The Toronto FC Sadvent Calendar: Day 13

 

"THE THREE UNWISE MEN"

　

Old, Dutchnonsense and er... Silva. Yes "The Escobar 3" brought TFC PR to an all-time laughable low as Miguel Aceval, Nick Soolsma and Luis Silva were arrested after a punch-up and failed police escape outside of a Houston nightclub. Their TFC careers are now all long history but their freedom was at least spared by generous mystery benefactor, one "Julian B. Guzman".

　

Check back tomorrow and open another Sadvent window!



The Toronto FC Sadvent Calendar: Day 12

"INUKSHUKS!"

　

What better way to ingratiate oneself with your new homeland than embracing a beloved symbol? Well at least a symbol that is co-opted for the Olympics and when the government pretends to care about the First Nations. Yes, the mighty Inuit Inukshuk was chosen by club president Kevin Payne as the most apt representation of how TFC should build itself. There are now a dozen boxes of unused Inukshuks in the BMO Field storage closet.

　

Check back tomorrow and open another Sadvent window!



The Toronto FC Sadvent Calendar: Day 11

 

"THE JOY OF ALEN STEVANOVIC"

 

A new era was upon us! (Again) Aron Winter & Co. with their vast European network would surely poach the UEFA Christmas Markets and secure us a vast array of talent unseen in these parts! The first of which was Torino-loanee Alen Stevanovic. This highly-touted hotshot would surely make us all forget about the departure of Dwayne De Rosario! Then we saw him play. Then he left.

　

Check back tomorrow and open another Sadvent window!



Freedom Frei - Reds deal stalwart goalkeeper to Seattle Sounders

He looked like this a lot



It's hard to be a "long-term" TFC player. At a club where the only constant is change, Stefan Frei's 99 appearances in all competitions for TFC is far from ordinary. Yet still, despite the inevitability of today's deal, he is yet another Red leaving under the cloud of "it should have ended differently".

Toronto FC made the prompt yet unsurprising announcement this afternoon that Frei's rights have indeed been dealt to Seattle Sounders in exchange for a conditional 2015 first-round MLS SuperDraft pick. Frei is now eligible to work out a deal with the Cascadia giant. No, not Bigfoot.

Frei's time in Toronto will always be looked back at with difficulty. Through no fault of his own he stewarded the goal behind a succession of very poor teams and did yeoman's work of the job. Simultaneously, he also seemed to suffer from a voodoo-like curse of bad injury luck which saw his time in goal halted. The latest, a boot to the face in pre-season saw him benched just long enough for Joe Bendik to come in and do a solid enough job to steal the # 1 role.

With Bendik's emergence as a solid-enough MLS'er and Stefan Frei's higher wage, the choice was made by Ryan Nelsen & Co. to proceed with a future that didn't include the Swiss keeper. Acquiring Chris Konopka as the heir apparent # 2 sealed the deal.

His final year in Toronto will not be one filled with great memories but Stefan Frei will be very fondly remembered as a straight-up good egg at TFC and one of the few faces supporters were familiar with. He will most likely return in good form wearing the neon hues of Sounders but will always be Red to many here. It should have ended differently.

The Toronto FC Sadvent Calendar: Day 10

"THE ARGOS TO BMO"

 

　

A true holiday classic. In that no matter what year it is - this story is always told. Like a reverse mistle-toe hanging over TFC supporters' heads since 2007, it is the story we all want to throw in the fireplace. But alas, like the wise men finding their way by the shining glow of Pinball Clemons' teeth, this one just keeps showing up. A Hail Mary that has no place at our inn.

　

Check back tomorrow and open another Sadvent window!

TFC trade for Jackson. What to write?... What... to... write?...

Jackson... during spell at Fulham.



WARNING: This is "Bad"

Firstly, a hearty Bloggers Union thanks to Tim Bezbatchenko and the gang for re-stocking the pun shelves in the TFC larder. Man cannot live on Lambe alone.

"Shamone!" The MLS trade window had barely creaked open before T-Bez decided he "Wanna Be Startin' Something". As is the annual off-season tradition round these parts, TFC swung a deal with FC Dallas, ("Remember the Time" with Hassli, de Guzman etc?) this time landing Brazilian midfielder/defender Jackson. Crotch grab!

Wanting to disprove to fans early that "They Don't Care About Us", The Reds swapped a conditional 2015 2nd Round SuperDraft Pick and some of that jumbo pile of allocation money they have. It's in the BMO Field closet next to the Elephant Man's bones and Macaulay Culkin. "You Are Not Alone" in thinking this isn't a "Thrilller" of a trade but Jackson is actually a very MLS-competent player with just under 100 appearances to his name in the league. And they got him for peanuts. Moonwalk!

Whether the 25-year old Jackson turns out to be a starter or at worst high-quality depth, it is a positive to see TFC making sober moves so early in the window. Now we must just implore T-Bez and the gang... "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough"!

In other non-Jackson news today, unconfirmed word is that Robert Earnshaw has declined TFC's offer to re-sign and plans to "Beat It" to another MLS side. Surely some club is looking for a striker who hibernates between May and September. "Shamone!"
　

And... We planned to have a little dance but couldn't think of an artist to feature. Oh well, Earnshaw is Welsh and so is this macho piece of rarebit...

THE STARTING 11: Toronto FC executives' reactions to the MLS Cup Final

Cool! The MLS Cup Lego set!

One of the neat-o perks of being a hanger-onner executive at a football club (or national association *cough* CSA *cough*) is that you get to jet around to cup finals even if your team has no place even being mentioned in the same sentence as "championship". *Cough* TFC *cough*. Anycraps, there were surely a suited and booted phalanx of "important" MLSE executives at Saturday's exciting yet frigid final in Kansas City. You have to wonder though... what did they think of during the whole big show?

11. "We don't get it - how did these two franchises get so good without an expensive, washed-up European DP?!"

10. "Look at how much extra official merchandise these fans snap up when they are freezing cold!"... "Hello Mr. Garber? Yes - we fully support your winter schedule idea."

9. "So you're saying we can't really use 'BEST FANS IN THE LEAGUE' in our pandering PR anymore? But it's all we had!"

8. "I have no idea why TFC fans always want a roof like this one - the boxes at BMO Field always keep me warm and dry. Whiners."

7. "Wow the attendance is so good here, I wonder what immigrant community they are pretending to honour tonight?"

6. "This chip butty tastes like brisket."

5. "Jeez, look how well Sporting KC has treated their supporters - we should be so ashamed of ourselves." " Do you think we could charge $20 for beer next year?"

4. "This stadium is pretty nice but it sure could maximize its profit margin if they moved a CFL team in. Just sayin'."

3. "Personally, I feel that avoiding these nasty cold weather playoffs is a kindness to our fans. I'd go as far as saying we're heroes. We are heroes."

2. "Oh I hope Jermain Defoe isn't watching this and getting his hopes too high!"

1. "What is this MLS Cup thing anyways?"

 

The Toronto FC Sadvent Calendar: Day 9

 

"THE COMING OF FORLAN"

　

 

Before #LeiwekeLeaks were cool, Kevin Payne had his own brand of loose lippage. Early in 2013, as TFC fell ass-backwards out of another gate, the rumour that Uruguayan sensation Diego Forlan would soon be jetting up to CrackTown USA aka Toronto, was rampant. Far from quashing this elaborate fiction, it was allowed to fester in the media raising the hopes of many a starved local. When the story met its inevitable fate, it was the football equivalent of socks on Christmas morning.

　

Check back tomorrow and open another Sadvent window!

The Toronto FC Sadvent Calendar: Day 8

"THE WORST TEAM IN THE WORLD"

　

Like "Hallelujah" from upon high - except with a wacky Dutch accent. Once-prolific striker/always prolific eater, Danny Koevermans was the first TFC player to come out and say exactly what supporters already knew: that TFC were probably "the worst team in the world". And so the Gospel was said. Amen.

　

Check back tomorrow and open another Sadvent window!



"The Power of Kreis Compels Us!" 18 Observations from the 18th MLS Cup

Oooh shiny!

 

As a Toronto FC supporters' website, we do not have any legal obligation to write about the MLS Cup. Or playoffs. Or winning records. Or hope. Actually we're not responsible for much aside from the latest on Raivis Hscanovics "War on Vowels".

Despite that, we didn't want to ignore what is a tasty MLS Cup Final. Two good clubs named after clubs from the Iberian Peninsula playing in conditions similar to the Siberian Peninsula. We will leave the actual football reporting to the usual suspects (You come here for stats? Weirdo.) but will instead look into the deeper story. Those little observations that you may have missed on TV but which will make Sporting Kansas City vs. Real Salt Lake one of the eighteen best MLS Cup Finals of all time!

- This is reportedly the coldest MLS Cup Final of all time, eclipsing the Toronto-hosted final of 2010. Great. Toronto had one measly MLS playoff record and we couldn't even hold on to that. Sonfabitch.
- Over 1500 Real Salt Lake supporters at the match today. Officially the largest amount of people to leave Utah en masse since the whole Osmond Family went on tour in 1978. Fact.
- Sporting KC 'keeper Jimmy Nielsen went back to his native Denmark for reconstructive shoulder surgery. His rotator cuff is now 78% Lego.
- Real American patriot/xenophobia sufferer Jacob Peterson threatened to boycott today's match. The SKC midfielder was disgusted that a "Sporting" and a "Real" were competing for what he calls the "All-USA Soccer Trophy Championship". Then he makes a gunshot noise with his mouth.
- If Sporting Park is the "Rolls Royce" of MLS Stadiums, that makes BMO Field a hobo's boxcar.
- The King of Utah is not in attendance. Nor the Wizard of Oz. There was a false alarm on a munchkin sighting but it was Joao Plata doing warm-ups.
- Many fans were taken aback by Don Garber's "organized crime boss" outfit during halftime. In defence of the league boss, he is on his way to his local community theatre production of "Chicago (Fire)". And all that jazz.
- Garber was waxing lyrical once-again about a potential future MLS winter schedule. Club owners in attendance at the frigid match were heard to say "Ummm... yeah... fuck that shit."
- Kyle Beckerman's dreadlocks were gently placed in a slow-cooker - rented from a local Kansas BBQ joint - during halftime in order to thaw out his "Realstafarian" hair-do.
- Benny Feilhaber's Ron Burgundy moustache has become the least successful "Anchorman 2" cross-promotion since Will Ferrell appeared on a TSN curling broadcast.
- Tim Leiweke just promised TFC fans they would be in the MLS Cup in the next 30 days. Likely.
- It is an awful lot of fun to say "Zusi" really slowly.
- Kyle Beckerman having a dominant 2nd Half. He must think it's white boy day. (Locker room video)
- Alvaro Saborio and Aurelien Collin have both found the scoresheet tonight. And they say nice guys finish last! {SARCASM FONT}
- League releases tie-breaker format: Extra Time; Penalty Kicks; Slam Dunk Contest; Karaoke showdown; Former Wizards Preki & Mo Johnston vs. Karl Malone & John Stockton mud wrestling extravaganza.
- Teal Bunbury is still a massive twat.
- Penalty kicks are a cruel way to crown a "champion" in football after 9 months.
- MLS entertained us more than any match from Europe today. Now let's get our re-build on. Again.

SPORTING KC 1 - REAL SALT LAKE 1
(SKC WINS 7-6 ON PENALTY KICKS)