LETTERS FROM CAMP: LuluLaba - Reds' DP off to Vancouver Whitecaps on loan

"Me and this giant ball will take care of your boy"

Of all the options available in the Matias Laba 2014 exit strategy, a loan deal within the league wasn't too bad. The fact that it looks as if he is going to a national rival puts a wee bit of a sting into its tail.

According to The Province tonight, The Reds and The Caps have agreed to a loan deal under the new MLS intraleague loan rule that will see the midfield maestro spend the year at BC Place. Whether or not he would be allowed to play against TFC (especially in Canadian Championship matches) is so far unclear. In most parts of the world, a player on loan rarely faces his parent club... but this is MLS so who the eff knows?

Having Laba come back and bite TFC's asses in 2014 would suck. Seeing The Caps, who TFC have built a nice rivalry with, succeed with Laba would suck. Losing Laba permanently would have sucked so much harder.

Under a loan agreement, Laba will presumably return to TFC in 2015 and no longer fall under the DP category. In other words, a year of seasoning under a pretty good ex-defensive mid in the form of Caps' manager Carl Robinson then back as a part of a midfield that will feature a young core of Michael Bradley, Jonathan Osorio and himself.

It would have been a touch nicer if he could have been loaned to a Chivas or San Jose, deep in the west where we rarely see them, but it is what it is. Between the choice of Laba being sold back to South America, traded within MLS for some crappy draft and allocation stupidity or spending one year sleeping with our yoga pants-wearing neighbour - we'll take it.

See you in a year Matias... pretend you're injured when Vancouver play TFC please.



Smooth all over! TFC opts for the Brazilian # 1

Happy dance!

 

Seven years is long for any relationship. It feels even longer when it’s filled with turmoil and strife. But then you wake up on this most romantic of days, pull back the sheets and realize you got a surprise. Your love got a Brazilian for you!

That's right you little maniacs, TFC went to Uncle Harry's Erotic Goalkeeper shop in West London and rented themselves a fancy new goalkeeper in the form of Brazilian # 1 Julio Cesar. As reported... well everywhere... last week, the 34-year old Cesar joins The Reds on loan from Queens Park Rangers. But this is where it got extra smooth.

The widely held opinion was that his loan period would last until the World Cup. Notsofast. During today's press conference it was announced that Cesar will actually spend the entire MLS season on loan here (we assume barring QPR selling him in the summer). Keg Size Cesar!

Last season's TFC # 1 Joe Bendik is saying all the right things about learning under a world-class keeper and here's hoping his communication and distribution trick bags are complimented by a season under Cesar's reign. A long-term, post-2014 contract for Cesar and TFC may not be on the horizon but either way this deal puts the exclamation mark on the off-season of bloody big deals.

 

THE WORD: TFC to hail Cesar

"Oh hey there big boy..."

There was a classic LeiwekeLeaks moment yesterday when MLSE Emperor Tim Leiweke told a private audience (some of whom had heard of Twitter and shockingly had phones) that TFC was looking at bringing in a "top 10" goalkeeper on loan. Best guesses at the likes of a Jack Butland etc. were met with a big "meh" by supporters. This morning that changed.
　
Reports on both sides of the Atlantic and even in that weird South Atlantic (what gives South Atlantic?) is that Brazilian # 1 keeper and current property of Queens Park Rangers, Julio Cesar, is headed to TFC on loan. On the surface, the reported deal is a short-term loan which would give the 34-year old Cesar a chance to get some match fitness before the World Cup - something not available to him at QPR right now. Anything beyond that would have to come down to some MLS salary funky bizniss.
　
There is a wee bit of hand-wringing in TFC circles that this move could upset the goalkeeping applecart at the club. With Stefan Frei jettisoned to Seattle, seemingly in favour of Joe Bendik, could the incumbent’s nose be put out of joint if he doesn't get to start until July? Possibly, but make no mistake, Julio Cesar is a major upgrade over Bendik who has a lot of learning to do before being considered anywhere near a top MLS keeper. A chance to train under an international with long stints at Flamengo and Inter Milan under his belt should be seen as a blessing. Et tu Bendik?
　
With Ryan Nelsen's QPR connection and TFC's sudden influence in London, this deal could be announced very soon. Whether Cesar's reign in Toronto is long or short, it definitely adds another interesting story to an already dramatic 2014. Will he come, see and conquer? Time will tell but it could be a lot of fun.
　

LETTERS FROM CAMP: Elmer packs a trunk
TFC's virulent Anti-Swiss campaign continued today as the club announced it had cruelly cut ties with superstar defender Jonas Elmer. Supporters were outraged at the news that sees a club legend dispatched so unceremoniously. How the club possibly attempts to fill the valuable minutes Elmer brought to the backline is anyone's guess.
　
Switzerland has three official languages:
Satire: satire (French) / satire (German) / satira (Italian)

Ifs ands Orrs and Butts



Less than a week after the BBC reported in earnest that Blackburn Rovers' defender Bradley Orr was set to join TFC, it has become official. While it's not necessarily another #BloodyBigDeal it could plug up one of the few glaring holes left in The Reds' starting eleven.

While there are still depth questions at the centreback position, the rightback role was looking like it would have to fall to MLS novice Mark Bloom by default. On a team that has invested so highly on the offensive side of the pitch, that was a leaky risk to take. Bloom showed bright spots last season but depth suits him best for now. Orr is an upgrade.

In Orr, TFC definitely acquires grit. The 31-year old Liverpool-native has certainly been through the football wars. Spending the lion's share of his career patrolling the workmanlike back fours of the English Championship, Orr definitely knows how to bump n' grind (not in the R. Kelly sense). The knock on Orr of course is that his "rough round the edges" style tends to get him in trouble - on and off the pitch.

By now, most of you are aware of Orr's past troubles; the attempted headbuttery of a Bristol City TEAMMATE during a match seeing him sent off, followed days later by a criminal conviction for a nightclub incident which saw him spend a short time in jail. This is where TFC supporters may hear justifiable alarm bells.

On a club stressing the importance of a new era and a solid dressing room to go with it, the introduction of potential volatility is a concern but may be neutered by past relationships. A boyhood kinship with TFC captain Steven Caldwell and a former teammate as manager in Ryan Nelsen will hopefully do the trick to harness Orr's "enthusiasm" in the right direction.

Coming in on a loan arrangement, Orr should be able to concentrate on performing on the pitch without the albatross of a big contract that dogged his predecessor - the soon to be departed Richard Eckersley. If Orr plays at a solid English Championship clip it will work out well. If not - don't let him near Club Escobar.

THE WORD: Good Orr bad?

Oh, you're a happy fellow...

Have you ever wanted to climb onto the pitch and attempt to give one of The Reds a headbutt?

Do you feel that TFC lost their prominence in the league's important bar-brawl statistics since Miguel Aceval left town?

Do you enjoy red cards?

If you answered "yes" to any of those questions then TFC may just have a treat in store for you! If the BBC is to be believed - and "indeed why not my good sir?" (read that in a posh voice) - then The Reds are getting set to bring in 31-year old English right-back Bradley Orr on a season-long loan deal. That's where the fun begins.

For those of you not victims and/or not aware of the Blackburn Rovers' defender's past, it is well... erm... turbulent. One of his career highlights was being sent off for trying to head-butt HIS OWN teammate while with Bristol City in 2006. Three days later his season got better when he was sentenced to 28 days in jail for an "incident" outside of a Bristol nightclub. No word if the club, "Romeo Browns", is the "Club Escobar" of west England.

Since his "golden years" at Bristol he has had permanent stops with QPR and Blackburn but those have been off-set with loan-spells, most recently at Blackpool. Make of that what you will.

Looking at TFC's depth chart, RB is indeed a spot of weakness with Mark Bloom as the only real option at the moment. While Bloom showed some promise last season, it is premature to see him as a MLS starter. Orr would indeed bring a lot of experience to that position but it will be his personal intangibles which will prove this potential deal good or bad.

For a club trumpeting a positive atmosphere, that may be a big "Orr".



TFC waives Ashton, Morgan

Wrong Ashton(e). Wrong Morgan.



Be honest, you clicked here thinking that Toronto FC had released Ashtone Morgan. If we had advertising revenue on this site, we would be counting the extra pennies right now - but no, we were just being dicks. How else could we garner interest over this story?
　
With the impending arrival of loan signings Steven Caldwell, Jeremy Brockie and perhaps Tal Ben Haim, space was needed to be roster compliant and the first cuts were the most obvious. Supplemental Draft Picks and "Camp Shining Light" sweethearts Ashton Bennett and Taylor Morgan are Reds no more with the club waiving them today. They are unlikely to be the last departures from BMO Field.
　
With Kevin Payne informing us that TFC really only has "one or two" players with any kind of competitiveness and/or heart (thanks Kevin, we didn't notice) and also that players would be "naive" not to expect changes - expect changes. Whether this means more loanees of the castaway variety or the rumoured midfield DP of the "please don't stop buying tickets" variety, only time will tell. Assume that the time is rapidly approaching.
　
No word yet from the Ashtone Morgan camp if he is pleased to have sole possession of both his names once again.

THE STARTING 11: Toronto FC reasons for loan signings

Payne and Nelsen look over scouting reports



Nothing in football says "building for the future" and "setting a strong foundation" like a squad full of 3-month loan signings. And by "nothing" we mean just about anything. Since February, Kevin Payne and his band of Merry Management at TFC have dropped the hint that 5 or 6 player signings are constantly imminent. What they fail to mention is that they are usually short-term rentals from football’s international bargain bin. Trying to fix a club so bereft of quality with a transfer philosophy similar to a ZipCar agreement seems odd but the club must have their reasons right? Hello?
　
11. Impossible for opposition to scout the club when the roster changes every 2 weeks
　
10. How else will Toronto FC be able to reach the lofty goal of 200 players in 7 seasons?
　
9. Those hilarious Wonga puppets make loans seem fun!
　
8. How else can you be absolutey 100% certain that you are acquiring players that no other club wants without actually seeing them underperform in person?
　
7. Supporters given the chance to sing haunting Liverpool-esque song "You’ll Only Sign On Loan"
　
6. Why would you sign a player to a long-term deal when the manager only has 5 months left on the job?
　
5. That annoying MLS Anthem can be replaced with the jaunty "Lone Ranger" theme
　
4. The English Championship has a great deal this summer where you can rent unwanted players for 7 weeks and get the 8th week free!
　
3. The same revolving door at a fraction of the cost!
　
2. Kevin Payne just can't get enough of the gag where he enters Ryan Nelsen's office and seductively says "I've finally got you a loan..."
　
1. Why buy the cow when you can get the lumpy, sour milk for free?
　
　
And… since we love reader suggestion box… and we’re pretty sure the Ogden City Mall has an Orange Julius… the new TFC theme song (with minor lyrical adjustment of "A-" to "On")

"Wait until I get you a loan..." Reds bag another cast-off as Ben Haim joins TFC

Ben Haim: Loan boy



If it's Thursday that must mean another temporary signing from the bargain bin of English football. In their attempt to become the QPR of MLS (at least until June 30th) TFC has added Israeli International defender Tal Ben Haim... wait for it... on loan.
　
According to Kevin "The Loan Arranger" Payne "Tal Ben Haim has been one of the top defenders in the EPL for nearly a decade". According to everybody else, Ben Haim has played on seven clubs in the last decade and has exactly ten first team appearances since 2010. So pretty much samesies. Managing a whole three league appearances on a QPR team that plummeted to the depths of relegation this year, it must have been a wrenching decision for Harry Redknapp to let such an important jewel depart.
　
We're no mathematicians here at The Yorkies but by our calculations, Toronto FC is now made up of 78% loan signings. On June 30th when they expire we should be left with Reggie Lambe, Logan Emory and Jim Brennan. Fact*. (*Not a fact)
　
If this article seems ridiculous and exasperated it is because we are a bit exasperated and the news is a bit ridiculous. We are well aware of TFC's many, many, MANY shortcomings but how are the constant additions of temporary Band-Aids (of the slow veteran or misfit variety) in any way building this club for the future? What preparations for 2014 are actually taking place when a big portion of your first team isn't scheduled to be here in July 2013?
　
The other side of the rent-a-player equation is the knock-on effect on the actual players on full contracts. The acquisitions of Ben Haim and Steven Caldwell before him are an obvious shot across Danny Califf's tattooed bow. TFC's defence has indeed been porous, flaccid and in need of help but how a set of temporary cast-offs from England's nether regions helps that in the long-term is way beyond us. As usual, the constant at TFC is change.

Corey Haim: Lost Boy

Toronto FC - Now with added Scottish ginge! (Ask about our Kiwi BOGO!)

Relax Steven, it's just a loan

Apparently the way to fix Toronto FC's leaky wingback situation which has led to many a last-minute heartbreaker... is to loan a centreback. Yes, TFC have reportedly gone back to mining the English Championship loan market again this time grabbing Scotland International and soon-to-be ex-Birmingham City defender Steven Caldwell.

The deal for the 32-year-old, which sees him spend the remainder of his Blues' loaned to Toronto (until June 30th), has been confirmed by BCFC today but we await official confirmation from The Reds. Knowing TFC's news handling skills you can expect the announcement sometime in August.

On the surface it is a curious yet no-risk move for TFC. It gives The Reds a little bit of depth on an ever-porous backline that could do with another veteran voice (especially in the 80-90 minute era) while allowing Caldwell to put himself in the shop window - either in MLS or back in the UK. The only negative side-effect of the deal is that it may intensify rumours of Danny Califf's odd situation at centreback as the big Californian has seen his playing time cut drastically in the last few weeks. In the end, Toronto FC has added their first new Scottish ginger since one Maurice Johnston - so good things should follow! 

"I approve this message..."

UPDATE: Hot on the heels of the Steven Caldwell story, Australian press is rather flippantly reporting that New Zealand International and star of the A-League's Wellington Phoenix (The TFC of the South Pacific) Jeremy Brockie is also headed to BMO Field on loan.

Few details were given and this story has yet to have any official backing like Caldwell's but the Ryan Nelsen connection does give it some weight. Brockie is a 25-year-old attacking midfielder who has notched 27 goals in the A-League since 2010. Rumours that he is the "goalscoring Andrew Boyens" are completely made up. By us.

"Brockie! Brockie! Brockie!"

 

UPDATED UPDATE: As per Toronto FC policy, the club officially announces all news many hours after the rest of the world has reported it. If your didn't believe us this morning, you can go here. Non-believers. We'll see who's laughing when Loch Ness turns out to be real.

Urruti and a mystery MF sign.

Urruti & what we will refer to for now as Mysterion, as depicted by South Park

I was awaiting official word of the signing, but because of the pending brilliance, I need to post now.

To be filed under "Please don't fall through", Toronto finally capture their Argentine designated player in Maximiliano Urruti. The Newell's Old Boys striker has been the focus of a long, nearly drawn-out, courtship but will add flexibility to the front of the Robins attack. No word yet when he'll make his debut.  If his highlight reel is to be taken as law, he can poach and create, and he ain't no MF.  Wikipedia, at the time of writing, is calling this a loan for the 22 year old.

What is remarkable from the Canadian Press report is the away team with Pat Onstad has revealed a second signing.  We don't know much other than he plays in the MF.  Perhaps this MF can add some creativity in the middle of the pitch.  Toronto used to have depth (ranging from passable to mediocre) with a string of MFs.  Some MFs were converted to forwards, some stayed attacking MFs.  What I understand is that whomever this MF is, this MF better bring his game, son.

I'm tired of these MFs failing.  Look at Hall.  Is that the kind of MF that's going to spark this team?  Hell naw.  Now Dunfield, there's a MF that knows work.  He ain't creative for s---, but at least he works.  Lambe is one of those disappearing MFs, sometime's he's good, other times he's a liability.  We need consistency from our MF.  At least our MF ain't trippin'.  Nobody likes diving.

We need a bad-ass MF, and not a bad MF as in terrible.

Editor's Note : the author first understood MF to mean mother f--ker, as that's how he read it on twitter.  He now understands that it is midfielder, but we kept the report intact.

Out mit the alt, in mit the neu

No Pat... we said "Young DP"



You can take his face off of the sides of those milk cartons - Kevin Payne was not missing after all. On the heels of Torsten Frings' almost emotional and extremely classy goodbye to TFC, the club president was finally forced to update his very concerned fan base about the lack of incoming players. With two DP's down and a preseason roster still mostly filled with Academy prospects, draft picks and trialists, Payne attempted to assuage an increasingly angered mob before torches were lit.
　
The "potential" additions to the club include:
- Hogan Ephraim: the 24-year-old winger and sometime striker is apparently an "imminent" (you've heard that somewhere before) signing on a loan deal from his parent club Queen's Park Rangers. The Iron Sheik has gone on the record saying "The Hogan has the raisinballs" so Payne may want to re-consider.
- John Bostock: Yes, he of the angry father calling TalkSport radio to call out Harry Redknapp, is on trial after failing to garner interest from San Jose Earthquakes. The 21-year-old was once touted as a future England international attacking mid but has seen his career stutter after numerous loan failures and rumours of a shoddy work-ethic and questionable attitude. Potential signing would again be on a loan basis from Tottenham.
- Robert Earnshaw: the very experienced 31-year-old Welsh international striker is flying into Toronto tonight to "take a look" at the club and vice-versa. With many years spent in the English Championship at such clubs as Derby County, Nottingham Forest (he's a Welsh Clough) and Norwich City, he could be the kind of goal scorer that would work under Ryan Nelsen's system. Would have to put this one at 50/50 at best for the moment.
- Two Hondurans and a microphone: Where's it at? Apologies to Beck but TFC ("I'm a loser baby") apparently have two players from the Central American nation on their radar. The club has been linked with a few Hondurans this spring so take your pick from Alfredo Mejia, Arnold Peralta, Rommel Quioto and numerous other random Tegucigalpans.
- An Argentine DP: this was the one that came out of left-field. Payne has dispatched Head Scout Pat Onstad down to work on his tango and take a look at a player who would be a "young DP". Which is apparently not the same thing as Young MC. The yet unnamed striker would be a big addition talent-wise (you would imagine) but as per all of the above moves - would be a loan signing. Bust a move already.
- Coming soon: in post-conference interviews Payne lamented the short period of time he has had to re-tool The Reds but told fans to expect a few changes in the first couple of months of the season.
　
While updating the fans on these potential moves is a welcome positive, it will be at the new regime's peril if most of these official "rumours" don't pan out. Yes, deals fall through every day in the world of football but with four days remaining before First Kick, TFC supporter patience, rightly or wrongly, is as thin as the roster.

UPDATE: Our colleague and pal from Waking The Red, Kristin Knowles (@kzknowles on teh twitterz) has been doing yeoman's schmoozing work at the TFC Launch Party tonight and has managed to get word out that The Reds have apparently made a few signings. Supplemental Draft Pick (and our very own Peter Crouch-esque striker) Taylor Morgan, QPR-owned winger Hogan Ephraim and (most likely) Academy product Jonathan Osorio have joined the club.

Now seriously TFC, time to do this...

LETTERS FROM CAMP: Fring the bell?

He's the new "Grumpy Cat"



DOWN AND ALMOST OUT?
He came into camp seemingly "close" to being ready; he played for around 20 minutes in TFC's first spring friendly; he suddenly returned to Toronto for mysterious "personal reasons"; today, word is emerging that he is at least 2 months away from fitness and that even more dramatically - he may be on the verge of having his TFC career ended. Yes, it seems like the stern captain of TFC, Torsten Frings, could very well be at the final exit of his Canadian autobahn.

If the once-brilliant midfield general isn't likely to play a role for TFC until May or June it is safe to assume that Kevin Payne (if he isn't still missing) will do what he can to end the German's DP contract before the beginning of the regular season. It would be a sad end for a classy player and not the way Reds supporters would have wanted him to go out but a cold and calculated move may be what offers TFC the best manoeuvrability going forward. If the end of Frings really is nigh, Toronto fans can be comforted that one of the best midfielders of the last 20 years played here, but saddened that we never saw him close to his best. More to surely come.
　
THE LOAN ARRANGER?
Does Kevin Payne want to buy your gold, silver and unwanted jewellery? No. But, he may be trying to pad out the paper-thin roster with a couple of loan signings just a week before the season begins. The woefully attack-free Reds possibly have their non-transfer eyeballs on two attackers - QPR-product Hogan "The Raisinballs" Ephraim and Honduran, Romell "The Latino Fox" Quioto.
　
The Ephraim rumour was started when the player himself hashtagged the word #Toronto on his Twitter account and seemed to engage in a little football career talk with a friend. It could however have some extra legs due to his QPRness which he shares with TFC's new manager Ryan Nelsen.

#Toronto
— Hogan Ephraim (@HoganEphraim) February 21, 2013

If simply hashtagging something makes it happen, here goes: #SexyBillionaireAstronaut
　
The Quioto re-rumour is not the first time that his name has been attached to Toronto this spring. The update, appearing in Central American football press, may be nothing more than the ramblings of C.D. Vida President and professional hint-dropper Carla Dip who seems to think that transfers are completed by announcing them on Honduran internet machines.
　
THIS $12 BUD'S FOR YOU
Terrible beer news: have you hated paying through the nose at BMO Field for stale Carlsberg for the last six years? Not to fear, even staler-er Budweiser will now be on tap instead! Marf. (Mouth + Barf = Marf) This original deal was worked out last autumn but has been expanded to incorporate a whole spectrum of annoying promotions. To poorly paraphrase Monty Python: "Why is drinking a pint at BMO Field like sex in a canoe? It's fucking close to water"

Short tenure for tiny favourite as Joao Plata heading home

Adios tiny amigo?

What began as whispers a couple of weeks back was last night retweeted by the player in question, then backed by numerous sources - TFC's Joao Plata may be heading back to his parent club, Ecuador’s LDU Quito. Of course in true Toronto FC fashion this is about the clearest point of the transaction so far.

Many Reds supporters can be forgiven for thinking that the post-season hoopla surrounding Joao Plata meant that TFC was now the wee winger's parent club. However, reports indicate that LDU Quito were in fact the ones with the rights to recall Plata at this time and that the astronomically high fee (well, MLS astronomical) spent by TFC was simply to extend Plata's existing loan to MLS. On the other hand, the current proposed move is also being dubbed a "six month loan" to Quito with the suggestion that Plata returns to Toronto in the off-season. It is as clear as mud but stinks of an absolute managerial cock-up by TFC being quietly papered over. The club can't fault supporters for thinking this way when they operate with more secrets that The Stonecutters. (Don't mention Steve Guttenberg to Anselmi)

While Joao Jimmy Plata is an endearing character who became an instant fan favourite, his departure would not make a noticeable dent on the squad. His local fame has much more to do with his stature and short bursts of speed and (over) creativity than do his prospects. Despite his affable nature, Plata has been "found out" in MLS this season. Where his sideshow height and speed shocked some clubs last season, he was simply manhandled this year and pushed out of plays. He has become far too dependant on trying to take an extra step when dribbling and seems gun-shy at shooting on goal. A wonderful storybook player, but more of a bright spark in a dark time than a long-term MLS forward. At least at this point in his development.

We will link to any official word from the secret society that is Toronto FC below that isn't about Efrain Burgos Jr's release (with accompanied sad-face picture). In other news, the Ecuadorian version of "Webster" was greenlighted for production.

Stevanovic runs straight back to Torino - refuses to look left or right

"Just don't pass. Just don't pass. Just don't pass."

Few would have guessed that yet another mediocre Alen Stevanovic performance would have been the catalyst for a recall to parent-club Torino. Yet, when the enigmatic Swiss-Serb was subbed off against Seattle in the 2nd Half yesterday, he was leaving the BMO Field pitch for the last time.

　
If the other TFC (Torino FC) think that Stevanovic came to MLS and regained some confidence and polished his skills, they would be wrong. The midfielder’s time in Toronto will be remember for head-down runs with the ball, refusing to look for teammates on a play and attempting fancy step-overs only to be easily muscled off the ball.
　
For the injury-plagued Reds', the departure of Stevanovic puts their midfield in red-alert mode while manager Aron Winter pines for reinforcements on every part of the pitch. Perhaps someone should tell him supporters have been waiting for five years.
　
Reds supporters will panic at the loss of another body but not fret over Stevanovic who seemed to have an air of MLS-superiority about him despite showing any performances which illuminated any dominance. Word that Stevanovic grabbed his suitcase and ran to Pearson without looking left or right; threw his hands up in disbelief and disgust at the Alitalia ticket counter; then, tried to do a 360 around customs before tripping and losing possession of his luggage has yet to be confirmed.