THE STARTING 11: Sexy MLS euphemisms

Valentine's Day has come and gone. If you just realized that, you no longer have a girlfriend/ wife. It's ok newly single guy... it's understandable what with TFC being in training camp and all. How can you be expected to remember to buy a card and chocolates when the Reds are playing against Florida based NCAA teams? (Apparently even Mo Johnston forgot to send out cards: "Roses are red, violets are blue. If you once played in Scotland, here's a trial for you!") However, if you want to sweet talk your girl back into the bedroom while keeping the MLS vibe alive - here are some handy/ randy words...

11. Closing the Giants Stadium

10. Hoisting the NutCan

9. Expanding Whitecaps

8. The Beckham Experiment

7. The Schelotto Dive

6. Packing the Rio Tinto

5. Giving Dickov a trial

4. Bringing it to Don Garber's attention

3. Introducing a DP

2. Supporting the Timbers

1. Joe Cannon

Editorial: All For One...Dollar

Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment. They giveth and they taketh away. Then they try to taketh some more. Don't blame those poor old men in pinstripes though, they just can't help themselves. Give credit where credit is due, the money-hungry misers who feed our footy obsession, like Harry Rosen-clad crack dealers, are very good at what they do. They have become masters at camouflaging promotional events under the guise of community building and they rarely let the opportunity to sell some more wares pass them by.

The 2009 season has seen Toronto FC's owners come perilously close to pushing the club's rabid supporters to the edge of supportive acceptance only to reign them back in at the last moment. Just when you think the great unwashed are ready to rise up against the Maple Leaf Machine once and for all - a carrot is dangled that is usually lapped up by enough of the crowd to calm things down again. MLSE has become very, very good at this game of cat and merchandise.

The Real Madrid friendly fiasco almost broke the camel's back this year. There was palpable rage and the taste of revolution in the air at BMO when supporters realized that watching the Nu-Galacticos would cost them a small mortgage rather than being the promised free friendly. Soon after that announcement, TFC held another open-practice, charging a crowd made up mostly of school kids $6 Dollars to watch Paul Winsper make men run around on green carpet for a couple of hours. Merchandise and refreshments available on the concourse level of course. Community outreach on TV news - TFC shirts, hot dogs and drinks bought by the parents in attendance. This type of public and media manipulation is very well orchestrated by the Bay Street Bunch and is also extremely distasteful. Would they even notice the tiny dent in the books if they had done the right thing and made it free? The bad taste in the mouths of TFC supporters at that point wasn't just Chip Butty - it was the dawning realization that MLSE saw Toronto FC as "Leafs On Turf".

Then, just as the BMO kettle was boiling, the announcement came out that River Plate was coming as the free friendly match. Little did anyone realize how poor a match it would turn out to be - but some anger was settled. It still felt like a sad consolation prize. It was the actual team who did MLSE the biggest favour. Anger was still raging when The Reds managed to pull off that miracle win in Montreal. Suddenly the good vibes about the actual football poured cold water on the flames in the stands. Management then bit it's tongue and did themselves a huge favour by quietly announcing that the Champion's League qualifier against Puerto Rico would be included in the season ticket package. Surely some of the money-men were crying over lost revenue but someone with some foresight knew how to fully end the fan revolt before it really lifted off.

Some elements of the support thought that their attempts at being angry had worked. Management had listened - they even signed us a real life striker! Did you hear that they REALLY want to sign Julian De Guzman? It's true! The real truth though, is that MLSE did what they do best. They manage expectations to the lowest possible ebb and keep the love affair flickering just enough. Just enough so that they could have the audacity and greed to revert back to their old ways and charge $15 dollars to watch Cristiano Ronaldo and the Gang (they're no Kool & The Gang) run up and down the one-day-only real grass. It's not hard to see why fans who were priced out of the match may want a chance to see the Spanish megastars jog for an hour but the PR work that made it possible and somehow acceptable is just as visible and no less vile. If it makes you feel better, $15 Canadian Dollars is about one quarter of what Cristiano Ronaldo will make for every second he plays in La Liga this season. Didn't millionaires used to pay poor people to dance for them, not the other way around?

Editorial: The Beckham Experiment - Success... Sorta.

The lads and I were discussing the impact of the Beckham experiment on MLS and whether or not he's done anything to improve the game.

While it was agreed that the level of play did not improve with his arrival, given that Los Angeles didn't exactly compete for any honours, what he did provide was what MLS needed : eyeballs.

Not just from a turnstile perspective, which proved to be amazing given many of his matches doubled the average attendance, but from the respect point of view.

Oh sure, the best MLS side would likely end up mid-table of the English 3rd Division (I still refuse to call it the "League One", marketing be damned) in terms of quality, but the global attention can not be ignored. The footballing world now knows there's a league in the United States that is (seemingly) serious.

Here's why the Beckham experiment worked : Thierry Henry was quoted as stating that he could play for New York when his contract expired. Why? Because MLS is now an option for big name talent, albeit fading. It does not matter that he actually signs for New York Extreme Beverage, but the idea that he COULD.

The residual effect is clear, as the eurosnob who doesn't watch "that bush league stuff" will now have the notion planted that "hmmm, if it's good enough for Thierry Henry, why the hell not?", and that's part of the conversion process. And that process still has a long way to go before it gets to the levels of 'respectable'.

I do not know how many TFC supporters watch MLS games where TFC is not the feature. I do not watch non-TFC games, partially due to lack of easy availability, but I am sure the ratings for the Beckham matches were well above average as 'Golden Bollocks' does a run-up.

The "Designated Player" rule has been a success overall. As much as I hate Schelotto, he has raised Columbus' game (mainly by falling down). Same with Blanco for Chicago. And though their form is crap at best presently, Angel has also elevated New York's game.

So, in summary, Beckham's direct on-field impact has been, borderline, a bust, but all of the indirect impacts have been immeasurable.