THE STARTING 11: Toronto FC executives' reactions to the MLS Cup Final

Cool! The MLS Cup Lego set!

One of the neat-o perks of being a hanger-onner executive at a football club (or national association *cough* CSA *cough*) is that you get to jet around to cup finals even if your team has no place even being mentioned in the same sentence as "championship". *Cough* TFC *cough*. Anycraps, there were surely a suited and booted phalanx of "important" MLSE executives at Saturday's exciting yet frigid final in Kansas City. You have to wonder though... what did they think of during the whole big show?

11. "We don't get it - how did these two franchises get so good without an expensive, washed-up European DP?!"

10. "Look at how much extra official merchandise these fans snap up when they are freezing cold!"... "Hello Mr. Garber? Yes - we fully support your winter schedule idea."

9. "So you're saying we can't really use 'BEST FANS IN THE LEAGUE' in our pandering PR anymore? But it's all we had!"

8. "I have no idea why TFC fans always want a roof like this one - the boxes at BMO Field always keep me warm and dry. Whiners."

7. "Wow the attendance is so good here, I wonder what immigrant community they are pretending to honour tonight?"

6. "This chip butty tastes like brisket."

5. "Jeez, look how well Sporting KC has treated their supporters - we should be so ashamed of ourselves." " Do you think we could charge $20 for beer next year?"

4. "This stadium is pretty nice but it sure could maximize its profit margin if they moved a CFL team in. Just sayin'."

3. "Personally, I feel that avoiding these nasty cold weather playoffs is a kindness to our fans. I'd go as far as saying we're heroes. We are heroes."

2. "Oh I hope Jermain Defoe isn't watching this and getting his hopes too high!"

1. "What is this MLS Cup thing anyways?"

 

"The Power of Kreis Compels Us!" 18 Observations from the 18th MLS Cup

Oooh shiny!

 

As a Toronto FC supporters' website, we do not have any legal obligation to write about the MLS Cup. Or playoffs. Or winning records. Or hope. Actually we're not responsible for much aside from the latest on Raivis Hscanovics "War on Vowels".

Despite that, we didn't want to ignore what is a tasty MLS Cup Final. Two good clubs named after clubs from the Iberian Peninsula playing in conditions similar to the Siberian Peninsula. We will leave the actual football reporting to the usual suspects (You come here for stats? Weirdo.) but will instead look into the deeper story. Those little observations that you may have missed on TV but which will make Sporting Kansas City vs. Real Salt Lake one of the eighteen best MLS Cup Finals of all time!

- This is reportedly the coldest MLS Cup Final of all time, eclipsing the Toronto-hosted final of 2010. Great. Toronto had one measly MLS playoff record and we couldn't even hold on to that. Sonfabitch.
- Over 1500 Real Salt Lake supporters at the match today. Officially the largest amount of people to leave Utah en masse since the whole Osmond Family went on tour in 1978. Fact.
- Sporting KC 'keeper Jimmy Nielsen went back to his native Denmark for reconstructive shoulder surgery. His rotator cuff is now 78% Lego.
- Real American patriot/xenophobia sufferer Jacob Peterson threatened to boycott today's match. The SKC midfielder was disgusted that a "Sporting" and a "Real" were competing for what he calls the "All-USA Soccer Trophy Championship". Then he makes a gunshot noise with his mouth.
- If Sporting Park is the "Rolls Royce" of MLS Stadiums, that makes BMO Field a hobo's boxcar.
- The King of Utah is not in attendance. Nor the Wizard of Oz. There was a false alarm on a munchkin sighting but it was Joao Plata doing warm-ups.
- Many fans were taken aback by Don Garber's "organized crime boss" outfit during halftime. In defence of the league boss, he is on his way to his local community theatre production of "Chicago (Fire)". And all that jazz.
- Garber was waxing lyrical once-again about a potential future MLS winter schedule. Club owners in attendance at the frigid match were heard to say "Ummm... yeah... fuck that shit."
- Kyle Beckerman's dreadlocks were gently placed in a slow-cooker - rented from a local Kansas BBQ joint - during halftime in order to thaw out his "Realstafarian" hair-do.
- Benny Feilhaber's Ron Burgundy moustache has become the least successful "Anchorman 2" cross-promotion since Will Ferrell appeared on a TSN curling broadcast.
- Tim Leiweke just promised TFC fans they would be in the MLS Cup in the next 30 days. Likely.
- It is an awful lot of fun to say "Zusi" really slowly.
- Kyle Beckerman having a dominant 2nd Half. He must think it's white boy day. (Locker room video)
- Alvaro Saborio and Aurelien Collin have both found the scoresheet tonight. And they say nice guys finish last! {SARCASM FONT}
- League releases tie-breaker format: Extra Time; Penalty Kicks; Slam Dunk Contest; Karaoke showdown; Former Wizards Preki & Mo Johnston vs. Karl Malone & John Stockton mud wrestling extravaganza.
- Teal Bunbury is still a massive twat.
- Penalty kicks are a cruel way to crown a "champion" in football after 9 months.
- MLS entertained us more than any match from Europe today. Now let's get our re-build on. Again.

SPORTING KC 1 - REAL SALT LAKE 1
(SKC WINS 7-6 ON PENALTY KICKS)

THE STARTING 11: Lesser-known impacts of David Beckham's time in Major League Soccer

Long Live Love David Beckham!



In 2007, a monumental arrival impacted Major League Soccer in ways previously thought impossible. It happened though... an expansion team who wouldn't make the playoffs for six years and counting. Also... David Beckham went to Los Angeles. Yes, FIFA's leading hairstyle innovator (1995-2007) indeed joined Galaxy from Real Madrid in a faux-messianic quest to "bring the soccer to the America". Only the petty out there will deny that Beckham's six seasons in MLS had a positive effect on the footballing landscape of North America but not everything he accomplished was caught on film...
　
11. Single-handedly caused "The Great Californian Tattoo Ink Crisis" of 2007
　
10. "Nasal Cockney" now a recognized second-language in many suburban Los Angeles high schools
　
9. Well coiffured presence in the line-up made Landon Donovan look downright macho
　
8. Created a 15% spike in Southern California newborns named "Home Depot"
　
7. His arrival opened a floodgate of other high-profile European footballers like... um... Teemu Tainio?
　
6. MLS Cup will forever give off a subtle dose of "Homme by David Beckham" cologne every time it is lifted
　
5. Thankfully persuaded Don Garber to give up on his dreams of a faux-hawk
　
4. Personally organized the loan of Chad Barrett to Norwegian league - to improve LA Galaxy's goalscoring
　
3. Helped wean middle-aged women off of "Twilight" and "50 Shades of Grey" for 90 minutes at a time
　
2. Todd Dunivant totally into super skinny jeans now
　
1. Coined the pop culture term "Brucearenasexual"

THE STARTING 11: Other Beckham effects

Jeez, get a room



There are still a few negative types out there in North American football who claim that David Beckham's five-year affair with Major League Soccer was a failure. Long before he raised the MLS Cup last night - this simply wasn't the case. Did he play his best football with LA Galaxy, far from it. But, is the league a markedly stronger one as his star fades from Carson, California? Definitely. While Goldenballs brought many very visible positives to MLS' image, not everything about his time on our continent made headlines...
　
11. Sexy silhouette of Bruce Arena added to his tattoo collection
　
10. Helped heal broken Los Angeles sports fan's hearts after the departure of Luc Robitaille
　
9. Resisted temptation to name baby girl "Homedepotcenter"
　
8. Turned down opportunity to buy MLS club New England after name change to "David Beckham's Revolution Pour Homme" was rejected
　
7. Galaxy's training gear long replaced by exotic matching sarongs
　
6. Whenever Man United visits the USA, Sir Alex Ferguson invited to drop by and throw hairdryer at Landon Donovan
　
5. Victoria always allowed to spray her fragrance over Columbus before away matches to Crew
　
4. Got Chad Barrett to believe in himself as "The Wayne Rooney of the southern Los Angeles suburban regions"
　
3. Successfully blocked California adult film producers from releasing XXX video "Boned It Like Beckham"
　
2. L.A. street gangs have replaced coloured bandanas with thin, European headbands
　
1. Totally got Don Garber into skinny jeans

Das Falsche Konsültant Journal: Day Zwanzig - Der turkey und stüffing

7 AM: Why must das influenza deceive mein immunën system?! Herr Anselmi, Chancellor of FC Toronto begged und begged me to attend MajorLiga Pokal Final in Toronto auf Sunday nacht. He told me I must sit outdoorsën to “be seen on die TeeEssenToo”. Was ist das TeeEssenToo? Harsh Kanadian wind has given me sickness.
　
8:15 AM: Widerlich! Mein nose is dripping like damaged battleship at the Hanseatic port of Rostock! Dear kitty kat Karl-Heinz is giving me tender kisses but little can bring joy to mein impacted nasal cavity. Must arise soon - much konsültantwerk to be done... und must prepare for Yankee turkey sacrifice celebration of Danksagung.
　
9 AM: Breakfast: Mein tastebüden have failed me. How can man expected to werk das full day without die taste of breakfast sausage? This lingenberry juice has given me nothing. Nothing!!!
　
10:30 AM: Must inspect FC Toronto list of sacrificial players for MajorLiga Fussball Expansion of Territory Draft soon. Must rest more first. Bavarian kaffee und an episode of hit German morning TV show “Now Is The Time To Wake! Mit Nina Hagen” It is der special episoden live from Paul die Psychic Octopüsen funeral und feast.
　
12 PM: FC Toronto sacrificial list looks liken Bundesliga 3 squad Stuttgarter Kickers! I emailen mein suggestions to Earl of Cockrain und der JimmyBee on mein SchwarzBerry:
Protect Julian der Guzman, Dvayne Der Rozario und Stefan Freiberg. Stop. Eliminate rest of squad immediately. Stop. Nick Garcia must be neutralized. Stop. The eagle flies backwards at night. Over.
　
12:15 PM: Herr Anselmi texten me back: “Draft was yesterday. Don’t sweat it - we sold tons of tickets after you were on TV on Sunday! Booyah! T.A.” Oh mein Gott! I slept through der Wednesday? Why did I ingest doppel dose of German cold medicine NyKill? How could this happen! My konsültantwerk has been undermined by Earl of Cockrain! Und was ist “Booyah”?!
　
12:30 PM: My mood has grown dark like Black Forest nacht. Mein father would find me a disgrace. Why vater why?!
　
12:45 PM: Lunch: Influenza has stripped my appetite of vigour. Das konsültancy failures have made it worsen. Force myself to eat 8 linken of Spiced Leipzig Würst. Give remaining linken to dear Karl-Heinz. Radical fuzzy little dude.
　
1:30 PM: Urgent telefonën call from FC Toronto! Der JimmyBee wants to know mein thoughts on a NathanSturgis. I think it is type of British submarine? I inform der JimmyBee I will call back. Check on the Interwebën und best German website VikiPediaFile under “nathansturgis”. Achtung! He is a mittlefeldspieler at FC Seatllesounden! Call back JimmyBee and say he is solid like a VW Camper but do not spend too many Kanadamarks on him.
　
2 PM: Earl of Cockrain has given zie Vancouver WeissAlpen der First Round Pick in der MLS ÜberDraften for! He ist nicht der GM! I am due to konsült on new GM! My soul is blackened with rage and runny nose.
　
2:30 PM: I will only take half dosage of NyKill und lay on der sofa while hausfrau begins cooking of traditional Amerikan turkey sacrifice. Watch Thanksgiving traditional NFL-Germany gridiron match between Leipzig Bureaucrats und Wiesbaden Sullen Bears.
　
7 PM: Scheisse!!! Damn that NyKill! Why must you be so powerful? I have slept for hours! Der turkey is ready to be divided und conquered...
　
7:15 PM: The Dinner: Armed with mein ceremonial Bavarian sabre, turkey is cut in half und der flanks become separated from rest of unit. Resistance becomes futile as der noble bird is annexed region by region. Stüffing mit sage und nuts - delightful!
　
8:00 PM: Two texten messagen! Herr Anselmi says “Happy Thanksgiving, wanna give an interview about how great Earl is doing?” Scheisse. Then texten from gut friend Teddy Sheringham “Yo JK I’m in Vegas! It’s turkey day but I’m always a breast and thigh man! LOL!” I do not understand. Was ist lol?
　
9:00 PM: Erotische Zeit (mit extra gravy)
　
9:45 PM: Taken more NyKill. I must defeat das influenza... und then I must see to the demise of Earl of Cockrain. I am sure the HMS NathanSturgis was torpedoed in der Baltic...


“Das Falsche Konsültant Journal” does not claim to represent the words of any real Germanic person living, dead or miscellaneous. No turkey was conquered in the publication of this falsche Bavarian diary. Danke.

Could Cup Final failure be good for MLS?

Away supporters arrive in Toronto for the MLS Cup

When the proverbial Garcia was hitting the fan in TFC-land a month ago, the initial fear from those on high wasn't necessarily the club's long-term health but the sudden fan anger's effect on the upcoming MLS Cup Final match in Toronto. ML$E and Major League Soccer bigwigs both, were sweating audibly at the sudden image of a half-empty BMO Field... in a blizzard... with Dallas and Colorado playing to a scoreless draw... on (sort of) national TV.
　
Code Reds were alerted forcing MLS boss Don Garber to fly into Toronto and crow about how fantastic Toronto supporters are and the mythical "model club" that TFC supposedly is. While Garber was on "Charm Tour 2010", ML$E scrambled to assure their fans that things would change in the future and that the mandatory purchase of MLS Cup tickets was some kind of "wondrous" gift. Toronto supporters are still split on whether they will attend the Final with many holding out for the potentially dull finalists and/or the potentially terrible weather forecast. However, could a sparsely attended Final in a "jewel" MLS city be a positive agent for change?
　
Major League Soccer's playoff system and indeed its final match are both flawed entities that are stuck in the iron grip of North American reality. While the playoff system is likely here to stay, the enforced and false "East vs. West" conference play caused matchups that should not have even existed in a best vs. worst format and have created the geographically absurd "East Final" between San Jose and Colorado. Last time we checked, neither Denver nor San Jose relocated to the Eastern Seaboard. If the playoffs have to stay, a single-table leading to a 1 vs. 8 seeding is the only sane way forward.
　
The problem of the MLS Cup Final itself is that it has far less to do with football as it does "entertainment". MLS is stuck on trying to have its own "Super Bowl" with the requisite concerts and "fan experience zones" which of course necessitates a neutral venue for planning, rather than the match being played in the higher seeded finalist’s park. This robs the match of real atmosphere with North American geography stifling travelling support and the fact that football hasn't reached that "mega-game" place for the continent's neutral sports fans.
　
MLS apologists will argue that all major football finals in Europe and elsewhere are neutral site but that excuse doesn't fly as 95% of world football also doesn't rely on playoffs to crown the league champion. Picking and choosing bits from around FIFA that suits advertisers and "demographics" does not build the game in North America. It's time for MLS to treat its supporters as knowledgeable fans and ditch the NASL-esque antics in favour of a football friendly, yet still North American style.
　
Perhaps seeing a Garber-christened "knowledgeable" Toronto crowd uninterested and absent for a possible Earthquakes v FC Dallas final with no travelling support may help push the death of the neutral site final. It would be a tiny step in boosting an often anti-climactic championship process.

CODE RED: "Operation Soccer Mom" is a go

2010 - nothing to LOL at

If you are reading this within earshot of Maple Leaf Sports & Entertainment's downtown gold and diamond encrusted lair - those alarm bells are real. This is not a drill. For the first time, ML$E head honchos, who just happened to be hosting Major League Soccer bosses, witnessed a very sparsely attended BMO Field last night. The announced 10,000 attendance (but far lower in reality) may have been the canary in the coalmine for Tom Anselmi and the gang and no doubt the ML$E minions are scratching their heads, and Blackberrys, this morning.
　
“How could this be?” - they will ask. “What about the famed and marketable atmosphere?” “What about "This Is Our House"?” “What about... (breathless pause) SEASON TICKET RENEWALS!!!” (Silent scream) There will be some sober thoughts in dark corners of Castle ML$E (just to the left of the giant laser) - whispers of "did we really slay the golden goose?" Surely an urgent text exchange like the following couldn't be taking place between two code-named ML$E super-villains... could it?
　
T SALAMI: Yo Richie Rich - we got problemz at BMO - need ur help!!!
DICK_PEDDLAR: Whaassup!! Ur pansy-ass soccer boys falling over their shadows again? lol
T SALAMI: No! lolz - didn't you see the match?
DICK_PEDDLAR: Haha! U know I don't watch GrassLeafs or BasketLeafs!!! Why?
T SALAMI: Only 7K showed up! And we invited MLS bigwigs too!
DICK_PEDDLAR: What's MLS? : (
T SALAMI: Major League Soccer, Richie - Jesus!
DICK_PEDDLAR: That's a thing? Did u feed them Panda Caviar?
T SALAMI: Of course! But they were PO'd! They think MLS Cup in November will be a bust!
DICK_PEDDLAR: MLS Cup? That's a thing? Indoors right?
T SALAMI: No! Jeez RP - do you ever actually listen at board meetings? It's @ BMO!
DICK_PEDDLAR: LOLZ! OMFG! How will you get those loser Euros to buy tickets?
T SALAMI: We forced them onto 2011 season tix packs.
DICK_PEDDLAR: Ahhh! The old RaptorLeaf combo - brilliant!
T SALAMI: Thnx. But now I think they are revolting! EuroHosers seem smarter than HockeyHosers and BasketHosers! They may not renew!!! Didn't even mention seat licences to them yet! : (
DICK_PEDDLAR: You told us they were like LeafsNation - the teachers will not be happy... you told us you controlled those fan clubs... the U-Zone, North Siders and Red Shirt Club - what happened?
T SALAMI: You really don't watch do you? Dunno. Told them we'd bring MLS Cup to Toronto - guess they thought we meant with TFC playing in it - never said that! lol
DICK_PEDDLAR: You know what you have to do right? Numb the masses with promo junk and noise
T SALAMI: Operation: Soccer Mom?
DICK_PEDDLAR: Yup.
T SALAMI: But these fans are different...
DICK_PEDDLAR: Pfft! lol. This is Toronto - feed them pudding. The new uniforms coming soon?
T SALAMI: Check
DICK_PEDDLAR: Gonna make that dude with the haircut the new GM... John Brannon?
T SALAMI: Jim Brennan. Check
DICK_PEDDLAR: What else you got?
T SALAMI: Naming the north seats "The Danny Dichio Stand"
DICK_PEDDLAR: What's a Dichio? Not that guy on that Ontario Power commercial is it?
T SALAMI: Nevermind. What do you think about Thundersticks?
DICK_PEDDLAR: Gold
T SALAMI: Working on a fuzzy dog mascot named "StrikerPup"
DICK_PEDDLAR: Now you're cooking. Cheerleaders?
T SALAMI: Check. TFC SoccerDancers auditions in December. Missing anything else?
DICK_PEDDLAR: What about that Pele guy? Does he still play? He's a good soccerer no?
T SALAMI: Umm - I'll get the scouting department on it.
DICK_PEDDLAR: You have a scouting department?
T SALAMI: An intern and that old VHS from Maple Leaf Gardens lol
DICK_PEDDLAR: Good enuff. Don't sweat big man - you'll have BMO full of soccer moms and girls teams in no time. Hey - how bout TFC Red Shirley Temples for sale!
T SALAMI: Hmm - could work. You still have the Argos on speed-dial?
DICK_PEDDLAR: Duh! lolz! : ) 30,000 expansion for the FC's? Unlikely!!! btw - told you not to fire that Mo Jackson guy - all the heats on you now
T SALAMI: Johnston. Yeah - he was good for that. : ( Gotta go - gonna teach our Scarborough superstar a thing or two on sports radio - lol
DICK_PEDDLAR: Sweet - going to eat some panda - All For One! Hahahahahaha!!!

MLS needs playoff elimination

A few weeks after the MLS Cup Final and outside of maybe Utah, the new Champs - Real Salt Lake, are but a distant memory. The sadder part of the 2009 MLS Playoff residue however is that the two teams who really should have been battling for the title, Columbus and Houston, are a mere footnote in the league's yearbook. It is the biggest downfall of the current MLS Playoff system that the best teams in this league often become discarded soon after the regular season ends.

It is time that MLS stops trying to pander to the "new fan" in North America and starts catering to the established fan who is used to the system used in most parts of the football world. Yes, there are a few leagues around the globe that use some form of playoffs but the top leagues, which most MLS supporters watch in the off-season, reward the best team in the regular season as their champion. There are arguments that North American sport needs playoffs but that is a lazy insult to the intelligence of American and Canadian fans.

It is possible in a few easy changes to create a system in MLS that not only rewards the best club as its champion but also keeps a form of "playoff" style knockout to please the TV advertisers and Soccer Mom panderers. The league has failed when it has tried to "North Americanize" the game but succeeded when it has embraced football's world culture. With that in mind, here is a possible tweak to MLS to push it that much closer to full footy legitimacy.


THE REGULAR SEASON
The first and foremost act is to eliminate the outdated and irrelevant East and West Conference structure. No one is fussed by these false geographical rivalries and in the last two MLS Cup Finals, both clubs were from the same conference. The time to switch to a single table is now. With 18-20 clubs in MLS by 2012, the league can operate a home and home schedule much the same as you will find in England, Spain, Italy or other major leagues. Running along the same time frame as it does now but with the elimination of playoffs, would allow the league to keep more dates open for FIFA conflicts all the while crowning the MLS Champion at the end of the year to the team with the most points.

THE MLS CUP
The no-playoff idea always brings up fear mongering that claims North Americans won't go see their team if they are out of the race. Attendance would probably take a very minor hit but could be helped through a restructuring of the MLS Cup. Changed to play out like the FA Cup or any number of national cups, the revamped MLS Cup would start in late August with all 16 teams entering a one game knockout tourney. With the dates free from the elimination of the old playoffs, the first two rounds could be played out at the same time for all clubs until 4 clubs are left. In order to keep interest in cities that may be out of the championship race the Semi-Final could be played a week before the end of the regular season while the Final would take place a week after the completion of the regular season, much like the FA Cup is in England.


While it may take a while for some casual MLS fans to warm to the new style, a few years in would see the club with the most points be widely accepted as the true Champion of the league. The MLS Champ and the MLS Cup Winner would both still receive Champions League berths and in addition the US Open Cup and the Canadian Championship would add more than enough playoff style competition for the casual fan.

MLS has made some great strides in the past 5 years and now the time has come to continue its' maturation process as well as respecting the maturing football culture in North America who fill MLS stadiums and want their league to be as good as any in the world.

Editorial: MLS championship a "Real" joke

Imagine the headlines in Europe this past May if Major League Soccer ruled UEFA: "Man United 1st in Premiership - 8th Place Tottenham new Champions". "Palermo Wins Scudetto after coming in 8th - Inter look to next year". How come that kind of absurdity seems so ridiculous everywhere in football but is accepted as a justified reality in MLS?

Kudos to Real Salt Lake for knocking off one MLS favourite after another on the way to the title but is this what North American football fans really want? The need for a playoff structure in North America is seemingly necessary to attract fans late in the season but the result is one that insults true football fans.

When you look at this policy of playoffs, which has made the likes of Columbus and Houston mere footnotes in 2009, you realize that it is just part of the problem that truly keeps MLS on the outside of the world football community. The problem is that the league is still far too obsessed at reaching out to marketing demographics rather than the core football supporter. While it is true that the casual fan is necessary for financial purposes, they are also the most fair weather and likely to disappear.

The true football supporter is often overlooked in MLS's quest to corner the Volvo Mom demographic and it is to its own detriment. If you consider the football friendly changes made in the last few years such as more football-only stadiums, club names and kits that don't look like roller hockey and standardized FIFA rules, they have all complimented a fairly good product. On the other hand, MLS's history of "dumbing down" the sport have all been abysmal failures that didn't attract new fans and alienated true fans.

It is time for MLS to take some more steps towards full football legitimacy and the playoff structure should be one of the first moves. There are many different structures that could be implemented to move MLS closer in line with the rest of the world while keeping its North American necessities. In the end, it's the football that counts and RSL, a sub-.500 club, as MLS Champions is a poor showing for the league. Changes are needed, they just need to be done by football minds - not marketing ones.