THE MATCHUP: The "Other" Cup Final*

Trillium cup. Trillium saucer also pictured.

 

(*Not in any way a Cup Final) 

 

TORONTO VS. COLUMBUS
BMO FIELD - SATURDAY 5PM ET
TV: TSN

WHY SHOULD I WATCH THIS?
- Well our fair manager claims that this match is a cup final akin to the NutCan vs. Montreal. So there.
- Just to be clear it's really not.
- If TFC win the Trillium Cup, will the Daily Mail proclaim Jermain Defoe as "cup winning World Cup omission"?
- Can this be Gilberto's big day? Stop laughing.
- How will Columbus handle Higuain's absence?
- How will Toronto handle Caldwell's absence?
- Has Columbus Crew cleaned Crew Cat's kibble out of the cup?

MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:
"The New Soft"

THE DUEL:
Gilberto vs. Jaio Arrieta

WHO ARE YA?
While it was easy to mock Ryan Nelsen's assertions that a Trillium Cup final and a Canadian Championship final are of the same stature, it turns out the Kiwi wasn't as far off as we thought.

Breakaway football organization FIFFA (Federation International Floral Football Associations) has just announced that the Trillium Cup winner will now be eligible for their international tournament - The Floral World Cup.

Held annually in a billionaire's botanical garden, the Cup will see either Columbus or Toronto test their skills against other winners of football/floral competitions including the winners of Switzerland's "Edelweiss Pokal", Moldova's "Weed Growing Out of Concrete Cup" and Colombia's "Copa Del Perfectly Legal Cash Crop".

VOCAL MINORITY PODCAST: #Juliaoooooo
Do you find yourself saying "I like reading almost-football based words but boy do I wish I could stick them in my earholes"? Well now you can!

In this week's episode, Kristin is brow-beaten into giving Bradley Orr his manly due, Tony finds it's not easy bein' cheesy, Duncan has a spoiler about Saturday's halftime show all while Mark is away at the USA camp and ruining Landon Donovan's dreams.

Just click on the "Vocal Minority Podcast" icon on the right side of this site and set your ears to stun! FAGUNDEZ!

While you're clicking you should really read our partners in pod Waking The Red. They like to write actual real, quality TFC stuff. Weird. They are linked in our Links section on the right. Where else would they be?

THE SOUTH STAND REPORT : Toronto V Montreal... or The Grandaddy of Them All (part 1 of 2)

The Voyageurs Cup. It is the stuff of boyhood dreams and legends.  107 clubs competed in this year's competition,  and now we're down to two.

Who can forget King of Donair Halifax being upset by the minnows of Dartmouth Harbour.   Or the Quebec City derby in the 3rd round between Ouest Quebec and FC Quebec.  The come-from-behind salvaging of FC Edmonton over New Westminister Eagles.  Heady stuff.

Until that fairytale comes true, our 5 club cup will suffice quite nicely.

Montreal qualified by some Toledo-esque bullshit that if it were hockey, a federal inquest would have been ordered.  Poor Edmonton and Colin Miller.  Toronto did the likely and knocked out the Vancouver U-17s in penalties.  They don't all have to be pretty to count. 

Onto the match:

20' - GOAL - corner floated into the gliding noggin of Doneil Henry, who buries it under thr bar
ROBINS 1, FROMAGE 0

29' - Morgan is really running the right back position showing off his speed and tenacity.  Really giving Mapp a bit of a headache so far.

31' - Toronto may have gotten away with one as a low rocket hit Caldwell in the arm on the edge of the box to no call.

33' - YELLOW - Rey for two handing someone in he chest 

41' - DeRo floats a ball across the face of goal and just misses a lunging Gilberto

Half Time Mood : underwhelmed but, hey, winning! 

57' - DeRo has a ball squared to him and fires hitting the top left crossbar.  Nearly legendary. 

69' - Wow.  Ok, DeRo tries to chip the keeper and hits the crossbar.  So close.  The ball finds Gilberto whose bicycle kick lands safely in the hands of the keeper #TakeAShot

73' - GOAL - Mapp given way too much space to run into the top of the box and has a go, burying it past a standing Bendik.
ROBINS 1, FROMAGE 1

76' - SUB - Hall comes off for Bekker

79' - SUB - Rey makes way for Morrow

87' - Lovitz floats a ball into the box that finds Gilberto but goes well wide.   No need to take a shot.

3 mins of extra time

90+2' - last chance throw in gets popped into the box and DeRo just misses back heading the ball over the Montreal keeper but it ends up in his hands.

FULL TIME : TORONTO 1, MONTREAL 1

Man of the Match : Doneil Henry, not for the goal but for his hustle.  Morgan made a strong case for himself tonight as well.

Goat of the Game : Hagglund just because he had a few panicky lapses.  Wasn't overtly terrible just noticeably playing not as well as we've become used to.

Ref Rating : 3 out of 5.  Equally crap but blew more calls for Toronto.

Kit Spotting : Calgary Flames circa 1989.   I know it's not footy but no one is delivering here.

I Am Not The Gaffer But... : I can only imagine how one demotivates a side at halftime, only to come out so flat for the first 10 mins each game

In a nutshell,  Toronto were uninspired but Montreal were poor.  I don't know if Toronto deserved a draw necessarily,  but I strongly doubt Montreal deserved a goal at all.

Apologies are owed to DeRo as he had a great game and played the entire 90 minutes.  We had a pool going as to when he'd gas out and the table went as follows:
@RedWineRoz 7 minutes
@DuncanDFletcher 14
@ignirtoq 37
@theyorkies1812 45
@IamSairax 53
@kzknowles 63
Yeah, we all lost gloriously. He made some clever passes, made himself a threat and got into position often.  He's not the DeRo of 2011 but he still has something to offer.

If you could earn fantasy points for effort,  Gilberto would lead the league... I'm convinced the tourists who buy the scalper tickets are trying to out trend the baseball crowd by sitting around and having conversations.  You can do what you want with your ticket as you will, just don't look at me like I'm the idiot when I do start singing... Marketing at its finest - "Da-da da DA duh, I'm Dan Lovitz" (no, thank YOU McD's)... I feel for Morgan as Bloom owns that right back spot, but he played hard and focused.  This is how fighting for your place can be a helluva motivator... if Amway is going to be the only sponsor of the Match,  then it's only fair that you can only get Amway at the matches.  Amway peanuts with an ice cold Amway Light is really just to comical to not try once... Raise your hand if you expected Moore to come off the bench and poach a goal?  I didn't know he was hurt either.

Player Ratings : Bendik 6, Hagglund 5.5, Caldwell 6, Henry 7, Morgan 7, Rey 6.5 [Morrow N/A], Orr, Hall 6 [Bekker N/A], Lovitz 6.5, De Rosario 7, Gilberto 6.5.

@ignirtoq fully expects to be back on podcast duty next week as real life is taking over. This would be much more amusing if duty was spelled "doodie". Heheheh... doodie.

THE MATCHUP: Feeling Gouda

TORONTO VS. MONTREAL
CANADIAN CHAMPIONSHIP FINAL - 1ST LEG
BMO FIELD - WEDNESDAY 7:30PM ET
TV: SPORTSNET ONE

WHY SHOULD I WATCH THIS?
- What are you? Some kind of Anti-Canuckite Hoserhater? It's the final of this country's highest club football honour!
- It's also a BoGo "401 Derby"! Sacre Bleu! What more do you need?
- A chance for TFC to mend many broken hearts and egos following a 6-goal destruction at this very opponent's hands.
- Montreal is going through their toughest stretch as a club since joining MLS.
- Two managers with unknown futures (OK we know what Klopas' is) have a chance to salvage less than great early seasons with some silverware.
- A chance to see Issey Nakajima-Farran giving TFC the old stink-eye from a private box!
- It's just like this past weekend's Champions League Final - but with loads more poutine!

MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:
"The 401 Derby" (NutCan Edition)

THE DUEL:
Ryan Nelsen vs. Frank Klopas

WHO ARE YA?
After a string of awful performances and a 2014 season that has seen Impact flounder near the bottom of the league, bombastic club president/dairy kingpin Joey Saputo promised imminent changes. And he wasn't kidding, with players now facing a much tougher environment in an attempt to shake things up.

First, Saputo bought the "Laughing Cow" brand of spreadable cheese and replaced the brand mascot with an angry, all-knowing cow which stares at players with dead, disappointed eyes; all sideline Gatorade products are now Partly Skimmed; halftime oranges have been replaced with a chewy, hearty ball of Mozzarella di Bufala; finally, both French AND English have been banned from the club with the only acceptable communication being threatening-sounding movie-Italian.

ON THIS DAY IN TFC HISTORY:
MAY 28th, 2008: Police are called to a Toronto-area donut shop as an enraged Laurent Robert demands a face-to-face apology "from this Monsieur Tim Horton for this sacrilegious monstrosity he dares call a croissant".
 

THE STARTING 11: Baldomero Toledo pastimes

No two words strike fear into the hearts of MLS supporters more than: Baldomero Toledo. The name is whispered in terror across pre-match terraces; alerted across new media like an oncoming tornado warning... grown men have shed single dramatic tears of impending doom upon its utterance. He is but one man but if he has been selected to officiate your MLS match you can be sure of one thing... a terrible day. That and cards. Lots and lots of cards. Surely there is a human side to this foul-happy menace though? Surely on his off days he's just a regular guy who puts his shorts on one leg at a time...

11. Throws large objects into rivers just to watch the natural flow of things get ruined

10. Attends local community theatre - constantly stands in front of the spotlight

9. Works on his slightly above-average Chazz Palminteri impression

8. Takes hot selfies pointing to "the spot"

7. Getting thrown out of Hallmark stores for running around and obsessively lifting all of the greeting cards in the air while blowing a whistle

6. Spends hours in his garage trying to install a homemade ejector seat into his Toyota Camry

5. Grooming Silviu Petrescu as the 2nd Dark Lord of the Sith

4. Checking calendar for his next scheduled TFC match... laughing maniacally for hours

3. Long romantic jogs down the beach backwards with a couple of linesmen

2. Battling his arch-nemesis: Hairoledo Dayton!

1. Daydreaming of ruining weekends for thousands

 

AFTER 90: Heart in the Heartland

SPORTING KC VS. TORONTO
SPORTING PARK

FIRST HALF:
1' - It promises to be a fantastic match tonight as Jermain Defoe and his Toronto FC mates travel to the Midwest to face MLS Champio-----------

DO NOT ADJUST YOUR INTERNET MACHINE SOVIET CANUCKISTANIS. THIS WWW PAGE AND ITS LEFTY PINKO PRO-HEALTHCARE, ANTI-AWESOME VIEWS HAS BEEN COMMANDEERED BY THE 'KEEP NORTH AMERICA AMERICAN FOUNDATION'. INSTEAD OF READING ABOUT EUROPEAN FANCY-PANTS SOCCER YOU WILL INSTEAD BE TREATED TO A SUPERSIZE COMBO OF AWESOME PROOF THAT NORTH AMERICA WAS INVENTED BY AMERICA - AS APPROVED BY THE SWEET BABY JESUS AND OUR LEADER

JAY "CUB" PETERS. SON!

 

 END TRANSMISSION.

--------------------cleared down the wing and into touch.
90'+ - Well what else can really be said about this match? Wow!

FT: SPORTING KC 2 - TORONTO 2

PLAYER RATINGS:
Joe Bendik 6 / Mark Bloom 6 / Steven Caldwell 5 (Doneil Henry 4) / Nick Hagglund 5.5 / Justin Morrow 6 / Alvaro Rey 5 (Luke Moore 6.5)/ Kyle Bekker 4.5 (Dan Lovitz 5)/ Bradley Orr 6.5 / Collen Warner 5.5 / Gilberto 6 / Jermain Defoe 6

THE YORKIES' TFC MAN OF THE MATCH: Bradley Orr

THE MATCHUP: Friday Night Blights

#Hamstrong

 

SPORTING KC VS. TORONTO FC
SPORTING PARK - FRIDAY 8:30PM ET
TV: TSN

WHY SHOULD I WATCH THIS?
- Can TFC knock off two "Beats of the East" in a row?
- Just how depleted will Sporting's defence actually be?
- Will vengeful Jermain Defoe still be a thing?
- Does Ryan Nelsen choose to rest any starters with the Canadian Championship Final 1st Leg next Wednesday?
- When will the wild success of re-branded Sporting KC lead to another heartland MLS franchise in the form of Boise Benfica?

MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:
"El Churrasco"

THE DUEL:
Dom Dwyer vs. Jermain Defoe

WHO ARE YA?
After the Lance Armstrong backed Livestrong foundation lost favour post-doping crisis, Sporting Kansas City pulled the name "Livestrong Park" as their ground's title. This of course leaves a gaping hole in the MLS/charity community but one that TFC has decided to fill.

With their rash of one particular injury, The Reds will begin selling rubber wristbands to combat the silent killer: hamstrings. Instead of the Livestrong yellow, TFC's #Hamstrong wristbands will be bacon streak coloured and are guaranteed not to snap for 6-8 weeks.

ON THIS DAY IN TFC HISTORY:
MAY 23, 2011: Panic ensued on TFC's flight back from Colorado when flight crew believed that defender Adrian Cann had dynamite hidden under his shirt. It was resolved when Cann proved that the only "dynamite" he was packing were his fourteen ab muscles. 

 

Fagundez!

VOCAL MINORITY PODCAST: #Nelsenbating
Do you find yourself saying "I like reading this slightly football-related stupidity but boy do I wish I could stick it in my earhole"? Well now you can!

In this week's episode, The Yorkies' Mark leaves the The Yorkies' Tony all alone to face the Waking The Red duo Duncan and Kristin. There's less singing but way more swearing; Kristin makes an impossible bet with another TFC podcast; Tony shakes his fist at an Arsenal-shaped cloud and we all give generously to the "Carl Robinson Kids' Appeal".

Just click on the "Vocal Minority Podcast" icon on the right side of this site and get ready to be unmazed! FAGUNDEZ!

While you’re at it – you should really visit Waking The Red (In our Links Section). They actually write serious TFC stuff. Yeah… we don’t know why either but it’s so choice. DOUBLE FAGUNDEZ!

THE STARTING 11: Rejected Toronto FC Victoria Day events

"Leave one alone Jermain!"



The best thing about long weekend Mondays is that there are no TFC fixtures scheduled. You see, if there were a match, TFC would have found a way to pimp out Queen Victoria and her 19th Century hotness all in the name of cross-promotions. While we will still have to sit through the club pandering to every cultural group in Toronto and the King Club Patio (Hell's Official Party Zone!) will rock on unabated, at least TFC didn't get to roll out these potential Victoria Day doozys...

11. Tim Leiweke and Tim Bezbatchenko strolling around BMO Field twirling 1800's moustaches

10. Jackson legally changing name to Victoria Jackson

9. A high-priced friendly vs. Viktoria Plzen

8. Rolling back ticket prices to 1897 levels

7. Statement by Issey Nakajima-Farran claiming "He is not amused"

6. Doneil Henry tackling a statue of Queen Victoria from behind

5. BMO Field PA system only playing music from Victoria Beckham's 2001 solo album "Victoria Beckham"

4. Heavy coarse wool Victorian-era retro kits

3. Fireworks released every time Gilberto nearly almost scores

2. Jermain Defoe "coronates" a bunch of girls named Vicky

1. Vitchy the Hawk

THE SOUTH STAND REPORT : Toronto v New Jersey... or who the f**k is Henry

So I admittedly gave up during the V-Cup and went to bed.  Figuring that it was only a matter of time for the bottom to fall out and the kids would knock them out only to read that they pulled it off.  Fantastic.

Then Issey Nakajima-Farran was shipped to Montreal for some reason.  Ahhh,  there it is... just like the TFC of old. The element of head-scratching confusion. Straight out of the 2010 player management manual.  Get rid of a depth player because Toronto have such a wealth of forwards and wingers now.

Whatever. 

Gonna miss his drive. I believe Montreal will have won that deal.

Toronto is functionally struggling in the final third of the pitch as the last few goals have been flukey at best.  Maybe they can pot one that isn't a deflection or impeding the keeper.  We'll see.

On to the Match :

8' - Defoe from the left fires a goal forcing a clumsy save from Robles but cleared to safety.

12' - GOAL - Orr puts a perfect ball through the heart of NJEB defense and finds Defoe who buries it under the cross bar.   

ROBINS 1, EXTREME BEVERAGE 0

17' - Free kick from edge of the box from Bekker is low, skips through and finds a lunging Gilberto who connects but puts it past the post.  Everyone do a shot.

New Terrace Classic (you're welcome)

Bloom Bloom Bloom
Sweeping up like a broom
And he can clear it all night
And he can do it just right
Oh-oh-oh... [for reference]

43' - After the foul by Olave on Gilberto,  free kick was low and fast through the middle of the penalty area and just misses Caldwell.

45' - YELLOW - Morrow for stuff.

Half Time Mood : Entertained and alarmed at the same time.

56' - SUB - Moore comes on for Gilberto.  Too soon.

61' - Toronto under pressure and a cross from Henry finds Bendik's hand on the ball then eats a foot from Sam.  Wide open net was Weideman'd by someone.

67' - SUB - Lovitz in for Rey

68' - Bloom sent beautifully down the wing and low crosses, Moore at the doorstep and misses, the rebound hits the only defender in the way.  Heartbreaking.

88' - YELLOW - Defoe gets stepped on by Armando and no call, Defoe gets in an altercation with Armando and goes down like his face was broken, naturally.  Draws the booking anyways.

5 min of extra time

90+1' - Osorio sends Bekker with a weak ball but it gets to him and fires a shot just wide of goal from 18 yds out.  Harrowing

90+4 - GOAL - A calamity of defending has a collision between Robles and Olave where neither get the ball and Moore walks it in. Nanners.
ROBINS 2, EXTREME BEVERAGE 0

FULL TIME : TORONTO 2, NEW JERSEY 0

Man of the Match : Mark Bloom was a machine so he gets the nod.  Nick Hagglund was a very close second.

Goat of the Game : none.

Ref Rating : 3 out of 5.  Was ok first half then lost the plot as the game wore on.

Kit Spotting : The Arsenal kits were awesome. Kidding, I won for wearing my Sheffield Wednesday kit and it's sweet.

I Am Not The Gaffer But... : felt taking Gilberto off was harsh and the turtle defending of the first 20 mins of the second half was a bit depressing.  Extreme Beverage wasn't that good.

Gilberto's Missed Shots : 1

Not to piss on the celebrations, but one of those goals was very flukey... What hustle from Bloom! So nice to see him step his game up even further. He was everywhere... I used to rate Olave but he's not the rock he once was when I first saw him v RSL many moons ago. Gaffe notwithstanding, he was a magnet for the ball... When Moore picked up the ball for that gaffe, I might have been crazy, but I swear he took a look around to see if a flag was up or something that would take this away from him. He obviously knew about  the lack of luck for TFC from officials... In a private suite was Dike and Cesar watching the game. The most feared private suite in MLS.  Weideman was in there too... it didn't rain, so that was good... anyone else expecting a bed-crapping coming on in the 60ish minute mark? Was sure they were gong to ruin a perfectly nice afternoon at the ground.

Player Ratings : Bendik 7, Bloom 8, Caldwell 6.5, Hagglund 7.5, Morrow 7, Rey 6 [Lovitz N/A], Bekker 7, Orr 7, Osorio 7.5, Defoe 7, Gilberto 6.5 [Moore 6.5]

Issey the real life? Reds trade Nakajima-Farran to Montreal in surprising deal

Everybody outta the pool...



You mean I was growing out my samurai hair-do for nothing? Thanks a bunch TFC.

In a move that shocked even the most hardened to The Reds penchant for oddities, the club announced this morning that it had sent Canadian winger Issey Nakajima-Farran and allocation money to hated rival Montreal for American central midfielder Collen Warner.

On the surface it is a head-scratcher - possibly TFC paying off a cheese debt - as Issey had proven to be a valuable and cost-effective wide player. While younger, the 25-year-old Warner has a higher salary and TFC have given up useful allocation to acquire him. The move also leaves The Reds with a complete lack of options out wide as Warner is certainly of the centrally roaming ilk.

You can forgive TFC supporters, ourselves included, for panic when the news broke as this deal has more than a whiff of past transaction errors. However, there also seems to be a vibe around the club that this isn't the end game in regards to player movement. Whispers are circling (Brek Shea anyone?) that TFC post-World Cup will have a few new faces and this move may be the first in setting up further deals. If fan reaction to this deal is anything to go on - it better be.

As has been with TFC since 2007 - the only constant is change.

THE MATCHUP: Give us wings

"The Champagne of Energy Drink Football Clubs"

TORONTO VS. NEW YORK
BMO FIELD - SATURDAY 4:30PM ET

TV: TSN

WHY SHOULD I WATCH THIS?
- Will the dramatic VCup victory over Vancouver be a springboard to regain good form in the league?

- Will the dramatic VCup victory over Vancouver leave TFC an exhausted shell of a team that needs a nap at the half?

- What does life without Michael Bradley look like?

- You can count how many local fans think it's "cool" to wear their Arsenal kits to a TFC match just because Thierry Henry is visiting.

- The "not your ordinary" return of Richard Eckersley.

- Will the England-snubbed Jermain Defoe be full of vengeful fire... or a moping misery guts?
- See how long I can hiss at Thierry Henry before passing out!

- Spurs legend vs. Arsenal legend... who is the bigger, bloodier deal?

MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:
"The North American London Derby"

THE DUEL:
Jermain Defoe vs. Thierry Henry

WHO ARE YA?
The city of Toronto has long been dubbed as "Hollywood North" due to its prosperous film industry. It's not unusual for locals to see television and film crews using our city as a set for major productions, including many American ones. In fact, Toronto has been used as a stand-in for New York City on many occasions.

Not to be outdone, our suburban neighbours to the east - Oshawa - have agreed to set fire to a large part of their downtown in preparation for a film that is set in the home of New York Red Bulls - Harrison, New Jersey. The film, a hilarious rom-com matching a down on her luck Red Bull Arena hot dog vendor and a love-struck local C.H.U.D. is due in theatres in Summer 2015.
 

The set of "For the Love of C.H.U.D."



ON THIS DAY IN TFC HISTORY:
MAY 17, 2012: A concerned Torsten Frings storms out of training until it becomes clear the phrase "New York Red Bulls" translates into a local Bavarian slang term for a sexually transmitted disease.

AFTER 90: Long legged... but no beauty

Wash the stink off...

VANCOUVER VS. TORONTO (1-2 AGG.)
CANADIAN CHAMPIONSHIP SEMI FINAL 2ND LEG

BC PLACE

FIRST HALF:
1' - BC Place roof is open this evening. Perfect for a localized tornado strike if Vancouver grabs a lead.
4' - GOAL: Toronto - Doneil Henry. Michael Bradley long lob not handled well by young Caps keeper Father Guido Carducci, Henry chops in a juicy loose ball. Zap!
VANCOUVER 0 - TORONTO 1 (1-3)
5' - We don't need no stinkin' tornadoes!
10' - So this is the pitch that is trotted out as a good example of MLS/CFL ground sharing? I've seen better carpets in elevators.
16' - YELLOW CARD: Kyle Bekker for petulance. Red Card overdue to his barber.
19' - Reds opting for the 70 minute bunker option.
25' - Gilberto is easily one of TFC's Top 5 holding midfielders.
30' - Bradley tests Fr. Carducci from long distance forcing a big save. Nick Hagglund goes close on ensuing corner kick.
35' - Issey's Samurai hair-do > Russell Teibert's sad ManBun. No competition.
43' - GOAL: Vancouver - Erik Hurtado finishes a counter that started with one of Joe Bendik's "close your eyes and kick it as hard as possible" clearances.
VANCOUVER 1 - TORONTO 1 (2-3)
45' - The Reds close the half with what must be a solid 7% possession statistic.

HT: VANCOUVER 1 - TORONTO 1 (2-3 AGG.)

SECOND HALF:
46' - One half left and all to play for. Well the opportunity to argue with Joey Saputo on the pitch after the Final at least.
50' - How has no one made "Vancouver 86er" into an Urban Dictionary sex act yet?
57' - YELLOW CARD: Doneil being Doneil. Luckily just outside of the box with a hard tackle.
60' - TFC doing nothing but absorb pressure. It will be a shock if this ends well.
63' - Fr. Carducci stops a Gilberto one-on-one. Ol' Gil can't buy a break!
64' - SUB: Kyle Bekker OFF / Daniel Lovitz ON
65' - Matias Laba coming in for Vancouver. Sometimes this stuff just writes itself.
70' - Erik Hurtado was the bomb as Rufio in "Hook".
75' - Vintage Luke Moore this evening.
77' - TFC's 2nd Half performance can best be described as "in attendance".
79' - SUB: Ashtone Morgan OFF / Mark Bloom ON
83' - SUB: Gilberto OFF / Dwayne De Rosario ON
85' - PENALTY: Doneil Henry doing a Doneil Henry on Hurtado and a GOAL for Pedro Morales
VANCOUVER 2 - TORONTO 1 (3-3 AGG.)
86' - See 60'
90'+ - Big goal mouth collision leaves Doneil Henry and Joe Bendik both laying on the turf in pain.
90'+ - 30 minutes more of this. Ugh.

EXTRA TIME:
92' - I hate you Pacific Standard Time. Eff you and your ocean.
99' - Ryan Nelsen's 2nd Half subs looking dubious. Also: his job.
105' - Half of this done. Mercy.

110' - TFC playing like they know the random madness of penalties is now their only hope at advancing
112' - De Ro tries to turn the clock back and hits the post. First Reds chance in ages.
114' - TFC should write notes for fans who have to work tomorrow.
116'- Daniel Lovitz tests Fr. Garducci forcing a big save.
120' - Oh boy. Win, lose or draw - TFC impressed few here tonight.

 

PENALTY KICKS:

TOR: Bradley Orr - GOAL
VAN: Matias Laba - GOAL
TOR: Luke Moore - GOAL
VAN: Kekuta Manneh - SAVED
TOR: Dwayne De Rosario - GOAL
VAN: Sebastian Fernandez - GOAL
TOR: Michael Bradley - GOAL
VAN: Russell Teibert - GOAL
TOR: Issey Nakajima-Farran - GOAL
VANCOUVER 4 - TORONTO 5

FT: VANCOUVER 2 - TORONTO 1 (3-3 AGG.)
TORONTO WIN 5-4 ON PENALTIES

PLAYER RATINGS:

Joe Bendik 7 / Nick Hagglund 6 / Bradley Orr 5.5 / Doneil Henry 4 / Ashtone Morgan 6 (Mark Bloom 5.5) / Issey Nakajima-Farran 6 / Michael Bradley 6.5 / Kyle Bekker 5.5 (Daniel Lovitz 5.5) / Jonathan Osorio 5 / Luke Moore 5 / Gilberto 6 (Dwayne De Rosario 5)

THE YORKIES' TFC MAN OF THE MATCH: Joe Bendik



THE MATCHUP: We've got legs... Will we know how to use them?

"BC Place? Yeah just up on the right..."

 

VANCOUVER VS. TORONTO
CANADIAN CHAMPIONSHIP SEMIFINAL 2ND LEG
(1-2 AGGREGATE)
BC PLACE - WEDNESDAY 10:30PM ET
TV: SPORTSNET ONE

WHY SHOULD I WATCH THIS?
- Don't you love Canada? Or are you a Communist?
- Will Ryan Nelsen roll the dice for a cup victory with a league fixture on the weekend?
- What wacky disaster will prevent Whitecaps from winning this year's competition?
- Will Carl Robinson really stick with his youth movement even though a 1-0 victory would see Whitecaps advance?
- Who is more Canadian - a Kiwi or a Welshman?!
- Will the USA watch in horror as Bradley goes full out on turf?
- Can lightning strike through the roof of BC Place?

MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME:
"The Great Canadian Bagel Derby" (NutCan Edition)

THE DUEL:
Their Canadians vs. Our Canadians

WHO ARE YA?
Vancouver Whitecaps are so weary of another natural disaster getting in the way of their cup run that they are working with a local company to prevent any mishaps. Despite BC Place being mostly enclosed, Whitecaps have called upon Vancouver-based yoga wear/backside accentuators Lululemon to help protect the stadium.

Lululemon has a factory full of unusable stretchy material from their "see through pants" crisis of last year which will be donated to VWFC to form a tight and sexy new tarp for the stadium in time for this match. To avoid blushes, the upper deck has been asked not to bend over in the light.
 

"Storms a brewin'"

 

ON THIS DAY IN TFC HISTORY:
MAY 15, 2011: In an act of sportsmanship, TFC faxed a 10-day weather forecast to Whitecaps manager Teitur Thordarson showing nothing but clear skies predicted for the Toronto region.



THE STARTING 11: Sequel titles for the Canadian Championship Semi Final 2nd Leg

Heading to Vancouver with a one-goal lead but with the sword of the away goal hanging over TFC's heads, you wouldn't think that ramping up the excitement for Wednesday's match would be difficult. However, in the world of promotions you can never hype too much and in the tradition of terrible movie sequel titles, the 2nd Leg deserves a boost. Whether it turns out as an action-adventure or a horror for The Reds, these titles should definitely boost those ratings...

11. "The Phantom Robbo"

10. "Moore than Meets the Eye"

9. "Laba: The DP that Shagged Us"

8. "I Know What We Won't Do This Summer"

7. "Ryan Nelsen in the Kingdom of the Crystal Meth"

6. "The Legend of Lenarduzzi's Gold"

5. "Electric Boogalululemon"

4. "Alien vs. Predator + Drag Queen = Darren Mattocks"

3. "2 Legs, No Cup"

2. "Pacific Rim Job"

1. "2nd Leg: Leg harder"

Unlike a Boss! TFC deals Agbossoumonde - Acquires Luke Moore

Once a Swan, now a Robin



Nothing like a little sexy group action on a Thursday afternoon.

In their continuing war on puns, TFC has dealt away defender Gale Agbossoumonde to Colorado Rapids on the tail-end of a hot three-way which sees The Reds pick up 28-year-old English journeyman forward Luke Moore. "But I thought Moore played for Chivas?" we hear one of you saying. Well he did this morning but then it went down like so:

Chivas dealt Luke Moore to Colorado. Colorado sent Marvin Chavez to The Goats. Colorado flipped Moore to Toronto for Boss. We all clear? Aces.

T-Bez claimed post-trade that TFC's defensive depth allowed them to make the deal and to be fair, Agbossoumonde was very, very deep on the chart. Non-existent deep. It's always a shame to see young talent go but it was clear that he was not in the club's immediate plans.

In Luke Moore, TFC grab some depth up front. With Bright Dike looking like a late-season return at best, Moore is better than having Andrew Wiedeman as your bench weapon... but only just. Once a darling of the Aston Villa youth set-up, Moore has never established himself at any one club (and he's had his share) and will never be accused of being a consistent goal threat. Maybe it's all to make Gilberto feel better about himself? We kid!!!

There is a very outside chance that Jermain Defoe will join England at the World Cup thus missing a few matches but even if he doesn't, The Reds have yet to find a second scoring threat up front. If Defoe or Gilberto were to go down for a prolonged period, Moore at least offers some experience at striker.

And.. If it all fails, we get to use the gag "Less is Moore". Suck it pun thieves! We won't be stopped!

THE SOUTH STAND REPORT : Toronto v. Vancouver... or Robins with ADD

It's Voyageurs Cup time, which is sad because as much as I hate sponsorships, shortening the name to the NutCan was fantastical.  And calling it Stupid Pyramid Scheme Cup seems just a pinch disrespectful.

It's heady times in the Canadas as this edition has a mind-scrambling 5 clubs competing for domestic glory.  A little glad that Ottawa didn't make it out of the first round, as that takes the heat off of me for their 'mock' logo.

It's cool outside.  Minimal buggery no wait, bugs.   Toronto up against half of Vancouver's U-20 side.  Should be easy, no?

On to the match!

17 - Ball worked into box, Issey point blank,  saved by Fr. Guido Carducci

22 - tic tac to Issey,  criss to Gilberto and put it wide of post from 7 yds out. 

27 - GOAL - Gilberto slides a pretty ball springing Defoe and slides a ball past Fr. Guido Carducci.
ROBINS 1, 86ERS 0

31 - YELLOW - Bradley gets booked for a nonchalant trip

32 - Defoe gets a shot off from the left side of girl forcing Fr. Guido Carducci to make a diving save.

36 - Rey gets sent in, beating the keeper but sliding it across the face of goal

43 - Vancouver has woken up.  Massive lapse in the back four, Bendik makes a quality stop.  Ensuing rebound finds another boot that beats Bendik but not Henry on the line.  Harrowing stuff.

Half-Time Mood : Ummmmmmmmmmmmm... OK? *shrug*

62 - Human pinball has a shot of the cross bar, header by Henry finds Gilberto whose attempt hits a hand and the red sees nothing... peculiar

68 - nice cross from Bloom finds Isseys header and just misses the top corner

73 - beautiful cross from issey finds Rey who puts it into the box and nearly finds Gilberto.   #DoAShot

79 - SUB - DeRo in for Issey

88 - it looks like Gilberto is coasting and is getting an earful from Nelsen for lack of hustle.  Can I not blame either party here?

89 - GOAL - Bradley breaks down the win and slots it past the keeper
ROBINS 2, 86ERS 0

89 - SUB - Weideman on for Gilberto

90+1 - GOAL - Manneh.  Didn't see it.   Almost saw a Donnybrook as Manneh and DeRo start at it after the goal and Manneh says something to Bendik.
ROBINS 2, 86ERS 1

FULL TIME : TORONTO 2, VANCOUVER 1

Man of the Match : Issey was fun. Rey was fun.  Bradley gets it though.

Goat of the Game : no one was exceptionally bad

Ref Rating : 2 out of 5.  Toronto has had penalties awarded against them for lesser crimes than the ones Vancouver got away with.

Kit Spotting : Celtic bumblebee kit from a distance.  Would've won it had I put on my newly acquired Sheffield Wednesday shirt.

I Am Not The Gaffer But... : Subs earlier.   Gilberto could've come off after 70 mins.

Gilberto Drinking Game : 4 shots.  About 4 near shots on top of that so you might have been pissed up.

Still not convinced things are working together as the can be or should be.  Plenty of quality individual efforts all over the park but few potential game changing moments that could have been.  Playing against a stripped down Vancouver side should have been a simple game running out 3-0 victors by the hour mark but they were lacking.  Yes, they are playing well.  Yes, they are good enough to win something.  No, they are not playing up to their potential.  Toronto should have walked away with this game or fought hard for this result and neither was the case.

Although prepared for midges with a mosquito head thingies,  there wasn't enough of them to truly pesty... Issey was getting a good hacking out there.  Was afraid he would be missing chunks of his legs if he kept playing... you can tell that Vancouver were giving a pile of kids their first runs out just by their shirt number.   32, 36, 38 and a 44 were on display... For every head scratcher Rey did out there, he had a pile of nice turns and passes... at least the rain held out... Some of the much coveted "bro demographic" either love singing for Toronto, or have no idea how away goals work in these things.  I wouldn't be singing too much tonight.

Player Ratings : Bendik 6.5, Bloom 7.5, Caldwell 6, Henry 6.5, Morrow 6, Bekker 6.5, Rey 7, Bradley 7.5, Gilberto 6.5 [Weideman N/A], Issey 7 [DeRo N/A], Defoe 6.5

@ignirtoq still hasn't done laundry from Saturday but braved what little elements that nature could serve up.  He also believes in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and Gilberto scoring.

THE MATCHUP: Bzzzzzzzzzz

TORONTO VS. VANCOUVER
CANADIAN CHAMPIONSHIP SEMI FINAL
BMO FIELD – WEDNESDAY 7:30PM ET
TV: SPORTSNET ONE

WHY SHOULD I WATCH THIS?
- The Canadian Cham… BZZZZZZZZZZ
- Sorry, midges. As we were saying… BZZZZZZZZZ
- Dear God so many… Ach! NOT IN THE MOUTH!
- They’ve taken the South Stand! Retreat! BZZZZZZZZZ

 

… The bugs! They’ve enslaved the Vancouver bench!!!

 

 

… We for one welcome our new midge overlords…

 

THE STARTING 11: Ways to make the Canadian Championship tournament more popular

Solid midfielder



The Canadian Club Championship - we still like to call it the NutCan because it sounds dirty - and the quest for the Voyageurs Cup is a great little tournament. There have been some terrific matches and plenty of drama in the tournament's short history. It was also TFC's only glimpse of glory in the wasteland that was 2007-2013. Despite that, the tourney still struggles to fill stadiums and has yet to be fully embraced across the country. Perhaps the organizers should reach out to Canadians with these very useful ideas...

11. Give the actual Voyageurs Cup a "Roll Up The Rim To Win" feature

10. Funny hats!

9. The winners get P.E.I.

8. Go to three downs

7. Advertise the tournament on TV as "The Road to Wednesdays in Honduras"

6. Just let Vancouver win it one time, ok guys?

5. Final held on Baffin Island

4. Losers must take Rob Ford as their mayor for a year

3. Each club must field a bear in their starting XI

2. Rebrand it as "The Molson Canadian Lawn Hockey Finals"

1. Shirts vs. Pants

THE SOUTH STAND REPORT - Toronto v. New England... or is this Pestilence? War can't be far behind.

Is it gonna rain?  Is it gonna not?  How can anyone prepare for this crap?  Isn't there a roof yet?

Anyways, we all had a lovely bye week.  Relaxing.  I know I got to heal my "typist's finger" (no link to Wikipedia but there should be) and now I'm ready to go.

New England show up tonight hoping to keep their current form against a healing and improving Toronto FC side.  Sadly, our favourite new cuss word hasn't exactly been lighting it up as Fagundez as yet to score.  Even worse, the bastard son of a Canadian legend (from here on in known as "BSoaCL") HAS scored once and that bothers me.

On to the match:

-3' - Looks like the weather is gonna hold off, this is gonna be nice...

-2' - Wow there's a few bugs.

0' - Holy sh*t there tons of them.

2' - OMFGnats!

3' - One flew into my mouth.  That's disgusting.

4' - Ahhhh... flare guy.  I've never been so happy to see a flare go off.

5' - Ugh.  Smoke's cleared.  Gnats are back.

6' - GOAL - Well that's a pleasant surprise, isn't it?  Jackson has a go from 20 yds out, takes a fortunate deflection off of a New England defender, catches Shuttleworth stuck to the ground.
ROBINS 1, EVOLUTION 0

11' - Oooh, that's a cold wind from the lake.  The gnats don't like that one.

23' - GOAL - Henry nooooooooo... what a howler of a pass, right to Kobayashi. Through ball to Mullins and three steps later,curls it around a lunging Bloom and diving Julio Cesar.
ROBINS 1, EVOLUTION 1

27' - Nguyen and Mullins play with the centrebacks but cannot finish as Mullins "deGuzmans" it well over the bar.

43' - YELLOW - Jackson for a dangerous collision Neumann.

Half-Time Mood : Annoyed.  My jacket is a killing field for the gnats of combat.

50' - Cold rain.  Sure why not.  No more notes now...

58' - YELLOW - Bradley for something

68' - SUB - Bekker comes off for Rey

78' - SUB - Jackson makes way for Issey

81' - PENALTY - Oh Henry (pun not intended)... New England working the ball around the box and Henry goes in for a block with his arm unnecessarily up in the air and, sure enough, Mullins fires it into his arm.  What were you thinking...

82' - GOAL - Nguyen converts sending Julio Cesar the wrong way.
ROBINS 1, EVOLUTION 2

87' - SUB - Bloom is out and DeRo is in.  Be a legend Dwayne...

5 minutes of extra time

90+4' - ... or not, you know, whatever.

FULL TIME : Toronto 1, New England 2

Man of the Match : This is tough.  I'm going to commit to Jackson, though strong arguments can be made for Gilberto, Bloom and Osorio.

Goat of the Game : Henry.  2 mistakes led to 2 goals.

Ref Rating : 2 out of 5.  Can't wait until FIFA finds out how crap you guys are on the World Cup stage.  And by "you guys", I mean "the ref".

I Am Not The Gaffer But... : Subs should've been earlier.  Wouldn't have been crazy to bring off Henry after the half, but even that I was 50/50.

Kit Spotting : saw a Wigan kit from a few years ago.  Sure, that wins.

It's the fun new drinking game that's all the rage amongst supporters, if Gilberto nearly scores, do a shot.  So many people would've been polluted by games end. 

I feel terrible for the guy. 

He's playing so well, but he is so close.  He could've easily had 4 goals this afternoon, but nothing worked.  As a fan of workrate, you can't beat him, but at some point in time, this experiment will need to change.  Sure, many of the chances on offer weren't of the highest quality, but even that becomes tiresome.  Hopefully when he opens his goalscoring account, it'll be on a brace before half-time, which is completely plausible.

Thrilled that BSoaCL (see 3rd paragraph) was kept off the scoresheet, but secretly disappointed that Fagundez didn't score. Can't have enough samples of an announcer saying his name for the podcast censorship gag... This game should've been brought to you today by a dry cleaner. They'd have made a mint... Osorio pulled up very hurt in injury time. I'm surprised he hobbled his way to the middle and then chase... Individually, many Robins had very good games.  Collectively, they were poor though the game was entertaining... Thanks to the staff for not being jerks about people trying to stay away from the swarm.  Could've easily forced us into our seats... Injury time was just harrowing stuff.  So close to sealing the deal.  Sorry if you left too early... Hey, does anyone want one of the re-imagined retro kits from last season?  Putting in an order soon.  Completely custom.  Click for more information. 


Player Ratings : Julio Cesar 7, Bloom 7.5 [De Ro N/A], Caldwell 6, Henry 5.5, Morrow 6, Jackson 7.5 [Rey 6], Bekker 6.5 [Issey N/A], Bradley 6, Osorio 7, Gilberto 7.5, Defoe 6.5.

@ignirtoq really hates bugs and thinks camping is one of the stupidest things anyone can do. He has successfully refuted every and any opportunity to go camping and secretly thinks less of those that do. Except no longer due to this by-line.

THE MATCHUP (Hiatus Edition): Chowdah

 

TORONTO VS. NEW ENGLAND
BMO FIELD - SATURDAY 1PM ET
TV: TSN 2

Disclaimer: The Matchup Department isn't available to take your calls at the moment. While we appreciate that many of North America's leading media organizations and most knowledgable supporters rely heavily on this technical, in-depth feature to form their opinions on the upcoming fixture, the department is on very temporary hiatus. It is scheduled to return to regular service for the Canadian Championship match vs. Vancouver. Mostly because the department loves using the word "NutCan".

In the meantime, please enjoy the following innovative multimedia display which should prepare you for Toronto FC vs. New England. Our apologies for this temporary break in service. The Matchup returns soon.

Lots of love, The Management

FAGUNDEZ!

 

SHORTS!

 

 STEVE NICOL DANCE BREAK!

 

CHOWDAH! SAY IT!