SOUTH COUCH REPORT : Kansas City v Toronto... or 'Transfer Request' edition

Seriously, what the hell.  Now O'Dea wants out?  This club would make an amazing case study in sports mismanagement and dysfunction.  I mean if we could get the unedited version of the story.  Or the book.  C'mon, wouldn't the tell-all book be fantastic?  "The Successful Failure Machine" is my working title.  Last third of the book can be transfers alone.

This weekend has been a veritable PR clusterfuck. I'm sure their doctors of spin have just as easily packed it in until Monday and decided to let loose.  Probably have a drinking game to wash away the pain.

Onto the match.

6' - I'm starting a rumour that Weideman has just requested to be transferred to a better side.  Only interest has been generated from German 6th division side TeBe Berlin to meet the criteria.

15' - commentator mentions about O'Dea being sent home requesting a transfer.  Take a drink.

22' - Brockie gets two chances against the Lego Man Nielsen' stops both.  Unlucky.

23' - GOAL - feed took a poop, Sporting scored. Damn.
COMETS 1, ROBINS 0

28' - commentator postulates whether Nelsen is the right man for the job.  Take a drink.

32' - Laba coughs up the ball, KC counter, Bendik makes a great stop then yells at Eckersley for being out of position.

44' - YELLOW - Brockie gets booked for a tackle from behind

45' - SUB - Hall is coming on for Richter to start the second half

49' - Bendik makes another critical save one-on-one.  Take a drink.

51' - GOAL - Saad picks up the rebound from the save by Bendik and poor Joe can't save them all.  Its his second apparently.
COMETS 2, ROBINS 0

56' - RED - Oh Reggie.  Lambe has a late tackle from behind go at Saad and there isn't much contact but it was a reckless attempt.

60' - SUB - Earnshaw makes way for Braun who will likely be loaned to Chivas on Wednesday for just the second half.

64' - GOAL - tic-tac-toe and Bieler finishes the dismantling of the Toronto back four.
COMETS 3, ROBINS 0

68' - commentator mentions about O'Dea being sent home requesting a transfer.  Take a drink.

76' - Caldwell and Bendik have a rather animated discussion trying to clear up who's ball it was to clear after Caldwell hammered it out for a corner.

77' - Collin heads in a ball after some pinball from the cover but the refs erroneously called it offside.

78' - SUB - Thomas comes on for Laba

81' - Vanilla Peterson comes on for Kansas City.  TFC faithful will remember him for having a spot on the roster, maybe playing a few times unremarkably

86' - commentator mentions about O'Dea being sent home requesting a transfer.  Take a drink.

Full Time: Kansas City 3, Toronto 0

Man of the Match: Bendik

Goat of the Game: so much general lack of quality, it would be easier to simply say 'not Bendik'

Ref Rating: 4 out of 5.  Screwed up minor calls on each side.  Well done.

I Am Not The Gaffer But...: if I was, I'd ask everyone to avoid bothering me with transfer requests until I'm finished having a good cry.  Perhaps wonder if QPR need an aging full back?  Wonder if there is a deity worth praying to?  See if there are tickets to the Tony Robbins motivational speaking engagement still available?

I just don't feel like putting anything here.  Just when the stability was here, a chunk of defenders up and leave (and 'stability' is used rather loosely).

Player Ratings: Bendik 6.5, Richter 5.5 [Hall 5.5], Agabossoumonde 5.5, Caldwell 6, Eckersley 5.5, Lambe 4, Laba 5.5 [Thomas N/A], Russell 5, Convey 5.5, Earnshaw 6 [Braun N/A], Brockie 6

Like some of you, @ignirtoq watched the game in its entirety and still can't imagine how he sat through it all.  He would like to recommend Pacific Rim as a solid action movie with pretty scenes, giant mechs fighting giant monsters and a 'meh' plot.

LETTERS FROM CAMP: Let's do lunch

"Hi SkyDome? Are you open for lunch?"



IT'S GONNA KICK OFF
We are starting to get a slightly better idea of when to tell our significant others that we won't be available for (enter lame family function here) as TFC's match kick-off times are appearing slowly. No, not on the club's website... that would just be crazy talk... but via TV schedules. TSN dropped their mad 2013 MLS science today and with it a few ideas of when to start singing "When The Reds Go Marching In". Some early season kick-offs of interest include...
　
- MARCH 2ND @ VANCOUVER 6:30PM
- MARCH 9TH VS. SPORTING KC (dans le SkyDome) 1:30PM
- MARCH 16TH @ MONTREAL 4PM
- MARCH 30TH VS LOS ANGELES 2PM
　
Also announced were a bunch of midday starts in the summer which is perfect if you enjoy turning bright red/cooking poultry live on the tin floor that is BMO Field. But really, why listen to supporters when TSN has to make space for whatever it is that channel shows when it's not football. Is summer hockey a thing? You've been warned TFC support, SPF timez - and the rest of you who show up 30 minutes late no matter what the start time, you can just burn.
　
CAMP CRUMBY
All is quiet on the southern front - Orlando, Florida... here are some crumbs you addicts...
- Doneil Henry has been brought into the Canada U-20 camp next week with a call up to the CONCACAF Championships later this month likely. Henry will thus be away from TFC until early March and if by chance Canada qualifies - will miss some time this June at the U-20 World Cup in Turkey. Gobble gobble.
- Darren O'Dea decided to concentrate on his first pre-season with TFC rather than join the Republic of Ireland who are playing in a friendly this week. O'Dea has been tapped to play a major leadership role and his time with TFC is important at this stage. He says a bunch of things in Irish here...
- He gotz the allocation moneyz at the draft. He gotz the salary capz relief after trading Hassli yo. Time for some cha-ching from Kevin Payne? Not so fast. Homeyz. (So streets right?) The president quietly warned that TFC may not have all the pieces they want before the season begins as he takes the slow and steady approach to signing players he actually wants over panic buying. That being said, the clock is ticking on Payne to "Ante Up"(see scientific video below) before fans recoil in horror at Justin Braun lining up as the lone striker. Homeyz.

LETTERS FROM CAMP: Kiwis, Barracudas and Platitas, oh my!

Well that's a Sticky Wicket...



NILSIN? PRISINT. DIFINDERS? HAPPY.
Not only are TFC trumpeting the fact that they have "solved" the Caramilk Secret their seven-year defensive woes but they are apparently a blissfully happy bunch too! It seems like supporters weren't the only ones doing a bit of hand-wringing over new manager Ryan Nelsen's protracted arrival with Darren O'Dea admitting "Certainly it was something I was concerned with when he was first appointed," . However, with Nelsen's February 1st arrival on the back of a flock of kiwis (say unconfirmed sources) now confirmed, it seems like the defensive "gang" including O'Dea, Richard Eckersley and newcomer Danny Califf are a delighted bunch of bros. Now if we could just sign two cheery midfielders and a couple of gleeful strikers we could all share in the joy.
　
YOU GOT RESERVED
The long rumoured cuddle party between MLS and USL Pro (the pseudo-North American but not really in Canada 3rd Tier league) has been confirmed. In a perestroika-like handshake (less politburos, more City Islanders) the MLS will blend its Reserve Team schedule with the existing USL Pro division in a mosaic-like interleague kickathon. As part of the long-term cooperation, which has advantages for both parties, some of the 14 USL Pro clubs will be "affiliated" with MLS clubs which will see both player and corporate sharesies. We are really, really hoping that TFC can somehow get their paws on an affiliation with Antigua Barracuda FC. They play in Sticky Wicket Stadium. No other explanation needed. Fine...S.D. "Special Delivery" Jones. You happy now?
　
THEY WILL LOAN OUR "SILVER" - OH YEEE-AH?
An unusual tidbit was making the rumour rounds this morning and it concerns our tiny orphan Joao "Los Webster" Plata. Whispers from the Holy Mormon Kingdom of Utah claim that there is talk of Real Salt Lake loaning Plata from Toronto on a year-long agreement. As stated in the article, the original source of the rumour is most likely Plata's own agent so you are probably best to take it with the biggest grain of salt you can find. If only there was some kind of Salt Lake for such an occasion. Inter-MLS loans are practically unheard of so the most likely scenario is that a desperate agent is trying to get people north of the Rio Grande remembering that Plata exists. Unwanted at TFC and by LDU Quito by most accounts, "Los Webster" may be all out of Popadopolises.

Did someone order a "Special Delivery"?

THE MATCHUP: Not internationally known

'Executive Hawk Class' - Almaty to Toronto in 37 Hours

TORONTO VS. CHICAGO
　
BMO FIELD - WEDENSDAY 7PM ET
TV: TSN
　
While the good majority of Toronto-area football fans are still mostly interested in the qualifying quest of the Canadian National Team, those other boys in red - your Toronto Eff Cees - are back at BMO Field. The quality Chicago Fire are here to test the threadbare Reds who are hosting the re-scheduled fixture in the middle of an international break due to being money-hungry Liverpool-fodder victims of an unavoidable yet useful and rewarding mid-season friendly.
　
Due to internationals, TFC will be without the help of Canadians Terry Dunfield and Ashtone Morgan while Jamaicans Ryan Johnson and Dicoy Williams (he's still here?) are also absent. One man who could still rightfully be with his national side but is back with TFC deserves a mention. Darren O’Dea asked the Irish team to release him from a friendly vs. Oman and travelled all the way back from a World Cup Qualifier in Kazakhstan to be with his new side. O'Dea is showing some very good leadership and team-building qualities while proving worthy of his new-found captaincy. While not a DP, the young Irishman may be about the brightest thing TFC has to show for at the end of 2012. Very nice!
　
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "The International Breaker"
　
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
TORONTO: Eric Hassli, Darren O'Dea, Luis Silva
CHICAGO: Alvaro Fernandez, Sherjill MacDonald, Dominic Oduro
　
THE ODDS:
- Match re-scheduled to accommodate big money friendly with Liverpool Alumni team: 10-1
- Milos Kocic asked if his newborn triplets would think about filling in on TFC's back-line: 5-1
- TFC managing to suck away any left-over euphoria from BMO Field's hosting of Canada v Panama last Friday within 5 minutes: EVENS
　
WHO ARE YA?
As mentioned above, TFC's Darren O'Dea made the selfless decision to return all the way from Kazakhstan to Toronto rather than returning to Ireland. However, it was not an easy journey. As his Irish teammates chartered back to Dublin, O'Dea was driven by donkey-drawn 1987 Skoda hatchback from the Glorious People's Footkick Coliseum in Astana to the rural town of Topar. This was only agreed upon after paying his handler "Yerzhan The Philanderer" the princely sum of a quart of industrial-grade Fanta and a photograph of Robbie Keane's wife.
　
Upon reaching Topar, O'Dea had to join his driver in a prayer to "The Mighty Hawk" before being carried overnight by eight virgins to the shores of Lake Balqash which was later crossed on a traditional Kazakh dog-ferry. 79 hours later (as The Hawk flies) and O'Dea finally reached the Almaty International Aerodrome and Meat Market where he boarded his Kazakh Airlines flight to Toronto (via Bishkek, Tashkent, Odessa, Tunis, an unmarked Sub-Saharan airstrip and Newark) while enjoying two full-length in-flight films - "Erkebulan: Adventure of The Eye Stabber" and "Karate Kid III".
　
POST-MATCH HEADLINE: "MID-SEASON FRIENDLY TOUTED AS 'TOTALLY WORTH IT'"
　
And... much like TFC, he's not obsessed with being internationally known, however, unlike TFC, he is known to rock the microphone...

You wait O'Dea for a defender - then Darren comes along

By the scruff of the neck...



Well not exactly "the bossman" TFC supporters may have expected but an intriguing signing nonetheless. After the disappointment of being stymied in their quest to land Olof Mellberg a couple of weeks back, The Reds had to look elsewhere for a Don Garber Approved (TM) defender and instead landed young Irish International Darren O'Dea. While not in the same pedigree as Mellberg, O'Dea is a capable centreback who should fit well into Paul Mariner's style.
　
The 25-year old Dubliner is best known for his time with Celtic but has spent the last few seasons on loans in the English Championship - a very good litmus for life in MLS. A brief loan to Reading in 2009 was followed in subsequent seasons by stretches with Ipswich Town and most recently Leeds. O'Dea has his share of detractors who see him as a bit weak with the footwork and sometimes calamitous in tackles but he should offer an improvement over current options in the Toronto backline. Despite his inconsistent club performances however, O'Dea has performed well with Ireland and was voted Young Irish Player of the Year for 2012.
　
O'Dea may not be the "world-class CB" that many supporters were holding their breath for but with the opportunity to play regularly and lead a young defence, he could be dependable and solid. After a six-year search for a centreback, perhaps that is the best we can hope for.

Garber said no to our Big Boss Man