Allocation Moneyball as TFC hires new GM

Tim Bezbatchenko

Toronto FC has got their man. Again.

Not realizing that their Twitter hashtag #TFCMajorAnnouncement has become a parody-inducing thing of ridicule, The Reds gathered the local press for their annual catch-and-release of their new front office supremo. But who you ask could fill the shoes of Toronto legends like Kevin Payne, Aron Winter and Mo Johnston... why it's none other than child prodigy Tim Bezbatchenko!

Crickets.

Before you start getting your TFC-brand knickers (Available at RealSports for $34.99) in a twist, this is not a GM-signing like those in the past or akin to GM's in other North American sports. Bezbatchenko, most recently the MLS Director of Player Relations and Competition, is a numbers wonk. A man brought in to hopefully find every single loophole and crevasse that the league's labyrinth of salary rules has hidden in its belly-button.

In this brave new world, player targets seem to be firmly in the control of Ryan Nelsen, who in turn seems firmly controlled by Tim Leiweke. You would assume that Nelsen will identify reasonable targets that T-Bez (we're lazy, get used to it) will try to financially wangle while Leiweke aims to reel in the big fish like his horrendous hint dropping at a private meeting that he is looking at (gulp) Emmanuel Adebayor. Euthanize me now.

In the end, we will probably not see T-Bez in the spotlight like previous GM's but rather like a glorified Earl Cochrane. In theory, the set-up seems alright but when you consider a rookie head coach will identify players to a rookie GM all under the umbrella of a monorail salesman - it all gets very TFC.

One question that remained understandably unanswered today: When Leiweke's magical DP's don't arrive until August and TFC finds itself 2-10 in the summer forcing the dismissal of Ryan Nelsen (don't pretend it can't happen!!!) who is left to identify players? Something tells us that you should save up your best #TFCMajorAnnouncement gags for a rainy day in the not-too-distant future.



THE STARTING 11: New TFC GM qualifications

"Did someone say two candidates?"

 

MLSE Emperor Tim Leiweke took his message of love and demands of submission to his subjects at yesterday's TFC Season Ticket Holder BBQ/"Oh Look a Hawk, let's not talk about Portlandapalooza". While talking great spin about never talking about doing spin, Leiweke did mention that his search for Kevin Payne's replacement is progressing rapidly. Apparently TFC is down to a shortlist of two with resolution not far off. It's a tough decision but what qualifications are needed to fill football's biggest job opportunity since the hiring of the new Barcelona Head (of janitorial services)?

11. Someone who can proudly expound the virtues of the clubs "All For One" motto... without giggling

10. A person not affected by the XXX video evidence of MLSE pagan rituals owned by Reggie Lambe which is the only possible explanation of the employment of Reggie Lambe

9. A professional with deep connections to continue enhancing the already lucrative pipeline into the English lower division loan market

8. A candidate who is willing to honour Jim Brennan's 75-Year Guaranteed Employment Contract

7. An Australian... just to watch Ryan Nelsen lose it every day

6. Somebody that knows how to build a team for long-term success... on artificial turf

5. A well-spoken person who can express in four simple words that supporters "need to be suitably prepared to accept and be silent towards the inevitable annual repetition of short-sighted corporate greed"

4. A real "numbers guy" i.e. someone that can tell the difference between a 5-Year Plan and a 10-Year Plan

3. None of the applicants named Beau Johnston, Mo Jackson, Maurice St. Johnstone or Moe Jetson

2. A capologist/crapologist

1. An individual that understands that at Toronto FC winning comes first... well after profits; promotional endeavours; advertisers; Heritage Nights; CFL Stadium re-designs; false DP rumours; Bitchy the Hawk; TFC TV; pyrotechnics; thundersticks; and, ticket renewals. But after that - winning comes first!

I've got the brains, you've got the looks

Let's make lots of money

You've got the brawn, I've got the brains

I'm Tim Leiweke



Kevin relief.... wait....

Jump up. Jump up. Wait for it.... and get down.



A landmark occasion for Toronto FC supporting and punning as the club concluded its seven year exhaustive search today by naming Kevin Payne as Club President and General Manager. As reported here yesterday - as well as in almost every other football medium in North America - the worst kept secret in Major League Soccer was officially unveiled this afternoon. Payne, long-time president of D.C. United, has accepted what is arguably the most challenging of roles in MLS - clearing up six seasons of absolutely wasted time and resource and finally putting the "C" in TFC.
　
After years of expecting the worse from this club, and more recently having press conferences leaving heads shaking for days, today turned out to be a surprise. A pleasant one. From the moment Emperor Palpatine Tom Anselmi stopped talking and Kevin Payne began, it was like witnessing TFC grow up before our eyes. Gone was corporate double-speak, off-the-cuff ramblings and snarky blame-gaming instead replaced by thoughtful, assured and most importantly, professional answers delivered by a man who actually looks and sounds like a leader.
　
Yes, we have all been on the TFC False Dawn train before so it is hard to give in to the positive feelings fully - but - you couldn't help feel optimistic over Payne who claimed that "this is the only job in MLS he would have left D.C. for". Expectedly, the new President and GM said all the right things about the owners and the existing staff but we were left with the feeling that fools won't be suffered gladly for long at BMO Field. Those wishing for an unrealistic massive overhaul of personnel will be left wanting and indeed things may not improve on the field immediately but for today, and for the first time since 2007, many TFC fans believe that the man in charge actually knows what he's doing. Time will tell of course, but a bit of belief is more than we've had in a very long time.
　
Now MLSE, leave the man alone to do his job. Yours truly… everyone.

Sink or sail? Pros and cons of a solo Mariner

The Good Ship TFC: "We're not sinking... we're resting"

When Canadian Soccer News reported yesterday that Paul Mariner and Earl Cochrane would be the go-ahead guys at TFC in 2013, the news was met with a resounding "meh". Overall, little will change on the outside with likely tweaks to job titles which will reportedly see Mariner in more of an old-school "manager" role - responsible for player acquisitions and football decisions - while Cochrane will be a "general manager" but only in a contract, salary cap and MLS Miscellany vein. Tumbleweeds.
　
While yet to be formally announced, immediate reaction from TFC supporters has been tepid at best. "More of the same" when many are baying for (yet another) overhaul. However, there IS apparently a big asterisk on the proposed "shuffle"... if Mariner and Cochrane can't manage to steer The Reds to the playoffs in 2013, then it's the axe for both. This will obviously not be announced or written into any contract but is not hard to believe. So, full steam ahead with the (Increasingly) Ancient Mariner... but will it be smooth sailing or yet more rough seas?
　
MARINER'S VISION
PRO: The days of the solo manager may seem like an old British relic to some. Most large clubs today employ some form of a Director of Football role or in the least a management backroom committee. While the single manager seems more like the structure of lower division English clubs, for a team like TFC that is pretty bereft of football knowledge, perhaps having one determined footballing vision is at the very least, stabilizing.
CON: The negative side of putting all our eggs in one Englishman (ew.) is how much we trust said manager. Is Paul Mariner the footballing tactician and man manager you would trust with your club? Many TFC and MLS observers seem to think that given time, the bombastic ex-Tractor Boy will make good but there are increasing voices lately who are very concerned that his overly simplistic (or lacking) tactical prowess, emotional outbursts that lead to some strange exclamations (see Andrew Wiedeman's finishing) and man management is questionable.
　
THE BLAME GAME:
PRO: Over the years at TFC a common post-disaster theme has been to blame either your predecessor or some "shady" dealings behind the scenes which got in the way of implementing your "plan". From the days of Mo Johnston trying to play "puppet manager" over John Carver and Chris Cummins up to rumours of Aron Winter's Coch-blocked player acquisitions, there has always been an X-Files feel to the TFC backroom. With Mariner as the main man, there would be only one man with the footballing decisions at his feet - and only one man to blame if it all goes wrong (again).
CON: Once again, this harkens back to trust in Mariner. If he will indeed wield all of the power in squad and tactical development - is he the man most suited? Is it a danger to give Mariner this "absolute power" with few suitable experienced football men surrounding him to balance his choices?
　
PLAYOFFS OR BUST
PRO: As mentioned above, a big asterisk over this "promotion" seems to be that it is playoffs in 2013 or the sack for "The Marine Cochologists" (again, ew.). While "making the playoffs" seems to be MLSE's sad zenith of success, we can visit that mediocre reality another time. In the here and now, perhaps having that clear goal and the baby steps of progress that would be necessary to achieve that, is a manageable goal for 2013. Anyone planning an MLS Cup parade would be dreaming in Technicolor.
CON: Our friends at Waking The Red look at this point well in further detail but the danger of setting this goal could be the club's very future. If Mariner knows that grabbing 8th Place is all he needs to keep his job, will he be willing to sell the farm as next summer's transfer window shuts to achieve it? Would his and Cochrane's personal employment status force their hands into making "quick-fix" decisions that could gamble away TFC's future? Would draft-picks and/or prospects be scuttled away for an aging fixer to simply grab the last spot in the Conference and a chance to lose 4-0 in the 1st Round?
　
THE EARL NECKLACE
PRO: Having long-term company-man Earl Cochrane, who many will go out of their way to tell you is an MLS and salary cap maestro, as Paul Mariner's economic nuts and bolts man could be very helpful to the manager. In a perfect scenario, this could leave Mariner to put his 100% attention into footballing decisions while an in-step Cochrane could take care of all the numerical headaches of contracts, salaries and whatever other alchemy Major League Soccer throws at its clubs.
CON: In many circles, Earl Cochrane represents much that is wrong with MLSE as an ownership. A man that has managed to survive years of worse than mediocre results while apparently overseeing some of TFC's more embarrassing snafu's (De Ro "not being" in Glasgow; Plata "not being" in Ecuador and, ahem, Nathan Sturgis for a 1st Round Pick). With TFC's backroom again being similar to the KGB, Cochrane's level of involvement is never fully clear but to many, he carries the label (fairly or unfairly) as Tom Anselmi's acolyte who manages to always come out smelling like roses while a more experienced football mind still goes missing at the top of TFC's management hierarchy.
　
THE MANAGEMENT STABLE
PRO: The only constant through six years of TFC seasons is change. The instability has been a bane of the club's existence for many years with one clown car pulling up just as the last one leaves. More managers than you can shake a chip butty at and a front office that can briefly boast the football genius Jim Brennan as one of its higher-ups is the running joke of MLS. While the Mariner/Cochrane combo isn't exactly a footballing dream team, it may give the club stability and familiarity in which will be a true "make-or-break" off-season.
CON: The unholy trinity. Ask many TFC supporters (who are still unsure if they will renew season tickets) what is wrong with the club and they will rifle off the names: Tom Anselmi, Earl Cochrane and then (with a bit more distance) Paul Mariner. While the club can dress up this proposed management shake-up with new titles, new roles and a new sense of urgency - in the end, those same fans will look at the club and say (a more hidden) Tom Anselmi is still calling the shots while Paul Mariner is running about like a chicken with his head cut off (wearing shorts) while Earl Cochrane tries to end up with no blood on his hands awaiting his next internal promotion.
　
As with most things TFC, only time will tell but the over-arching theme with these proposed moves is "well, what else can we do?" There is no Sir Alex Mourinho waiting outside of BMO Field waiting to fix everything and no one is really in the mood for another grand plan only to see it abandoned in 15 months’ time. It is what it is, and there is something about Mariner that many fans would like to see succeed in Toronto. We hope that the affable and flammable Lancashire man can indeed steer TFC into smooth waters because if he doesn't - the "bust" side of "playoffs or bust" may very well be the club as a whole.

If he goes will there be trouble? If he stays will it be double?

The Winter and his discontent



Make no mistake, Wednesday evening's victory over Montreal was a much needed breathe of fresh air for Toronto FC and their long-suffering supporters. Beyond the win and progression to the Canadian Championship finals, simply being entertained and having a bit of the old "BMO Field atmosphere" return was nice. However, far from being the instant solution or reprieve for Aron Winter's management regime, the result has caused many to ponder... "What now"?
　
Obviously there are only two paths that can be followed. Does the club take the win as a sign that things have finally clicked and give the Dutchman and his team their full backing? Or, if results in the near future do not follow Wednesday's trend, does MLSE pull the plug on Winter's big experiment and start anew... again. At this moment there isn't a clear answer. Many TFC supporters want to see the affable manager make this work while an equal number are tired of waiting while he stubbornly pushes his vision without bending. No matter what decision is made, there will be good and bad to it.
　
ARON WINTER IS BACKED
　
BEST CASE SCENARIO:
- Wednesday night was not a fluke and the club continues to display the same type of desire, determination and skill-set within the system and pushes on positively
- TFC, while distant long-shots for the playoffs already, make some noise in the league for the rest of 2012 as spoilers, win the Canadian Championship and return some of the excitement to BMO Field that has been absent for most of the season
- Winter and the management team use the summer transfer window to bolster the line-up and fill in the holes where he feels they need a talent upgrade
- The ownership finally shows fans the patience to see through a grand re-building program to its finish and the wisdom to not meddle or put up roadblocks to Winter's requests for further transactions
- As laid out by Winter and his team on their 2011 arrival, the third season of his plan is where all of the pieces finally come together and his vision bears fruit
　
WORST CASE SCENARIO:
- The team falls back into old habits quickly and their slide into MLS infamy becomes near-farcical while Winter drifts through season with plummeting support
- Paul Mariner becomes even less involved with Winter's vision and his role becomes alarmingly diminished to the point of possible departure from club
- Winter's uncertain future makes him a "lame-duck" manager in the ownership's eyes and his flexibility during the summer transfer window is stunted
- Involvement from the club's "backroom" becomes more prominent creating a split in the club between those that back Winter's vision and those "company men" who would rather return to the tested waters of a SuperDraft-built "North American" style
- TFC stutters into oblivion through the summer months leaving BMO Field with close to 50% capacity for many matches later in the season and 2013 Season Ticket sales taking a sharp drop
　
ARON WINTER IS SACKED
　
BEST CASE SCENARIO:
- Without delay, a very competent and tested duo of Paul Mariner as Director and Steve Nicol as Manager (or a similar proven combo) are put into place and given complete control of football operations
- The installation of a more basic push-and-run formation manages to get results from the existing squad
- Making a complete clean sweep prior to the summer transfer window allows the new management team to begin adjusting the squad to fit their style
- The new management uses the remainder of the 2012 season to prepare for the off-season and into 2013 without pause
- Ownership looks proactive if the correct move is made and manages to salvage some hope for better times ahead
　
WORST CASE SCENARIO:
- Ownership takes the lazy and economic route by installing an existing employee such as Thomas Rongen as a caretaker manager before holding one of their infamous off-season "exhaustive searches" which ends in the pandering installation of "Canadian GM" Earl Cochrane and "legendary" manager Danny Dichio
- Whatever management team is chosen still being unable to steady the ship and forcing supporters to realize that the rot is so deeply set that long-term improvement is unlikely
- Entering the off-season with no plan and no vision leading to moves akin to Nathan Sturgis for a 1st Round Draft Pick
- MLSE's inept "old boy" network gaining full control over football operations sending the club careening into a spiral that is dominated by pathetic promotional campaigns over any real substantial football decision-making
- A real and lasting damage caused to what remains of the loyal fan-base when they are faced with yet another "re-building" process.
　
No easy answers then, despite what side of the fence you currently stand on. Who wouldn't really want to see the gentleman scholar that is Aron Winter succeed in Toronto? Finding those that dislike him for reasons apart from the club's record is near impossible. However, everyone knows where nice guys finish and if the desire for change is present in the backrooms of MLSE, then sadly there is no time like the present. Whatever decision is made, the ownership needs to make it, get out of the way and accept responsibility for its result.
　
And now (since it's Friday despite the week off) the best thing to play a New York stadium since.... Alessandro Nesta?

THE WORD: Toronto FC Front Office to become New New England Re-Revolution?

Cheers to that rumour!

It's far from mysterious when these sudden "good news" stories emerge mere hours after a PR disaster but numerous sources are hinting that part or all of TFC's front office mess could be resolved in the near future. First came the news this afternoon from England's south coast that ex-Plymouth Argyle boss and ex-New England Revolution Assistant Paul Mariner has left Plymouth with an eye on becoming TFC's bench boss. This half of the rumour isn't exactly shocking as Mariner has been haevily linked to The Reds lately but soon after came an addition that was a surprise.
　
Sportsnet's Gerry Dobson dropped a more than subtle hint that not only would Mariner be one piece of the TFC puzzle but his former boss in New England, Steve Nicol, would join him at BMO Field as well. Nicol's name has got tongues wagging locally as the possible "last-minute candidate" that was rumoured yesterday for the GM position. There is no arguing that Nicol and Mariner did some pretty remarkable things together under an ownership in New England that make ML$E look like the Salvation Army in terms of generosity. They also have a great working relationship together and would be quite the coup for TFC in comparison with what most of us still fear - an Earl Cochrane/ Jimmy Brennan/ Nick Dasovic braintrust.
　
Now before anyone goes making Mariner-Nicol banners we do have to take a breath and realize both sources do have more than a tendency to exaggerate and run with a story long before it is settled. It is also way more than curious that such rapid movement would happen in the midst of a TFC PR nightmare when so little has progressed in the past three months. We can dream that ML$E have had a sudden post-Christmas Ebenezer Scrooge moment... but lets not cook our goose yet.
　
WORD FACTOR: 5 / 10

All's not bright with Reds' Silent Nights

Brennan, Cochrane and Anselmi scout the Bethlehem Second Division

While Christmas was never set in stone as some kind of due date for Toronto FC to address its front office woes, many supporters had this time of year earmarked as the point where all would be settled. With barely four days left before Santa arrives (Claus, not a Roque Santa Cruz DP rumour) barely a thing has changed in TFC's front office since Mo Johnston and Preki were dispatched late this past summer. The time it has taken to replace those "masterminds" has been lengthy by any club's standard but is the delay due to patient consideration or misguided lack of urgency?
　
As Reds' supporters know, club owners ML$E decided to hire Jürgen Klinsmann and his company SoccerSolutions as "consultants" during this latest rebuilding phase instead of hiring a new front office staff immediately. Now many clubs choose similar due diligence before making major hirings but as time has gone on, the role of Klinsmann & Co. has become questionable. What seemed to be a mission to put the right people in place for a bright future has been muddled by talk of finding "philosophies" and "club identity". While those are important aspects of a club, they usually happen organically and can't be bought quickly, unlike the right people. In a recent interview, Klinsmann mentioned that a new coach would be in place by Christmas. It was this comment that upped the fans' expectations of pre-Yuletide action but will also make them fairly question Klinsmann's actual input with the club if nothing does materialise.
　
Even if supporters treat Toronto FC with the most delicate of kid gloves (and they usually do) the fact that January is less than two weeks away is definitely cause for some alarm. Now, ML$E could turn around and flip everything on its head tomorrow but as of right now, the silence from BMO Field leads many fans to believe that a form of the status quo will continue. Interim Director Earl Cochrane has been portrayed as worthy of being non-interim for some time and many familiar faces remain in place. There would be heavy disappointment but not a great deal of surprise if, after all this waiting, TFC 2011 didn't look much different than the version that ended 2010.
　
Much would be forgiven if ML$E decides to open the purse strings and put the right, experienced people in charge soon. There would be a level of goodwill and patience given to the team not seen since year one. But, time is indeed running out. When LA Galaxy were a shambles a couple of seasons back they took two weeks to hire Bruce Arena and a new backroom staff which changed their fortunes rapidly. TFC in comparison is now passing the three month mark of being seemingly rudderless. With the January transfer window, the SuperDraft and training camp on the near horizon the clock is ticking loudly. Even if (deep breath) they do hire the right people soon, a bright 2011 is hanging on by threads.

ML$E surrenders to (temporary) German rule

"Ich bin ein Hoser"

Give Toronto FC owners Maple Leaf Sports & Entertainment credit on one front - they know how to make headlines. After a week of rampant rumours, the club officially announced that they have signed Jürgen Klinsmann, as part of his company SoccerSolutions, to the ambiguous role of "advisors" while the club "reorganizes its soccer infrastructure".
　
The corporate-speak press release gave few details about Herr Klinsmann's actual job description and will disappoint many who expected a fancy jöb title for the former German International superstar as well as a long-term commitment to TFC. Instead, Klinsmann and his team will "work closely” with (suddenly and worryingly titled) Interim Director of Soccer Earl Cochrane and Assistant GM Jim Brennan. Something tells me that will be a one-way conversation.
　
From a half-empty München beer stein point of view, it is worrying that it isn't a concrete, longer-term role for Klinsmann. In fact, it doesn't sound far different from the brief consultancy he held with LA Galaxy a few years back. The German is unlikely to be too hands-on with 2011 player acquisitions and perhaps gone before any major changes are put into place. It would be very easy for renowned snake oil salesmen ML$E to reap the benefits of the Bavarian PR love-in while slowly allowing Klinsmann's ideas to die a death of a thousand cuts at the board level once he leaves town.
　
On the other side of the Deutschmark (I know... Euros), the German invasion of BMO Field could be the catalyst for long-term stability at TFC. Klinsmann's vast network in world football could give The Reds the front office its fans deserve with top talent running the show rather than falling to a Cochrane/Brennan combo. Hopefully a mandate to build the club's infrastructure, most notably first rate management, a real scouting network and a deeper technical staff, is the paramount legacy for the advisory role. If TFC comes out of this as a more professional club with Klinsmann as a distant friend to call upon in times of need then it won't just be a PR exercise.
　
For Jürgen Klinsmann, this presents a no-lose situation. If his undetermined tenure associated with TFC changes the club for the better, he will be hailed by many as a great football mind. If this exercise turns into nothing more than a way to sell MLS Cup tickets with Cochrane/Brennan eventually running the show in 2011, then it will be perceived as yet another meddling ML$E failure and Klinsmann's hands will be clean. For now it will have to be “wait and see” since the details are not forthcoming.
　
The best analogy for Toronto FC is that of owning a high-end Porsche. ML$E bought the shiny red machine four years ago and drove it at top speed around town. The girls gawked at the car and everyone was happy but ML$E never put any maintenance into it – instead, letting their dumb Scottish friend with no license drive it into the ground. Now, with the wheels falling off and covered in dents they take it to a top German mechanic. He will get the wheels back on and buff the body back to shiny but once he's gone, will ML$E keep checking the oil and get years of top gear out of it? Or, will they let yet more unskilled drivers floor it recklessly until the engine blows for good?

"Don't mention the war... or Nick Garcia!"

To… hr@mlse / Subject: Cheap Labour

Even my family thought it looked like me.

Hear there’s a new job opportunity. Finally, living out the dream of managing a struggling MLS side can be yours. Well mine anyways.

Oh sure, a cushy job in the computer industry affords a certain amount of stability, but like all things in life, why would anyone want the whole seat when you only need the edge...

And the benefits out weigh the drawbacks. On one hand:

• better sight lines
• free parking near the stadium on game day
• uncovering the truth as to how certain players were ever scouted and signed for the side
• have an opinion on next year’s kits
• bring back Collin Samuel on world’s first ever play-for-pie contract
• get my friend Dave a try out. Dave is the best defender on my Wednesday night rec league team. This guy is so good for a man with a clubbed foot.
• get invited to Jon Conway's "mid-season kegger". Dude, it's soooo epic. That guy is so huge, his keg stand needs a permit.
  
  The drawbacks? Let’s see...
  
  
• media scrutiny only when the team fails miserably for 3 years
• fear of getting punched in any Usanov contract negotiations
• not all of the supporters groups will boo me at the end of a month’s worth of poor performances
• beer discount only 10%
• the hard work in front of me to trade Nick Garcia for anything more than a bag of day-old kettle corn.
• Get invited to Tom Anselmi's pot luck. Seriously, hot dogs in a Pillsbury crescent roll is such a damn cop-out Tommy given the effort The Chad puts into his pulled pork.
  
  Hmmm... not that bad after all.
  
  Education:
  BA in Geography. Most people have only heard of Latvia - I can point to it on a map with ease. Same with The Gambia. Same with where the ball landed on the last shot Peterson took. Hint: look behind the Tim Hortons in Uxbridge...
  
  Experience:
  November 1997 - Took a club from Serie C2 to Serie A to become the most dominant football club in Europe. It was a football manager sim, and could complete a season in about 20 mins, but you cannot ignore the managerial prowess.
  
  February 1998 - Orchestrated the 5-1 thrashing of Men’s University intramural indoor soccer side, Men Chest Hair You Knighted. Yes, it was a recreation-B division but cultivating team chemistry was crucial with post-game beers down at the school pub.
  
  April 2006 - Ran a successful guild in a popular online game with an installed management team to keep the engine humming right along through the obstacles put in front of us. There are many fundamental similarities between a well geared Warrior and a winger.
  
  March 2007 - Can win the league in Pro Evo on 3 stars difficulty. I’m Alex bloody Ferguson here.
  
  July 2008-Present - The ability to give plausible excuses as to why things are falling apart, and not using late afternoon start times and injuries preventing flight as said scapegoats. It’s how I’ve kept both of my girlfriends happy.
  
  Hobbies:
  Making fake MLS logos, needlepoint, b-boying, blogging, soccer, being able to spot non-talented players without having to sign them first, photoshop, penning dope rhymes, chip butty connaisseur, line dancing, being a total smartass.
  
  
  Now it’s only a matter of when, rather than if, the phone rings. C'mon Tommy*, give me the job already.
  
  * only Mr. Anselmi's friends can call him Tommy