THE STARTING 11: Other places to lay blame for Toronto FC's woes

Stupid playoff-wrecking low high pressure weather front!



Ah, Fall in Toronto. Glorious foliage, golden sunsets, and the annual pointing of fingers. Nowhere does the passing of the autumnal buck waft as beautifully as through the corridors of Toronto FC. For anyone with a limited knowledge of this tumultuous club (but reading the local newspapers over the last few days) you may be lead to believe TFC's failures were down to: an oppressive New York-based conspiracy; professional footballers being forced to wear suits over flip-flops; the agony of being paid to watch game film to improve one's game; or... shock-horror... a fat player having to play some extra minutes with reserves to shed pancake-weight. Oh the huge manatee! It is hard work trying to lay blame on a scapegoat while running a club into the ground at the same time so we offer TFC these handy other blame-ternatives...
　
11. Pressure from the violent and oppressive Bermudian Government regime to use their players... or else!
　
10. Busy trying to figure out if it should be spelled "Five Year Plan" or "5-year-plan"
　
9. Damn Raivis Hscanovics never fulfilled his abundant potential!
　
8. Hard to get over the long-lasting disappointment from the lacklustre sequels to "The Matrix"
　
7. No time to prepare for next season when you have to give unattributed interviews to local columnists every day!
　
6. Handshake deals no longer being upheld by the Supreme Court
　
5. The greedy NHLPA keeps blocking our plans
　
4. The crippling European Debt Crisis and the resulting shortage in full-length trousers
　
3. HURRICANES!!!
　
2. Don Garber's childish War of 1812 grudge
　
1. Had to get rid of all those loud fans at BMO Field before we could properly concentrate
　
And… since we love to listen to our readers’ suggestions… here is a piece of suitable classical music we should have used yesterday but still suits this special occasion… the new TFC Anthem…

THE STARTING 11: Odd Paul Mariner quotes

John, Paul, George, Ringo... four other guys... Paul Mariner

It's hard not to enjoy the effusive and emotional outbursts of Toronto FC manager Paul Mariner. What the animated and likeable Englishman lacks in results, he makes up for in bombastic statements. Now we're not trying to be "hypercritical" here but Mariner has ended up sticking his foot in his mouth recently with chart toppers like: "Andrew Wiedeman is one of the best finishers in the modern era"; "we're close. I promise"; "Dunfield is the ultimate box-to-box player..." and of course the post-loss "hats off to the lads". Entertaining in its head-smacking bewilderment, what other gems may we hear in that gravelly Lancashire tone?
　
11. "Bermuda is the next Brazil"
　
10. "Downsview Park makes the French Riviera look like a ghetto"
　
9. "Ty Harden invented the piano key neck-tie"
　
8. "Future Draft Picks are useless to the club while this whole Mayan Calendar thing is hanging over our heads"
　
7. "I was the ninth Beatle"
　
6. "Adrian Cann literally has 378 abdominal muscles"
　
5. "Hall & Oates have done more for medical research than Neil Armstrong, Franz Beckenbauer and the Electric Light Orchestra combined. Fact."
　
4. "The Royal Family / Columbus Crew are Lizard People"
　
3. "The new iPhone is nothing but a BetaMax VCR and a Polaroid camera attached to a 'Speak & Spell' "
　
2. "Tom Anselmi and Mother Theresa are practically the same person!"
　
1. "Wearing long trousers is a mug's game"

And... fresh from curing polio, here's some blue-eyed soul... The song title and TFC management? Make your own joke...

THE STARTING 11: Dumb and lazy ways to research the Pumas vs. TFC match

Now that's a midfield!



The life of a non-league football blogger isn't all the glamour, celebrity red carpets and beds covered with money you may think it is. Although I did find two dimes and a nickel in my laundry - so there's that. Sometimes, the need to pen a match preview can come up too quickly, such as The Reds' fixture this Wednesday in Mexico City versus Pumas UNAM. Perhaps, it's the funk of September work or maybe the hackneyed stereotypes proffered by Columbus supporters wore off on us, but sometimes we writing-types lean on stupidity to fluff an article. Playing in Mexico City offers just such an opportunity to put our brains in our back pocket. When even Wikipedia seems like too much hard work, you can just try these ignorantly blissful techniques and hope for the best. Ole!
　
11. Wear an old Tito Santana T-shirt to work - randomly yell "Ariba!" during important board meetings
　
10. Convert a Hyundai hatchback into a low-rider
　
9. Sneak over the 416-905 border under the cover of night
　
8. Try every new flavour of Doritos for breakfast
　
7. Put tiny sombreros on mice to see if they run faster
　
6. Replace dress shoes with pair of old school Puma's
　
5. Study Mexico's rich history... by watching "Three Amigos" on DVD
　
4. Commute on subway in full Lucha Libre costume
　
3. Go to Taco Bell - ask cashier what she thinks of Pumas' depth in the holding midfield position
　
2. Google pictures of Salma Hayek... twice
　
1. Drink two bottles of tequila. Go to the Toronto Zoo. Talk to a puma for a few hours.

Letters From Camp: "Lights, webcams... little action"

Head Counsellor at "Camp Wannafooty"

Dispatches from camp always have to be taken with a grain of salt. The campers often have a wide variety of emotions from good to bad and send the strangest messages to their loved ones waiting for news. TFC camp isn't all that different - lots of wide-eyed youngsters, surly camp veterans and wily counsellors make for an adventurous few weeks where anything seems possible.
　
Our very own "Letters from Camp" section will try to capture some of that madness over the next few weeks as we try to keep you up to date with the wacky stories, both real and imagined, that emerge from Camp Wannafooty. Think of it as a home version of training camp as you figure out what's real and what's italicized not-so-real fireside chatter! For example: "The club announced that they are set to leave for Turkey"... or… "The club announced their former Director was a turkey" See! Fun! Catch "Letters from Camp" until early March... or until those wacky draft picks steal a canoe and row across to the girl's training camp!
　
To kick off camp, the players and staff met up with local media for some hasty interviews featuring the finest in puffball questions, cliché answers, terrible audio and shaky internet connections. Some of the highlighted points from the 2011 Reds included:
　
· ARON WINTER: A possibility of adding a second DP before the season; 6 trialists will join the club in Turkey; Tuesdays will feature an all-you-can-eat pancake and shmoke buffet; He did not like the "old British" style played here previously; Supplemental picks won't go to Turkey; Really sick of "Winter" puns already
· PAUL MARINER: The club is actively dealing with De Ro and his contract woes; He is not the 5th Beatle as rumoured online nor an actual mariner
· JULIAN DE GUZMAN: Has trimmed the afro buy at least 34%; His knee is getting better and he should play in the Carolina Challenge Cup; Enjoys the bible and long walks on the beach
· DEMETRIUS OMPHROY: Very excited about being club's top pick; Loves the city; Wants to be known as "Little Lord Omphroy"
· MATT GOLD: Eloquent and well spoken; Relishes the defensive midfield support role over offensive glory; Wants to lead MLS in freckles and ginger hair
· STEFAN FREI: Excited to play attacking football; Will get to use feet in Dutch style; Still thinks Swiss cheese beats Dutch any day
· NICK LABROCCA: Everyone got to meet the coaches and it should be "exciting" soccer; Really excited about upcoming tax season - offered to prepare teammates returns
· TY HARDEN: Has to prove self to club; Had to show ID to enter stadium
· NICK GARCIA: Came in and announced "someone order a taxi?"
· JACOB PETERSON: The attitude is positive; Turkish food is frightening - will bring own powdered milk;
· JIMMY BRENNAN: Wanted to know if you take your coffee with cream and sugar
· MAICON SANTOS: Was clueless as who would line-up next to him in striker position; Having hard time with Toronto's winter that renders his lambada moves useless
· DAN GARGAN: Biggest change was not signing with team 2 hours before kick-off; Has trademarked the phrase "Soccer's Wendel Clark";
· COLLIN SAMUEL: Wanted to see if any sandwiches were left over
· DWAYNE DE ROSARIO: Celtic was a "great experience"; Winter is direct and straight forward - a refreshing start; Just turned down a controversial trial with Queen Of The South; "Some people like you, some people don't"; Wants to play in upcoming Canada v Greece friendly; Plans to run for Mayor of Scarborough in 2015; Replied to journalist question about trials with "If the New York Times asks you to write for their paper - would you go?"; Announced trial with the New York Times Sunday league co-ed squad
· MO JOHNSTON: Twittered that his birdhouse was coming along nicely and he had 6 or 7 Brazilian birds interested in moving into it
　
So there you have your campsite fun for now. To see the official, and fully factual (what fun is that?) interviews, check out the official site. But again, why? It's so... factual. Boring!

THE STARTING 11: Things overheard at the Aron Winter press conference

Those are top quality Academy prospects!

There have been few Toronto FC press conferences that have been as momentous as last week's introduction to Aron Winter & Co. There was the club unveiling in 2006, Dwayne De Rosario's signing from Houston, "The Great Mo & Preki Escape" of 2010... Oh, and maybe Jacob Peterson's Amish Hip-Hop album release. But, apart from those - this was big Edam cheese. Fans got to hear some of the Q&A with the new management team and the assorted press but sometimes it's the things that are caught anonymously off-mic that are more interesting...
　
11. "It was the giant CNE windmill that sealed the deal."
　
10. "I've never seen so many pancakes at a press conference!"
　
9. "Is Bob de Klerk a part-time hitman?"
　
8. "Gentleman, you can leave your clogs by the door."
　
7. "Did he just call the club TFC Eindhoser?"
　
6. "Where's Jim Brennan with our coffee?"
　
5. "What do you mean no red light district in Toronto!?"
　
4. "Rohan Ricketts just changed his name to Johan Riijkets"
　
3. "Sorry sir... no Belgians allowed."
　
2. "TFC will be more Ajax Academy... less Police Academy"
　
1. "Total Football sure beats Mo-tal Football"

THE STARTING 11: Least popular new GolTV programs

One of the more quiet acquisitions that MLSE made this summer was a controlling stake in the football specialty channel GolTV. The purchase may be the first step towards making a TFC TV channel but of course that means MLSE will need to create a full line-up of programming. As with any network, not all of the shows can be big hits - such as...

11. Late Night With Sam Cronin

10. Supporters Group Karaoke Sing-A-Long Show

9. The Food Building Chronicles With Collin Samuel & Ali Gerba

8. Relaxin’ With Ricketts

7. Straight Talk With Mo Johnston

6. Survivor: Head Coach

5. Amado Guevara Reads The News

4. The Happy Time Fun Kid's Hour With Adrian Serioux

3. Are You Smarter Than A Chad Barrett?

2. Pullin' Groins With Paul Winsper

1. CSI: BMO

TFC Media League - Round 7

The MLS regular season is about to end but the TFC Media League is still going strong. Since the news doesn't end when the season does, the Graham Legatt Trophy won't be decided until the end of 2009. The Fan 590 was a hot mover this round, despite Bob McCown's best efforts, but it's still The Toronto Star and The Toronto Sun battling it out on the top of the table. Keep your eye on the table by scrolling down the right side of the page!

Editorial: Time to end kid gloves for TFC

Most parents will tell you that if you coddle a child for too long then they will end up spoiled. Now it's unsure how long "childhood" lasts for your average MLS club but three years seems to be at least "young adult". Why then, is Toronto FC being treated so gingerly by most observers - both on the inside and the outside of the club? The second half of the 2009 season has been truly awful. Yes, there has been the good news of Julian De Guzman's signing and the faint smell of real grass in the air, but on the field, this team's position in the table has only been saved by the mediocrity of the teams around them. The difference between TFC and the other clubs however is that the others are not using tired excuses like being a "young" club but rather calling it like it is - "a bad season".

There are some very glaring weaknesses that The Reds have shown since their first season which most supporters would have expected to be long gone by late season 2009 but have nonetheless remained. Production from TFC strikers is as impotent as it was on day one in 2007 with no signs of improvement, especially with the stubborn inclusion of Chad Barrett and the misuse of Ali Gerba. The other major roadblock to improvement is the shocking lack of production on the road. After last week's loss to Galaxy, the club's recent road tally was 1 point out of a possible 12. It was after that game that the "kid glove" treatment of the team reached maddening new levels. There were absurd comments from manager Chris Cummins that TFC "dominated" the play but were beaten by some bad luck. Apart from the TFC staff, the broadcast team on Rogers Sportsnet called the loss "a good effort" despite the 2-0 scoreline and lack of good Toronto scoring chances. The running corporate line throughout the season from Mo Johnston and MLSE is that they are "building something special" in the long-term, but near the end of three seasons the excuse of being a “young team” surely has to end now.

This mythology was further propelled this week by the team's star Dwayne De Rosario who appeared on SUN TV's "The Grill Room". When asked about the season's lacklustre results the "only a third year team" line was trotted out by the Scarberian. The fact that De Ro said his decision to come to TFC was "the right move at the time" was unfortunately not probed further but his body language of late and the sheepish answers from most other Toronto players seems to illuminate a lack of real answers. The new DP Julian De Guzman has said the right things such as the "playoffs are now" for TFC but surely there must be unhappiness in the dressing room that a playoff struggle is the best this club could achieve. Bluntly put, three years is enough time for any club with the financial prowess of TFC, in any league, to build a winner. It is not too much for Toronto supporters to expect more than a "squeaky bum time" (thanks to Sir Alex Ferguson) win in the Canadian Championship and a humiliating crash out of Champions League. While it is true there are some positive moves for next year, the time for "young club" excuses is over. There should be no fear from inside or outside of the club to call a spade a spade and simply say "this has been a bad season". A bad year is not the end of the world but propelling weak excuses from one year to the next must end before we start hearing about the woes of "only a fourth year club".

"Real" Greed Makes MLSE Kaka

To brand Friday night's friendly against Real Madrid as a negative would be an ignorant thing to do. To imagine that MLSE brought the Nu-Galacticos here to further the "beautiful game" in Toronto would be a far more ignorant line of thought. The fact that our local squad, comparable in stature with a second division European club, gets to test their skills against the reserves of one of the world's Top 5 clubs is great in theory. The way the event was created, and the why it was created, is an exercise so steeped in corporate greed that it must even make some MLSE execs blush - and their bar is quite low already.

The bad taste for some supporters started early when the match was first announced. The immediate excitement that Real Madrid was this year's friendly was amazing. Then the bottom fell out. This was not the free match, instead, season ticket holders were given the privilege to get a bank loan and pay four or five times the regular price of their ticket to see a no contact, no hustle friendly. Inevitably the match sold out, there was little doubt about those chances, however, the very fans who make the noise and atmosphere that the ownership uses so deftly to promote the team will mostly be absent. The great unwashed got the distant second place award of a night with River Plate. Instead, the average rabid TFC supporter will be supplanted on Friday by suburbanites in Cristiano Ronaldo jerseys and corporate hangers-on who might watch the odd "soccer" game every four years. Some BMO Field regulars will be apologists and tout the "once in a lifetime" aspect of the match but real Reds' supporters are far more interested in the remaining MLS schedule and still very angry at the team's pathetic Champions League elimination.

It is no secret in Toronto that MLSE is not in the trophy-winning business. The Bay Street Bankers are in the profit business and they are perennial champions. But, even in their wildest dreams the board could have not seen this coming when they paid a pittance for the expansion fee and weaseled their way into a nearly free stadium. Sold out crowds (who can pound back the Carlsberg), merchandise wearing fanatics, transfer fee windfalls and now this - the multi-million one night only jackpot! It's no wonder that MLSE has been pushing this as the "be all and end all" of football extravaganzas, for them it is. An approximate profit of $3 Million for the match itself and for the cherry on top, an approximate $225,000 gate from tonight's Real Madrid open practice. And that's before refreshments and merchandise! The giddy giggling you hear from Bay Street is The Board of Directors rolling in a big pile of money taken from those "crazy soccer lovin' sons of immigrants!"

Toronto FC, despite its name, is not a club. To it's fans it is, to the suits it is very much a franchise - part of the corporate branding in MLSE's sports entertainment catalogue. It is just the latest product to be sure that all of the Toronto area's market demographics are covered. Results on the pitch are of no consequence to the boardroom. Win, lose or draw, BMO Field is full. MLSE collects just enough men in red shirts to manage expectations and to field an opponent for "big" football teams to visit. This is most reflected by the tone of MLSE VP Bob Hunter who when asked about the grass being installed for Real Madrid said the surface "reflects the quality of the team we're playing...". If that's the case, then the Field Turf, which now looks like a pair of old man's polyester green slacks, must reflect the quality of the team who plays on it the rest of the year. Complain all you want Mr. De Rosario - you are just the pin-up boy for TFC Inc. - your thoughts on the turf do not matter.

The saddest part of this whole fiasco is how a friendly, what most real clubs play in their pre-season, is being sold to the dimmer lights of TFC support as "The Highlight of the Season". For supporters, that should send a collective chill up the spines. There was barely a peep from TFC/ MLSE about the Champions League debacle, there is a glossing over of the wall that TFC has hit and the rapidly disappearing play-offs, the Director of Football has spent most of the transfer window watering a falsehood about Julian De Guzman signing while not actually signing anyone, and yet what is the PR machine churning out and the media eating up? “Kaka is here!” Indeed it is.

Real Madrid will come and go and MLSE will have a giant $3 Million dollar-plus cheque in their hands. That’s a similar amount to the fee they got from the sale of Maurice Edu last year, which was apparently going to be spent on club improvements. Is temporary one-day grass covered in the Edu fund? TFC is turning into a very lucrative little jewel in the MLSE Empire and has given the execs the one thing they didn’t think was possible – “Leafs Nation” 12 months a year. The “Leafs On Turf” may wear red but the bottom line will never share the same hue. One more similarity TFC will share with its MLSE cousins on ice and hardwood… an empty trophy case.

The Yorkies Present: TFC Media League 2009

Regular readers of The Yorkies' site know that one of our aims is to shed light on the fairly poor coverage of Toronto FC in the local mainstream media. In order to illustrate this, and positive coverage as well, we are set to unveil The Yorkies' "TFC Media League".

The league will be a year-long tally featuring local media outlets vying to win the prestigious Graham Leggat Trophy named for the Scottish pioneer of Canadian football broadcasting.

Readers will be able to follow the Media League on a regular basis as the table will be posted here on the site illustrating how well, or poorly, the individual media "clubs" are covering The Reds.

Points will be awarded based on the amount and quality of coverage.

1 point will go to a "club" for a match-related preview, recap or highlight package occurring on or around match day. Minor reports such as blogs and web-only features are also only worth 1 point, the same for regularly scheduled soccer shows.

3 points will be awarded when a "club" produces coverage of TFC which isn't directly match-related. For example, if an article or piece is produced mid-week pertaining to a transfer rumour, player profiles or general investigative journalism relating to TFC, 3 points will be awarded. The piece must appear in the outlet's main coverage, not only in an online version.

The "clubs" involved will represent major media outlets and all of their various arms including websites and blogs. Specialty channels such as GOL-TV will not be included as their football-only coverage skews their content. It is the regular daily media that reaches Joe Public, and can do so much to propel TFC in the city, who will play for the trophy which will be awarded at year's end.

The "clubs" for the 2009 season are:

The Toronto Star
The Toronto Sun
The Globe & Mail
The National Post
The FAN 590
AM 640
Rogers Sportsnet
TSN
CBC Sports
The Score

The opening table will be posted soon so stay connected to The Yorkies and follow the TFC Media League 2009!

eTrophyHarmony Profile: Vcup09

Young, fun silver trophy looking for some attention from a solid, dependable and caring major media outlet. Have been on the market for a while and tired of being ignored. Love to travel across Canada and I look great in red. Just moved to Toronto from Montreal but can't understand why the media here aren't interested in showing me around?! I'm curvy with great handles and love being kissed and hoisted in the air. Surely there is one media outlet who would put me in front of cheap tarts like the NHL Awards. Give me a buzz, print or television, i'm not picky!

Editorial: Broken News - TFC and the Toronto Press

There have been some odd turns in the Toronto mass media recently when it comes to the reporting of Toronto FC and its supporters. The club, despite its terrible run of results until the New York match, has escaped any scathing criticism and were even lauded in some circles after Mo Johnston's "press conference" last week. On the other end of the spectrum, TFC's supporters have been subversively painted as ungrateful for not jumping at the chance to pay through the nose to see a friendly, and power-hungry for their efforts to protest and change shoddy management practices and bad results. The existence of so many blogs, fan forums and websites has even been called into question in relation to supporter's expectations.

To call the state of Toronto's mass media coverage of football "journalism" is generous at best. There is very little investigative journalism around the club and the majority of stories that make it to major print and/or TV are simply match reports that give little insight into the club apart from what happened on the pitch or the rare sensationalized account of fan violence. Your search for anything MLS-related outside of TFC would be even more fruitless. Now, there are some very good journalists covering the TFC beat but their often quality articles are relegated to the online blog versions of their respective papers. Stories that do make it to print rarely give the serious supporter anything they haven't heard before.

It may be that in the third year of Canada's first truly major football club, we are expecting too much too fast. Surely when the Expos and Blue Jays came to Canada there was a learning curve before truly insightful baseball journalism appeared on a daily basis. It does not seem to be the fault of the reporters however, responsibility more likely rests at the feet of the hockey addicted sports editors of the city's newsrooms. Football is most definitely still fighting a battle here to overcome the North American stigma of that "niche immigrant sport". There is also an alarming ignorance to the supporters role with football clubs around the world. On a continent where fans are meant "to be seen and not heard", fan protests and movements are being admonished rather than analyzed. It is shocking that a sport with such global importance and such growth potential in this city doesn't garner more research.

The fact that the sporting juggernaut MLSE owns the club may also be a hindrance. Is it possible that access and good relations to its higher profile franchises is putting off criticism that may be truly due to Mo Johnston and his backroom staff? It could perhaps explain the alarming turnaround in some of the more vocal reporters' opinions who write a piece questioning TFC's direction only to sing it's praises a week later when very little has changed. It must be a fine balance when one ownership group has so much influence on your livelihood. The purchase of cable soccer network GOL-TV by MLSE is also a double-edged sword. Yes, there will be better access to TFC information and MLS games which is fantastic but it is at the cost of another independent football voice. A negative or insightful word will never be uttererd about TFC while Richard Peddie & Co. are at the switch.

Overall, football coverage in Toronto has never been better. It wasn't long ago that 2 1/2 hours on a Saturday morning with Graham Leggat was all we got. There is indeed a wealth of games from around the world and more options in general, on a club level with TFC however, more needs to be done. Perhaps the team itself isn't the only one in need of a DP. A couple of sharp football reporters with some influence with their editors would be a start. Until then, the much maligned blogs, forums and websites will fill the void and keep feet to the fire.