THE MATCHUP: Remembering heroes

#NeverForget

 

TORONTO VS. CHICAGO

　

BMO FIELD - WEDNESDAY 7:30PM ET

TV: TSN

THE KICKABOUT:

This fixture is dedicated to remembering heroes and the lost dreams of yesteryear.

It was a time of innocence. The world was our oyster; youthful exuberance abounded. After early struggles, our young uniformed men had gained a great victory. Lead by an honourable veteran, it seemed as if the tide had turned. Tickertape and seat cushions were showered upon the conquering heroes... the foe from abroad had been vanquished.

The date was May 12, 2007.
A date that will live in sorta, kinda infamy.

Yes, with the return of our Great Lakes rival, we take a moment to solemnly remember their first invasion on our shore. That 24th minute goal by Danny Dichio which propelled TFC to their first ever victory and promised years of victories to follow.

No one realized that we had reached our finest hour so early and that all that would follow would be seven years of endless struggle.

Also: Toronto FC has designated this match as "Support the Troops Night" at BMO Field. Make up your own mind whether this is a benevolent, charitable act or a crass attempt to positively bathe a corporation with a bad image on others' sacrifice. Your call.

MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:

"The What Could Have Been Testimonial Match"

PLAYERS TO WATCH:

TORONTO: Joe Bendik, Steven Caldwell, Robert Earnshaw

CHICAGO: Austin Berry, Mike Magee, Bakary Soumare

THE ODDS:

TFC fixture compared to:

- ... a great tactical victory: 500-1

- ... trench warfare: 100-1

- ... 7 years in a Prisoner of War camp: 2-1

WHO ARE YA?

A LIST OF HONOURABLE TORONTO FC ACHIEVEMENTS SINCE MAY 12, 2007:

-

-

-

- Fired Mo Johnston

-

-

-

- That time we beat LA Galaxy in the CCL

-

-

-

- Present.

POST-MATCH HEADLINE: "TFC! WHAT ARE THEY GOOD FOR? ABSOLUTELY NOTHIN'!"

Urruti era looking Bright! (Not what you think)

 

This is the part where we usually crack wise on the latest TFC transaction.

Today, we're dumbfounded. Well... more than usual.

After months of chasing Maximiliano Urruti through the wilds of Argentina, the boy barely had a chance to unpack his suitcase in Toronto. That's right Eff Cee fanz, after less than a month in Red, TFC have traded Maxi Urruti and simultaneously given Kevin Payne a Bon Voyage gift - a giant middle finger.

Confirmed today, Urruti - the can't miss prospect of his generation - has been dealt to Portland Timbers for the marvelously named/injury crippled Bright Dike, a draft pick and our old friend allocation money. Dike, the Oklahoman-born, Nigeria-capped forward, managed 6 MLS goals with Portland in 2011 before spending part of last season in USL Pro on loan. So you know... TFC quality.

FUN FACT: Bright Dike suffered a torn ACL back in February of 2013. For more on how that injury heals see: Danny Koevermans.

Make no mistake, this is an oddball trade. And that says a lot in TFC-land but there are reasons behind it. Kind of. Trading Urruti opens up cash and a DP slot which Tim Leiweke is very verbally trying to fill before next season. You guys fancy Italian? In addition, there are loud whispers that Urruti was not living up to the scouting reports (of 9 months!!!) and was very much Kevin Payne's man but nowhere near Ryan Nelsen's. The optics couldn't be much clearer over how the current TFC management assesses Payne's legacy.

Speaking of TFC management, the other interesting part of this deal is what it says about the incoming new GM. Does making a deal involving a big name (argue away) that was meant to be a piece for the future, illuminate just how much say in personnel the new man will have? It is looking increasingly like Ryan Nelsen will be a Diet Pop version of an old-school manager while the new GM will be Earl Cochrane MAX. All this so Leiweke can play in the Beckham sandbox.

Time will tell how "Bright" all this is.



THE STARTING 11: New TFC GM qualifications

"Did someone say two candidates?"

 

MLSE Emperor Tim Leiweke took his message of love and demands of submission to his subjects at yesterday's TFC Season Ticket Holder BBQ/"Oh Look a Hawk, let's not talk about Portlandapalooza". While talking great spin about never talking about doing spin, Leiweke did mention that his search for Kevin Payne's replacement is progressing rapidly. Apparently TFC is down to a shortlist of two with resolution not far off. It's a tough decision but what qualifications are needed to fill football's biggest job opportunity since the hiring of the new Barcelona Head (of janitorial services)?

11. Someone who can proudly expound the virtues of the clubs "All For One" motto... without giggling

10. A person not affected by the XXX video evidence of MLSE pagan rituals owned by Reggie Lambe which is the only possible explanation of the employment of Reggie Lambe

9. A professional with deep connections to continue enhancing the already lucrative pipeline into the English lower division loan market

8. A candidate who is willing to honour Jim Brennan's 75-Year Guaranteed Employment Contract

7. An Australian... just to watch Ryan Nelsen lose it every day

6. Somebody that knows how to build a team for long-term success... on artificial turf

5. A well-spoken person who can express in four simple words that supporters "need to be suitably prepared to accept and be silent towards the inevitable annual repetition of short-sighted corporate greed"

4. A real "numbers guy" i.e. someone that can tell the difference between a 5-Year Plan and a 10-Year Plan

3. None of the applicants named Beau Johnston, Mo Jackson, Maurice St. Johnstone or Moe Jetson

2. A capologist/crapologist

1. An individual that understands that at Toronto FC winning comes first... well after profits; promotional endeavours; advertisers; Heritage Nights; CFL Stadium re-designs; false DP rumours; Bitchy the Hawk; TFC TV; pyrotechnics; thundersticks; and, ticket renewals. But after that - winning comes first!

I've got the brains, you've got the looks

Let's make lots of money

You've got the brawn, I've got the brains

I'm Tim Leiweke



AFTER 90: "We were making 5-Year Plans before it was cool..."

PORTLAND VS. TORONTO
JELD-WEN FIELD

FIRST HALF:
KICK OFF - If there was ever a night for some Hipster Fair Trade java to stay awake. Deep inside of the Pacific Time Zone in the bespoke, artisan moustache enclave of Portland, Oregon our newly GM-widowed Reds try not to be "meh" in front of MLS' most raucous and plaid-encased supporters. The only way to report tonight is to go deep, deep (woods) undercover as one of them... a hipster douchebag. Let's play some European soccer... or you know... whatever.

2' - Richard Eckersley whips in an early cross, sporting a ginger beard tonight but... you know... no big deal.
5' - Steven Caldwell with a solid defensive header. But he doesn't buy into "labels" okay?
10' - Former TFC fan-favourite Milos Kocic in goal for Portland tonight and tested early. The skinny jeans and vintage desert boots are a rare sight for a goalkeeper.
18' - Spanish winger Alvaro Rey down with a knock. Oh you haven't been trekking through the Andalucian Mountains? I have. But before it was touristy.
20' - Just finished second Pabst Blue Ribbon
25' - YELLOW CARD: Gale Agbossoumonde for putting too much artisanal bacon marmalade on his tackle
30' - Robert Earnshaw with a shot on Kocic. Earnshaw knows so many Zambian-Welsh bands you haven't even heard of yet.
32' - Timbers' Kalif Alhassan beats Bendik but hits the goalpost. More frustrating for Portlanders than the line at Voodoo Donuts. If you don't get the reference... just forget it.
38' - Earnshaw attempts acrobatic bicycle shot. He was scoring goals before it was July.
41' - TFC's counter-attack has the fluidity of artisanal, organic maple syrup that has been forgotten in an avocado-coloured retro refrigerator for two months.
45'+ - GOAL: Portland - Alhassan with a long range blast that beats Bendik. TFC defenders' minds were already on the halftime visit to that farmer's market.
PORTLAND 1 - TORONTO 0
45' + - Pabst me.

HALFTIME: PORTLAND 1 - TORONTO 0

SECOND HALF:
50' - Oh hey sorry to keep you waiting. I actually don't own a TV. Was really into this John Steinbeck novel.
55' - TFC defence being peppered with shots right now. I really know a lot about different peppers by the way. Just an FYI
60' - Lack of options on Ryan Nelsen's bench to change tempo of the match. Also lack of ironic moustaches. It will be a busy off-season.
67' - Have to say that Portland's kits are quite striking. Wonder if they are bespoke?
75' - SUB: Justin Braun in for Alvaro Rey. Irony?
75' - Portland subs off their goalscorer for a DP in Diego Valeri after TFC bring in Braun. There's the irony.
78' - Pabst.
83' - GOAL: Portland - Rodney Wallace picks Agbossoumonde's pocket and beats a helpless Bendik to double the lead. If you're into that kind of thing.
PORTLAND 2 - TORONTO 0
87' - GOAL: Portland - Will Johnson takes irony too far as the Canadian goes through TFC's "defence" like a reclaimed Victorian hot knife through fried butter from a food truck.
PORTLAND 3 - TORONTO 0
90' - Like having that one Republican friend, we look at Reggie Lambe and say "how is this a thing"?
90'+ - GOAL: Portland - Valeri on the end of a Portland move that was great like that movie you've never heard of.
PORTLAND 4 - TORONTO 0
90'+ - Pabst.

FULL TIME: PORTLAND 4 - TORONTO 0

PLAYER RATINGS: Joe Bendik 5 / Richard Eckersley 4.5 / Steven Caldwell 5 / Gale Agbossoumonde 5 / Jonas Elmer 5 / Reggie Lambe 4 / Jeremy Hall 5.5 / Darel Russell 5 / Alvaro Rey 6 (Justin Braun N/A ) / Andrew Wiedeman 5 / Robert Earnshaw 6

THE YORKIES' TFC MAN OF THE MATCH:
Reggie Lambe. Yes, that's us being ironic.

THE BATH:
Want some more hip irony? Like the hipsters of Portland themselves we are "meh" over this embarrassing loss.

The apathy isn't because we are "too cool" to care. No if that was the case we wouldn't be typing at 1:30AM. Why do we not feel anything over another TFC loss? Because we are simply numb. These awful displays, our USL line-up promoted as "big-league" and promise after promise of "better days ahead" under the constant cloud of management decisions that may ruin this club forever. That will do it to ya.

You are giving us little TFC. You watch a match like that and say "who am I supposed to be excited about for in 2014?" Stop masquerading as a "major league" organization and fix things with what is likely your last real chance. Being 'too hip" to win is so 2007.

F*cking hipsters.

THE MATCHUP: Chopped

Tricky.

 

PORTLAND VS. TORONTO

　

JELD-WEN FIELD - SATURDAY 11PM ET

TV: TSN

THE KICKABOUT:

If MLS produced an Off-Off-Off Broadway production of "A Tale of Two Cities" it would star Portland and Toronto. You really can't find two markets in this league pulling in different directions.

The Hipster-infused Portland has a private owner who has a personal connection to his club and a drive to win. While not doing everything perfectly, Timbers have built a competitive club with a sensible MLS squad while turning their stadium into the envy of North American supporter experiences. Jeld-Wen Field is truly "their house"

Up here... notsomuch. Toronto FC and BMO Field (home of the former "Bestest Fans in the History of All-Timez Soccerz"(TM)) is a shadow of one-time unlimited promise. Heading into their 9th consecutive 5-Year Plan, now under the Imperial Leader Tim Leiweke, TFC has decided that the best way to fix the biggest farce in MLS is to shoehorn a gridiron team, likely avec Field Turf and the unscrubbable CFL markings/ giant RONA advertisements, into the "soccer specific" stadium.

As the rest of North America finally starts to "get" football, Toronto is pulling hard in the other direction and dragging the most abused fans in MLS back into the bad-old days of Giants Stadium. For those TFC fans masochistic enough to stay awake for this Pacific Time Zone spectacular, seeing what Portland's supporters have, and knowing what we have had pulled from beneath our feet, is a cruel twist of the knife.

MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:

"El Moustachio Ironico"

PLAYERS TO WATCH:

PORTLAND: Will Johnson, Milos Kocic, Sal Zizzo

TORONTO: Joe Bendik, Jonas Elmer, Maxi Urruti?

THE ODDS:

Portland hipsters:

- mocking Toronto because "the CFL is sooooo 1986": 5-1

- enquiring whether TFC's maple leaf kits taste like trendy maple bacon donuts: 3-1

- adopting TFC as their second team because they think The Reds must be trying to be ironically awful: 2-1

WHO ARE YA?

The success of Portland Timbers has not gone unnoticed in the halls of power at Toronto FC. In fact, it is widely rumoured that the recently vacated President's role at The Reds could be filled by a poached member of the Timbers' staff. While there is no official confirmation, rumours that Tim Leiweke has asked for permission to speak to "Timber Joey" won't go away. An unnamed source quoted on the potential hire: "Timber Joey has everything TFC are looking for in a leader. He is a true industry leader at giving things the axe, destroying things in a rapid fashion and he obviously has severe mental issues. In short, the perfect MLSE executive".

POST-MATCH HEADLINE:

"REDS LUMBER TOWARDS OBLIVION"

And... lost in Tim Leiweke's "Vision of the Future" speech yesterday was this - the new opening for all live TFC broadcasts...

EDITORIAL : You wanna put what, where? Rationale and the Argos at BMO Field

So they removed the President of Toronto FC and during the brief press conference it was revealed that MLSE is "kinda" still looking at shoehorning the Argos into the ground. 

I don't get it.  It doesn't make any sense. 

I'm sure the cost of the retrofit doesn't remotely equal the money they'd make from a rental. And where is this money coming from?  And the much revered (well, it used to be) South End... it will get displaced where exactly?

As much as I think Tim Leiweke is doing a good job (sacking Payne is a start), I'd like to break down and challenge some of his statements.
 

I’m going to go out Sunday and meet with the season seat holders. We’re going to stand front and centre and look them in the eye and communicate here – good, bad and indifferent. We deserve it. What we’ll tell them on football is that we did football at (the Stub Hub Center) in L.A. with different games including the high school championships and a whole series of games there.

Really?   Those games in Carson, were they to host a regular tenant?  Did you have to tear out the grass and install artificial turf?  Did you have to redesign the stadium to do so? (answer key: no, no, no)
 

To me, it’s not a debate about do you do football or not. It’s a debate about if it’s the CFL can you design the stadium so that it grows for the CFL and shrinks back down to its current intimacy for soccer. That’s money, and it requires cash and we’re trying to figure out what that means.

Oh, a retractable stand then?  Now it's hard to find numbers on retractable stands.  The latest example was that of the Olympic Stadium where West Ham will take up shop in three year's time.  The retrofit calls for the demolition and reconstruction of all four sides of the ground's bottom two tiers.  The cost is a staggering £120-150 million.  Granted, we're talking about a fraction of the work, but even a fraction is still not going to be cheap.  Hypothetically, are the Argos worth $10-20 million (speculating, but it cannot be cheap) for one stand to move 30-50 feet?  And that doesn't include a roof.

Whether or not we can do that, it means we have to spend more money... We do other events there, including rugby which is just as tough on a pitch as football if not more so.

Comparing rugby to pointyball is a bit of apples to oranges.  Yes, rugby is as tough on the pitch as pointyball, but: 

• You don't have to vandalize the pitch with markings for every 3 steps in every direction
• There might be a match twice a year
• You don't have to retro fit the stadium for rugby

Here's the things that drives me the most insane with this entire scenario...

• MLS has a push for soccer specific stadiums, so where's Don Garber when a step backwards is about to take place
• What exactly is "Major League" about a team that is getting inconvenienced by a team that hasn't been culturally relevant in, what, thirty years?
• If a new home is so necessary now, what was it when they took the 'sweetheart' deal of no rent, but no concessions from the SkyDome 8 or 9 years ago?  Did they think that that deal would last forever?  Did they think they'd actually have leverage where the home tenant plays 81 home games and wants natural grass?
• It's actually not about the Argos as what is going to be done for the Argos at the TFC supporters expense.

Watch this:

This is a high school game.  The gridiron lines are perfectly fine in this environment.  Why?  Because it's not a soccer-first stadium.  Because it's high school.  Because it is in a region where gridiron football is by far and away the most popular and dominant game.  Because it's amateur.

If anyone has any doubt that this is a terrible experience, try to watch a soccer game at a field with football lines.  I had the pleasure of supporting the Hamilton Cup of Soccer back in the day, a one-off week long tournament played at Ivor Wynne Stadium, home of the Tiger Cats.  Though it was great seeing these teams play in person, watching seasoned pros unsure of where out-of-bounds is, takes away from the spectacle of the sport.  The game is tainted because the participants are confused due to the markings on the ground.  The gridiron lines took away from the damn game.

If BMO Field wants more dates at their ground, bring in a NWSL side, a USL-Pro side and market both to season ticket holders at a discount and make your money at concessions with cheap beer and food.  Let the supporters light flares and go nuts. Make the lesser clubs more accessible for customers and then beat them over the head with TFC advertisements all game long.  Friday night footie?  Sure, I'll stick around for that.  A true community spirit.  One stop mecca of local football.

When this franchise came about in 2006, a conscious decision was made : to put my money where my mouth and heart is, and stump up for tickets as soon as they were available.  Day 1.  Purchasing a pair in the dead center of 113.  If someone, anyone, was going to make that kind of investment in a serious (not you Toronto Lynx, and not anyone in the then-CPSL) professional soccer team in this area, then it was my duty as a supporter to back them up.  In return, a beautiful soccer-specific ground was built for this club.  Traveling every day on the GO Train, passing it, muttering "home" and then smiling as we passed by.  Even though the operating club is dysfunctional, it still appears to be footie, and that will suffice.

If MLSE shits all over this dream for the sake of 9 more dates for the wrong damn sport that the stadium was built for, well then, my hatred for this organization will officially never die, I will surrender my seats, and begin researching the process into what it takes to have a 'fan owned' club in the NASL.

Come V-Cup, we'll show you what a real derby looks like.

@ignirtoq really isn't a fan of MLSE and the Argos.  He considers himself a fan of the Tiger-Cats and believes their stadium situation is a debacle in a different way, but by birthright cannot like or respect the Argos ever.  As a native Hamiltonian, he despises the Maple Leafs and their insistence that a second NHL team wouldn't work in the region, even though Hamilton could easily support them.  And he's serious about the NASL thing.

Tuck the Payne away

"This ball still believes in me..."

We barely had time to "get used to" you Kevin.

Through the powerfully heartfelt mediums of corporate press release and hobbled together conference call, Toronto FC kept the gears greased on their never-ending management carousel. Kevin Payne, the ever-so humble, Forlan-addicted veteran MLS executive has "parted ways" with Toronto FC and is no longer the President and GM of the wildly successful club.

While Toronto FC have stumbled and bumbled through yet another season of misery, many did expect a tough year ahead this past off-season. Few, even the most pessimistic of TFC supporters (hello.) would have predicted that Payne's reign would be over mere months after its much ballyhooed beginning. However, with an ambitious new MLSE President in the form of Tim Leiweke and the obvious realization that TFC has not been transformed into a club ready to compete in 2014, the trigger was pulled.

Few will likely know the true catalyst that lead to Payne's dismissal but the writing had been on the wall since Leiweke and head coach Ryan Nelsen appeared in tandem at a semi-secret society meeting with one supporter's group recently. Leiweke went out of his way to assure Nelsen's job security for 2014 but the absence of the team president spoke volumes.

BREAKING NEWS : Payne is out! No one lined up to replace him!

Seriously.

#StabilityNow #CarouselOfLaughter #TheShockHasWornOff

Kevin Payne has been relieved of his duties according to a reputable source (The Star).  He is to stay on in a consultancy role to ease the transition, but is stripped of his title.  Apparently, the list of debacles was enough for Tim Leiweke to sever ties with his good buddy.

Interesting nuggets to come from this news include that the $25 million to bolster the squad was green lit for Diego Forlan's acquisition, but the utter failure of landing him didn't help his cause.

To be fair, this guy was at least more proactive than the last guy, who was nothing more than happy to count the money for the honour of spending a few nights a season being blasted by season seat holders.

The million dollar question is : does this spell the end of Nelsen?  Hard to say.  Would like to think that with the terrible acquisitions and trades this side has made during his tenure, The Robins aren't as crap as the scoreline and record indicates.  They are a far better side than last year.  Defense is spotty, but improved.  Midfield is creative and aggressive.  Forwards are still terrible, but everyone else is trying to make up for their ongoing disappointments.  Can only dream what this side could look like with actual league-competitive talent...

(0:18 mark for the reference)

THE STARTING 11: Hardest workers at TFC

"You. Better. Work!"

Happy Labour Day comrades! Not just a day of where parents drunkenly celebrate their children getting the eff back to school but also a day where we throw off the shackles of our American oppressors and stand up for our right to spell "labour" with the letter "u"! Wourkers of the Wourld Unite! Despite zero production output, BMO Field is actually home to some tough jobs and today we stop socializing and start socialisming over the unsung heroes whose back-breaking labour puts the "u" in TFC...

11. The person who has to figure out where in the CNE Food Building Danny Koevermans is hiding and get him back to his strenuous "re-hab"

10. That guy who has to meticulously draw Kevin Payne's head on top of a Greek god's body into the foam on top of the president's daily latte

9. The admin assistant that has to constantly schedule potentially successful days five years into the future

8. The barber who must carefully cut only the sides of Maxi Urruti's hair while leaving the top looking like a puffy mink stole

7. The office staff member who picks the short straw and has to be Bitchy the Hawk's "husband" that week

6. The social media expert who has to translate all of Reggie Lambe's perfectly spelled Queen's English tweets into marketable street-cred Caribbean patois

5. The person who has to figure out what to tell fans they would have spent $25M on if there had actually been $25M to spend on a mystery player who was worth $25M and would actually consider coming here for said $25M if they were "the right fit". Oh... and not make it sound like a plea for 2014 season ticket renewals.

4. "The Dichio Buffer"

3. The team who have to wrangle, capture and cage the halftime Timbits children players so they can be used at the next home match

2. The summer student intern who is in charge of the club's entire scouting department

1. The supporters... who have to constantly "get used to it"





THE SOUTH STAND REPORT : Toronto v New England... or Even when they earn the points, the officials take them away...

Ah the annual tradition of the Canadian National Exhibition and Toronto Football Club : two misnomers in one location. Nothing "national" about the CNE and the "football", well [Too easy. You're better than that ~ Ed.]

We can assure you that nobody from the TFC front office gave us an audience, but some others were.  What came of it was news that there was money approved for a big move.  And it was big.

$25 million for a DP? Let's put this in *cough* proper football parlance, shall we?  What can £15.3 million get us in the open market? 1/6 of Gareth Bale? Luis Suarez? 4 Landycakes? Schweinsteiger? Hell, the Colorado Rapids, RSL and San Jose? I got a novel idea, poach Wondolowski and spend the other $22.5 million on someone else?!?

Anyways, Toronto are all about exhibitions now since they're all but out of the post season (perhaps mathematically they're still alive, I'll check when we're close). No more Laba this season, Koevermans is likely done as a Robin (if the speculations have any merit). Thank the footballing gods there's no relegation, right fellas? 

Onto the match.

2' - GOAL - Fagundez (watch your mouth) found open near the back post and pokes it in.  Counter allowed Rowe to run half the length of the pitch, and no Toronto player successfully managed to nick the ball from him.  Hard to know whether it was appropriate to shrug or eye roll.

ROBINS 0, EVOLUTION 1

5' - "Super Pickle" Joe Bendik makes a tremendous leaping stop.  Fantastic stuff.

14' - Earnshaw turns and fires just wide of the post.

45' - GOAL - After a strange bout of pinball from a free kick, it somehow lands at the foot of Weideman, turns and buries it.  Ladies and gentlemen, he's already been named Man of the Match.  Candidate for player of the year.

ROBINS 1, EVOLUTION 1

Half-Time mood : Frustrating.  They're playing well but not finishing, they're defending is spotty but lucky.

50'-68' - I looked at the clock every 30 seconds.  So boring... terrible.

78' - SUB - Urruti makes his home debut for Toronto, coming on for Earnshaw

Quote of the match :

Why haven't you scored yet, you spindly fuck?

~ @hitchorado four seconds into Urruti's debut

87' - SUB - Rey comes on and Sir Reginald Lambe (of the Bermudan Lambes) comes off.

88' - Free kick from Convey sees Caldwell get up with his back to goal and heads it into the low far corner, but somehow the ref sees a foul and squashes it.  Toronto deserved that goal and all the points.

Full Time : Toronto 1, New England 1

Man of the Match : Andrew Weideman

Goat of the Game : Nobody was particularly terrible.

Ref Rating : 1 out of 5.  A good game but a TERRIBLE call at the death.  Caldwell's goal was good.

Kit Spotting : In one building, saw a guy walking around with a Karpaty Lviv home kit.  Yeah, go ahead.  Beat that.  I dare you.

Toronto was far from perfect tonight, but they were far more effective than New England was.  Reis had an easy night given how much of the match was controlled by Toronto.  Many of the Robins have a fear of shooting the damn ball, save Osorio and Earnshaw.  On more than one occasion in this match (really could be any match), players who should have had a go from the edge of the box, decided to take a few more steps only to have their clear chance taken away from a closed down defender.  Stop being scared and fire the damn ball.

And now, an open letter to Mr. Joe Bendik:

Dear sir,

What the hell is with the blue kit?  We developed this positive persona of "Super Pickle" based on the green kit and ever since then, you've been wearing the blue one.  We are deeply sad.  Out of everyone on this team, you are our MVP.  You are on the cusp of greatness, just embrace your inner 'super pickle'.  This team needs gimmicks and personality and songs about individual players that are beyond "ole, ole, [name of player here] ole".  Be our hero.  Be our super pickle.

Warmest regards,

The Yorkies.

And now, an open letter to Mr. Ryan Nelsen:

Dear sir,

We would like to express our concern with the situation regarding Stefan Frei.  For all of the problems, historically, Toronto FC has had with flaky talent and suspect acquisitions, we have had an embarrassment of riches in the goalkeeper department.  One season, we had SIX keepers, and they were all ranging from average to excellent.

Stefan Frei has been a stalwart in some of the darkest times (which to be fair, have been most of them).  He does not deserve to be on the bench all this time.  Here is what we propose: Bring Mr. Bendik into the office.  Offer him a 30% raise (which he deserves, I was personally thinking 60% but what do I know) and a new contract and then explain to him that he is to be used sparingly for the remainder of the season.  Then explain to him that Frei will start from here on in to gain him some exposure.  It is difficult to sell or trade a player that has seen extremely limited action in over a year.  Frei also deserves the club's support to help him regain his career.  Toronto is all but out of post season.  Do the man a kindness.  He's a class act and deserves that much.

Warmest regards,

The Yorkies.

Player Ratings : Bendik 7, Eckersley 6.5, Henry 6, Caldwell 6, Morgan 6.5, Lambe 6 [Rey N/A], Osorio 6, Hall 6, Convey 6.5, Earnshaw 6 [Urruti N/A], Wiedeman 8ish.

@ignirtoq would like to profusely apologize for the untimeliness of this report but blames the 3 post match ciders and a dead phone hampering his productivity.  Man those ciders were tasty.  As a reward for finally writing this, he may go have one right now.