers - only time will tell.
　
There will be time to dissect Paul Mariner's ill-fated managerial career when this story is confirmed but Payne must have been in the clean-slate frame of mind going forward. The bombastic Mariner burned a lot of bridges and goodwill from support with a combination of bad results and bizarre behaviour regarding all things TFC. There will be little love lost for the prickly Englishman but there will also be large segments of the population who will argue that "he wasn't given time" to prove himself here. Both sides of the coin however will hold out hope that our new Kiwi overlords can provide at the very least - a bit of stability and longevity.
　
Official news is said to be set for Tuesday morning. We will link any official club statement below. Well, below this unscheduled band meeting...

South Canada's Cup dream ends valiantly

It's a bittersweet day for Yorkies everywhere. Our adopted "World Cup Minnow", the All Whites of New Zealand, were heroically eliminated from the competition earlier today. The Kiwis performed far above any pundit's expectation with a hat-trick of draws against Slovakia, Italy and Paraguay. The big three points they gained from those draws was enough to seal third place in Group F, finishing above abysmal reigning World Champions Italy and only just missing the knockout stages.
　
Of course the All Whites were helped massively from the now famous "Yorkies’ Bump" - the amazing boost teams get from our pre-tournament adoption. Opposite of the Sports Illustrated cover curse, teams will no doubt be lining up for our prestigious endorsement in the future. With Euro 2012 on the horizon we expect a call from Kazakhstan soon.
　
It's been a great showing for Canada too. See, New Zealand is really Bizarro Canada. On the other side of the world, generally nice people with a small population, a Commonwealth cousin, a loud and annoying neighbour who kind of speaks the same language and one plucky football club in that other country's league. So, in effect Canada almost made it to the knockout stages of the World Cup! Who needs the CSA?
　
It's been quite a ride for our plucky little friends but now it's time to set them free. Like a sheep that’s off to University of Wellington with the hope of becoming New Zealand's Prime Minister, we must let go. Well done boys... and you're welcome.
　
The All Whites are dead.
The Paraguayan passes,
Eliminated their asses.

Boom! All Whites "So Hot" from Yorkies' bump

Little Toronto (aka Auckland, New Zealand)

We try to be modest here but we think we have a decent little site here that caters to footy fans of the Toronto FC ilk/ head wound victims. We had no idea however what tremendous power we wielded. Two days before the World Cup began, we officially adopted New Zealand (starring ex-TFC'er Andrew Boyens) as our "Yorkies World Cup Minnow". Previous to that day, few gave the All Whites (still not racist) any hope... now look at them. You're welcome New Zealand.

After surprising some in their opening match draw against Slovakia, the boys from "The Canada of the Southern Hemisphere" have today achieved their most historic result. A 1-1 draw with reigning World Champions Italy has shocked the football world today with the All Whites claiming arguably the biggest upset of he tournament so far. One more match to go for our adopted Kiwis and anything is still possible. They got boom, we got boom, let's go All Whites and boom the boom!

Of Kiwis and Cronins

Downtown Wellington was packed after today's 1-1 draw

It's a busy time for a Yorkie these days. Watching the 7:30AM match while brushing teeth etc. Getting to work just in time to catch the last 15 minutes and inevitably missing the match's only goal. Looking busy in front of the boss while having a wrestle with CBC's live online feed. Shuffling papers in mock business busy-ness. All the while, keeping an eye on those restless "Butty Boys" down at BMO Field. It's the best time of the quarter decade though.
　
Today's big news from Sith Ifrici is that The Yorkies very own adopted minnow New Zealand felt The Yorkies bump and got a historic draw! The single point against Slovakia was the All Whites (still not racist) first ever World Cup point. Winston Reid obviously "Likes to Rock the Party" as he headed home the equalizer very late in the match after some sustained (Inner.. Inner City) pressure. The Kiwis can rub their feathers in Australia's zero points face for today at least! We're proud of you our non-racially nicknamed adopted pals!

　
Meanwhile at the Mo-Cave...
The heavy rumours have been swirling around Toronto for a few days that TFC's 2009 1st round draft pick and all-round hard worker Sam Cronin is on the way out of BMO Field and it looks today like the deal is nearly done. Word is that TFC is only getting allocation money and/ or draft picks in return for the industrious midfielder with San Jose being the most likely dance partner. Optimists will say "they must be freeing up room for a major signing!" Realists will say "pants".
　
While it may look like a case of moving a surplus player for futures, it seems curious. Johnston liked Cronin enough to draft him higher than other, more promising players, so why relegate him to the bench then dispatch him for little? Nothing is for certain in the magical world of Mo and Preki but consider this nugget: after last year's 5-0 drubbing against New York, a huge dressing room rift emerged. The players who spoke out against the "management mess" were apparently Ali Gerba, Amado Guevara, Carl Robinson, Adrian Serioux, Dwayne De Rosario and Sam Cronin. Now De Ro is an untouchable but could this move really be the final sweep of the broom against the protesters? In G-20 spirit... we think Cronin just got gassed.

Cronin. Cronout.

World Cup Minnow Idol

In a couple of days the eyes of the world will be on South Africa (pronounced Sith Ifrici if you're new) and the month-long foot and ball orgy that is the World Cup. You may have gleaned from this site that us Yorkies, and indeed our readers, are fairly avid (see mentally unstable) footballing aficionados. With our beloved TFC on break, we, like the rest of the world (minus North American hosers and/or rednecks) will be glued to the TV for 64 glorious matches. The only problem is... who to support?
　
Much like in our hometown of Toronto, there is no shortage of nationalistic favourites amongst Yorkies membership. Yes, we lean heavily to the England way of things but not in consensus. Sadly Canada is not an option ("The CSA: Watching on TV since 1986") so we have chosen to adopt a team. Now a big-wig like Brazil, Spain or Germany is no fun, so here now we present the final of "The Yorkies World Cup Minnow Idol"! The winner, no matter how “Canada '86” they play, is this site's official squad for the 2010 World Cup. Let's meet the finalists as they plead their cases...

CONTESTANT # 1: HONDURAS
- Their nickname is "Los Catrachos" which loosely translates to "The Hondurans". Not creative but definitely succinct.
- The capital city has the kick-ass name "Tegucigalpa"
- All-time most capped player and current captain is Toronto FC alumni Amado Guevara
- The current squad has a set of flyin' Honduran brothers - Wilson and Johnny Palacios
- They are Canada's CONCACAF cousins (pro) / They are Canada's CONCACAF cousins who usually beat Canada (con)

CONTESTANT # 2: NEW ZEALAND
- Majority of the team plays their club football at Wellington Phoenix. As New Zealand's only club in Australia's A-League that makes The Phoenix the Toronto FC of Oceania
- Contrary to internet rumour, the nickname "All Whites" is in no way racist
- New Zealand is a Commonwealth cousin and the country is very much the Canada of the Southern Hemisphere
- New Zealand football fans have to put up with stick from alpha-male Rugby fans much like Canadian footy fans having to defend their sport against boorish puck-heads
- Team NZ features former TFC defender Andrew Boyens who apparently "Likes to rock the party"

CONTESTANT # 3: NORTH KOREA
- In their only previous World Cup appearance they eliminated Italy
- Their nickname is the "Chollima" (a mythological Korean horse) and they wear TFC-esque red kits
- They're so ronery
- North Korea only televises matches that they win - they are in a group with Brazil, Portugal and Ivory Coast... so… reruns of "Everybody Loves Kim" anyone?
- They may well fire missiles at whatever country they lose to

And the winner is... (Idol-esque pause for dramatic effect)...

NEW ZEALAND!!! Yes, "It's Business Time" and The Yorkies officially back The Kiwis in this year's Cup! So let's take roll call (Murray. Present. Bret. Present. Yorkies. Present.) and say "Up the All Whites!" Again... not racist.