The Red Hot Reds' Supporters' Romance Quiz

You always hurt me, but I can't quit you.

"BMO Field is for Lovers"… said no t-shirt ever. Despite that, today is the day to stop dreaming of trialists, injuries and potential signings and ponder upon that special person in your life. And no - we don't mean Terry Dunfield. Yes, it's Valentine's Day - the day to celebrate all things amour... because French stuff always goes swimmingly at TFC. Put your MLS aside for a day (and that includes Zarek Valentin) to concentrate on the lurve.
　
In the spirit of getting your raging heart on, we have brought back an updated "Red Hot Reds' Supporters' Romance Quiz". It is the most scientifically proven* (depending on your definition of science) Major League Soccer/Romance test since the infamous "Tampa Bay Mutiny Presents: Is Your Wife Cheating on You?" quiz of 1997. So before you sit your lady/partner/random acquaintance down to an evening of microwaved tin pasta and a 90 minute snuggle in front of your 1991 FA Cup Semi-Final DVD... answer these February 14 questions to see just how red hot a Red you are.
　
HOW TO SCORE: 1 Point for every A; 2 Points for every B; 3 points for every C; and 4 points for every D
　
1. If you were buying your partner a sexy item of clothing, what would it be?
A) Adidas coach's shorts B) A pair of sexy boots C) Some red undergarments D) A red & grey bar scarf
　
2. How long do you wait before trying to bed a new partner?
A) After 4 or 5 friendly dates B) Try to seduce them on the 2nd date C) Nothing like a one-night stand! D) I have a 5 Year Plan
　
3. How do you first get to know a partner?
A) Exchange some pleasant e-mails B) Meet up for a coffee C) A few flirty texts D) Get Reggie Lambe to send them confusing Tweets in Bermudian patois
　
4. Who most inspires you to be romantic?
A) Poets B) Painters C) Musicians D) Joe Cannon
　
5. If you were making a romantic meal, what would be your specialty?
A) A warm soup B) A pasta dish C) Red Velvet Cake D) Chip Butty
　
6. If you were to put some drinks on ice for the evening, what would you serve?
A) Some sparkling mineral water B) Champagne C) An expensive red wine D) $11 Dollar pint of Carlsberg in a plastic cup
　
7. What term do you use for "love-making"?
A) "A friendly" B) "Getting lucky" C) "Scoring" D) "Drilling one into the box"
　
8. How would you best describe your technique in bed?
A) "Sweet and tender" B) "Confident and assured" C) "Erotic and adventurous" D) "Like a series of Richard Eckersley tackles from behind"
　
9. If you could get your significant other to "dress up" for you, what costume would you choose?
A) French maid B) Hot cop C) The "Scotts' Turf Girl" D) Stefan Frei
　
10. What is your favourite position?
A) Classic missionary B) Spooning C) Something from the Kama Sutra D) Defensive Midfielder
　
11. What taboo experience do you most crave?
A) A night in a Columbus, Ohio hotel B) A very public adventure C) Hooking up with a complete stranger D) The Playoffs
　
12. What name would you like to be called in bed?
A) "Sweetheart" B) "Stud" C) "The best lover in the modern era" D) "Joe Bendik"
　
13. If you could choose a fantasy name for yourself - what would it be?
A) Mr. Right B) Fabio C) Justin Brawn D) Commissioner Dong Grabber
　
14. What do you find most physically attractive on your partner?
A) Their smile B) Their hair C) Their eyes D) Their South End
　
HOW DID YOU DO?
If you scored:
　
14-20 points - you are a TRIALIST: You've got a long way to go before you're ready for the big-time. Time to put down FIFA 13 and meet a real girl - watching the Canadian Women's team at the Olympics doesn't count as a date.
　
21-34 points - you are in the ACADEMY: You've got some potential but there are lots like you out there. Work on your romance or end up in a USL-type relationship... or alone with your own Rochester Raging Rhino.
　
35-48 points - you are on the FIRST TEAM: You are definitely a Major Leaguer in the old football shorts department. However, there is still room for improvement so don't get too cocky or you'll end up like Julian de Guzman - a chance to do a Toronto nice but instead finding yourself spending your days playing Scrabble with a down-and-out German.
　
49 points and higher - you are a DP: No not that kind of DP (you commendable perv) - the MLS kind! You are on top of your game and could have the pick of the litter at BMO Field. You've got the physique of a Dichio, the charm of a Ricketts, the accent of Laurent Robert and the animal magnetism of a Raivis Hscanovics. Reds' lovin' ladies would love some of your support! "Up The Reds!"

LETTERS FROM CAMP: Wet World of Sports

"Raaaaar"

You coulda' had it all Adrian Heath. You coulda' been a contendah'! Yo' Adrian! Etc. Yes, a subplot of TFC's epic encounter with hometown Orlando City is how different things could be right now if "The Lions" head coach would have accepted the assistant manager's job he was reportedly offered under Paul Mariner back in the fall. This was all before Kevin Payne showed up and Operation: Blow It Up Again began but there is an alternate universe where Adrian Heath became TFC's assistant manager, then manager when Mariner was fired in June 2013, only to then become TFC's next fired manager. Likely replaced with some kind of robot. Forget it Adrian, it's O-Town.

 

Alternate universe aside, Toronto FC instead continues its quest March-bound as they trot out for their second match in the Mickey Mouse Cup. Down three trialists since last match and still awaiting the 8-14 necessary new players, The Reds will likely take a look at a lot of players still without contracts. They will also continue to wish upon a star at Disney that someone knows how to score.

 

KICK-OFF: The single tripod is ready, the Florida rain is raining and "The Fiorentina of Disney" are ready to attempt a (Sort of) giant-killing on TFC...

1' - Unless you made the trek to Florida, watching the match has been reduced to a single camcorder held by some dude named Barry (we imagine) and has no sound. Ah, the Internet. The future is now!

5' - When the ball is in Orlando's area we may as well be watching live Subbuteo

10' - Best shot at actual match analysis: Joe Bendik is closest to the camera.

15' - Orlando City actually controlling majority of possession. We are going to pretend they really are Fiorentina to avoid the shame.

25' - Yes it's preseason and the weather is awful... but yikes going forward TFC

28' - And the audio is back! It's at least Blue Square South quality now!

34' - Jeremy Hall given caution. Possibly for being Jeremy Hall

39' - Long Tam goal for Orlando denied by offside. Orlando possibly leading Toronto 40-1 in shots on goal

42' - Danny Califf almost gets his head on a TFC free kick then gets back down the field to throw his body in front of an Orlando chance. Box-to-box stuff.

45' - Referee whistles to end the half. Single camera did not catch Adrian Heath breathing a sigh of relief over NOT taking Toronto FC offer

 

ORLANDO 0 - TORONTO 0

45' - Changes going into the 2nd Half for TFC: Gale Agbossoumonde for Califf, Matt Stinson for "Slappa De"Bassi, Terry Dunfield for Reggie Lambe, Emery Welshman for Nicolas Cabrera, and Taylor Morgan for Justin Braun. So not much then.

47' - Rain has died and two-camera set-up back. At least Blue Square Premier level now

53' - GOAL: Toronto - Sign him up! Taylor Morgan calmly rounds the keeper after getting on the end of a Luis Silva pass.

ORLANDO 0 - TORONTO 1

60' - The 2nd Half Reds a bit more fun to watch going forward over their 1st half colleagues. That's not saying much though.

65' - They really have to start having preseason in places with good weather. Florida is America's big wet wang.

72' - PENALTY: Handball called against Orlando in the box. Terry Dunfield (!) steps up and slots it past the keeper easily. GOAL

ORLANDO 0 - TORONTO 2

73'- Tempers flair after the PK and Orlando's Adama Mbengue receives a RED CARD after punching Kyle Bekker in his fancy hair

74' - Trialist Ashton Bennett on for Luis Silva who had a solid 3/4 match

80' - Andrew Wiedeman and Jonathan Osorio come on for Kyle Bekker and Jeremy Hall

85' - Say what you like about Orlando City but they do have LegoLand as their lower back kit sponsor. That is a hot blocky tramp stamp.

86' - GOAL: Toronto - Academy project Jonathan Osorio with some very fancy footwork in traffic and a nice finish

ORLANDO 0 - TORONTO 3

FINAL WHISTLE: Sometimes the "match of two halves" thing is a bit of a cliche - but not tonight. First half TFC looked toothless, timid and bereft of any ideas going forward. The hungrier team introduced in the second half seemed to have far more intensity and poise when attacking. It is early but youngsters Taylor Morgan and Jonathan Osorio made it a little harder to send them home. Overall positive would be the fairly solid defensive display but the attacking options (or lack thereof) will continue to be an ongoing concern.

ORLANDO 0 - TORONTO 3



LETTERS FROM CAMP: Hit, kit and fit

"Goalkeepers in disguise!" Wait... wrong toy.


BY A NOSE
The bad news - Stefan Frei's noseholes are broken. The good news? Maybe The Goalblerone has gotten his annual injury out of the way early and it's smooth sailing (but not breathing) ahead. The news is official now that Frei's schnoz did in fact lose the kitchen stadium battle of Boot v Face and he will have to go under the rhinoplasty knife on Tuesday to correct it. No word whether this procedure will take place at a Walt Disney Hospital facility but he should make sure NOT to check the box that says I AGREE TO BE CRYOGENICALLY FROZEN. The silver lining is that Frei didn't seem to get a concussion and that a more serious orbital bone injury was avoided. He may have to return to play with a protective mask like a modern day Bill Laimbeer or that guy from the movie Mask. Steve Maskington? That guy.
　
GET YOUR KIT OFF ON
MLS announced that they have nothing better to do will hold a week-long (actually four days, but hey) celebration of new sales opportunities with the new "Jersey Week" campaign. As originally thought, it is not an attempt to further promote New York Red Bulls nor is JWow (that's still a thing right?) signing a DP contract (Hey-oooo! Pervs.) No, Chairman Dong Grabber is throwing a festival of polyester dreams to unveil the 12 new kits that will soon be on sale to the public. TFC's home kit is of course one of these new Adidas jewels and if the leaked photos were right, the four days will be used to unveil each of the many giant maple leaves patriotically (spellcheck: patronizingly) adorning the shirt. Word is that TFC will hold its own day on February 26th where we locals can get to know the shirt up close, personal and one-on-one. No word if it will be BoGo letters on "Agbossoumonde" personalized shirts.
　
HE'S FIT BUT MY GOSH DON'T HE KNOW IT
One of TFC's training camp emphases... emphasis-is... empha... One of TFC's training camp things is to have a strong back four and newcomer Danny Califf is seen as critical to that success. Some long-suffering Eff to the Cee supporters are thus a bit worried that the burly Californian has yet to train for propers and did not appear in the opening friendly versus Columbus. Word of a lingering knee injury in post-match comments from staff did little to soothe but it appears that the injury is not of the surgical variety but rather closer to cysts on the knee that just require patience. Now you can't blame TFC supporters for fearing the worst but the man himself assures that he will be in the opening day line-up on March 2nd and if you can't trust a man with sideburns like that... who can you trust?

THE STARTING 11: Advantages to holding training camp at Walt Disney World

The striker crisis is solved!



Why were Toronto FC so horrible last year? Ask some returning players (and some ex-members of staff) and the answer is simple: a terrible 2012 pre-season. Yes that was obviously the issue. Obviously. Well nothing to fear - the new TFC hierarchy has answered the call by er... returning to Disney World for the Mickey Mouse Cup and um... scheduling fewer matches. Ok
　
11. Stefan Frei's broken nose protection to be adorable cartoon mouse nose from gift shop
　
10. The "Hall of Presidents" display is nearly as long as Toronto FC's "Hall of Managers"
　
9. The staff at "It's a Small World" attraction provided strong competition to Real Salt Lake during the Joao Plata trade negotiations
　
8. There's a good chance that Never Land and the Modern Era are the same thing
　
7. The Teacups makes for a convenient treadmill replacement
　
6. "The Pirates of the Caribbean" ride is full of potential Bermudian and Trinidadian trialists
　
5. The handy betting syndicate at Epcot's Singapore Pavilion
　
4. "The Country Bear Jamboree" does a really hot dubstep version of "The Dichio Song"
　
3. Sport Goofy does not take up an international roster spot
　
2. It's comforting to spend time at a place where "Mickey Mouse organization" is not used as an insult
　
1. Bitchy The Hawk and Daffy Duck are totally doing it

LETTERS FROM CAMP: The Turducken Derby - Now with 30% more next day cutting!

You gotta dig to get some yummy Trillium!

Lights! Cameras! Buffering! The boys are back in town! Okay not this town - but a town. Actually O-Town. Hey, does anyone out there remember the boy band "O-Town"? No? Okay... footballs it is then.

The pre-season kicks of for realsies in the Florida sun today as TFC face the old foe Columbus in the opening match of the concisely titled Walt Disney World Pro Soccer Classic. Of course, this would also be an unofficial Trillium Cup fixture as well right? So it's a Trillium Cup inside of a Mickey Mouse Cup inside of a pre-season. So a turducken of a match. Or a flower inside of a rodent... so the Florodent Derby perhaps. I bet FloRida is pissed.

 

KICK-OFF: Sun is shining like some kind of shining light, red threads are binding many people together but "O-Town" did not perform the national anthems. 2 out of 3 - let's footballs...
2' - Jeremy Hall with a dangerous giveaway. Mid-season form.

4' - TFC go for the "we lost our luggage" look with last year's shirts and black shorts. #fashionfauxpas

8' - TFC with zero offensive flow. Justin Braun needs to be a quicker picker upper on long passes

12' - If today is an indication of things to come then all offense will go through Luis Silva. Looks lively but only one creating any trouble for Crew

18' - REPORT: Columbus Crew's president angry after 2 of the 3 construction workers on their logo showed up to camp unfit

20' - Opposition defenders will hate Crew's Federico Higuain even more this year. Dangerous.

25' - It may be choppy but first match-TFC employing some very high pressure when Crew is on the ball causing many a turnover

25' - A hungry Danny Koevermans wants a turnover

30' - GOAL: COLUMBUS - Glauber's Brazilian head meets the business end of a corner

COLUMBUS 1 - TORONTO 0

35' - Of the newcomers, trialist/academy/Uruguayan league prospect Jonathan Osorio looking fairly useful in the midfield

40' - MLS online stream announcers wondering aloud if Gale Agbossoumonde will replace Danny Califf as starting CB. This kind of high-end research is how you get a plum online stream job. That and TALK YELLING

42' - Only minutes left in the half and still no word from "O-Town". Disappointing.

44' - Stefan Frei takes a cleat to the face from Ryan Finlay and stays down. Likely won't continue. Or be as handsome. Joe Bendik subs in for Frei

45' - End of a scrappy half. TFC tactics-wise and Crew tackle-wise

COLUMBUS 1 - TORONTO 0

45' - Second half gets started with Julio Cesar (non-QPR version) on for Osorio and Argentine trialist Nicolas Cabrera on for Emery Welshman. Florodent Cup still up for grabs. "O-Town" still MIA. MIA still trying to live up to "Paper Planes"

47' - News that Stefan Frei is headed to hospital. A springtime tradition

53' - Julio Cesar's facial expressions rotate between huge happy grin and "I will eat your face". Maniacal. Enjoyable.

56' - Luis Silva denied by big save. Just about the only scoring threat for The Reds at the moment. You may want to get used to that.

60' - Good first impression by Gale Agbossoumonde today. You know... Like a boss.

63' - Silva, Lambe, Braun and Hall come off for Kyle Bekker, Ashton Bennet, Taylor Morgan and Torsten Frings. Frings to babysit.

68' - Tony Tchani doing his thing for Columbus... you know... just to remind us about De Ro

70' - More subs on for TFC but most importantly new nickname heroes "Slappa De" Bassi and "Fabreezi" make their debut

81' - Terry Dunfield must have his Ultimate Warrior sock tassels on as he hits the post with a headed equalizing attempt. Close but no tassel.

84' - We're not saying this result is strange but Europol has noticed unusual betting patterns from Sport Goofy

88' - Match needs more "shining lights"

FINAL WHISTLE: A scrappy affair in TFC's springtime debut. Decent pressure off the ball, no clue creating anything that looked like an offensive tactic. Agbossoumonde, Welshman and Osorio looked promising while Lambe was invisible, Silva was snatching at chances and Frei got his annual injury. Can't help but get the feeling that the lack of a real striker will be the narrative going forward.

COLUMBUS 1 - TORONTO 0

UPDATE: On Sunday afternoon the club took to the airwaves (well webwaves) to let the world know that they had cut ties with a trio of camp trialists. (Wow, Nelsen - you cut the Kiwi? That's New Zealand cold bro!) Here's hoping this heralds the entrance of three First Team worthy newcomers. Preferably of the ball-in-goal variety.

#TFC training update: Nik Robson, Jose Gomez & Joevin Jones are no longer at preseason camp in Orlando. #TFClive
— Toronto FC (@torontofc) February 10, 2013

LETTERS FROM CAMP: All together now

W Connection prepare for the season



PUTTING THE " " IN "FULL ROSTER"
So the gang's all here. Apparently. And by here we of course mean cosmopolitan Orlando, Florida. Toronto FC has released their official 30-man Florida squad and... hey... that's a... bunch of people, now isn’t it? With the "complex deal" for a player that was ready to be announced last week or early this week and the mystical "three other attacking players" seemingly vanished - The Reds instead unveiled a roster whose only surprise is in its lack of surprises.
　
Maybe we just misunderstood Kevin Payne? Perhaps the "complex deal" was to bring in one Trinidadian trialist and the "three other" players were boys from the very fringes of Canadian football/TFC Academy? That would explain it right? And explain the rising panic in TFC supporters as March 2nd hurtles towards lone striker Justin Braun backed-up on the bench by... er... Justin Braun. Phew?
　
The above mentioned trialist in camp is indeed T&T international and sometime member of W Connection (which is both a Trinidadian club and a smooth, sexy R'n'B band) Joevin Jones. The young leftback could possibly provide some cover on the left side if he proves capable - and his name translates to "Joe's Wine" - so that's a party. The three academy-ish players are relatively unknown defenders Daniel "The Breeze" Fabrizi, Derrick "Slappa De" Bassi and one-time Uruguayan club flirt Jonathan "I've Played Midfield in South America Briefly" Osario - the nickname admittedly needs work.
　
It's not all terribly horrifying and season write-offish challenging news. With the lack of the usual slew of TFC trialists (where's a Kiki Musampa when you need him?) and the absolute giant gaping hole in scoring ability, there may be an opportunity for some of the unsigned Supplemental Draft Picks to overcome some of their Supplemental Disabilities and find a spot with the first team. So yeah.... that.
Rebuilding! Shining light! Red thread etc.

UPDATE: This morning the club announced the addition of Argentine trialist Nicolas Cabrera or Nicolas Alejandro Cabrera to his friends. A 28-year old winger who has plenty of experience with big Argentine clubs such as Independiente, Velez Sarsfield and the best of all names - Newell's Old Boys. Intriguing.
　
THE LAND OF THE MIDDAY SUN
Toronto FC's website succumbed to the overwhelming pressure of TFC's broadcast partners and was forced at knifepoint* (*no knives involved) to release the club's full schedule yesterday. As not requested by any fans who have to stand on BMO Field's reflective tin surfaces, the schedule features many a midday kick-off in the middle of the summer. On the bright side - there is a good chance that you may see a spontaneous combustion included in the price of your ticket. Looking at you Richard Eckersley.
　
The wacky schedule is of course to appease the almighty television schedule because as we know, MLS TV ratings are huge! We're talking Shopping Channel huge! However, if there were no matches on television we'd all be complaining that the sport gets no coverage in Canada so double-edged swords* and all that (*no swords involved). One revelation from the released broadcast schedule was the realization that zero matches would appear on MLSE-owned GOL TV. This is good news for those who already pay enough for TSN and Sportsnet and better news for those already paying for GOL TV whose reasons for dishing out for the "specialty" channel now add up to minus four.

LETTERS FROM CAMP: Let's do lunch

"Hi SkyDome? Are you open for lunch?"



IT'S GONNA KICK OFF
We are starting to get a slightly better idea of when to tell our significant others that we won't be available for (enter lame family function here) as TFC's match kick-off times are appearing slowly. No, not on the club's website... that would just be crazy talk... but via TV schedules. TSN dropped their mad 2013 MLS science today and with it a few ideas of when to start singing "When The Reds Go Marching In". Some early season kick-offs of interest include...
　
- MARCH 2ND @ VANCOUVER 6:30PM
- MARCH 9TH VS. SPORTING KC (dans le SkyDome) 1:30PM
- MARCH 16TH @ MONTREAL 4PM
- MARCH 30TH VS LOS ANGELES 2PM
　
Also announced were a bunch of midday starts in the summer which is perfect if you enjoy turning bright red/cooking poultry live on the tin floor that is BMO Field. But really, why listen to supporters when TSN has to make space for whatever it is that channel shows when it's not football. Is summer hockey a thing? You've been warned TFC support, SPF timez - and the rest of you who show up 30 minutes late no matter what the start time, you can just burn.
　
CAMP CRUMBY
All is quiet on the southern front - Orlando, Florida... here are some crumbs you addicts...
- Doneil Henry has been brought into the Canada U-20 camp next week with a call up to the CONCACAF Championships later this month likely. Henry will thus be away from TFC until early March and if by chance Canada qualifies - will miss some time this June at the U-20 World Cup in Turkey. Gobble gobble.
- Darren O'Dea decided to concentrate on his first pre-season with TFC rather than join the Republic of Ireland who are playing in a friendly this week. O'Dea has been tapped to play a major leadership role and his time with TFC is important at this stage. He says a bunch of things in Irish here...
- He gotz the allocation moneyz at the draft. He gotz the salary capz relief after trading Hassli yo. Time for some cha-ching from Kevin Payne? Not so fast. Homeyz. (So streets right?) The president quietly warned that TFC may not have all the pieces they want before the season begins as he takes the slow and steady approach to signing players he actually wants over panic buying. That being said, the clock is ticking on Payne to "Ante Up"(see scientific video below) before fans recoil in horror at Justin Braun lining up as the lone striker. Homeyz.

Fait accompli... Hassli deal confirmed

Time to bite a new badge monsieur



The worst kept secret in MLS is officially out. As was pretty much announced over Twitter on Friday evening by FC Dallas, the Texan side has grabbed Eric Hassli from Toronto FC for a conditional 2nd Round Draft Pick in 2014. While that doesn't quite make up for the short-sighted gifting of TFC's 1st Round Pick to Vancouver in the first place, it sounds possible that Toronto could get a better deal if Hassli plays well in Dallas. "If Eric has a productive year for Dallas the consideration paid to us will be greater" said TFC President Kevin Payne but as in all MLS deals - the details, including who eats what salary, are shrouded in a cloak of secrecy.
　
The deal will polarize some in TFC supporting world along the same lines as those pro-Payne and pro-Mariner but the return on the trade isn't the main factor going forward. The pick in return is a side dish for what Kevin Payne truly sought - flexibility with salaries in 2013 and the shedding of a DP contract with the remaining ability to shed one more if desired. The deal of course was not a one-sided affair as the player himself made it clear that he no longer wanted to be in Toronto. This one may go down as mutually beneficial.
　
Now that the Hassli book is closed and all of the "thanks for your contributions" have been delivered, the real test for Kevin Payne, as well as the glare from supporters, begins in earnest. As of this moment, Justin Braun is the only professionally experienced striker on the squad - and that is not a good situation. With camp underway and less than a month to go before the season begins, Payne must deliver on attacking additions, both midfield and forward, and deliver very quickly if he doesn't want to sabotage his new manager's early career.

THE STARTING 11: Reasons why Eric Hassli's trade to FC Dallas was delayed

Order your FC Dallas 2013 away kit now!



The worst-kept transfer secret in MLS is still a secret (EDIT: Yes we know now - see above. Thanks a lot official confirmation timing)... despite official Twitter releases and interviews on Major League Soccer's official website. At press time (yes, I referred to this site as "press". My mum made me a card that says 'PRESS' on it which I stuck in a Joey Jeremiah fedora... and I can do a mean 1930's newsie voice... "see?") no official confirmation has been released but it seems 99.9% sure that Eric Hassli is on his way to FC Dallas. Now most of us are used to MLS' taking 3-8 weeks to approve a deal that doesn't involve New York or Los Angeles but this one is getting silly. What is taking so long to cross those "i's" and dot those "t's"? "It's off the trolley I tells ya!"
　
11. Hassli requesting that all of Brek Shea's leftover hairstyling products be moved to his new locker upon arrival
　
10. The Greater Dallas Area Tattoo Association needs a week to stock up on ink
　
9. Hassli and wife waiting to see how the new "Dallas" handles the passing of Larry "JR" Hagman before agreeing on deal
　
8. Waiting for confidante Paul Mariner's Dallas-bound DP blessing to go" bask in the sun on a playoff-bound team"
　
7. Demanding a 1960's Citroen 2CV as company car
　
6. Kevin Payne and Schellas Hyndman meeting in a Texan honky tonk bar for "Over The Top" style arm wrestling face-off for cap room
　
5. FC Dallas mascot Tex Hooper needs time to work on hilarious new Parisian mime routine
　
4. Negotiating lucrative "Circus Shot Bonus"
　
3. FC Dallas yet to agree on changing kit to stereotypical Frenchman black-and-white hoops
　
2. Hassli demanding that Dallas defender George John legally changes his name to Jean-Georges
　
1. FC Dallas wants exclusive rights to all future ill-advised Toronto FC DP signings

Quelle surprise! Hassli pour The Hoops?

Ah, the Frisco nightlife would suit the L'Hassli

Either this deal is done or the FC Dallas' front office will be getting emails RE: Tampering very soon. Earlier this evening, courtesy of the Queen's Park Texas Rangers Twitter account, this little nugget was dropped...

NEWS: #FCDallas is in talks with Toronto FC and close to finalizing a deal to bring Eric Hassli to Dallas.
— FC Dallas (@FCDallas) February 1, 2013

The rumours about Eric Hassli's tres miserables feelings (and his wife's geography concerns) since Paul Mariner's dismissal from TFC have been rampant but few saw this possibility coming. If the tweet is to believed (and it kind of has to be) then FC Dallas has once again become the place where TFC sends its DP's that were bought without thinking. Hassli, he of the lumbering trot and numerous attempts at circus shots, clearly does not want to continue in Toronto and you get the vibe from Kevin Payne that the feeling is very, very mutual.

The fact that Hassli looks likely to move is no shock. This despite his heart-warming answer when asked on TFC Media Day if he is happy in Toronto - his reply "...................... (pause for dramatic Gallic effect) .................. yeah." Tres bien monsieur! No the shock will be if TFC can get away with getting anything in return and not having to eat too much of his bloated and short-sightedly renewed contract.

For Kevin Payne and the club going forward, Hassli's departure would aid them greatly simply in salary flexibility and an open international slot not to mention still allowing them the ability to cut a remaining DP. Yes, in the end giving away a (likely high) 1st Round Pick to our "pals" in Vancouver for a few underwhelming appearances will hurt but it's too late to cry over bone-headed milk. In the road forward, it is just another casualty in a desperately needed cull.

More news when anything become l'official.... or that kid who runs the FC Dallas Twitter account gets jumpy again...