THE SOUTH STOOL REPORT - Kansas City v Toronto... or Why Not Let The Refs Have a Go?

So we're out at an unnamed pub with Vocal Minority Podcast celebrity and host @kzknowles celebrating her something-teenth anniversary of her 25th birthday, having a few wobbly pops and watching a few wobbling defenses. Sure we're optimistic, but reality can be such a silly beast.

Onto the match!
 
17 -  PENALTY - Jackson took out someone in the box.  I guess it is,  but it's weak. 

17 - GOAL - Dwyer converts
REFS 1, ROBINS 0

32 - PENALTY - Henry hauls down someone in the box which, regardless if it is or isn't a penalty, typically leads to...

32 - GOAL - Dwyer converts
REFS 2, ROBINS 0

45 - GOAL - counter attack has Oduro on the wing slots a ball through to Gilberto who takes a touch then SIDE STEPS THE BALL AND BACK HEELS IT IN LIKE A SUPERSTAR.  Fantastic.
REFS 2, COMETS 1, ROBINS 1

64 - GOAL - Saed takes a cross,  half volley and buried it from the top of the box
REFS 2, COMETS 1, ROBINS 1

71 - Jackson damn you...  Beautiful 1-2 then dances around a defender to present a 3 man break and instead of passing to a wide open Osorio and Moore he goes for a shot and gets stopped by the keeper.

74 - SUB - Oduro off for Lovitz

77 - GOAL - Sapong gets on the end of a cross and taps it in.  No chance for Bendik
REFS 2, COMETS 2, ROBINS 1

78 - SUB - Dike makes his return from long term injury to replace Moore

Quote of the Match

I think they're gonna lose

~ Roz with biting commentary

83 - SUB - Bradley off for Bekker

FULL TIME : KANSAS CITY 4, TORONTO 1

Man of the Match : GOALberto.  Ol' Gil's FIFA 14-esque finish was just so pretty.  Too bad it overshadowed the result.

Though we here at The Yorkies "pride" ourselves on our "journalism" and "integrity", but we felt that both penalties were suspect. We are not refs, even though on multiple occasions we're sure we could do the MLS officials' job with little preparation or fitness, but we like to think we have a grasp on the game.

That being said, it was understood that a penalty was awarded not for any foul in the box, but rather a foul that impeded a goal scoring opportunity.  So if I had just pushed the ball towards out of bounds nowhere near goal and I was taken down on a tackle, it wouldn't be a penalty.  Perhaps a free kick in the box? Typically the calls made for penalties are legitimate goal-scoring opportunities and not for what happened twice in this match. I am willing to understand what exactly these nuances are, and what separates from a penalty or a foul.

Regardless of Toronto were poor (which they were at points), but I felt that at least one of those penalties were uncalled for and that a strong argument could be made for neither.  Being two-nil down and then having to mount a comeback seems unnecessary.  Those first two goals truly belonged to the officials.  KC just happened to be the benefactors.  Toronto deserved the result but didn't deserve to go out like that.

Player Rating : Bendik 6, Jackson 5.5, Hagglund 6, Henry 6, Morrow 6, Oduro 6.5, Warner 6, Bradley 6 [Bekker N/A], Osorio 6 [Lovitz N/A], Gilberto 6.5, Moore 6 [Dike 10 just for coming back]

THE MATCHUP: Catching Fire... (With Bonus STARTING 11 - Yours Free with Purchase!)

Great Lakes fever!

 

CHICAGO VS. TORONTO
TOYOTA PARK - WEDNESDAY 8:30PM ET
TV: TSN

WHY SHOULD I WATCH THIS?
- Because TFC are attempting to become a fairly solid club away from home. Fun and weird isn't it?!
- Can the smouldering Jermain Defoe keep his hot streak alive? Can he play a full 90? Are him and Gilberto BFF's 4 Life again?
- Because Chicago and Toronto have some real hard-nosed battles and really should be more heated rivals.
- Can TFC's bench strength produce the same positive football we saw in large parts of the match against New York?
- Deep Dish is excellent.
- Can Gilberto bounce back from injury and get another goal?
- You'll still be hungover from Canada Day - have a better plan?

MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:
"Copa Del Grandos Lagos"

THE DUEL:
Mike Magee vs. Jermain Defoe

BONUS!!!

THE STARTING 11: Things that Jermain Defoe said to Gilberto during their free kick scuffle

Strikers are a proud lot. The best ones want the ball at their feet at all times. While that desire to be the big man on campus is a positive for many forwards, it can sometimes create friction with teammates. As TFC supporters watched on with horrific visions of a dressing room meltdown, Jermain Defoe and Gilberto went handbags at each other at Red Bull Arena with Defoe knocking the ball away before walking away swearing in Cockney. Luckily for Gilberto, he scored a screamer and the what-ifs will never need to be worried about but what was said to him by Defoe in the lead-up to that famous goal?

11. "I'm a Big Bloody Deal! You are merely a Fairly Substantial Acquisition!"

10. "Yikes! I just saw a C.H.U.D. under the pitch let me slam its cannibalistic head with the ball!"

9. "This is NO way to treat a former guest of the Much Music Video Awards!"

8. "There is absolutely no way you score here. Mathematical impossibility. Boy are you going to look dumb. It's your life chum."

7. "This is a disgrace! I played for Portsmouth! I command your respect!"

6. "There's a bee on the ball! I'll swat it off for you pal!"

5. "Do you realize how many potential New York WAGS are waiting to watch me take this free kick? So selfish."

4. "Please let me take this. If I score then the Daily Mail will write another article lambasting Roy Hodgson!"

3. "Ok, let's pretend to fight... when they get distracted... blast it!"

2. "This ain't no car commercial Gilberto."

1. "You're lucky I don't bite you."



AFTER 90: Not Necessarily the World Cup

New York takes this seriously!

 

NEW YORK VS. TORONTO

RED BULL ARENA

FIRST HALF:
1' - Well Thierry Henry was at some World Cups. Same goes for Jermain Defoe. Other than that, the return of MLS isn't probably going to look too much like the football we've become accustomed to. It's New Jersey so chances are someone in the crowd got a Brazilian today. So there's that.
7' - The Reds come out aggressive and push for an opening goal. Not allowing The Reds to watch any Greece matches is paying off.
12' - YELLOW CARD: Justin Morrow sacrifices his body to stop a New York counter attack. You watching this Glen Johnson?
18' - The longer this goes without a TFC goal the higher the chance it turns into Iran vs. Argentina.
25' - Who knew? Breaks in play really are made better with random crowd shots of Colombian women in tight kits. You win this one World Cup.
36' - GOAL: New York - It was coming. All possession and no finish for TFC while NYRB take advantage of a brief lapse in defence and get it onto the head of Puguy Luyindula.
NEW YORK 1 - TORONTO 0
45' - The Reds start well but go a bit flat after conceding the goal. On the bright side - no one got bitten.

HALFTIME: NEW YORK 1 - TORONTO 0

SECOND HALF:
47' - TFC sure could use a quick goal to get back into this match. Like that awesome goal that guy scored for Australia. You know that Tim Cahi... awww nuts.
52' - Dominic Oduro with a clear chance at goal but scuffs it. Disappointing. Also disappointing: he didn't choose a Canadian food to replace his pizza haircut.
55' - GOAL: Toronto - Damn! Jermain Defoe scores a stunning redirection off an Oduro low cross. Beautiful all round team effort.
NEW YORK 1 - TORONTO 1
57' - Doneil Henry has his nightly brainfart - luckily his namesake Thierry can't bang home the close free kick that resulted.
64' - SUB: Dominic Oduro OFF / Gilberto ON
65' - A World Cup Brazilian flair with Gilberto on. Except for that goalscoring they are so fond of.
73' - GOAL: Toronto - With a free kick deep in New York territory, Defoe and Gilberto actually start arguing about who will take it. An angry Defoe walks off and all the pressure is on Gilberto... who FINALLY opens his TFC account with a screamer. Great goal and inches away from the TFC dressing room going into crisis mode. Dramatic stuff and impressive confidence. Crow eaten for earlier gag.
NEW YORK 1 - TORONTO 2
'79 - SUB: Jackson OFF / Bradley Orr ON
85' - Jermain Defoe looked very sharp tonight. If only there were a national team he could play for that desperately needed a spark off the bench. Ah well. Toronto's gain.
90' - SUB: Gilberto OFF / Dwayne De Rosario ON
90'+ - GOAL: New York - Bradley Wright-Phillips puts home what every TFC supporter was desperately afraid to see - another late goal. NEW YORK 2 - TORONTO 2
A shame really as TFC played some decent football, enjoyed some dramatic moments. In sober light, a point away at New York will seem like an achievement but it can't help but feel like a loss at the moment. We feel your pain Ivory Coast. Ok - not that bad.

FULL TIME: NEW YORK 2 - TORONTO 2

PLAYER RATINGS: Joe Bendik 6 / Mark Bloom 6 / Steven Caldwell 6 / Doneil Henry 5 / Justin Morrow 5.5 / Dominic Oduro 6.5 (Gilberto 6.5) (Dwayne De Rosario N/A) / Jonathan Osorio 5.5 / Collen Warner 6 / Jackson 5.5 (Bradley Orr N/A) / Luke Moore 5 / Jermain Defoe 7
　

THE YORKIES' TFC MAN OF THE MATCH:
Jermain Defoe



Tim gets a Brazilian

"Canada is this way?"

 

You did it Drake! He started from the bottom (of the Brazilian league) now he's here!

After days of shameless public flirting at Raptors and Leafs games, TFC got a full Brazilian today with the signing of DP forward Gilberto. Or Gilberto Oliveira Souza Jr. when he is dining formally. The 24-year old joins TFC on a multiple year lucrative contract (we assume... MLS) as the club's "B" Option Designated Player with hopes that he will soon be partnered with his "A" game superior: JermainDefoeAlbertoGilardinoGeorgiosSamaras.

The native of Piranhas (PIRANHAS!!!) is coming off his breakout season in Brazil, scoring 13 goals for Portuguesa while on loan from his parent club Internacional. Now before you get your Brazilian thong in a twist as to why he was on loan - he failed to dislodge Leandro Damiao and some dude named Diego Forlan for a starter's role. Nowt to be ashamed of there.

That being said, Gilberto isn't exactly one of Brazil's glamour players and only really has just over a year of top-flight football under his belt. Some would see that as a less than glowing resume to garner a DP contract but The Reds feel they have a potential MLS star in the making.

Scouting reports from his homeland are maybe not as quite bedazzling where he is considered a poacher with some great right-footed power but so far lacks the skills to be a back-to-goal type guy. At 5-foot 10 he will not be much of an aerial threat nor is he tremendously physical which would make a prospective partnership with the likes of Jermain Defoe a bit easy to push around.

But alas, aside from that YouTube goal, few here can claim to watch many Portuguesa fixtures and playing in MLS is a different beast either way. Gilberto will be given more than enough opportunity to sink or swim at TFC and is only 38 minutes away from being more successful than Maxi Urruti. The proof will be on the pitch but off of it, TFC 8.0 is in full swing.

THE WORD: Things looking up for Ol' Gil?

"Ol' Gil really needs a win"

 

You know what's so hot right now? Brazilians. They've got the World Cup next year, the Olympics in 2016, you only need one name down there - it can even be something like "Hulk" - and they do a tremendous job on a nether-region's hair-style. Is the Adidas Samba their thing too? Kudos Brazil. Kudos.

Anytoots, on this wave of Copa Comania comes the latest off-season rumour surrounding Toronto FC's dusty abandoned lot aka their forward line. Over the last few days, a little rump-shake of a whisper has gone nearly full Lambada (and that's a forbidden dance!) concerning 24-year old striker Gilberto Oliviera Souza Jr. And again, since it's Brazil - they just call him "Gilberto". So efficient!

Now before you get your TFC thong ($59.99 at RealSports) in a twist about our new Brazilian messiah let's just remember that this is a South American transfer rumour. They have the tendency to last about as long as a Fat Ronaldo sandwich. However, to use a #LeiwekeLeaks favourite line: "he ticks a lot of boxes" for TFC.

At just 24, Gilberto could develop nicely in MLS especially if the plan would be to pair him with an A-minus List partner like the oft rumoured Jermain Defoe or Alberto Gilardino. (Oooh Gil2Gil!). The apparently strong and swift Brazilian has a steady if not spectacular strike rate through his pro career and is currently fifth in scoring in the Brasiliero with club Portuguesa. Also he was born in Piranhas and that's just plain awesome.

For now we put this one somewhere on the South American Transfermeter between a Forlan and an Urruti.

 

 

"Young Gil really needs a transfer"