The Playoffs: TFC's march to justification

The long-shot prospect of Toronto FC making the 2014 MLS playoffs represents one glorious opportunity for those that control this club from up high. No, it is not to reward the most beaten-down of all MLS supporters - it is justification.

Already, many fans have come to loathe the four-week "must-win" campaign that has devolved into the "we're still mathematically possible" reality we have today but as annoying as the internal club promotion may be - TFC is still in with a tiny chance. The best-case playoff scenario would see The Reds flail backwards into the fifth spot in the East and a shot in the wildcard "play-in" match. The question is: should we want them to?

The refrain that "anything is possible once you're in the playoffs" isn't completely hollow. There have been a few instances in the past where an unlikely club battles their way deep into the semi-finals or even finals but these are mostly the exception to the rule. For the most part, the cream rises to the top and it would be hard to find too many TFC supporters who would put their money on the line to back the locals in a one-match do-or-die, away to either New York or Sporting KC.

"But why would that be bad?" you may ask. "Don't we deserve a crumb of the post-season?" Yes. We all do… but the problem comes afterwards. The problem becomes how ownership may use that potential future and the most likely answer is again: justification.

Tim Leiweke & Co. made bold statements that the playoffs were the goal this year. No asterisks involved. Nothing about how far in the playoffs they would travel - just the playoffs. TFC's eight-year Valhalla realized. It is not difficult to imagine TFC squeaking into that wildcard match and - even if they re-produce an effort not unlike Saturday night's miserable display at Red Bull Arena - being trumpeted as a successful completion of the stated pre-season goal. Your first-ever post-season TFC! "We gave you what we promised! Now we need to talk..."

A mere appearance in the league's post-season will give MLSE the ammunition to go forward in two ways. On a team level, the so-far greatly underwhelming Greg Vanney and his inexperienced staff who lead a squad rife with imbalance and shallow depth may no longer seem to require an urgent fix. “Surely if this young(ish) squad made fifth this season then better can be achieved with the experience and a transfer window that Vanney has gained” will be the likely refrain. The cracks, and there are more than we'd like to believe, will not necessarily receive the care they require this off-season. However, the real justification that MLSE seeks from a post-season appearance may be more personal to you, the supporter.

After rolling back season ticket prices to 2007 levels and having to then freeze those prices, the owners must be bursting at the seams to put things right in their eyes. Giving you the absolute bare minimum on the pitch so they can squeeze the bare maximum out of your wallet is the trophy that they seek most. On a raft of promotions and slow motion videos of The Reds "historic post season march", your 2015 tickets will undoubtedly reflect this grand "achievement". Leiweke has told fans in the past that they would not ask for a raise until they did what they said they'd do. No matter how brief an appearance - this would be trotted out as proof.

Seeing The Reds in the post-season is nearly a decade-long wish for all supporters. The sweet, unknown experience of the playoffs is such a tempting prospect that it is easy to say we will worry about the future when it happens. Unfortunately that will most likely all happen very quickly. This club is not currently built for a run at the Cup. Does the potential of 90 extra minutes resembling this past Saturday suit the expected reward the club will ask of you in return?

Despite "how close" the current manager likes to tell us this club is to succeeding, it is increasingly difficult to see this. TFC, as is, can't compete on a consistent basis with the better clubs in this league. Without an off-season where the club's feet are held to the fire because of their failures this year, this potential playoff blip could simply usher in another long barren spell.

This club is not yet good enough. There are holes now and more to open up over winter with the imminent departures. Having the club emboldened by the absolute minimum modicum of success - and raising prices to watch it in 2015 - could be a far worse long-term hindrance than missing the playoffs again this year.

Yes, anything can happen in the playoffs. The reality points to TFC's possible appearance producing little more of the same on the pitch followed by an off-season of indifference, reinforced by the corporate jewel of being a "playoff team". Any TFC fan can be forgiven for not caring about that right now just to get a taste of what we have deserved for so long. However, is this incarnation of TFC, one which would be justified in its own mind to pursue the status quo albeit at a much higher expense to you, worth 90 more minutes of your time?

THE STARTING 11: Things that Tim Leiweke wants to accomplish before leaving Toronto

Drake (feat. Tim Leiweke)



Well that was a bloody quick deal. A day after vehemently denying his departure from MLSE, that very same glorious corporation announced Tim Leiweke's exit as their head honcho by next summer at the latest. While Leiweke blew into Toronto like a hurricane, he leaves on a mysteriously short-term breeze. Make no mistake, the blustery salesman did some good things during his time as MLSE CEO but there are a few things he wants to accomplish before leaving Toronto for good...

11. Surf on top of a GO Train wearing nothing but an ill-fitting TFC warm-up jacket

10. Be in a Drake video

9. Get his hilarious sitcom script starring Muggsy Bogues and Joao Plata in the hands of a Hollywood producer

8. Teach Ryan Nelsen not to pronounce his name as "Teem Leewikky"

7. Figure out what the hell Jim Brennan actually does

6. Put an end to the "Bee-right" vs. "Bright" Dike debate

5. Finally get Mo Johnston to move out of BMO Field's basement

4. Hide in the Ecuadorian embassy until this whole LeiwekeLeaks scandal blows over (Ed. - please fact-check)

3. Complete his album of sexy slow jams with Fran O'Leary

2. One night out as Jermain Defoe's wingman

1. Release Chris Konopka back into the wild

A bloody big loss? How Tim Leiweke's departure may hurt Toronto FC

Much like the carnival hucksters surrounding BMO Field during the CNE, it is the "step right up" shtick of Tim Leiweke that has excited and frustrated TFC supporters in equal measure. The brash American CEO was brought in to fix the eternally stumbling Maple Leaf Sports & Entertainment corporation on a wave of success that included wins for both the LA Kings and LA Lakers as well as the delivery of David Beckham to North American football. Unlike his MLSE predecessors, his monorail promises definitely put Toronto FC in a place of prominence next to their bigger brothers, the Leafs and Raptors - this was a new experience for TFC supporters.

While some of his bluster towards TFC has been cringe-worthy, few can argue that he really has had his eye on fixing the floundering club since day one and has backed that up with a top-to-bottom renovation that is beginning to show dividends. High-profile DP acquisitions, poaching a league wonderkid as GM and giving good lip service to supporters has healed many of the very deep wounds fostered by the likes of Tom Anselmi and his merry band of idiots who "lead" The Reds prior to Leiweke's arrival. All of which now leads to a big question: "what happens to TFC now that he's leaving?"

The whispers emerged earlier this week and today were confirmed that Tim Leiweke will indeed be leaving MLSE by next June at the latest. So just how could this affect the delicate balance that is the still-rebuilding TFC going forward? There are a few areas where fear amongst TFC fans may be warranted:

CLUB MANAGEMENT
For years, TFC's front office was the justified lightning rod for TFC supporter frustrations. A rotating group of on-the-job trainers with little (or expired) connections to the league, let alone the greater football world, always left observers with the feeling that the lights were on but no one was home. They were mostly correct. The installation of MLS bright spark Tim Bezbatchenko, with Leiweke as the money man above, has been a tonic to seven years of rudderless leadership.

So what will happen to this branch of the MLSE Empire? Will the new CEO have TFC in his wallet and leave the day-to-day operations and team management to Tim Bezbatchenko? Will the young T-Bez be elevated to a higher "team president" role? These are questions that could have great impact on the club moving forward. Most supporters will agree that T-Bez seems like a very bright and well-connected steward who knows MLS intimately. Having someone like him as the "leader" of TFC would probably calm many nerves but his relationship under a new CEO will dictate that potential success.

Alternatively, a more hands-on CEO with an eye on ruling all of MLSE's properties with an iron fist may end up upsetting the fine balance and/or feel the need to install "his own men" into managerial roles. The best case scenario would seem to be allowing Bezbatchenko to grow into a club leadership role with greater autonomy under a financial overlord.

THE STARTING 11: Toronto FC 2014 mayoral campaign slogans

Not bad. Would be better with hybrid turf.

 

Welcome to Toronto Tim Leiweke - you're now officially one of us. A year after touching down (Get it? Argos? Oh, never mind) in our fair city, the MLSE Grand Poobah has finally come face-to-face with the buffoonery that is our city's current leadership. A cold war is brewing between MLSE and Ford Nation over the BMO Expansion plans but maybe this time the Etobicoke Emperor has bitten off more than he can eat at home. After all, Mr. Leiweke could run a whole slew of 2014 mayoral candidates from his suddenly hot football club...

11. Gale Agbossoumonde: "RUN THE CITY? LIKE A BOSS."

10. Joe Bendik: "I DON'T REALLY HAVE ANYTHING ELSE GOING ON RIGHT NOW"

9. Justin Morrow: "FOR A BETTER # 2 MORROW"

8. Ryan Nelsen: "A SUK-SISS-FILL SITTEE FU IVREE-WUN!"

7. Michael Bradley: "TACKLING EVERY PROBLEM. EVERYWHERE. ALWAYS."

6. Julio Cesar: "I SAVE EVERYTHING"

5. Alvaro Rey: "STEP-OVER RED TAPE"

4. Bradley Orr: "FIGHTING DEBT. HEADBUTTING TRANSIT"

3. Dwayne De Rosario: "BUDGET? INVISIBLE CHEQUES."

2. Jim Brennan: "BECAUSE PEOPLE JUST GIVE ME JOBS"

1. Jermain Defoe: "LADIES ALWAYS TAX-FREE"



THE STARTING 11: Things that Toronto FC supporters gain from 'Argos To BMO'

"You'll never know we're here sakker fans..."



2014 marks the seventh year of us writing about Toronto FC/Mo Johnston-baiting on this here site. Not one year has gone by without us getting our knickers in a twist about the potential move of the Toronto Argonauts PointyEgg Club packing their nomadic hobo sack and landing in "Our House", BMO Field.

Well, as is all too obvious now under the stewardship of MLSE prez Tim Leiweke - the move is on. Set eyeballs to stun as the amazing architectural plans will be tailored to tickle your manbits and/or ladybits into submission. 20% of them will come to fruition. To dispel the rumour that we are completely negative about this eventuality (We are. Get used to it.) we put together one of our trademarked Starting 11's to list all the advantages that you, the loyal TFC supporter, will gain from this huckster's scheme to pave the NFL's journey to Toronto benevolent gift to us.

11.

10.

9.

8.

7. A roof during inclement weather.

6.

5.

4.

3.

2.

1.

　
And... Since "BMO Field 2: Pinball Clemons Boogaloo" will need a chant befitting the pitch for TFC matches...

#LeiwekeLeaks putting our security at risk

"So many microphones... sweet, sweet microphones"

 

Just when TFC supporters thought they could have an off-season full of optimism about a bright future, the Foghorn Leghorn of sports executives went at it again.

Tim Leiweke just can't stop.

In his ongoing intense, steamy love affair with any open microphone, Leiweke was bathing in the Winter Classic success that was the Maple Leafs vs. Red Wings in Ann Arbour, Michigan on New Year's Day. His epiphany? To expand BMO Field to a monstrous (MLS monstrous) 40,000 seats by 2017 to host that year's version of the game and perhaps even... wait for it... a Grey Cup.

How conveeeeeeeenient! CFL football at BMO Field! Why it's almost as if the 40,000 seats in this "big, big money" (big, big public money) expansion were to cater to a financially floundering, soon to be homeless local CFL team and has absolutely NOTHING to do with the current and original tenants.

Tim Leiweke just can't stop.

But we must. We have written about this Argos to BMO garbage since 2007. We will never be positive about it. (just click the tag TORONTO ARGONAUTS or ARGOS at the bottom of this piece for reminding) It is a terrible idea with only one group paying the penalty of the folly - the TFC supporter.

Instead, we recommend you read these two interesting pieces (here and here) for more in-depth analysis of the latest flurry of #LeiwekeLeaks.

Tim Leiweke just can't stop.

So, until there are concrete things to talk about on this truly never ending story, we will simply offer nature's embodiment of Tim Leiweke seeing a hot mic.
 


Just one heads up Mr. Leiweke, no amount of Jermain Defoseses will ever cover up CFL markings on a ruined BMO Field pitch. We will leave. Many others will too. You will patronize with words about "not declaring war" on TFC supporters but it is just words because if you think we are so incredibly stupid to believe an expansion costing more than the stadium itself is for our benefit... we must not have your respect.

Ass.
(Pictured above.)
(What did you think we meant?)

The Toronto FC Sadvent Calendar: Day 2

#LEIWEKELEAKS

　

What finer a holiday tradition than some homemade #hashtaggery? Courtesy of our jolly MLSE President Tim Leiweke who has never met a microphone that he doesn't immediately fall deeply in love with. While his loose lips aren't taking down western governments they do try to continually grease the rusty, black gears that used to be a TFC supporter's heart. #SilentNightPlease

　

Check back tomorrow and open another Sadvent window!



THE WORD: Jermain? Possibly present.

Get used to telling guys where to stand mate

"Glamour models" of Canada rejoice! According to internationally renowned truth-peddling newspaper The Mirror, Toronto FC have found "the biggest MLS DP of all timez" - Tottenham Hotspur stalwart/lady aficionado Jermain Defoe.

Now this is isn't the first time that TFC and Defoe's name have been linked in a #LeiwekeLeaks scoop but it is the first time that any major media outlet has gone as far as to say that a deal has been struck. And what a deal*! A reported $150,000 (US)-a-week, 4-year contract which we assume includes Andrew Wiedeman as Defoe's butler. This is in addition to an apparent transfer fee in the $10-12 Million range to be paid to Spurs.

How sure are The Mirror that this deal is done? They hired the top designers in the Fleet Street game to Photoshop Defoe's face onto a Mountie. That kind of Rap Game Stereotyping does not come cheap!

Now before we all run out and get our TFC Defoe kits made (Except you of course, torn Toronto FC/Arsenal supporters. Suck it.) let us remember that TFC and transfers are never a black-and-white case. From Urrutis to Forlans to Gilardinos and er... Ben Haims - this stuff never goes smoothly at BMO Field. Does Defoe "tick all the boxes" for Tim Leiweke and TFC? Yes. Does a player intent on making England's World Cup 2014 squad pine for a move to Major League Soccer's clown college? Not so fast.

Various mainstream North American media types are hedging their bets for and against The Mirror story tonight. Some are corroborating the rumour, some are saying it's being worked on and the odd one is pointing at TFC's history and laughing milk through their nostrils. Most likely where there is this much smoke, there is some fire. Whether or not it ignites into a full Deferno, the next few weeks should tell.

Many TFC fans will simply not believe this rumour until Jermaine Defoe is a solid 15 minutes into a match wearing the red of The Reds. This is a safe way to treat this for now. Could Defoe do a good job at TFC? Undoubtedly... but let's worry about that when said shirt goes over said rumoured DP's head.

Sunshine Girls - you have been warned.

EDITORIAL: "It's all gone quiet over there!" TFC adopts a quiet approach to the off-season

You have no idea how hard it is to find a mouth-closed picture.

Perhaps Tim Leiweke and his posse down at BMO Field have been listening to Rob Ford's faux-bravado "actions speak louder than words" phrase - or maybe they're all on crack. It's your call. One thing few TFC supporters won't deny though is the strange sound coming from the local football club... silence. While the off-season is still young, the usually overly verbose club has been noticeably muted. 　

Now this is not in any way a complaint, we are definitely fans of substance over style but it is a glaring difference from the past seven years. While there has so far been little to speak of surrounding the club (apart from the latest high profile DP to turn their nose up at The Reds) it is unusual for the Lakeshore House of Promos to stop flapping their gums for this long. Is this an unexpected maturity from the club or is there more to it? 　

The front office has indeed had a change of personality, with the likes of former public faces such as Paul Beirne and the well-liked Asif Hossain moving on to greener pastures, but other aspects of TFC winters are missing as well. Gone are the pub crawls, post-season wrap parties and often hilarious town halls of years past. While we here have never been massive fans of any of these glad-handing events, other fans have rightfully enjoyed them. Some of these fans are now feeling a lack of "personal presence" from their club.

THE STARTING 11: Toronto FC Designated Player sales pitches

"I've bought DP's for Brockway United, Ogdenville Athletic and North Haverbrook FC"

 

Look here gang! News on the transatlantic cable is that high-falutin' business mogul Tim Leiweke is hopping on a steamer to the Olde World to grab him some of them blue chippers see! True story folks, step right up, your Toronto Footballing Club is set to be shined up like a new trolley when Ol' Timbo returns with a couple of them European type Dee Pees! What about the other 9 players you ask? Why that sounds like Communist talk. You're not a communist are you? Now we're cooking with petrol! Just how you ask will our silver-tongued shopkeeper sell TFC to these costly kickballers? Like so...

11. "You're already only 10 goals away from being in the All-Time TFC Leading Goalscorers Top 5!"

10. "If you squint hard and hum loudly during the pre-match bird display you can almost pretend you signed for Benfica!"

9. "Ah, Toronto in February... it's the Paris of the Eastern Great Lakes"

8. "Don't worry, if you don't like the manager there's a new one due every 9 months!"

7. "Those rubes at BMO Field are so starved for the minimum level of success they will make you their god!"

6. "You have the chance to avenge the centuries-old European vendetta against the people of Columbus, Ohio"

5. "Plenty of good Wall of Honour space still available!"

4. "Plenty of down-time to cruise for chicks with world-renowned wild and crazy gigolo Tim Bezbatchenko"

3. "You may get a chance to glimpse the Raptors' Global Ambassador Drake... if not you will definitely meet the Toronto FC Global Ambassador - the original bassist from Platinum Blonde"

2. "Get in on the ground level of the 4th 5-Year Plan"

1. "Pick up where the legendary Mista left off"
 

AFTER 90: Leiwekes Just Don't Understand

Which one of you is Cassano and which one is Adebayor?

PHILADELPHIA VS. TORONTO

PPL PARK

 

Let's face it Jazzy Jeffs, this season hasn't been fresh since April. If TFC had a mom it would have long been scared and moved the club with it's Auntie and Uncle in the NASL. Alas, we don't have a benevolent Uncle Phil to set us straight, just a President that has sold monorails to Brockway, Ogdenville and Bel-Air, so chances are high we'll be right here next year as well. Hey maybe we can get our wacky cousin to move in. Carlton! Cole.

In the meantime, our annual meaningless trip to the Suburb of Brotherly Love gives us the chance to whip out some local flavour... our Fresh Prince theme tune! If you came here for match analysis... you need to ask yourself some deep questions about your life choices. Enjoy!

 

 

''THE FRESH TIM OF HOT-AIR"

Now this is the story, call it a fable

Another year spent at the foot of the table

And we'd like to take a minute, we won't be mean

We'll tell you The Reds will be the same in 2014

 

Southwest of Philadelphia a crap game played

On defence is where they spent much of the day

Long balls, hacking, passing like fools

Tactically inept with no talent pool

 

We've got a couple of guys, they are just sort of good

The rest should be benched like other clubs would

2013 is ending just like all other years

We say "The only way to watch it is drink lots of beers"

 

Now Leiweke's in town and yells "Have no fear!"

"Things will be different this time next year"

If anything we could say we've heard this before

But this fool will blow cash on Adebayor!

 

So we're waiting 'til New Year to buy our tickets

Yelling at T-Bez "You've signed the next Rohan Ricketts!"

Safe in the knowledge. we'll be sad in the stands

To watch Ryan Nelsen's brand new 5-Year Plan

 

 

FULL TIME: PHILADELPHIA 1 - TORONTO 0

THE YORKIES' TFC MAN OF THE MATCH: Uncle Phil



THE MATCHUP: "Look over there... waffles!"

It's your basic 5-Waffle Plan

 

TORONTO VS. D.C. UNITED

　

BMO FIELD - SATURDAY 1PM ET

TV: TSN

THE KICKABOUT:

Wow. If MLS could justify erasing a match from their fixture list it is this one. A match-up so bad that TFC coaches Ryan Nelsen and Fran O'Leary got themselves banned from the touchline so they wouldn't have to watch... we assume. (This of course leaves Jim Brennan in charge... as was foreseen in the Book of Revelation.) The battle of the worst club in league history vs. the only other club that had the gall to have a worse record than them this season. A humdinger gang!

Even at full strength, this fixture should be a battle to see who is relegated to the NASL, throw in the fact that D.C has a US Open Cup fixture on Tuesday and the talent level that will be on display is rather mesmerizing. The last place club's reserve team against a club that has offered 7 years’ worth of reserve teams to their fans.

We would offer our usual pre-match malarkey here but we would say the "Players To Watch" are not watchable; "The Odds" are you are attending or watching through habit or obligation; and the "Post-Match Headline" is mostly old-man mumbling. Instead we bring you the highlights of the truly important TFC event of the day - The TFC Presidential Breakfast for (SOME) Season Ticket Holders! Not part of the royal gathering? No worries here are the best parts of tomorrow's shindig... today!

TFC 2013 BREAKFAST HIGHLIGHTS
-Tim Leiweke does not talk a word of "spin" nor "sizzle" during 45-minute speech from a throne of made of melted Stanley Cups and Tom Anselmi's reclaimed gold fillings. Ends rousing manifesto with a sing-a-long of "The Monorail Song".

- Ryan Nelsen spotted sitting alone at end of head table slumped in a chair looking either sleepy, dejected or like a lame duck. (TBD)

- Stefan Frei pulled to one side and told he isn't allowed to appear at the breakfast. Joe Bendik waves at him while happily munching on a pickle.

- Drama in the lobby of RealSports Bar & Grill as former TFC striker Collin Samuel is taken down by MLSE Security tranquilizer guns as he makes a mad dash towards the buffet table.

- Jim Brennan asked to chew up some tater tots and gently spit them into Bitchy the Hawk's awaiting beak.

- Danny Koevermans makes a "miraculous" recovery and is taken off the injured list to take part in the "Aunt Jemima's Million Dollar Dream Pancake Throwdown". Immediately goes back on injured list after the contest.

- GM Tim Bezbatchenko overheard haggling with servers to exchange his plate of scrambled eggs for a boiled egg and a 3rd Round Supplemental Draft Pick in 2015.

- All eyes on the giant video wall as the lights are dimmed for the showing of the 90-minute documentary: "Get Used To It: The Kevin Payne Year(s)"

- Hundreds temporarily blinded as shirt cannons misfire and scalding hot maple syrup is sprayed over front three rows of dining supporters.

- Everyone asked to leave the premises before the hounds are released and to "ignore the fact that only cold brown toast has been offered for 7 years as some serious back bacon is coming in January"



The Good, The Bad... The Overpriced - MLS player salaries illuminate unbalanced TFC

"The boys at Lambda Lamda Lamda will not be pleased!"

Toronto FC loves them a good bargain. They have turned a lame bird act into their own version of Bargain Harold's Benfica, they always sell players well before their expiry date (well, well before) and no one knows how to turn a 5-Year Plan into an 8-Year Plan with such simple calculations! But, what about when it comes down to their salaries?

 

Obviously things haven't been going their way on the paystub front so MLSE Emperor Tim Leiweke has hired "capologist"/80's teen film nerd Tim Bezbatchenko to slice and dice their salary sums. Well at least until there's a big enough hole for Leiweke to parachute in a couple of aging DP's to sell shirts and get injured.

 

Today, the updated MLS salary lists were unveiled and another chance for all us amateur capologists - it's what I wanted to be as a boy - to consider who is giving TFC the biggest bang for their buck. So stop throwing slushees off the upper level of the mall at Bezbatchenko and let's help the new guy look at some of the club's best, worst and mediocre contracts.

 

 

BEZBATCHENKOKAY!

- Joe Bendik $46,500

- Doneil Henry $62,083

- Matias Laba $200,000

- Jonathan Osorio $46,500

- Steven Caldwell $89,000

 

Not tons of bargains to be had but Caldwell and Bendik standout as getting a lot for your buck. Both have played major roles in the admittedly poor season but things would be even worse without them. Despite Laba's $200K he looks to be good value as the club's most technically gifted player by some stretch.

 

 

MEH-ZBATCHENKO.

- Bobby Convey $215,000

- Robert Earnshaw $155,150

- Jeremy Hall $90,000

- Andrew Wiedeman $65,000

- Bright Dike $60,687

 

Convey is the standout in the group due to his salary but also arguably the most consistent performer of the lot. A bit hefty though for a journeyman. Earnshaw barely didn't fall to the bad end of things but only due to his March and April - really shouldn't return in 2014. The others represent some basic deep bench strength. The more they are used as front-line starters, the worse things are for TFC.

 

 

BEZBATCHENKOUCH!

- Justin Braun $114,700

- Richard Eckersley $310,000

- Stefan Frei $200,000

- Danny Koevermans $1.663,323

- Alvaro Rey $204,450

 

Two standouts on this list are Eckersley and Koevermans. Ryan Nelsen pretty much stamped Ecks' passport back to England today moaning of his hefty (and it is) fullback salary. Despite The Ginger Ninja's proclamation that he is "not some ordinary fullback" - he is. And one making nearly double the league average at that spot. Cheerio Richard.

 

Danny Koevermans has fallen so far off the respect-ladder that it's a surprise he hasn't picked up yet another "injury". Now out with a supposed calf injury it is unlikely that Koevermans will ever wear TFC red again. We just pray it doesn't hinder his contract signing in The Netherlands on January 1st. God speed pancake astronaut. God speed. (Ed.~ look up Dutch word for sarcasm)

 

Frei is a bad-luck, sad-luck case. We like him a lot but nowhere in this league is there a place for a $200K backup keeper. For Frei, we genuinely wish the best for his career. Alvaro Rey may need more time to prove (or disprove) himself but that money on a Spanish 3rd Tier winger seems steep. Braun? Should be paying fans to watch him.

 

So there you are amateur banking aficionados, some of the highlights of the TFC 2013 salaries. Majority of the others more-or-less fall into place but hey, who knows what wacky calculations T-Bez is doing on his Casio calculator watch? Having to carve out that much space for Leiweke's vanity acquisitions will likely mean a lot more "Meh-zbatchenko" in our futures.



Allocation Moneyball as TFC hires new GM

Tim Bezbatchenko

Toronto FC has got their man. Again.

Not realizing that their Twitter hashtag #TFCMajorAnnouncement has become a parody-inducing thing of ridicule, The Reds gathered the local press for their annual catch-and-release of their new front office supremo. But who you ask could fill the shoes of Toronto legends like Kevin Payne, Aron Winter and Mo Johnston... why it's none other than child prodigy Tim Bezbatchenko!

Crickets.

Before you start getting your TFC-brand knickers (Available at RealSports for $34.99) in a twist, this is not a GM-signing like those in the past or akin to GM's in other North American sports. Bezbatchenko, most recently the MLS Director of Player Relations and Competition, is a numbers wonk. A man brought in to hopefully find every single loophole and crevasse that the league's labyrinth of salary rules has hidden in its belly-button.

In this brave new world, player targets seem to be firmly in the control of Ryan Nelsen, who in turn seems firmly controlled by Tim Leiweke. You would assume that Nelsen will identify reasonable targets that T-Bez (we're lazy, get used to it) will try to financially wangle while Leiweke aims to reel in the big fish like his horrendous hint dropping at a private meeting that he is looking at (gulp) Emmanuel Adebayor. Euthanize me now.

In the end, we will probably not see T-Bez in the spotlight like previous GM's but rather like a glorified Earl Cochrane. In theory, the set-up seems alright but when you consider a rookie head coach will identify players to a rookie GM all under the umbrella of a monorail salesman - it all gets very TFC.

One question that remained understandably unanswered today: When Leiweke's magical DP's don't arrive until August and TFC finds itself 2-10 in the summer forcing the dismissal of Ryan Nelsen (don't pretend it can't happen!!!) who is left to identify players? Something tells us that you should save up your best #TFCMajorAnnouncement gags for a rainy day in the not-too-distant future.



THE STARTING 11: New TFC GM qualifications

"Did someone say two candidates?"

 

MLSE Emperor Tim Leiweke took his message of love and demands of submission to his subjects at yesterday's TFC Season Ticket Holder BBQ/"Oh Look a Hawk, let's not talk about Portlandapalooza". While talking great spin about never talking about doing spin, Leiweke did mention that his search for Kevin Payne's replacement is progressing rapidly. Apparently TFC is down to a shortlist of two with resolution not far off. It's a tough decision but what qualifications are needed to fill football's biggest job opportunity since the hiring of the new Barcelona Head (of janitorial services)?

11. Someone who can proudly expound the virtues of the clubs "All For One" motto... without giggling

10. A person not affected by the XXX video evidence of MLSE pagan rituals owned by Reggie Lambe which is the only possible explanation of the employment of Reggie Lambe

9. A professional with deep connections to continue enhancing the already lucrative pipeline into the English lower division loan market

8. A candidate who is willing to honour Jim Brennan's 75-Year Guaranteed Employment Contract

7. An Australian... just to watch Ryan Nelsen lose it every day

6. Somebody that knows how to build a team for long-term success... on artificial turf

5. A well-spoken person who can express in four simple words that supporters "need to be suitably prepared to accept and be silent towards the inevitable annual repetition of short-sighted corporate greed"

4. A real "numbers guy" i.e. someone that can tell the difference between a 5-Year Plan and a 10-Year Plan

3. None of the applicants named Beau Johnston, Mo Jackson, Maurice St. Johnstone or Moe Jetson

2. A capologist/crapologist

1. An individual that understands that at Toronto FC winning comes first... well after profits; promotional endeavours; advertisers; Heritage Nights; CFL Stadium re-designs; false DP rumours; Bitchy the Hawk; TFC TV; pyrotechnics; thundersticks; and, ticket renewals. But after that - winning comes first!

I've got the brains, you've got the looks

Let's make lots of money

You've got the brawn, I've got the brains

I'm Tim Leiweke



THE MATCHUP: Chopped

Tricky.

 

PORTLAND VS. TORONTO

　

JELD-WEN FIELD - SATURDAY 11PM ET

TV: TSN

THE KICKABOUT:

If MLS produced an Off-Off-Off Broadway production of "A Tale of Two Cities" it would star Portland and Toronto. You really can't find two markets in this league pulling in different directions.

The Hipster-infused Portland has a private owner who has a personal connection to his club and a drive to win. While not doing everything perfectly, Timbers have built a competitive club with a sensible MLS squad while turning their stadium into the envy of North American supporter experiences. Jeld-Wen Field is truly "their house"

Up here... notsomuch. Toronto FC and BMO Field (home of the former "Bestest Fans in the History of All-Timez Soccerz"(TM)) is a shadow of one-time unlimited promise. Heading into their 9th consecutive 5-Year Plan, now under the Imperial Leader Tim Leiweke, TFC has decided that the best way to fix the biggest farce in MLS is to shoehorn a gridiron team, likely avec Field Turf and the unscrubbable CFL markings/ giant RONA advertisements, into the "soccer specific" stadium.

As the rest of North America finally starts to "get" football, Toronto is pulling hard in the other direction and dragging the most abused fans in MLS back into the bad-old days of Giants Stadium. For those TFC fans masochistic enough to stay awake for this Pacific Time Zone spectacular, seeing what Portland's supporters have, and knowing what we have had pulled from beneath our feet, is a cruel twist of the knife.

MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:

"El Moustachio Ironico"

PLAYERS TO WATCH:

PORTLAND: Will Johnson, Milos Kocic, Sal Zizzo

TORONTO: Joe Bendik, Jonas Elmer, Maxi Urruti?

THE ODDS:

Portland hipsters:

- mocking Toronto because "the CFL is sooooo 1986": 5-1

- enquiring whether TFC's maple leaf kits taste like trendy maple bacon donuts: 3-1

- adopting TFC as their second team because they think The Reds must be trying to be ironically awful: 2-1

WHO ARE YA?

The success of Portland Timbers has not gone unnoticed in the halls of power at Toronto FC. In fact, it is widely rumoured that the recently vacated President's role at The Reds could be filled by a poached member of the Timbers' staff. While there is no official confirmation, rumours that Tim Leiweke has asked for permission to speak to "Timber Joey" won't go away. An unnamed source quoted on the potential hire: "Timber Joey has everything TFC are looking for in a leader. He is a true industry leader at giving things the axe, destroying things in a rapid fashion and he obviously has severe mental issues. In short, the perfect MLSE executive".

POST-MATCH HEADLINE:

"REDS LUMBER TOWARDS OBLIVION"

And... lost in Tim Leiweke's "Vision of the Future" speech yesterday was this - the new opening for all live TFC broadcasts...

EDITORIAL : You wanna put what, where? Rationale and the Argos at BMO Field

So they removed the President of Toronto FC and during the brief press conference it was revealed that MLSE is "kinda" still looking at shoehorning the Argos into the ground. 

I don't get it.  It doesn't make any sense. 

I'm sure the cost of the retrofit doesn't remotely equal the money they'd make from a rental. And where is this money coming from?  And the much revered (well, it used to be) South End... it will get displaced where exactly?

As much as I think Tim Leiweke is doing a good job (sacking Payne is a start), I'd like to break down and challenge some of his statements.
 

I’m going to go out Sunday and meet with the season seat holders. We’re going to stand front and centre and look them in the eye and communicate here – good, bad and indifferent. We deserve it. What we’ll tell them on football is that we did football at (the Stub Hub Center) in L.A. with different games including the high school championships and a whole series of games there.

Really?   Those games in Carson, were they to host a regular tenant?  Did you have to tear out the grass and install artificial turf?  Did you have to redesign the stadium to do so? (answer key: no, no, no)
 

To me, it’s not a debate about do you do football or not. It’s a debate about if it’s the CFL can you design the stadium so that it grows for the CFL and shrinks back down to its current intimacy for soccer. That’s money, and it requires cash and we’re trying to figure out what that means.

Oh, a retractable stand then?  Now it's hard to find numbers on retractable stands.  The latest example was that of the Olympic Stadium where West Ham will take up shop in three year's time.  The retrofit calls for the demolition and reconstruction of all four sides of the ground's bottom two tiers.  The cost is a staggering £120-150 million.  Granted, we're talking about a fraction of the work, but even a fraction is still not going to be cheap.  Hypothetically, are the Argos worth $10-20 million (speculating, but it cannot be cheap) for one stand to move 30-50 feet?  And that doesn't include a roof.

Whether or not we can do that, it means we have to spend more money... We do other events there, including rugby which is just as tough on a pitch as football if not more so.

Comparing rugby to pointyball is a bit of apples to oranges.  Yes, rugby is as tough on the pitch as pointyball, but: 

• You don't have to vandalize the pitch with markings for every 3 steps in every direction
• There might be a match twice a year
• You don't have to retro fit the stadium for rugby

Here's the things that drives me the most insane with this entire scenario...

• MLS has a push for soccer specific stadiums, so where's Don Garber when a step backwards is about to take place
• What exactly is "Major League" about a team that is getting inconvenienced by a team that hasn't been culturally relevant in, what, thirty years?
• If a new home is so necessary now, what was it when they took the 'sweetheart' deal of no rent, but no concessions from the SkyDome 8 or 9 years ago?  Did they think that that deal would last forever?  Did they think they'd actually have leverage where the home tenant plays 81 home games and wants natural grass?
• It's actually not about the Argos as what is going to be done for the Argos at the TFC supporters expense.

Watch this:

This is a high school game.  The gridiron lines are perfectly fine in this environment.  Why?  Because it's not a soccer-first stadium.  Because it's high school.  Because it is in a region where gridiron football is by far and away the most popular and dominant game.  Because it's amateur.

If anyone has any doubt that this is a terrible experience, try to watch a soccer game at a field with football lines.  I had the pleasure of supporting the Hamilton Cup of Soccer back in the day, a one-off week long tournament played at Ivor Wynne Stadium, home of the Tiger Cats.  Though it was great seeing these teams play in person, watching seasoned pros unsure of where out-of-bounds is, takes away from the spectacle of the sport.  The game is tainted because the participants are confused due to the markings on the ground.  The gridiron lines took away from the damn game.

If BMO Field wants more dates at their ground, bring in a NWSL side, a USL-Pro side and market both to season ticket holders at a discount and make your money at concessions with cheap beer and food.  Let the supporters light flares and go nuts. Make the lesser clubs more accessible for customers and then beat them over the head with TFC advertisements all game long.  Friday night footie?  Sure, I'll stick around for that.  A true community spirit.  One stop mecca of local football.

When this franchise came about in 2006, a conscious decision was made : to put my money where my mouth and heart is, and stump up for tickets as soon as they were available.  Day 1.  Purchasing a pair in the dead center of 113.  If someone, anyone, was going to make that kind of investment in a serious (not you Toronto Lynx, and not anyone in the then-CPSL) professional soccer team in this area, then it was my duty as a supporter to back them up.  In return, a beautiful soccer-specific ground was built for this club.  Traveling every day on the GO Train, passing it, muttering "home" and then smiling as we passed by.  Even though the operating club is dysfunctional, it still appears to be footie, and that will suffice.

If MLSE shits all over this dream for the sake of 9 more dates for the wrong damn sport that the stadium was built for, well then, my hatred for this organization will officially never die, I will surrender my seats, and begin researching the process into what it takes to have a 'fan owned' club in the NASL.

Come V-Cup, we'll show you what a real derby looks like.

@ignirtoq really isn't a fan of MLSE and the Argos.  He considers himself a fan of the Tiger-Cats and believes their stadium situation is a debacle in a different way, but by birthright cannot like or respect the Argos ever.  As a native Hamiltonian, he despises the Maple Leafs and their insistence that a second NHL team wouldn't work in the region, even though Hamilton could easily support them.  And he's serious about the NASL thing.

Tuck the Payne away

"This ball still believes in me..."

We barely had time to "get used to" you Kevin.

Through the powerfully heartfelt mediums of corporate press release and hobbled together conference call, Toronto FC kept the gears greased on their never-ending management carousel. Kevin Payne, the ever-so humble, Forlan-addicted veteran MLS executive has "parted ways" with Toronto FC and is no longer the President and GM of the wildly successful club.

While Toronto FC have stumbled and bumbled through yet another season of misery, many did expect a tough year ahead this past off-season. Few, even the most pessimistic of TFC supporters (hello.) would have predicted that Payne's reign would be over mere months after its much ballyhooed beginning. However, with an ambitious new MLSE President in the form of Tim Leiweke and the obvious realization that TFC has not been transformed into a club ready to compete in 2014, the trigger was pulled.

Few will likely know the true catalyst that lead to Payne's dismissal but the writing had been on the wall since Leiweke and head coach Ryan Nelsen appeared in tandem at a semi-secret society meeting with one supporter's group recently. Leiweke went out of his way to assure Nelsen's job security for 2014 but the absence of the team president spoke volumes.