BREAKING NEWS: It's a Haitian Sensation! Fellinga Joins TFC

“Yes, we’ve got Fellinga – it is, Sexual Healing-a” Okay, that may be the worst chant of all time but big kudos to anyone who is heard singing it on Saturday. That’s right fans of Haitian International football, 23 year old Lesly Fellinga has signed with Toronto FC with the club officially announcing the move today. For followers of THE WORD, the Fellinga rumour has been around for a couple of weeks now, so it is safe to assume that the young left-back impressed enough during trials or is willing to be paid by MLSE in Haitian currency.

The new Red is something of an unknown quantity but did have the chops to break into the first team of Dutch heavyweights SC Heerenveen-Gone Tomorrow. If he shows actual quality, he may press Jim Brennan for minutes as the captain has definitely shown diminished qualities this season. Depth is certainly lacking on TFC so any reinforcements are more than welcome but the signing, and any more at this level, will be a bitter pill for any easily tricked supporters who may have honestly believed Julian De Guzman was really coming home. Lastly, kudos to you Mo Johnston – a Haitian via The Netherlands – it’s true, you do know that there are countries that exist outside of the English speaking world.

THE WORD: Trials And Errors

Maybe part of Mo Johnston's rumoured contract extension includes a Eurail Pass because all of a sudden TFC is being linked with Central European based players. As reported in THE WORD last week, European press are claiming that The Reds are close to signing Haitian defender Lesly Fellinga, last of Holland's SV Heereveen (Gone Tomorrow) and that the player is on trial in TFC's secret bunker.

This week, the EU quotient is being upped at BMO with the apparent trials of Dutch midfielder Dominique "Not Wilkins" Van Dijk and Czech striker Michal "Cherry Flavour "Pospisil. Now who dares say Mo's map of the continent was torn anywhere east of Newcastle! Somebody's been in geography class.

Van Dijk is a 29 year old journeyman who may or may not own a windmill but has played for one of the world's best named teams - Go Ahead Eagles. Love them. Read it like a 30's gangster: "Go Ahead Eagles... do your worst, see!". His best years were with lower divisie SC Cambuur - which may also be a type of vegetable. He would be dirt cheap... " a stunning player" says MLSE's accounting department.

Pospisil is not a delicious frozen treat on a stick but rather another journeyman, this time Ceski! Ahoj Michal...Pivo? (It means "Hello Michal...Beer?" My time in Prague really did wonders) Pospisil has had some decent years up front especially during spells with Slovan Liberec of the Czech Gambrinus Liga (Gambrinus is a marvellous pivo by the way) and with Hearts in the Scottish Premier. Oh, now i get it Mo.. Scotland. Either way, he'd be a bit cheap too... "great work rate and a top-notch soccer scoring striker type of guy thingy" says MLSE's accounting department.

It seems unlikely that TFC would be ready to hand out this many international slots but word is they are on trials at The International House of Cut-Rate Players aka BMO Field. Maybe Mo figures 4 or 5 mediocre players equals the one good one he was never really going to... I mean tried really hard to sign.

WORD FACTOR: 5 / 10

MO JOHNSTON GEOGRAPHY FACTOR: 2 / 10

Back To Real-ity

Los Galacticos have left los building. No need for a match report, no need for analysis. It was an all-star skills competition at BMO Field and ended as predicted. It is no secret that Real Madrid is in a different class from TFC, and that's no insult to The Reds. Real are in a different class to all but a handful of teams in the world. 5-1 was the final and despite the ticket price, Real Madrid did as advertised. They played their stars who scored pretty goals while looking pretty. Kudos to Toronto's Gabe Gala who notched the home side's only goal. The kid looked like he just scored the World Cup winner and in his short career it may be similar. The strike also gave the TFC supporters in the crowd, and yes there were a good number, a reason to cheer for their outmatched home team.

Now that the circus leaves town, the real (not Real) questions can resume. Where does TFC go from here? Does a real push for the playoffs start now or does this team continue to sputter through the rest of the MLS season? Next, does the media spotlight which has been shining so brightly on BMO Field this week have any residue? Will the media stick around and start asking hard questions about actual issues such as the lack of new signings, the poor showing as of late and the lack of investment from MLSE after recent huge profits? Or, is the self proclaimed "Highlight of the Season", tonight's friendly, the best that supporters get this year?

It is a bit of a crossroads for The Reds right now. The only thing left on the schedule are gruelling late season matches and long road trips. There are no more glamour friendlies, no Champions League and if things don't pick up in a hurry - no playoffs. It's just football from here on out and it's time for the head office to make this team ready for the rest of the season and the near future. Hopefully Mo Johnston's magical "5 Year Plan" includes real transfers and isn't only about collecting draft picks and mapping out big name friendlies for the next two seasons while the club wades through mediocrity.

"Real" Greed Makes MLSE Kaka

To brand Friday night's friendly against Real Madrid as a negative would be an ignorant thing to do. To imagine that MLSE brought the Nu-Galacticos here to further the "beautiful game" in Toronto would be a far more ignorant line of thought. The fact that our local squad, comparable in stature with a second division European club, gets to test their skills against the reserves of one of the world's Top 5 clubs is great in theory. The way the event was created, and the why it was created, is an exercise so steeped in corporate greed that it must even make some MLSE execs blush - and their bar is quite low already.

The bad taste for some supporters started early when the match was first announced. The immediate excitement that Real Madrid was this year's friendly was amazing. Then the bottom fell out. This was not the free match, instead, season ticket holders were given the privilege to get a bank loan and pay four or five times the regular price of their ticket to see a no contact, no hustle friendly. Inevitably the match sold out, there was little doubt about those chances, however, the very fans who make the noise and atmosphere that the ownership uses so deftly to promote the team will mostly be absent. The great unwashed got the distant second place award of a night with River Plate. Instead, the average rabid TFC supporter will be supplanted on Friday by suburbanites in Cristiano Ronaldo jerseys and corporate hangers-on who might watch the odd "soccer" game every four years. Some BMO Field regulars will be apologists and tout the "once in a lifetime" aspect of the match but real Reds' supporters are far more interested in the remaining MLS schedule and still very angry at the team's pathetic Champions League elimination.

It is no secret in Toronto that MLSE is not in the trophy-winning business. The Bay Street Bankers are in the profit business and they are perennial champions. But, even in their wildest dreams the board could have not seen this coming when they paid a pittance for the expansion fee and weaseled their way into a nearly free stadium. Sold out crowds (who can pound back the Carlsberg), merchandise wearing fanatics, transfer fee windfalls and now this - the multi-million one night only jackpot! It's no wonder that MLSE has been pushing this as the "be all and end all" of football extravaganzas, for them it is. An approximate profit of $3 Million for the match itself and for the cherry on top, an approximate $225,000 gate from tonight's Real Madrid open practice. And that's before refreshments and merchandise! The giddy giggling you hear from Bay Street is The Board of Directors rolling in a big pile of money taken from those "crazy soccer lovin' sons of immigrants!"

Toronto FC, despite its name, is not a club. To it's fans it is, to the suits it is very much a franchise - part of the corporate branding in MLSE's sports entertainment catalogue. It is just the latest product to be sure that all of the Toronto area's market demographics are covered. Results on the pitch are of no consequence to the boardroom. Win, lose or draw, BMO Field is full. MLSE collects just enough men in red shirts to manage expectations and to field an opponent for "big" football teams to visit. This is most reflected by the tone of MLSE VP Bob Hunter who when asked about the grass being installed for Real Madrid said the surface "reflects the quality of the team we're playing...". If that's the case, then the Field Turf, which now looks like a pair of old man's polyester green slacks, must reflect the quality of the team who plays on it the rest of the year. Complain all you want Mr. De Rosario - you are just the pin-up boy for TFC Inc. - your thoughts on the turf do not matter.

The saddest part of this whole fiasco is how a friendly, what most real clubs play in their pre-season, is being sold to the dimmer lights of TFC support as "The Highlight of the Season". For supporters, that should send a collective chill up the spines. There was barely a peep from TFC/ MLSE about the Champions League debacle, there is a glossing over of the wall that TFC has hit and the rapidly disappearing play-offs, the Director of Football has spent most of the transfer window watering a falsehood about Julian De Guzman signing while not actually signing anyone, and yet what is the PR machine churning out and the media eating up? “Kaka is here!” Indeed it is.

Real Madrid will come and go and MLSE will have a giant $3 Million dollar-plus cheque in their hands. That’s a similar amount to the fee they got from the sale of Maurice Edu last year, which was apparently going to be spent on club improvements. Is temporary one-day grass covered in the Edu fund? TFC is turning into a very lucrative little jewel in the MLSE Empire and has given the execs the one thing they didn’t think was possible – “Leafs Nation” 12 months a year. The “Leafs On Turf” may wear red but the bottom line will never share the same hue. One more similarity TFC will share with its MLSE cousins on ice and hardwood… an empty trophy case.

"Sepultureros" Didn't Need Help

Puerto Rico Islanders have an unofficial nickname of "Sepultureros" or in English - "The Gravediggers". Over the two legs of the Champions League Preliminary they didn't need help - Toronto FC brought it's own shovel and did all the work necessary to bury themselves.

Where does one begin with tonight's second leg? It is fair to think that most TFC supporters were expecting to see the club come out flying tonight, but instead of a cohesive unit we were offered up 11 men who happened to be wearing the same shirt. There was no evidence of a gameplan, no feeling of urgency and a seemingly shocking lack of motivation to do better. The urgency accelerated as the clock wound down but the team, the gameplan and the quality never reached acceptable levels. 180 minutes of football provided no goals and a shocking lack of good chances. Puerto Rico win 1-0 over two legs - and deserve it.

Throwing Chris Cummins under the bus will not achieve anything. Fabio Capello couldn't make a silk purse out of the sow's ear on the pitch tonight but the interim manager must at least share in the blame. How the club came out without the plan and motivation necessary is alarming. The change in attacking formation in the second half proved fruitless as the long range efforts were wishful at best but there was no further radical change from the bench. The only answer was to throw more and more attackers on the field and pray for a PRI mistake. While the Danny Dichio-Messiah legend is overplayed in Toronto, it is baffling that you wouldn't throw your giant hitman at their giant defenders for more than 20 minutes. In the end the best chance did ironically fall to Dichio's feet only to be denied by the post. All of the tactics were baffling.

The players must take their share in the blame as well. Far too many of the veteran leaders of this club where invisible tonight. The returning Amado Guevara was a non-factor while Carl Robinson and Jim Brennan added little. Brennan's crosses are in fact becoming weaker every game. Adrian Serioux put his body on the line again, and Dwayne De Rosario at least showed heart if not finishing, but the two hometown boys couldn't carry the other 9. It is sad to see that the passion for Toronto FC that made Torontonians make the very long trek to support the team in Puerto Rico wasn't shared on the pitch.

The most infuriating result, apart from failing to qualify, is that MLSE will gloss over this loss with one brief article on the TFC website and immediately get back to the circus that is Real Madrid. Sorry, MLSE/ TFC - this was the most important match of the season NOT an overhyped and underplayed exhibition next Friday which most real supporters were priced out of anyways. With that "the week that will make or break the season" was broke and a wall has been hit. Good luck getting that gravedigger's shovel back on the plane TFC, unless of course you are staying on for a few days to extend your Puerto Rican vacation. If so, I'm sure the travelling supporters who have to rush back to their real jobs will take it for you.

The WORD: More Than a Fellinga?

This one has been floating around the old internetting machine for a few weeks but it has started to gather some steam overseas. Sources claim (why can't sauces ever claim instead?) that Toronto FC is about to sign 23 year old left-back Lesly Fellinga from Dutch Eredivisie outfit SC Heerenveen on a free (of course) transfer.

The young Haitian international (12 caps) has spent his entire professional career in the Land of Pancakes and Windmills as opposed to former TFC striker Collin Samuel who got wind after going to International House of Pancakes. Fellinga started his career in FC Groningen's youth set-up before being given a start at Dutch lower division (sorry, divisie) side BV Veendam. He impressed there and made the jump to Dutch big boys SC Heerenveen where he toiled in their reserve teams before making two senior appearances last year.

Any player with a solid, high-level European training background at least has some promise and TFC definitely needs some depth in the back. At worst, Fellinga could add some competition on the left side of a back four that includes rapidly aging veterans, especially Jim Brennan, but also a couple of decent looking youngsters in Attakora and Gomez. The only strange thing about this rumour is that no one knew that Mo Johnston's scouting radar went any further east than the North Sea. Maybe he fell asleep in front of GOL-TV and "Eridivisie This Week" was on, or he was looking up “Dutch” things on the internetting machine. We will follow this rumour to see if it pans out or if it is Heerenveen and gone tomorrow. Sorry... I had to... the Dutch are hilarious… sounding.

WORD FACTOR: 6.5 / 10

Match Preview: Getting Two By The Islanders aka "Los Miraclos II"

PUERTO RICO ISLANDERS VS. TORONTO FC
Juan Ramon Loubriel Stadium - Tuesday 8:00PM EST
TV: GOL-TV

What's Spanish for deja vu? It wasn't long ago that TFC had grossly underestimated a USL squad only to need a major win to escape humiliating defeat. Glad to see life lessons were learned back in Montreal. Toronto FC did manage to pull off a minor footballing miracle back at Saputo that night however this is a whole different kettle of Tilapia. Unlike L'Impact, Islanders (or Tropa Naranja to their friends) have everything to play for and will not be fielding a reserve team for this match. Nothing is impossible and the ball is indeed round, but you have to believe that TFC is about to see exactly how Puerto Rico went to the CONCACAF Champions League Semi-Finals last season. Aye bloody carumba.

PUERTO RICO ISLANDERS (CCL) 1-0-0 (1GF / 0GA - 1 Away Goal)
Expect a very patient Islanders team at home. They have a good fan base who will be pushing them forward but manager Colin Clarke and his team know TFC will have everything to play for. Los Islenos will likely try to shut up shop and wait for TFC to make a mistake then pounce on the counter-attack. You know, like they did at BMO Field last week - aye! aye! aye! The PRI back four were both solid and feisty (almost fighting with each other at one point!) and know how to get the job done. Even if The Reds can sneak one by the defenders, keeper Bill Gaudette is very capable and likely headed back to MLS soon. We may not see them all night but any offense will likely come from Caribbean forwards Kendall Jagdeosingh and Nicholas Addlery.

TORONTO FC (CCL) 0-0-1 (0GF / 1GA)
Toronto FC have been an enigma all year long. You never know from one match to the next what to expect. "Strike early and strike often" should be the mantra being drilled into the players' heads as they acclimatize themselves to Puerto Rico. There will be no time to settle into a rhythm in this match and TFC will have to come out firing on all cylinders. Chris Cummins will hopefully be able to find a way of getting Ali Gerba more involved as success depends on the strikers doing what they are paid for. If he starts Chad Barrett again, they get what they deserve. Amado Guevara and Nana Attakora are still questionable and Adrian Serioux is sore but it will likely take wild Puerto Rican horses to keep him off the field. Where would this team be without Scarborough? TFC needs a 1-0 scoreline to send it to ET and a +2 score to win it. If they do go up by two they cannot have a 2nd half nap as per usual - Islanders will catch them if they do. Let's make a deal, if they manage to win the match and the preliminary, don't call it a "miracle", call it "what is expected".

THE ROTTEN RANT: Islanders Display Sums Up The Season

To whom it may concern,

How could a club who has been preparing for the biggest game in it's history come out so flat? It's not as if Puerto Rico was tearing up the pitch. What happened to "BMO Field -The Fortress", "This Is Our House" etc. etc? The lack of effort and game plan was terrible and as the game wore on the crosses got worse, the corners near amateurish and the finishing was non-existent. God forbid I say it out loud in the stands, but for the first time since 2007 I was so bored I almost fell asleep standing up.

Where is this all going? I'm tired of hearing "TFC is building something special for the future". It's one step forward and two steps back with this club. This season's highlight was the big win in Montreal but honestly it should have never come to that. The long term affect of that game was that another lacklustre season has been sugarcoated by one match. MLSE has once again managed our expectations.

Finally, if you believe Julian De Guzman was ever coming here you should also wait for a fat man to enter your house in December, leave you a new TFC jersey under your evergreen while munching on your cookies.

Yours negatively,
Professor Dom Rotten


Dom Rotten is an expert in the field of negative thought and is Head of the Department of Negative Neurology at University of Stouffville. The Yorkies do not necessarily endorse all of Mr. Rotten's opinions but he will express them whether you want to hear them or not.

THE WORD: L'Impact du Montreal pour L'Expansion de la MLS avec FC Toronto ou est le Biblioteque?

Hope you like Joe Louis' cakes, St. Hubert Chicken, Pepsi and cigarettes because it looks like "The 401 Derby" is on the horizon! Speaking to financial media outlet Forbes, MLS supremo Don Garber said that Montreal should have the 19th spot in the league by the 2011 season.

No matter what your feelings are about Montreal, Quebec, The Impact, Charles De Gaulle, mimes, body hair... this news is fantastic for Planet TFC and it's supporters. The excitement that is often palpable at BMO Field will be downright fiery when we have a true rival (no offence Columbus, you know you feel the same) playing in a true regional derby. The two cities are already the best of rivals in other sports, politics, language, culture, looks, smell, sausages etc. and football will be an amazing catalyst.

Hopefully this is more than a rumour and Joey Saputo won't put his foot in his mouth once again, pissing off MLS. Let's also hope that the Montreal club will see le light and ouvre le porte for a new name. Impact is a roller hockey name which unlike Whitecaps, Sounders and Timbers has no history or relevance. Bienvenue FC Olympique Montreal? Mais oui!

WORD FACTOR: 8 / 10 (and a side of poutine)

South Couch Report : New England v. Toronto or... is that a glass ceiling?

Ahh, long weekend here in 'The Canadas' (we've discovered that we have readership in Sweden and Malaysia) and I'm at home with nothing to do except get on my perch and comment about pro footie. For those of you who are wondering, I am not standing watching the match at home. I tried it once, kinda felt stupid. Especially with nobody standing in my way. Oh well.

Toronto, fresh off a personally satisfying display against Puerto Rico, gets back a few regulars from injury, including Serioux and the public-relations darling Gambian kids who are on the bench. There's still good odds that they are a figment of our imaginations... but we'll see when they're subbed way too late into the match.

I'm a little late in the reporting as I was watching Big Bang reruns. Man that's a good show. Maybe I'm crazy, but it's the best sitcom on network TV and that blonde is unbelieveably hot, I can't wait for her to pose naked adds a great dynamic and chemistry to the cast.

Anyways, there's a game on so enough gabbing.

12 - YELLOW - Gerba for diving. Looked kind of weak flop and surprising from a guy of his size to throw himself to ground on something so flimsy. The WSBK play-by-play guys used the phrase "not in our house" just like a professional top-flight television commentator would.

15 - Barrett fights deep in the corner, but the fro'd Alston fights even harder to clear the ball. Impressive defending.

18 - Gerba lays a shot off to Vitti, but Alston gets in front for a deflection. This kid is a machine.

20 - Vitti hits the woodwork off of his head. We should know that his feet don't work like that.

26 - Vitti takes a Gerba pass and fires it straight at Matt Reis. I mean, right at him.

28 - Kenny Mansally draws a free kick after trying to flying shoulder tackle him fails and sends him to the ground. That's a busted call. He's lucky he didn't bounce into the third row as he's done to other poor Vancouver wingers.

34 - GOAL - DeRo fires a rocket after a Barrett shot deflects off of Gerba and right onto the path, full volley later and the good guys are up. Accidental yet pretty. Deserved one of those against the Islanders and we'll need one on Tuesday.

36 - YELLOW - Barrett gets carded after getting bumped off of the ball by Alston and The Chad chucks him to the ground.

37 - Alston threads to Dube who leaves it to Jankauskas who beats the keeper, but not the other three defenders, leaving enough time for Frei to get back and make a very easy save. They should've scored on that, but they didn't.

Wow, $20 to see New England against L.A. Galaxy and David "Better than here" Beckham. Advantages of playing in a 70,000 stadium or Kraft isn't down with fleecing his supporters?

43 - Gerba gets closed down by three defenders and fakes a nice pass for DeRo to just be able to draw a corner. Ensuing corner results in Reis' Pieces with the easy save.

HALF-TIME : Not too shabby.

51 - RED - The Chad gets his second booking after a late tackle on Alston. The way Alston was ruining Barrett's flow, this isn't terribly surprising.

57 - The "Altogether, altogether, hey, hey" chant actually has a consistent rhythm. So that's what it's supposed to sound like?

59 - YELLOW - Serioux a little late on the tackle.

67 - Toronto is doing the usual "8 men behind the ball" trick, but without the panic and desperation that usually plagues them with so much time left on the clock.

69 - Toronto corner after much defending over the last 20 mins. Forgot what that end of the pitch looked like.

71 - Vitti loops a cute low ball over the defenders, only to have Reis get to it before Gerba does.

Seriously, why hasn't anyone else other than me make a connection between 'Wee' Jimmy Brennan and 'Cowboy' Bob Orton? Is he really injured? When I find a picture of Orton, I'll post it, but some of you aren't old enough to know (but somehow think Hogan was a 'good' wrestler).

75 - SUB - Sanyang in, Gerba out. Crossing the Gambian off of my mythical persons list. Santa, Easter Bunny and TFC's designated player still remain.

76 - GOAL - Cross through the 6 yard box, Joseph with a nice touch back and Jankauskas slides it past Frei. Solid goal.

78 - DeRo marauds down the right wing and buries a shot low and into the side of the netting.

81 - It seems like the whole footballing world has figured out how to defend against Toronto. It seems like, offensively positionally anyways, TFC play well, but the defenders know EXACTLY how to lock them down. So odd and frustration

86 - SUB - Emmanuel Gomez in, "Wee" Jimmy out. This would be the other Gambian.

88 - Videira loops a ball that Frei gets in front of.

88 - Back the other way, Sanyang fires a shot resulting in a corner. Ensuing corner has Gomez heading the ball back into the box and Serioux bicycle that left him shaken up. At least they're attacking even being down a man.

90 - ummm is it a RED? - New England boss Steve Nicol has been ejected. No mention for what.

4 minutes of added time

90+2 - Gomez makes a lovely tackle in his own box with full composure. Wonderful touch.

90+3 - YELLOW - Garcia for apparent time wasting. Unnecessary but whatever.

FULL TIME New England 1 : Toronto 1

Man of the Match - DeRo. Forgetting the cracker of a goal he bagged, his hustle is something else. I also think Alston for New England is amazing so he gets a sympathetic vote.

Goat of the Game - none. Subs came at the correct time.

Ref meter - 4 out of 5. Only a blindly biased supporter would see those cards are screw ups. Not perfect, but not bad.

Meh, not a bad game. Toronto looked sharp at times, which is more than I can say for most road matches that I've viewed (which are admittedly, few and far between).

Plenty to look forward to on Tuesday when Toronto head to Puerto Rico for the MOST IMPORTANT GAME EVER PLAYED EVER ANYWHERE... EVER Part II