THE SOUTH STAND REPORT - Toronto v. Portland... or Who jumps bitches? We jump bitches?

The "who jumps bitches" is in reference to what we thought the capos were singing.
Not you Timber Army.

Tonight at BMO, the all-star teams of Toronto A, B and C against a relatively full-Portland side that's struggling.

21' - GOAL - After a block off of the line from Avila, Sal Zizzo puts home the rebound.
Robins 0, Tree People 1 

37' - In reaction to what is a boring-ass first half, we did a group exercise which we will present in a new feature:

Say Something Nice About Toronto for the Next Two Minutes. 

• They're monochromatic 
• T-sounds are funny 
• The field has grass 
• We treat our bird better than MarineLand 
• Sports are good exercise 
• "FC" leaves it open to interpretation 
• Best supported team in Ontario 
• Team that's for the people, by the people, but only slightly better than the people 
• The club that Liberty Village built. 

That was nice, positive and entertaining.

Half-Time Mood : sleeeeeeepy

45' - SUB - Lambe comes off for Wiederman

57' - GOAL - Silva has a shot stopped by Rickets, but the rebound is bagged by Hassli.
Robins 1, Tree People 1

59' - SUB - Eric Avila off for Amarikwa.

63' - GOAL - Fantastic stuff here. Morgan's cross finds the head of a sprawling Wiederman who flicks on to Silva for a header to the top corner.
Robins 2, Tree People 1

71' - Kocic comes up big with a stretching out save on a two man break.

80' - SUB - Makabuya comes on for Hassli. Remember Makabuya? Barely? I know...

82' - GOAL - Kris Boyd bags a goal against the run of play (or expected... either way)
Robins 2, Tree People 2 

EDIT - GOAL scored by Darlington Nagbe but our attention had been hijacked by the brewing "Ibrox-ing" of Section 110... (see below) You can't blame us really, poor man's Glasgow was a bit of a larf.  So passionate for a 3rd Division side!

88' - OMG SECTARIAN VIOLENCE KICKS OFF IN 110!!! PROTESTANT UNIONISTS BATTLE AGAINST APATHETIC AMBIVALENTS!!!  #overblown #notThatBad

90' - OMG SECTARIAN VIOLENCE TURNS CANNIBALISTIC AS THE RANGERS SUPPORTERS BATTLE AMONGST THEMSELVES!!!! #stillOverblown #amusing

2 minutes of extra-time 

FULL TIME: Toronto 2, Portland 2

Man of the Match : If Makabuya has deflected that ball into the net, it would've been him... but Silva gets the nod.

Goat of the Game : Ty Harden has a distinct fear of running forward when in the opposition's half and the ability to hang on to the ball for a second too long.  Felt bad for him, but it is what it is.

Ref Rating : 3 out of 5.  Started out rough but became more invisible as the game progressed.

As much as it was nice to get a ride home tonight, traffic was a bitch, so here's the belated report pre-prepping and going to work... Perhaps it was the substitute, but something kicked-in around the 55th minute and then they started playing.  The first half was about no one getting open and Portland closing down everyone with 2 defenders... The Rangers' infighting was likely due to one of them telling the aggro guy to calm down, and he wasn't having any of it, so they had a go... Everyone had their share of screw-ups tonight, pinning Harden down was more for consistency... The rule must be if Hassli scores once, then he's gonna have a go from everywhere on the park.  At least someone is shooting.

Player Ratings : Kocic 6, Harden 5, Eckersley 6, Cann 5.5, Morgan 6; Lambe 5.5 [Wiederman 5.5], Frings 6, Maund 5.5, Avila 5.5 [Wiederman 5.5], Silva 6.5 [Amarikwa 6], Hassli 6 [Makabuya N/A]

THE MATCHUP: "Watch out for those Trees!"

Hipster Brian Clough is all over this



TORONTO VS. PORTLAND
　
BMO FIELD - WEDNESDAY 7:30PM ET
TV: TSN
　
THE KICKABOUT:
Usually when a club gets an unexpected few days off they are fresh, rested and have a full squad. Instead, Toronto FC comes into their match with Hipster's Choice (TM) - Portland Timbers - with a paper thin roster. This time, the reason is a mix of international call-ups and suspension. The Reds will thus be playing Wednesday evening without the help of Darren O'Dea, Dicoy Williams (?!), Doneil Henry, Ryan Johnson, Logan Emory and Terry Dunfield. So yeah... defending.
　
Despite their tough 2012, Oregon's Tricky Trees do have some quality in their line-up and are very capable of scoring goals on what will be a wafer-like TFC defence. What they do have coming into the match that The Reds don't (aside from Hipster-cred) is a full and healthy squad. Also, the power of 20,000 ironic moustaches watching from afar.
　
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "The Ossingtonian"
　
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
TORONTO: Eric Hassli, Ashtone Morgan, Luis Silva
PORTLAND: Kris Boyd, Jack Jewsbury, Donovan Ricketts
　
THE ODDS:
Toronto FC centreback pairing for Wednesday:
- Ty Harden and Adrian Cann: 5-1
- Aaron Maund and a pile of sports equipment: 10-1
- Bitchy The Hawk and Rick Titus: 25-1
　
WHO ARE YA?
"Hinterland Who's Who Are Ya: Hipsterus Ironicus"
Hipsterus Ironicus, or the Common North American Hipster, is an urban sub-species whose natural habitat is formerly impoverished, but now gentrified, middle-class neighbourhoods. Hipsters are easily spotted in nature due to their plaid plumage, thick optical rims and slim-legged physiology. While mostly a nocturnal creature that roams in small, apathetic packs, a keen naturalist can catch a glimpse of a bleary-eyed specimen during daylight hours riding a vintage bicycle, at Jeld-Wen Field, napping near the rear of a public transit vehicle or circling around an espresso bar that you've never heard of.

The North American species survives on a steady diet of microbrewed craft ales; foods with the words "organic", "artisan" or "farmer's" attached; or, anything served from a food truck. Their unique call can be heard in the late evening and sounds much like an early Arcade Fire bootleg. See: Portland Timbers Supporters
　
POST-MATCH HEADLINE: "WE LIKED SOCCER BEFORE IT WAS FOOTBALL. TOO MAINSTREAM"
　
And now... a word of warning about underestimating Trees. Pretty sure the jungle outfit is American Apparel. Seriously - Stella and Ursula? Hipsters.

THE STARTING 11: Events if Toronto FC hosted The Olympics

Why release doves when you have seat cushions?



The 2012 Olympics ended as London waved goodbye to the XXX Olympiad. (How they could have a XXX Olympiad without Joe Cannon is a disgrace) In 2016, British stereotypes will be replaced with Brazilian stereotypes as Rio hosts the next games - bowler hats replaced with thongs; chalky white skin will make way for bronzed tans; Beckham out - 103 year-old Pele in; and whatever the samba equivalent of Pet Shop Boys is. What won't change much are the actual athletic events. There will be the same running, swimming and dressage-ing (?) as usual. Since Toronto will never likely host the games (we will lose to Wichita, Kansas in 2028) we wondered what the events would be if TFC hosted the games at BMO Field instead... aside from the inflated attendance numbers of course...
　
11. Synchronized Dunfields
　
10. 200m ButtyFly
　
9. Don Garber DP Transfer Hurdles
　
8. Men's Parallel Club Escobars
　
7. Winter Events (Cancelled)
　
6. Rhythmic Koevermans
　
5. Modern Fringstathlon
　
4. Preko-MoMan Wrestling
　
3. 10m CONCACAF Diving
　
2. TyKwonHarden
　
1. 5 Year Plan Marathon

Tragedy, travel and trialists

"Umm, no - not me, the other one"



DERBY DELAY
Toronto FC's scheduled match against Columbus on Saturday has been postponed to allow the Crew organization to attend funeral services for Kirk Urso. Urso, Columbus' rookie midfielder died suddenly last Saturday and the club requested the fixture change from the league and TFC. "Given the tragic circumstances we agreed to accept this change in the schedule," said Reds' manager Paul Mariner. "Our thoughts are with the Urso family and everyone at the Columbus Crew during this difficult time." The match has been moved to August 22.
　
FREQUENT FLYERS
While the tragic reasons for the rescheduling of Saturday's match takes priority over football issues, the change in fixture throws a wrinkle into TFC's match preparations. The last two weeks of August will now see The Reds play a taxing five matches in two weeks. This stretch will include a five-day period which sees TFC plane-hopping between Toronto, Columbus and Houston before returning home to host Santos Laguna in a critical CCL match-up. The end of the month offers little respite as the Santos Laguna fixture is followed by a trip to Sporting KC and their fortress-like Livestrong Park three days later.
　
TRIAL OF THE CENTURY SUMMER
A small advantage to having the weekend off is that the club gets to have a longer look at the latest three trialists to jog their wares around Downsview Park. This year's trial list has only produced backup keeper Freddy Hall so far but there three intriguing players wearing green bibs this week:
　
PAUL ROBINSON:
PROS: Offers depth at centreback and on the left side as well as veteran leadership / Played alongside new Red Darren O'Dea at Leeds briefly / If signed you can say the sentence "We signed Paul Robinson... (wait for reply)... no the other Paul Robinson" over and over again
CONS: 33-year old journeyman who is a bit broken-down and won't be cheap / Could stymie Ashtone Morgan's playing time if Mariner goes "old Englishman love-in" / ex-Watford player and resident could force us to wear yellow kits next year and/or hear an increase in Elton John
BEST POTENTIAL NICKNAME: "The Other One"
　
DIEGO CERVANTES:
PROS: A healthy 6 foot 3, 27-year old centreback / Has tons of experience playing in CONCACAF environs / Has possibly played for every team in Mexico
CONS: Could mark the end of Adrian Cann's Toronto career / Needs to be loaned out to a new club every year to survive / Will have to fit in on a club that has about as much Latin flair as a Taco Bell in Oshawa
BEST POTENTIAL NICKNAME: "Donkey"
　
ANTWAN RUSSELL:
PROS: Along with Reggie Lambe and Freddy Hall, will complete TFC's "Bermuda Triangle" / You can't have enough ex-Dandy Town Hornets
CONS: For a forward, has very little goal scoring history / Will exhaust TFC's tapping of the Bermuda market, forcing us to look at St. Lucia
BEST POTENTIAL NICKNAME: "Bermudinho"
　
And... since it's Friday, we could do with a dance, we have no TFC this weekend and things could end up getting aimless like so...

BMOhemian Rhapsody

To celebrate our humble milestone of passing 200,000 hits to this little playground of football malarkey, we thought we'd have a little sing-a-long. While we often share some chants with you on here, today's is a bit special.
　
While we don't like to toot our own horn (TOOT!), today we take a look at the new BMO Field South Stand song sensation - Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody". What started off as a lark at TFC matches led by original Yorkies @ignirtoq and @philbot101 and our long-time section-mates in 113, it has slowly spread through our section and beyond via our Supporters Group brethren and random goodniks.
　
While the absurdity of making a six minute rock opera classic a terrace hymn is lost on no one and its difficulty level is "very high" - it has actually started to catch on! There is no set starting time during the match to begin a "BoRhap" but it seems to suit the 2nd Half and so far it has (we like to say directly) lead to three TFC goals! We think the time is right for you to learn the Rhapsody and bring it to your corner of BMO Field, or join in if it starts nearby.
　
So, as a thanks to you for dropping by our site 200,000 times we bring you Bohemian Rhapsody in all its Freddie Mercury moustachioed glory. Play the video (below), learn the ridiculously melodramatic lyrics and enjoy our notes (in red brackets) that prove why this is the shockingly perfect song for TFC and BMO Field.
　
"BMOhemian Rhapsody"
　
(This verse is definitely about life at BMO Field...)
Is this the real life? (For six years, yes)
Is this just fantasy? (Nope)
Caught in a landslide,
No escape from reality (5 Year Plans)
Open your eyes,
Look up to the skies and see, (Inclement weather)
I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy, (Shut it, Montreal)
Because I'm easy come, easy go,
Little high, little low, (All of the highs and lows)
Any way the wind blows doesn't really matter (We keep renewing!)
To me… to me
　
(Verse two is possibly an Anselmi confession...)
Mama,
I just killed a man, (Read "club")
Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger
Now he's dead (Casual fan support)
Mama... life had just begun, (2007)
But now I've gone and thrown it all away (2012)
Mamaaaaa oooh,
Didn't mean to make you cry, (You did Tom)
If I'm not back again this time tomorrow, (Don’t tease)
Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters
(We would Tom... we would. Happily)
　
(The "Dichio" verse)
Too late, my time has come, (to leave England)
Sends shivers down my spine, (It was lumbago)
Body's aching all the time (Flights to Columbus)
Goodbye, ev'rybody, I've got to go,
Got to leave you all behind and face the truth (Achy spine)
Mamaaaaa oooh, (Away the wind blows)
I don't want to die, (Forced retirement)
I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all
(Don't say that Danny - Wall of Honour?)
　
(Guitar solo) (Someone please bring a ghetto blaster to 113)
　
(A short verse on Preki)
I see a little silhouetto of a man, (Little and angry)
Scaramouche! Scaramouche! (Serbian?)
Will you do the Fandango?! (Fandango = Prekiball?)
　
(NutCan time!)
Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very frightening me!
(Frightening to Vancouver Whitecaps too)
Galileo, Galileo
Galileo, Galileo (Is he an Italian CB?)
Galileo, Figaro - magnifico (4 Times magnifico!)
　
(Reds' supporters in general. Just make it plural)
I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me
He's just a poor boy from a poor family,
Spare him his life from this monstrosity!
　
(A general verse on Dwayne De Rosario)
Easy come, easy go, will you let me go? (To Glasgow?)
Bismilah! No, we will not let you go! (Bismilah may be DeRo)
(Let him go!) (DeRo's agent?)
Bismilah! We will not let you go!
(Let him go!)
Bismilah! We will not let you go!
(Let me go) Will not let you go!
(Let me go)(Never) Never let you go!
(Let me go) Never let you go (Let me go) Ohhh!
No, no, no, no, no, no, no (Unless they throw in Tony Tchani)
　
Oh mama mia, mama mia,
Mama mia, let me go (Fine, you're off to New York)
Beelzebub (Mo Johnston) has a devil put aside for me,
For me,
For meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
　
(AND BOUNCE!!!)
　
(The venting of anger we have all felt...)
So you think you can stop me and spit in my eye?!?!
So you think you can love me and leave me to die?!?!
Oh, baby, can't do this to me, baby,
Just gotta get out,
Just gotta get right outta here!
　
(Guitar solo) (Again - ghetto blaster)
　
(And resignation that we love them no matter what)
Nothing really matters,
Anyone can see,
Nothing really matters,
Nothing really matters to me...
　
Anyway the wind blows...(Usually off the lake, full of sleet and straight into our faces...)

THE STARTING 11: Memorable Toronto FC Simcoe Days

"You're welcome Upper Canada"

Ah, the long weekend. The holiday Monday is known across Canada by a flurry of different names such as Heritage Day, Saskatchewan Day and possibly Yukonpalooza but of course the only real name is Ontario's Simcoe Day. Today is the day that Upper Canada honours John Graves Simcoe who drove the snakes out of Pickering sometime in the mid-1970's. History! Of course, since Toronto FC was formed in 2007, the holiday Monday has also marked some memorable moments for the club, its players and its supporters...

　

11. TTC holiday service on the Dufferin 29 bus route robbed Andrea Lombardo of a starting spot vs. Colorado Rapids

　

10. Bitchy the Hawk and the infamous BMO Field Squirrel went on their single ill-fated blind date (RIP BMO Field Squirrel 2008 - 2010)

　

9. Just another Canadian holiday where the favoured Vancouver Whitecaps failed to beat Toronto FC in a cup match

　

8. In 2010, Mista broke the Major League Soccer record for longest consecutive nap

　

7. Suarez Soolsma evaded neutering for the fifth straight year

　

6. Collin Samuel founded his annual* hot dog eating competition for charity** (* "Annual" denotes Mondays) (** "Charity" denotes Collin Samuel's lunch)

　

5. Carlos Ruiz completed Week 2 of his 5 Week journey to Toronto

　

4. Last year, Paul Mariner barely avoided an international incident when Toronto airport customs official tells him "he is not welcome into this country until he puts some damn pants on"

　

3. Every year on this date, a groundhog pops up from under BMO Field's grass, sees its shadow, then proclaims that there will be "no playoffs for another season"

　

2. Jacob Peterson bought full page ads in all Toronto newspapers declaring that there was no proof that Canada was "actually a thing" and that "The War of 1812 was a draw"

　

1. It's the 2nd Anniversary of our 3rd 5-Year Plan!



AFTER 90: "The Chicago Way"

"Get that defence an Irishman!" 

THE BUZZ:

Are the days of automatic away losses done?

Is Eric Hassli ready to make his long-awaited debut?

Will Paul Mariner exchange shorts for Team GB Speedos?

Did TFC use up all their goals against CD Aguila?

Are we the Cameron Frye of MLS?

Has Luis Silva become a consistent professional?

If Chicago's stadium is a Toyota is BMO Field a Lada?

FIRST HALF:

16' - GOAL: Toronto - Ryan Johnson

CHICAGO 0 - TORONTO 1

40' - YELLOW CARD: Logan Emory

　

FIRST HALF HIGHLIGHT: RJ's "smash-and-grab" opener

FIRST HALF LOWLIGHT: Some very Darren O'Dea welcoming defensive displays

HALFTIME: CHICAGO 0 - TORONTO 1

　

SECOND HALF:
45' - SUB: Jeremy Hall on for Reggie Lambe

60' - SUB: Andrew Wiedeman on for Eric Hassli

64' - GOAL: Chicago - Marco Pappa

CHICAGO 1 - TORONTO 1

78' - SUB: Aaron Maund on for Doneil Henry

79' - RED CARD: Logan Emory (2nd Yellow)

84' - GOAL: Chicago - Austin Berry

CHICAGO 2 - TORONTO 1

SECOND HALF HIGHLIGHT: The final whistle.

SECOND HALF LOWLIGHT: The shambolic defensive collapse that lead to Marco Pappa's goal and everything that followed

FULL TIME: CHICAGO 2 - TORONTO 1

PLAYER RATINGS: Milos Kocic 5.5 / Doneil Henry 5 (Aaron Maund N/A) / Richard Eckersley 5.5 / Logan Emory 4.5 / Ashtone Morgan 5 / Reggie Lambe 6 (Jeremy Hall 5) / Terry Dunfield 6.5 / Torsten Frings 6 / Luis Silva 6 / Ryan Johnson 6.5 / Eric Hassli 6.5 (Andrew Wiedeman 5)

THE YORKIES' TFC MAN OF THE MATCH: Terry Dunfield

THE MOOD:

Not just beaten. Beaten up. Yes we could bemoan the "injustice" of yet another TFC road collapse but there really wasn't a collapse. Even when they held the lead, Toronto were never in charge of this match. Whether it was talent or will to win - The Reds couldn't man up to a Chicago who always looked quicker, more technical and tougher. While losing the match when down to nine men (through a combo of red card and injury) stings that bit extra, majority of TFC fans who have seen this re-run before would admit... "you could see it coming".

In true Windy City style, the Fire seemed to channel their inner Untouchable:

"You wanna know how to beat Toronto? They pull a knife, you pull a gun. TFC sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of theirs to the morgue. That's the Chicago way! And that's how you get three points."



THE MATCHUP: No time for a Day Off

"Something -'Dea defending. Anyone? O'Dea defending"



CHICAGO VS. TORONTO
　
TOYOTA PARK - SATURDAY 8:30PM ET
TV: GOL TV RADIO: THE FAN 590
　
THE KICKABOUT:
While not exactly "on Fire", TFC have at least a 1-Alarm smoulder going on right now with 4 wins in their last 5 competitive matches. That being said, the club still borders on inconsistent and is more than capable of re-producing a stinker like their recent 2-0 loss to Houston. An away fixture at solid, playoff-contending rival Chicago gives Paul Mariner's men little room for error on the pitch.
　
With the big news in TFC-Land being the signing of Irish defender Darren O'Dea, the focus on Saturday night may well shift to another newcomer. After a protracted arrival, DP striker Eric Hassli should be ready to make his debut in red and his presence up front may indicate how TFC will fare for the rest of 2012. While TFC may not have grabbed "the bossman" in the back they originally wanted, Hassli must be the new "boss" up front if The Reds are to continue their stroll to respectability.
　
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "The Sloane Peterson Challenge"
　
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
CHICAGO: Alvaro Fernandez, Sherjill MacDonald, Dominic Oduro
TORONTO: Eric Hassli, Reggie Lambe, Luis Silva
　
THE ODDS:
- Torsten Frings singing "Danke Schoen" in local parade: 2-1
- Team bus having to be driven backwards to the airport after leaving it with unscrupulous parking attendant: 10-1
- Paul Mariner asking for another big central defender - getting a computer instead: 20-1
　
WHO ARE YA?
Bridgeview, Illinois is a Chicago suburb and commuter village and home to Chicago Fire's Toyota Park. Founded in 1986 off of the strength of major local employer "Abe Froman's Chicago Sausage" factory, the town gained notoriety due to its rather lax truancy laws and lack of educational discipline. The area's economy was briefly helped by the Smoot-Hawley Tariff, which opened the international backyard trampoline market, but eventually fell victim to "Voo-Doo Economics". Present-day Bridgeview is now known as "The Random Midday Ethnic Parade Capital of America".
　
POST-MATCH HEADLINE: "OHHHHH! YEEEE-AH! (Mmm, bowp, bowp. Chick-Chick-ahhh!)"
　
And... Because it's Friday and this isn't a laughing matter...

You wait O'Dea for a defender - then Darren comes along

By the scruff of the neck...



Well not exactly "the bossman" TFC supporters may have expected but an intriguing signing nonetheless. After the disappointment of being stymied in their quest to land Olof Mellberg a couple of weeks back, The Reds had to look elsewhere for a Don Garber Approved (TM) defender and instead landed young Irish International Darren O'Dea. While not in the same pedigree as Mellberg, O'Dea is a capable centreback who should fit well into Paul Mariner's style.
　
The 25-year old Dubliner is best known for his time with Celtic but has spent the last few seasons on loans in the English Championship - a very good litmus for life in MLS. A brief loan to Reading in 2009 was followed in subsequent seasons by stretches with Ipswich Town and most recently Leeds. O'Dea has his share of detractors who see him as a bit weak with the footwork and sometimes calamitous in tackles but he should offer an improvement over current options in the Toronto backline. Despite his inconsistent club performances however, O'Dea has performed well with Ireland and was voted Young Irish Player of the Year for 2012.
　
O'Dea may not be the "world-class CB" that many supporters were holding their breath for but with the opportunity to play regularly and lead a young defence, he could be dependable and solid. After a six-year search for a centreback, perhaps that is the best we can hope for.

Garber said no to our Big Boss Man

THE SOUTH STAND REPORT: Toronto v CD Aguila... or this is why you go to ALL the games, just in case something happens.

Sorry, I did this from memory.
I think they rescued a princess once...
it's like the stars above a crest for winning tournaments.

I think I could really get excited about this tournament... except nobody else really does.  Sure, the smaller Central American/Caribbean national champs probably look at this as "the big time" but I fear no one else does.  It's nice to win silverware and all, but it doesn't capture the imagination like, well, every other Champions League that is out there.  Mexican and US sides look at it with somewhat importance, but given how underclassed Toronto has been, yet snagged some significant results when needed, we won't be confusing a Monterrey v Real Salt Lake final with a Barca v Inter finale any time soon.  Underdogs love this tournament.  Big ones, not so much.

CD Aguila are the defending Clausura champions of El Salvador.  For those that don't know what that means, CD Aguila won the second half-season championship because what league would be complete without having more than one champion in a given year?  Which is funny, given Canada crowns a national champion between four clubs.  Welcome to CONCACAF! #amIRight?

Predictions were mostly pro-TFC.  @kzknowles had 3-1, @WakingtheRed had a absolute nutter of a 6-1, a few 1-0 (including mine), a 2-1 and a 1-0 to CD Aguila.

On to the match...

Quote of the Match:

BMO Field - Where they introduce the crowd to the players

~ LutonTony (formerly known as the President of the Luton Town FC
Supporters Club of North America) in reaction to the paltry turnout.

6' - Henry appears to head in a bad clearance by the Aguila keeper, and the ref calmly waits for the ball to cross the goal line before doing anything about it.

10' - GOAL - Corner kick delivered by Frings into the box, Silva heads it perfectly into the top left corner.  "Pick that out!" (a la Graham Leggat)
Robins 1, Naranjas 0

17' - GOAL - Silva breaks in right side of the box and slides a pretty ball to Lambe who pots it cooly.
Robins 2, Naranjas 0

37' - GOAL - Aguila free kick from 20 yards out forces Kocic to make a diving save but can't quite old on to it, Perez is there to tap in the loose ball.  Game on?
Robins 2, Naranjas 1

40' - GOAL - No.  Game over.  Henry fires a low cross in that's perfectly tapped in by Terry "Mother F**kin'" Dunfield.
Robins 3, Naranjas 1 

That's Terry Alonso!

~ man two rows in front after a comparison of TFC to Barca.

Half-Time Mood : Crushed optimism after realizing we only play them once at home.

48' - GOAL - Lambe puts a low ball just past the unfortunate Aguila keeper.  Magical.  Just magical.
Robins 4, Naranjas 1

58' - GOAL - Through ball from Silva to Johnson, who goes around the keeper and calmly fires into the empty net.  Shock was both that I'm in person for a thrashing in our favour AND that Johnson didn't fire it past the post.
Robins 5, Naranjas 1 

61' - SUB - Frings gets a nice round of applause and makes way for Maund.

Then this happened (if you like crap puns that could easily be headlines, keep reading) :

Lambe's skills are mutton to laugh about

~ Mikey

Hat-tricks don't come sheep

~ @WakingtheRed

He's playing so well he should be playing for Baa-aaa-celona

~ LutonTony

Seriously, I love all of you buggers.  Don't ever change.

72' - SUB - Johnson makes way for Amarikwa.

75' - SUB - Henry comes off for Taylor Hall.

Announced attendance was 5300.  For once they decided not to lie about who was there and I respect them for it.

3 mins of extra time.

Full Time : Toronto 5, CD Aguila 1

Man of the Match : Luis Silva.  He set up 2 and bagged 1.  He looked amazing in the first half.  He was looking like a 10 but everyone took their foot off the gas by the 70th minute.  Forgiven.

Goat of the Game : Are you serious?  At 3-1 there wasn't going to be one.  At 5-1, someone should go on the Wall of Honour.

Ref Rating : 3 out of 5.  I know its generous after the early non-goal call back, but he was bad for both sides and kept his cards in his pocket for most of the match.

Kit Spotting : Saw a Sport Club Internacional from Brazil which should win, but I was such a nerd for the awesome Angola kit from the World Cup in 2006 that it wins.

Wow.  Heady stuff.  It was hard to tell if Aguila were taking Toronto too lightly or were just over-classed in general.  They took a helluva beating... The gentleman in front of me remarked at how relaxed Frings looks every time he takes a corner.  Torsten has probably taken more free kicks, in practice and in games, than I've ever kicked a ball... Mr. Reggie Lambe, please do not take these lame puns under any offense.  We genuinely respect your contribution to this side.  Thank you... Silva did look like a seasoned pro and by no means a rookie.  Half expected Frings to hand him the armband when he was subbed off... Wiedeman is a little awkward out there.  He's in position, but doesn't look the most comfortable... I suspect that there will be a papering or a Groupon for the next Champions Lg match against Laguna Santos.  Sub-6000 isn't enough for that match.

Match Ratings : Kocic 6, Henry 6.5, Eckersley 6, Emory 6, Morgan 6, Lambe 8.5, Frings 8 [Maund N/A], Dunfield 7.5, Wiedeman 6; Silva 9, Johnson 7