Hitchhiker's Guide to Drawing the Galaxy

"Don't Panic."

The Hollywood script on tonight's match between TFC and LA Galaxy was practically written in most circles before the first whistle. Most Hollywood observers (not the "Hollywood Observer") would have predicted a Galaxy win as confidently as predicting the ending of a Jennifer Aniston rom-com (she gets the guy) or that Lost's series finale will bitterly disappoint its fans (Heaven, time-warp, aliens, fat guy's dream - who cares). However, it seems as if Preki did a re-write, went all "M.Knight", and threw in a twist.

The pre-match news seemed to add to the seemingly inevitable horror that has been The Reds' road show in 2010 as Julian de Guzman was rendered ineligible due to a bad hamstring. His replacement, Martin Saric is definitely stuntman to JDG's Fred Astaire and with O'Brien White already down with injury, most TFC supporters expected TFC to come out and immediately turtle. Preki instead directed his rag-tag cast differently and took the game to Galaxy.

Perhaps emboldened by his first return to Home Depot Centre, the "Smiling Serb" played a fairly aggressive counter attack while the defensive line, particularly Adrian Cann and Nana Attakora, marshaled from the back. Although they didn't manage to get many good scoring chances in the first half, the real result was that neither did Galaxy. In fact the 0-0 scoreline at the half was fair to both clubs who played an entertaining 45 minutes with pace and some flair.

The second half saw Toronto try to up the offensive pressure on the counter attack and any opportunity was going to come from the aggressive and increasingly confident Chad Barrett. "The Chad" had a few chances and if Peki can increase his confidence to take the first time shot he may well continue to improve. Galaxy's strong defence however did manage to hold off TFC's bold attempts and as the half wore on, the inevitable TFC fatigue began to appear.

With about 20 minutes remaining, The Reds (who are in the midst of a hectic schedule) ran out of gas and their forward momentum faded. Preki made a trio of defensive minded substitutions which eliminated any chance of TFC sneaking a late goal but did give the squad just enough fresh legs to hold off the late Galaxy pressure driven by Landon Donovan. With help from some unlucky Galaxy forwards, surviving Maksim "Nyet Nyet Slow-viet" Usanov's red card and heroic goalkeeping from Toronto's Stefan Frei, The Reds managed to crack the hoodoo of road futility in 2010. While still seeking their first league win on the road, this far more confident showing from TFC at least defied the inevitable Hollywood ending... enough at least to deserve a sequel. Preki 2: Electric Boogaloo?

LOS ANGELES GALAXY 0 - TORONTO FC 0

TFC rule the road at "401 Derby"

Not just a highway... a rivalry

Le party is over at Stade Saputo once again. The "Pink Provolones" aka L'Impact du Montreal have been L'eliminated from the 2010 NutCan by Toronto FC. On a chilly night at the "House That Le Cheese Built" (and of course massive provincial payouts) TFC managed to outwork the hometown Impact just enough to grab the win and three points which puts The Reds in a solid position in the tournament.

To use a Quebecois analogy, the first half of the match was like a cold plate of poutine washed down with a warm, flat Pepsi. In other words, stale and boring. In front of a half empty stadium (apparently Montreal has a fairly popular ice hockey team also playing tonight) the two teams did not play anything resembling quality football. Many errant passes and sloppy runs dotted the first 45 with The Reds midfield pairing of Gabe Gala and Martin Saric looking particularly uncomfortable while Nick Garcia continued his hobby of clearing balls to the opponent. Luckily for Toronto, Montreal was even worse but that didn't stop several roars emanating from the crowd unexpectedly. Initial reports that Joey Saputo was throwing salami into the crowd proved to be wrong and it was actually in regards to The Habs scoring goals hundreds of miles away.

The second half saw Preki sub in "The" Chad Barrett for Maksim "Slow-Viet" Usanov and Barrett immediately improved TFC's offensive structure. Toronto started to control the match going forward and the second substitution, which saw O'Brien White replaced by Nick LaBrocca, changed The Reds' gameplan completely. Dangerous shots, good passing and a series of close calls were only denied by some quality goalkeeping by Montreal's Matt Jordan. Impact continued it's sloppy play only to be greeted by a loud cheer - not a prosciutto-cannon, another Habs goal.

TFC finally broke the deadlock in the 73rd minute when a terrific run and cross by the confident Barrett was clattered into the net by a sliding Dwayne De Rosario. With TFC up 1-0 Montreal became more frantic on the ball as they tried to salvage a win in vain. Their poor offensive form was met with a raucous cheer from the few thousand in attendance - or the Habs won. Whatever. TFC held off a late Impact surge with some solid play from Sam Cronin who had a solid second half display at rightback and also some very commanding goalkeeping by Swiss Mister Stefan Frei. At the whistle it was TFC who took the 3 points and once again the dominant male role in the "401 Derby".

In a week where Montreal's football community celebrated its membership into Major League Soccer this will be a major let down. Oh well, 2012 isn't too far away... but maybe Mr. Garber best not schedule any matches when the Canadiens are playing. The random cheering from an empty stadium is just tres bizarre.

MONTREAL IMPACT 0 - TORONTO FC 1

TFC harness the power of wind

Every now and again in football, no matter who is playing, the weather decides that it will be the major force in a game. Just ask supporters of Inverness Caledonian Thistle in northern Scotland. Today was one of those days in Toronto and BMO Field was the epicentre of a viciously cold wind and rain storm. While most fans would have expected TFC to struggle - a funny thing happened on the way to a loss.

TFC started the match with their backs to the wind resulting in powerful kicks but they and their opponents Chicago Fire (and you thought you had a windy city) struggled for the first 20 minutes to get a feel for the ball. The match looked like it was dissolving into a wind beaten mess until that very breeze accidentally curled a Nick LaBrocca cross over the Fire keeper Andrew Dykstra's head to open the scoring. From that point on, TFC managed to keep the ball down and control the ball while Chicago struggled as they continued to try and keep the ball in the air. The 1-0 lead from LaBrocca's first TFC strike took the clubs into the half.

The second half started off with a shocking bang. O'Brien White, who was subbed in for the invisible Jacob Peterson, immediately scored after a pretty one-two move with the very on-form Dwayne De Rosario. The trickling goal from the big Jamaican/Scarberian put TFC up by two before the very few people in the stands had returned from the chip butty stand. The Reds had their tails up and were controlling the play until the gusts turned against them and Chicago's Logan Pause hit an amazing wind-aided 35-yard strike that looped over Stefan Frei's head. The cold crowd no doubt wondered how Toronto would react.

The reaction however was truly astounding, not only for it's quality but for the role that Chad Barrett played in it. On the 66th minute O'Brien White made his best run in his time with TFC and unselfishly dished off to "The Chad" who put home a sitter to the joy of those who have been patient with the striker for ages. The whistle had barely re-started play when De Ro slid a terrific overlapping pass to the charging "The Chad" and suddenly Barrett had scored more goals in three minutes than he had all season. Never mind the wind - that was an act of God!

With the score 4-1, Chicago lost their way and TFC managed to close the shop for the last 20 minutes. Despite the weather, it was a great team performance from The Reds - it's just a shame that the inclement weather caused so many people to stay home. Also missed by everyone... a very poor and seemingly hastily organized tribute to Danny Dichio whose number was added to the (poor to begin with) "Wall of Honour". A bizarre event on a bizarre day where everything seemed to be twisting in the wind. Dichio deserved better but the fans who showed up can't complain about today's match - except the wind burn and frostbite.

TORONTO FC 4 - CHICAGO FIRE 1

Preki drops a depth charge

"Better call Barry."

After the Garcia hit the fan last week regarding the Gerba and Cummins interviews, MLSE VP Tom Anselmi was the most vocally dismissive of the comments - especially Gerba's. Anselmi ventured that Gerba's dismissal from TFC was not only due to the player's lack of quality but that in fact, his dismissal showed that The Reds' depth was actually better than people were saying. Umm... no.

After a tough seven days, Preki decided that his core starters wouldn't start the match tonight against the defending champions Real Salt Lake. Instead, the TFC bench, which Mo Johnston has assured us is a masterpiece in the making, took to the stage with none other than Chad Barrett as their captain. With De Rosario, De Guzman et al watching from the bench, Captain Chad led out a squad whose core was hastily put together by Mastermind Mo with a mixture of trials, his agent and scotch tape. The results were not surprising.

RSL came out with their tails up and pounded the open space between the Toronto midfield and defence. Contstant direct runs and in-swinging crosses paid off quickly for The Royals as Jamison Olave opened the scoring on the 13th minute. The highlight of TFC's offensive output was a looping header by Joseph Nane which was stopped well by RSL keeper Nick Rimando. Calling anything else Toronto did offense would be... well, offensive. RSL's continuing pressure led to Toronto-born forward Andy Willliams crashing home the second goal and the teams went to the dressing rooms with The Utahns (Utohnians? Utahites?) leading 2-0.

With the goodwill of the last two TFC matches drifting away, Preki brought on all of Scarborough FC for the second half. De Ro, JDG and O'Brien White finally added a little bit of form to TFC's missing offence but RSL already had the match in control. OBW went close and hit the crossbar early but that was the extent of TFC's creativity for most of the second until a De Ro cross in the 87th minute hit "Natty Dread" Kyle Beckerman's arm and the ref gave a very generous penalty. De Ro stepped up and cashed in his 7th goal of the season for The Torontos - but it was too little too late.

De Ro's goal, rather than giving late hope to Toronto only worked to prove how this is a club of only two or three really valuable pieces. Stefan Frei, Dwayne De Rosario and Julian De Guzman are solid professionals - the rest are a mixture of green kids, international cast-offs and First Wave favours. Yes, Preki's hand was forced by a very crowded schedule but once again Mo Johnston's pathetic excuse at depth is apparent. Preki shouldn't be forced to concede victory before the match everytime one or two players are unavailable. What would Mr. Anselmi say about this team's "hidden depth" if God forbid De Ro got injured?

REAL SALT LAKE 2 - TORONTO FC 1

Big, boring, burgundy beating

------------------------"Stay crappy, Mo Johnston"

The only other noise that could be heard through the continuous din of fog horns and high-pitched children's screams emanating from Dick's this afternoon, was the exasperated sighs of Toronto supporters. There can be little doubt left in any Reds' fans minds that this club isn't moving forward and "gelling" as has been shoved down our throats through MLSE promotions (i.e. GOLTV). In fact it is a very fair assessment to say that this version of TFC is the worst, and definitely least entertaining, since Year One.

Toronto FC under Preki not only have yet to score a goal from regular open-play but most shockingly have yet to find anything that remotely looks like an offensive strategy. The lone TFC goal in today's 3-1 loss to the "Burgundy Army" of Colorado was once again a Dwayne De Rosario converted penalty. Good for De Ro's account - awful for Toronto's prospects. Has anyone in the front office cared to ponder what happens if TFC's "One Man Gang" gets injured? It does happen in football occasionally you know.

Colorado opened the scoring today in a first half which was incredibly shoddy on both sides but hardly saw TFC anywhere near Rapids' goal. The goal was result of a Conor Casey penalty after the usual "high-quality" MLS referee called a handball on Adrian Cann - which was clearly a faceball and nowhere near the Thornhill giant's hands. Despite gaining some momentum after tying the game through De Ro's penalty not long after, TFC came out flat in the second half and their lack of quality showed.

A clumsy tackle by the highly overrated and vastly under-talented Martin Saric led to a free kick which Rapids' Jeff Larentowicz powered through the Toronto wall and passed a bewildered Stefan Frei. The keeper's bewilderment likely came from the fact that TFC's DP, and voted "Least Wanting To Be Here", Julian de Guzman, jumped out of the way of the shot's path creating a gaping whole for the ball to curl into the net. A player of JDG's quality should know better, although that genuine quality has yet to show in Toronto. A further messy tackle by Russian rightback Maksim Usanov gave Rapids their second penalty late in the second half and Conor Casey iced the cake with their 3rd.

The result is one that wasn't entirely unexpected but that in itself is quite sad. The fact that in this club's fourth year fans can't expect TFC to compete on the road against a mediocre club in front of the most tepid support in the league is so unfair to 21,000 BMO Field customers and many more on TV and radio. As a cherry on top - wasn't it just great to see Marvell Wynne looking comfortable and explosive in a centreback role? That Wynne was never even experimented in that position in three years, when TFC had a gaping whole there, is a glaring example of the total lack of football knowledge in charge of this club. But like road losses, I guess that is just another reality we've all had to just accept.

De Rosario narrowly beats 10-man expansion team

With all the player changes in and out of BMO Field it became painfully obvious tonight that only one player is truly indispensable on this club. The captain Dwayne De Rosario was the catalyst of the narrowest of victories as TFC slipped past Philadelphia 2-1 at tonight's home opener. For long stretches, De Ro was TFC's only source of offence and creativity on a club that is still struggling badly going forward.

De Rosario scored the first of his two goals soon after Philadelphia went down to 10 men in the first half. Danny Califf's rash challenge on Julian De Guzman led to the Union defender's dismissal and De Ro scored from the ensuing free kick. Despite being down a man, Philadelphia was the better offensive club and managed to pull one back late in the first half. It wasn't until late in the second half when O'Brian White was pulled down in the box by Philly's keeper Chris Seitz that TFC got the chance to retake the lead. Once again, De Ro stepped up and calmly put away the spotkick to make it 2-1 which is how the match ended.

TFC has a great distance to go in creating offence and can't take too much solace from this match considering the opponents and the fact they had a man advantage for 3/4 of the match. A positive of note was the solid play of new defender Adrian Cann who didn't put a foot wrong for most of the night. Lastly, Chad Barrett (nice haircut) made an appearance: 2 missed headers from short range and he also injured Amadou Sanyang's face - HAT TRICK!

STAY TUNED FOR "THE SOUTH STAND REPORT" LATER TONIGHT FOR A DETAILED MATCH REPORT...

----------------------Barrett: Nice haircut gooey Neo

TFC a McBridesmaid, never a McBride

That's about it then right? Enough now with the endless quest for the playoffs? Toronto had to leave Illinois with three points tonight but could only grab one from a match that saw TFC start with a frenetic energy and end with most players about to collapse. The 2-2 result was probably fair for both teams who both showed a lot more in the way of mistakes rather than skill. The biggest mistakes though seemed to come from the Toronto bench and its often baffling tactics.

Interim (by necessity) manager Chris Cummins started a very similar line-up to last week's team with Julian De Guzman playing a bit deeper than his previous match. It wasn't the DP who shone for TFC though, it was Dwayne De Rosario who was a man on fire for most of the night and grabbed the reins immediately. In the 6th minute, De Ro capitalized on a Fire defensive lapse and struck his 11th goal of the year putting The Reds up early. Ali Gerba looked dangerous and healthier and TFC looked dominant for the first 10 minutes, even Chad Barrett looked sharp (I hurt my hand typing that). However, disaster struck in the 14th minute when Rent-A-Defender Nick Garcia put a very weak own-goal past keeper Stefan Frei. The OG from the Earthquakes cast-off (!!!) deflated TFC's momentum and they lost their way, losing their composure for most of the remaining half.

Halftime reflections were frustrating as Toronto headed to the locker rooms on the wrong foot. Jim Brennan's rapid decline seemed very evident in the half with broadcaster Craig Forrest even openly pondering whether the captain should retire at season's end. It was nice to hear a broadcaster say what many of us are thinking. In the very least it was better than going back to the studio to hear Rob Faulds refer to the team as "FC" over and over again. That's so 2007! Luckily, former Blizzard supporters were spared any footage from Chicago's "Soccer Bowl '84" anniversary celebrations at halftime but it seemed as if the civic one-upmanship may have sparked The Reds in the locker room. That, or former Juve and Blizzard maestro Roberto Bettega called Chris Cummins.

Either way, pigs briefly flew over Chicago as TFC came roaring out in the 2nd half and Chad Barrett (ouch my hand) connected onto a De Ro cross and put Toronto ahead 2-1. It looked like "Blizzard's Revenge" but Chris Cummins decided that turtling for a whole half would be the best way to preserve the slim lead. Our old favourite negative tactic - Torontonaccio, came out and TFC put 10 men behind the ball. The useful Gerba was shockingly replaced by the still injured defensive midfielder Carl Robinson and The Reds began ball watching as Fire grew more confident. The all-out defending wore down Toronto in a hurry and they began to drop like flies through exhaustion and injury. Inevitably, Chicago patiently found its moment and Brian McBride schooled Nick Garcia and tied the game with a clinical finish. At that point, Cummins decided that offence was once again important and brought on O'Brian White but with most Reds collapsing on the field, the match was over apart from a lucky escape in the last second where Chicago could have taken all three points.

Chris Cummins, the former Luton youth coach and full-time Mo Puppet seems like a really nice guy but as the season has got down to the nitty gritty, his tactics and decisions have become less and less effective. Who knows if he has full control or if there is a Scottish puppeteer pulling strings from above (just what did John Carver know?) but the interim label looks like it should stay attached to the affable Englishman. The playoff hunt looks well and truly dead now as New England got their 3 points tonight jumping well ahead and TFC's end of season record will only end up being marginally better than last year's. If this season was indeed as important and promising as sold early in the season, would it have been that hard to find a truly qualified replacement manager by mid-season? Of course then Mo couldn't have a new manager to fire this time next year and all eyes would be on him instead. Perish the thought.

Late-night re-runs on TFC TV

If BMO ever decides to pull their sponsorship from Toronto FC, we'd like to make a suggestion - Nyquil. The nighttime syrup has nothing on a TFC road match for helping you get your Z's. The Reds went to Los Angeles on Saturday night knowing that all of their close rivals for the post season had dropped points earlier in the day. Add to that, the exciting debut of the club's first DP - Julian De Guzman! Surely this was the night that TFC would finally break it's road woes and stick it to Beckham & Co. right? Right? The line-ups were announced... the excitement was buzzing... Chad Barrett was starting. WHAT THE F**K?!!!

So the coaches' pre-game meeting went something like... "we just signed a great new distributing midfielder... how can we totally nullify his contribution? Yes, # 19 will do nicely." We are really tired of beating on Chad Barrett but a striker with 4 goals in 25 games is absurd. Chris Cummins claims that no one works harder in practice than The Chad, but hard work isn't always enough. You know what else works hard? Mules. But you still wouldn't enter a mule into the Kentucky Derby. Barrett wasn't the sole reason for tonight's 2-0 loss to Galaxy but his constant, useless inclusion is a symptom of what has become entirely inept management by Cummins (aka Mo Puppet) and his team.

TFC managed a decent start and De Guzman did show glimpses of his passing quality but then a beautifully crafted goal by David Beckham in the 9th minute changed the tone of the match completely. The Reds looked immediately deflated, lost what little shape they had and degraded into a bunch of guys with no form and no chemistry chasing after a ball. The 1st half petered out and the 2nd half only had a brief flash from Ali Gerba to rouse the viewers back in Toronto. As a reward, Gerba was a victim of Chris Cummins' sudden rash of confusing substitutions which added nothing, but did manage to confuse the formation that much more. The manically used subs also made it impossible for a cramped De Guzman to leave the game - brilliant. Galaxy controlled much of the play and Edson "I Could Still Be A Red - Idiots" Buddle scored the second goal late to nail TFC's Hollywood coffin shut.

Somehow, Toronto are still not mathematically eliminated from the playoffs which is more of a detriment as sane supporters will still have to hear phrases like "playoff push" for another week. Not to worry though, another road game next week, this time in Chicago, and no doubt another Barrett start, means that the math will inevitably catch up to this baffling squad. If you, like many of your Toronto compatriots, fell asleep in the 2nd half only to wake briefly at the end to hear Dobson and Forrest enthuse that TFC put in a "good" effort - its not true. After three years and countless line-up changes, "good efforts" would equal more than 1 out of 12 points on the road during a so-called "playoff push". I need the jumbo-size Nyquil so I can sleep through the next road match too.

3 Points to the Future

Whether or not TFC make the playoffs, and it is still an uphill battle, one thing was evident in today's 3-2 win over Colorado - the future is near. In the stadium, on the broadcast and most importantly on the pitch - change is in the air. That change is going to be necessary if this club is serious about moving forward and many of the pieces showed their potential today. However, much of the team's established baggage showed why it is time for deeper, potentially difficult, transition.

In a week where TFC celebrated the retirement of one hero and welcomed it's latest, today's scrappy win illustrated the need for a dedication in the off-season to trimming the fat. It was the players who have joined the club this year who showed all the determination and heart today and were directly responsible for the victory. It was some of the established players who nearly threw it away with lazy, uninspired performances.

Dwayne De Rosario, the club's true on-field leader, dragged the team through the 1st half, eventually scoring a great goal in the 19th minute making his tally 10 on the year. The match continued to be scrappy as the half wound down with Ali Gerba showing the best flashes and having one of his most solid physical showings as a Red. The two clubs went into the dressing rooms at 1-0 but as the 2nd half begun it seemed as if the usual TFC let-down had returned. The lethal Conor Casey equalized early for Rapids and sucked the air out of BMO before most of the Chip Butty Brigade had returned to their seats. Colorado continued to dominate until Chris Cummins went with a youth movement bringing in O'Brian White and debutant Lesly Fellinga in as subs. White barely had a sweat on before scoring a beautiful poacher's flick and putting TFC ahead. Young standout defender Nana Attakora added the third with his first ever MLS goal and despite some sloppiness and a second Rapids goal, Toronto grabbed an essential 3 points.

While the young dynamic Reds were making all the difference and De Ro was leading the charge, some veterans simply didn't show up. Amado Guevara gets some sympathy for just returning from international play but he simply disappears too many times for this team. His often selfish, lazy play and mock frustration at his teammates' supposed shortcomings has grown tired. All or nothing performances are not needed on this team. Captain, Jim Brennan is an undeniable favourite but seems to be losing a step every match. His once assured crosses are gone and defenders are getting by him with regularity. In the "Beat a Dead Horse Department", Chad Barrett amazes. He amazes by somehow making it into the starting line-up every week. It is not an effort problem with the Welfare Rooney but the fact that he has so little football intelligence as reflected by head-down runs and idiotic fouls like those witnessed today. There has to be some addition by subtraction this off-season with superior replacements.

The last glimpses of TFC 2010 came courtesy of the CBC TV broadcast. MLSE's Tom Anselmi was enthusiastically pumping the corporate "plan" to install real grass in time for next year. He glossed over the city council vote though and we prefer to stick with De Ro's assessment of "...believe it when I see it". The other choice peek into BMO Field circa 2013 was Danny Dichio plainly saying that after getting his coaching chops he'd "want to be manager of this club one day". That no doubt got a lot of Keegans in a twist in Toronto but hopefully it will only be when he is truly ready. 3 points then, a little closer to the playoffs but better is needed if TFC truly wants a shot at post season. If they fail in that quest, let's hope that today's optimistic signs are embraced fully and not with the usual half-baked off-seasons of the past three years.

TFC season in Rapid decline... again

They have been told that there are only a few games left right? I mean, TFC didn't think this was another run out against a Saskatchewan amateur club did they? Another away match, same away form for The Reds as they never looked like they were interested in giving Colorado a match which they lost 1-0. There are really no positives to take away from this lifeless performance which sees Toronto slide that much deeper into the playoff abyss.

Once again, manager Chris Cummins (or a line-up faxed from Mo...whatever) could not create a formation that could create a goal. A good chance would have been nice. Chad Barrett played the whole game - that was special.

The reliance on the TFC cheap movement, sorry, youth movement, finally cracked as Emmanuel Gomez gave away a penalty (which Conor Casey missed) and Amadou Sanyang was red-carded with sloppy tackles. Adrian Serioux showed some solidarity with the young African by getting his own red card and dropping TFC to 9 men. By that point Conor Casey had already put Rapids ahead with a strong header which was met with zero resistance from TFC's "defence" and the rest of the team were wondering if Marley & Me would be playing on the flight home.

We may scoff at Colorado's mishandling of promotions and atmosphere but they have every right to scoff at our line-up tonight. Poor. The frightening aftermath of this result is the post-match interviews - especially Dwayne De Rosario's. You can practically see the regret of coming to TFC rising of the man. In his entire MLS career he hasn't had to deal with such a poorly managed squad. "You can't leave it to one or two guys..." was De Ro's explanation of a team who thinks scoring goals is kind of important sometimes. Danny Dichio's negative body language was telling as well but Mo Puppet (aka Chris Cummins) was still touting the keep your heads up and work hard philosophy which has seen TFC slump into mediocrity.

"Tossed salad and scrambled eggs... we're scoreless again"

Impotence is no laughing matter for a man. It's even less funny when 11 men have it. Toronto FC's anemic finishing was in full effect today as the Reds were held to a 0-0 draw at Seattle's Qwest Field. The rotating cast of characters up front saw Dwayne De Rosario partnered by Chad Barrett (!!!) with the same results as usual - nothin' much. A few close calls including De Ro shooting at an open net only to pass to his other foot and later in the half, the same De Ro sent a pinpoint perfect cross to the other striker, yeah that guy, only for it to glance off his seemingly purposeful head.

Luckily for TFC, Seattle didn't have too much about them today either. The impressive crowd couldn't spur their team on enough today and despite their best efforts, SSFC were as impotent as Toronto. Freddie Ljungberg showed his class as the only DP on the field (hint, hint Mo) and came close to scoring, but the Swedish glamour model's biggest contribution to entertainment was a hissy fit/ near-slapping match with half of TFC in the 2nd half. In the end "Scoreless In Seattle" was a fair result.

If only there was a visual representation of maddening impotent frustration...

Stay connected for the official Yorkies match report later today.

Toronto FC blows Goats

It was hard to fight the temptation at 12:30AM EST not to just find a previous TFC road match recap and just copy and paste that one. What exactly happens to this team when they go on the road? Are they bad flyers and get whacked out on Gravol on the way? Do they spend the day on open-top tour buses seeing the sights only to get too much sun? Maybe they fill up on all those foods you can't get in Canada like Yoo-Hoo, pizza flavoured (sorry flavored) Combos and Charleston Chew causing them to get pre-match gut rot? Whatever it is, it sucks.

TFC's first ever match was against Chivas USA (aka Los Goats) in the very same Home Depot Center as tonight back in 2007. Nearly three years later and the team looks as lost on the road as they did that night. There isn't really one positive to take from a truly dreadful performance from the Reds which saw them whimper to a 2-0 loss thanks to two goals from Main Goat Sacha Kljestan. The enigma continues with this club who look mostly solid at home and wholly amateur on the road. The performances of Amado Guevara really encapsulates the effort of TFC in general this season: world-beater one day, invisible the next.

It was evident tonight that manager Chris Cummins was in over his head. The interim boss made a number of tactical errors tonight starting with his 4-5-1 formation that put rookie O'Brian White up front alone based on his debut goal last week. White and the other kids on the squad do what young players do - play inconsistently. The former Luton youth coach should know this. The rookies were overwhelmed, but what was the half-time solution? Bring in Chad Barrett. I hate to beat a scoreless horse, but what in the world does Barrett show to justify his continued appearances? He didn't even touch the ball for 22 minutes! Oh... a four-year bargain basement contract - thanks for clearing that up Mo. While on the topic of strikers, what has happened to Ali Gerba? The big man has gotten.. um... bigger, and while on the "Collin Samuel Diet for Strikers", he has also lost his scoring touch. If the rumours of him having a wonky knee are true I'm blaming the BMO turf because it's late and I'm cranky. So there.

It was insult to injury as both Carl Robinson and Adrian Serioux are now suspended for the next match against Seattle after picking up careless yellow cards tonight which makes "The Road Worriers" job that much harder. In the end though, is it the road form that is the problem or is it more to the fact that while we reach to the bench and pick Wayne Rooney's non-unionized stunt double as a sub, Chivas can bring in an Eduardo Lillingston who is their leading scorer with 7 goals? Forget the bad flyers, pass me the Gravol after this nauseating performance.

2 Games - No Cup

The best news for TFC this week is that Montreal is still being considered for MLS membership. The sooner we don't have to consider Columbus as our main rival - the better. Don't get me wrong, going to Crew Stadium with a couple of thousand Reds' supporters is fun but there is one problem with this rivalry. That problem you ask? We can't beat them. Two and a half seasons of futility.

It was a roller coaster match tonight which saw TFC squander a 2-1 lead to the Schelotto-less Crew. In 1st half action, Columbus' Eddie Gaven opened the scoring after some sloppy TFC defending but the Reds marched right back and tied it on a Dwayne De Rosario blast. The second half couldn't have started better when Ali Gerba opened his TFC account with a class finish. It was a very scrappy half but with a quarter of an hour to go the MLS Champs turned up the pressure and TFC couldn't hold them off. Greatest American Hero lookalike Steven Lenhart tied it in the 76th and in extra time Jason Garey broke TFC's back with a strong finish that keeper Stefan Frei had no chance on.

In one fateful half, TFC lost the match, dropped dangerously low in the playoff hunt and have lost their second meaningless trophy in three days - this time the Trillium Cup. A slight silver lining was Gerba's goal but it is tempered by Amado Guevara having to leave the game due to injury. Chris Cummins' substitution of Marco Velez for Guevara highlights the still paper thin bench of Toronto. Healthy players and more focus will be needed against Puerto Rico and in the oncoming league matches if TFC doesn't want late-July to be this year's wall.

The always improving Columbus crowd did offer an unintentional comedy moment in the second half when they started a raucous "USA! USA!" chant. It was as if The Iron Sheik had come in as a sub for Chad Barrett (hmmm...is Sheik available?). I'm sure Toronto's USA national team members like Marvell Wynne were bemused. Are you happy Mr.Obama? Invite these guys over for a picnic and they think they're "America's Team". Is Joey Saputo ready yet? The "401 Cup Trophy" design competition starts here.

3.1 on the Richter Scale

The kids were all right. Toronto's young forwards did their job last night putting 3 goals past adult film star Joe Cannon as TFC dominated San Jose 3-1. It seems like two weeks off and some California raisins was just the tonic for The Reds' poor away form.

Chad "The New Pele" Barrett opened the scoring in the 5th minute, powerfully converting an amazing De Rosario standing bicycle cross which put Cannon on his back like a scene from "Keepers Gone Wild". Pablo Vitti got what turned out to be the winning goal in the 54th with a solid workman's header in the box. Vitti's second goal of the season - neither from his feet. Someone tell the Argentine that you are allowed to kick in MLS. Barret added his second of the night in the 69th (dude!) after capitalizing on a San Jose defensive miscue. Nice to see The Chad put away some easy chances but still could of had a few more. The oncoming Gerba and White factor may be lighting a fire under Barrett's previously impotent heels.

San Jose's only reply came from Darren Huckerby. The should-have-been TFC winger was about the only bright spark for the second year club. It does make you wonder what Toronto's flank could have looked like with his silky passes in the squad. Thanks Field Turf. Although, you have to think Huckerby looks at The Reds and wonders "what if?" as well. Finally - poor Frank Yallop. Suffering with the flu on the sidelines, the smart manager does look like he's preparing for "The Big One". And that's a pink slip - not an earthquake.

The South Stand Report: Toronto FC v. NYRB

Ahh, i haven't written one of these in a while. First I lost the notepad, then I found it and got chip butty grease all over my notepad, what a mess. Anyways, excuses aside, it is match report time. Where we last left our heroes, Vitti actually took a shot on net but hit the post. Jimmy B fell with injury and unlikely misfit Ricketts played a fine 45 minutes in relief. Coach Cummins still cannot figure out why the 4-3-3 worked brilliantly yet the standard 4-4-2 has failed against Vancouver and Los Angeles. Meanwhile, our opponents for this evening are in the process of a great skid of poor results. Tonight, at the Fortress of Doom, Toronto takes on New York Red Bulls in "The Battle of Under-Achievement"!

4 GOAL - In the most truly offensive manoeuvre since his arrival, Vitti draws a penalty after being hauled down. Guevara steps up and fires his shot just to the left of down the middle. Instead of reporting how bad the shot really was, "Play It Again" Sam Cronin converts the rebound spectacularly. And the peasants rejoice.

30 GOAL - Vitti gets a juicy break and looks to slot the ball just to the keeper's right except the Cepero makes an amazing stop, only to be outdone by a Dichio bullet burying the bladder in the back of the onion bag.

Yes, I'm done with elaborate alliteration.

35ish YELLOW - Robinson loses his crap over a questionable booking for a harmless tackle.

HALFTIME

Mood: border-line giddy

Toronto dominated possession, but that's about it. The scoreline is borderline too kind. NYRB don't seem terribly interested in getting into the match. Vitti looks good and really aggressive. Even Harmse, who started without our permission I might add, looked cohesive and competent.

54 GOAL - After a minute of 18-yard box pinball defending, New York score after second mini-pinball scramble. Reminiscent of first season defending.

57 - TFC is clearly teetering on the verge of collapse like an overplayed game of Jenga. I hate Jenga. It's the clean-up.

61 - Quote of the match : "Bite your tongue, Swiss Chalet salad dressing tastes like angel's cum." Please don't ask.

63 - Robinson smells blood in the six as his leaping header just misses. Left unmarked in front NYRB keeper Cepero.

64 SUB - Guevera for Velez. After his clusterf*ck of a match versus LA, I'm surprised he's getting on the pitch. But I question the motive of swapping a defender in for a marauding midfielder. Oh well.

66 - Kevin Harmse fires a bullet 22 yards out. Didn't miss by much and wouldn't like be stopped if it were on target.

67 - Toronto pressure is on after Serioux lets a shot that sends Cepero to grab it. Cepero is the only Red Bull who's here to win. The rest of the side seems content with just playing.

68 SUB - Vitti for "The Chad" Chad Barrett. Vitti who's been a machine out there and his hard work resulted in two goals, gets the pine in exchange for the only forward who has a hit rate sub 5%. If The Chad donated $500 to charity for every time he missed, we'd have half a hospital built on his foot alone.

72 - Scarborough's own DeRosario fires a laser beam just over the bar in a free kick on the left side of the penalty area.

73 - "The Chad" makes the save of the game. It was at the wrong end of the pitch. I guess if he can't score goals, no one can, huh?

77 - Harry Wetnap had been shouting out "Catenaccio" for the last 5 minutes due to the pseudo-defensive change in strategy. I've dubbed the TFC version of this strategy Cattenaccio cheese

83 - Harmse fires another rocket from 22 yards out. If Kevin Harmse has to watch Paul Scholes highlight reels to improve his game the way he's done this match, get him off the pitch and into the media room. In three weeks, he'll be on the transfer lists of all the biggest clubs of secondary leagues (Anderlecht! Grasshoppers! Urawa Red Diamonds!).

86 SUB - DeRosario for Ricketts. Given how poor his form was for the majority of this season, he did a wonderful job subbing in for Jimmy Brennan last game. I'm glad he's climbing back into favour.

89 YELLOW - The Scholes comment is further verified as Harmse gets a yellow for a reckless tackle. Oh Scholesy...

Toronto survives the traditional "last 5 minute collapse" and wins the day 2-1.

Man of the Match : We say Serioux was outstanding. Harmse was a "10" on the "Harmse Scale" but still a 6 nearing a 7 tonight. I vote for NYRB's Cepero, but I was told to stick it in my bum. Harsh.

Goat : The Chad for his save.

Ref rating : 4 red thumbs up. Aside from the early questionable booking, the officiating team didn't call many soft fouls. He kept out of the game very well. Some of the better MLS officiating that I've seen this year.

Notes : Toronto only looked as good as New York looked bad. Give us a real team and I'm sure all of our faults would be on display for the sheep to eat up. South end doesn't seem to mind getting thrown under the bus over the Real Madrid ticket prices, even with the generous "Loyalty Price" *gag*. Short of Wetnap bringing a few signs, that was it. We've invoked a protest of not wearing any TFC gear for the rest of the year. It doesn't sound like much, but nearly is $15 off a $140 ticket.

The South Stand Report is written by The Yorkies' man in the South End Supporters' section at BMO Field to bring you a feel of the match as seen, and heard, from the stands.