THE STARTING 11: Nicknames for Real Esteli's Estadio Independencia

Wait, even the Nicaraguans have a roof?



One of the great joys of CONCACAF Champions League is the opportunity to tour some of the stadiums of Central America. If the "always fair and balanced" officiating wasn't enough to contend with, clubs of TFC's ilk have to be introduced to "exuberant" fans, pitches that resemble the surface of the moon and projectiles filled with all types of joyful human gifts. Of course, even in Central America stadiums inevitably end up with nicknames. While BMO Field is affectionately called "That Roofless Scaffolding with $10 Beer", Real Esteli's Estadio Independencia has a few names of its own...
　
11. "Home of The Wispy Moustache"
　
10. "The Gringo Triangle"
　
9. "El Tilted Pitch"
　
8. "The Stadium of No Lights"
　
7. "El Banco para Referees"
　
6. "Dead Bull Arena"
　
5. "El Stadio Grandos Crater"
　
4. "The House that the Sandinistas Built"
　
3. "The Train Station of the North"
　
2. "El Urino Ziplocko"
　
1. "The Ankle Graveyard"

AFTER 90: Reds chop down Timbers' lead for moral victory

"2-2 and that's okay"



IN THE TUNNEL:
A very late night for Reds supporters who have stayed up to watch "the best atmosphere in the league". You remember that right? Used to be D.C.'s then we came along. Then Seattle came along. And, then Portland came along. Sigh... at least we have those NutCan flags though right? Hello?... Tifos, chants and songs ahoy - it's time to sport some wood against those Timbers...
　
ON THE PITCH:
1' - Welcome to Portland where supporters arrive an hour before kick-off as opposed to 30 minutes after the match starts. Kick-off...
7' - Timbers fans chant that they "can't hear Toronto sing" since kick-off. The half dozen TFC fans in attendance must be so hurt
10' - TFC start the match on their collective heels and almost pay as Timbers' Eddie Johnson nutmegs Stefan Frei but hits the crossbar with shot. Piece of lumber preserved.
16' - Timbers' Kalif Alhassan uses Ty Harden as a traffic pylon and forces The Goalblerone to make a low stop. Yes, Harden is playing.
22' - Against the run of play Joao Plata carves open Portland's defence and rattles the post. In a counter-attacking stupor, Reds' players stand around like yokels calling for an offside while Eddie Johnson scores a GOAL: past a sprawling Frei. Brilliant.
PORTLAND 1 - TORONTO 0
25' - The celebratory log sliced by Timber Joey is slightly more mobile than Ty Harden
29' - Julian de Guzman gets a free look at goal but decides instead to give the Timbers Army a souvenir ball
36' - So many "sporting wood" puns going to waste
38' - YELLOW CARD: Ty Harden for being a big log
41' - As rare as a Pacific Northwest Bigfoot sighting - de Guzman takes a blistering shot that forces a save from Troy Perkins
44' - Timbers Army are admittedly awesome but deciphering their chants via a TV feed can be a challenge - last one sounded like "Empty!... Sleepy!"
45' + - Expansion Portland schooling expansion Toronto as halftime whistled and the teams head off
　
HALFTIME: PORTLAND 1 - TORONTO 0
　
45' - SUB: New Red Peri Marosevic in for Nick "Da Housecat" Soolsma
49' - Danny Koevermans catches Perkins off guard but the shot goes just wide
52' - Latest chant sounds like "Whoaaaa - Let's go have some eggs!"
55' - Torsten Frings sets up Plata who takes one step too many and is stopped by Perkins
56' - PENALTY: Andy Iro trips Diego Chara in the box and GOAL: converted by captain Jack Jewsbury
PORTLAND 2 - TORONTO 0
58' - Timbers chopping logs - TFC dropping logs
61' - SUB: An awful performance by de Guzman ends as Terry Dunfield comes on for his Toronto debut
62' - Only the post saves it from being 3-0 Portland as Eric Brunner goes close
68' - SUB: A strange switch as Javier Martina replaces the eternally useless Ty Harden. Frings drops back to cover the defence - a waste of his talents
70' - GOAL: Out of nowhere new boy Peri Marosevic curls the ball low past Perkins. Colour everyone shocked.
PORTLAND 2 - TORONTO 1
77' - Both teams going back and forth for another goal. Defence is just a rumour
81' - GOAL: Koevermans gets a flick off a low Plata cross and does what he's paid to do
PORTLAND 2 - TORONTO 2
82' - TFC have their usual post-goal nap and almost allow a Timbers goal if not for The Goalblerone’s paws
88' - Latest Timbers Army chant sounds... quiet
89' - Plata takes a long-distance shot forcing a one-handed save by Troy "The Family Restaurant" Perkins
90'+ - If any team was going to steal it in extra time it was TFC but a third goal just wasn't there...
　
FULL TIME: PORTLAND 2 - TORONTO 2
　
IN THE BATHS:
Very rarely in 2011 have we had the opportunity to call a TFC result a "moral victory" but tonight's draw is about as close as we'll likely get. While The Reds did admittedly come out flat in the 1st Half, they did show some strong character by battling to the very end off of the back of Stefan Frei's game-saving stops. The new blood injected into the line-up in the 2nd Half seemed to make a great deal of difference with Peri Marosevic's debut goal seemingly giving the team belief with 20 minutes left in the game. The change in attitude and poise that occurred after Julian de Guzman's removal from the game may entirely be a coincidence but will surely be noticed by many. Hopefully the upward swing in momentum on TFC will survive the 8 hour journey to Nicaragua now awaiting the club.
　
PLAYER RATINGS: Stefan Frei 7 / Richard Eckersley 6.5 / Ty Harden 5.5 (Javier Martina 6 ) / Andy Iro 5.5 / Ashtone Morgan 6 / Julian de Guzman 4.5 (Terry Dunfield 6) / Torsten Frings 7 / Ryan Johnson 6.5 / Nick Soolsma 5 (Peri Marosevic 6.5 ) / Danny Koevermans 6.5 / Joao Plata 7
　
THE YORKIES' MAN OF THE MATCH: Stefan Frei
TALKING POINT: Ty Harden vs a tree. Foot race. Discuss.

THE MATCHUP: Lumbering Reds look to avoid the chop in Portland

If only there was a "Timber Clough"



PORTLAND (14th) VS. TORONTO (17th)
　
JELD-WEN FIELD - SATURDAY 11PM ET
TV: GOLTV -----RADIO: FAN 590
　
THE KICKABOUT:
- Can road-weary TFC break their duck against a Timbers squad who has lost 4 out of their last 5 in MLS?
- Who will man The Reds' ever-rotating "Wheel of Defence"?
- Will the newest TFC new boys Dasan Robinson and Peri Marosevic make their debuts?
- Will the famously raucous Portland fans show MLSE what they could have had at BMO Field if they would have treated Supporters Groups with more respect and cooperation?
- Has anyone ever seen Timber Joey and 80's Oregon-native pro wrestler Billy Jack Haynes in the same room?
　
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "The Dutch Elm Diseaser"
　
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
PORTLAND: Jack Jewsbury, Troy Perkins, Jorge Perlaza
TORONTO: Torsten Frings, Ryan Johnson, Danny Koevermans
　
THE ODDS:
- TFC supporters feeling pangs of jealousy with every camera shot of organized fan chants, tifos and songs: 3-1
- Ty Harden being mistaken for lumber - being chased around stadium by Timber Joey: 10-1
- Bob de Klerk driving Maicon Santos deep into the Oregon forests "for a run" - driving away furiously when Santos gets out: 20-1
　
WHO ARE YA?
- In a quest for any silverware, Toronto FC is still aiming to become the first non-Pacific Northwest club to win the Cascadia Cup
- In the waning days of the Vietnam War, The Timbers Army was actually drafted to fight the dreaded Viet Cong
- Portland, Oregon is also known as "The Rose City" and has been in a 38-year war with Portland, Maine over their shared name. The city's citizens are called Portly and the primary exports are incarcerated NBA players, ironic indie-rock haircuts and chainsaw-related amputations
　
THE WAGER: 1-0 Portland (2011: 18-11 with 6 exact scores)
FUTURE HEADLINE: "TFC CUT DOWN IN CHAINSAW MASSACRE"

"Is that you Timber Joey?"

Peri short wait as TFC signs another

Peri nice!



After acquiring Dasan Robinson in exchange for Dan Gargan this morning, we commented that more moves were likely. We didn't expect it to be 8 hours later.

This evening TFC announced that the club has picked up Bosnian-born American Perica "Peri" Marosevic, a once highly touted 22-year old forward. Drafted fifth overall by FC Dallas in 2009, Marosevic only managed to make 4 first team appearances with the Texan side before spending part of last season on loan at now relocated USL side Austin Aztex. Unable to find a place with FC Dallas in 2011, the Hoops decided to make the young Bosnian available as a free agent when TFC stepped in.

A veteran of the USA U-17, U-18 and U-20 programs, Marosevic has a reputation as a skilled and agile forward but questions about his size dogged his development at Dallas. Of course, being 5 foot 8 at TFC where a 5 foot 2 Ecuadorian is a hero will seem like a breath of fresh air. The move seems like a depth one for 2011 with the hopes of unearthing a future diamond in the rough. As with most of The Reds' recent moves, it is one that again creates a glut in a particular position and once again starts tongues wagging over the possible knock-on effect. So... see you in another 8 hours?

The Gargan not released - Fire'd

"What the hell do I do with that thing?!"



The Dan Gargan mystery was put to rest this morning with the affable defender's trade to Chicago Fire. It was widely reported, and accepted, that Gargan had received an outright release by TFC earlier this week but the club never made an official announcement.
　
Word has it that the Gargan release was nearly a done deal until Chicago Fire showed some last minute interest. After brief negotiations, Gargan was dealt to the Windy City along with a 2012 2nd Round Draft Pick for Dasan Robinson, a 27-year old utility defender. Robinson, by all accounts a Fire fan favourite and solid citizen, is a RB/CB who has made 82 appearances with Fire but only two as a starter in 2011.
　
On the surface, the deal seems like a slight upgrade for TFC but now creates more questions with a right side that features Robinson, Richard Eckersley and Eddy Viator. With all three capable of filling in next to Andy Iro in the centre, the move will do little to solidify the future of the one-dimensional (and Preki-leftover) Ty Harden. As with all of The Reds' recent moves, it would seem like the dealing may yet to be done.

THE SOUTH STAND REPORT: TFC v Real Esteli... Or Something To Live For

Toronto has had this unlikeable habit of playing for a few minutes, digging a giant hole then trying to claw out of said hole. While Sporting KC Lisbon Wizard Comets was an amusing exercise in drama, it's preferred to just play the whole game properly.

Real Estelí has nothing to lose here. A good result should knock out beloved Robins from Champions League glories this time next week.

Predictions : three call 2-1 for Toronto, another for 3-0 Toronto and a 1-1 draw.

5 - Johnson takes a cross from Morgan heading onto goal.

7 - Koevermans does a Superman impression and heads over the bar.

11 - Ball breaks down the left and Soolsma... Sorry, I was thinking about cats...

23 - Ummmm, back and forth blah blah blah...

32 - Frings is running back to clean up defensive messes in successive games. Santos, take some notes before you leave...

34 - Soolsma somehow turns two defenders and just shoots wide. That move dedicated to Suarez, who's drinking milk from his saucer at home.

35 - Johnson takes a Soolsma cross and it finds the head of Johnson and parried it over the bar by the Estelí keeper.

38 - Big cross has Zavarise leaping to kung fu the ball wide of net.

44 - Johnson turns his mark around for a low quick cross to Soolsma who pokes too early... Probably thinking about cats again.

45 - YELLOW - Zavarise for a slightly clumsy knock.

HALF TIME MOOD : optimistic with a chance of promise

49 - SUB - Zavarise out for Plata. Zavarise not content with that decision.

52 - Plata's first touch deceptively curves towards goal from way out prompting a leaping save.

56 - GOAL - Would've liked to watch it live (idiot flags) but the big screen replay shows that Plata turns a defender out and pokes it past short side. Winter made a good call there Zavarise...

64 - Johnson takes a big cross and heads it at goal. Easy save made to look difficult.

67 - Morgan has a 35 yard attempt heading towards the top right of goal gets pushed over. Crazy attempt but well taken.

71 - Stinson gets bulldog'd to the ground and someone for Esteli gets a booking which leads to...

72 - GOAL - ¡GRANDE PIQUEÑO! Plata strokes a ball over the wall and past a diving keeper. Magnificent!

72 - SUB - Stinson makes way for deGoo.

75 - YELLOW - Frings goes into the book for a tackle that was no ball and all calves.

77 - SUB - Martina comes in for Johnson who gets a well earned round of applause for an exciting outing.

79 - GOAL - Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot. Kocic comes out for a ball on the right, and while sliding to protect the ball, it squirts out from under him and David Martinez picks up the loose ball and rolls it into the open net. Oh Milos, what a howler...

4 mins of Extra Time

90+3 - Plata going for the hat trick at 25 yards out put it towards the food building.

FULL TIME : Toronto FC 2, Real Esteli 1

Man of the Match : Plata for the brace
Goat of the Game : Kocic for the disgrace
Ref Rating : 3 out of 5. Should've been worse...

Team Ratings : Kocic 5, Eckersley 7, Henry 6.5, Iro 6.5, Morgan 6, Frings (C) 6.5, Stinson 6 [deGoo N/A], Johnson 7 [Martina N/A], Soolsma 6, Koevermans 6, Zavarise 6 [Plata 7.5]

Johnson is an early candidate for "deal of the year" as he was all over the 18 yard box... Surprisingly, there was less play-acting than expected, but still enough... Soolsma, cats notwithstanding, played a good game, certainly one of his better ones... Trying to wrap my head around whether TFC was really on tonight or just simply a better class above them... The flags were extra annoying tonight, regardless if they're allowed, they shouldn't be when a goal hasn't been scored yet... Maicon Santos didn't dress tonight which leads me to believe Preki is on speed dial in case he lands in Montreal... And Maicon Santos should be on the outs after the embarrassing attitude displayed at SKCLWC.

THE MATCHUP: Choo-Choo-Champions League

Aye! Aye! Aye! El Tren del Norte!

TORONTO FC VS. REAL ESTELI FC
CONCACAF CHAMPIONS LEAGUE - PRELIMINARY - 1ST LEG
　
BMO FIELD - WEDNESDAY 8PM ET
TV: SETANTA
　
THE KICKABOUT:
- Will we see TFC pour all of 2011's remaining energy into the only competition they have a realistic shot at success in?
- Can The Reds go for the jugular in the 1st Leg to avoid playing the likes of Frings and Koevermans in Nicaragua?
- With Dan Gargan (the likeable yet overpriced at 70K defender) released yesterday, will any new moves be made to add depth to the paper thin back line?
- Can the remaining "Preki" players Ty Harden and Maicon Santos survive the cull before kick-off?
- Will Real Esteli's nickname "El Tren del Norte" (Train of The North) make TFC choose the new nickname "The Hatchback of Ontario"?
　
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "El Nicorette"
　
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
TORONTO FC: Ryan Johnson, Joao Plata, Eddy Viator
REAL ESTELI: Rudel Calero, Manuel Rosas, Samuel Wilson
　
THE ODDS:
- By airing the match on Setanta - ratings soar into single digits: 5-1
- MLSE trying to sell tickets by cold-calling people and saying "Real are coming to play in Toronto!": 10-1
- This match finally being "the first day of the rest of our lives": 25-1
　
WHO ARE YA?
- Unlike their Spanish (and Utah) counterparts, the "Real" in Esteli's name is actually the English meaning and is used to verify them against their Guatemalan arch-rivals False Esteli FC
- In an attempt to popularize the CCL amongst less knowledgeable Toronto fans, MLSE considered the promotional tag "It's like Barca v United... except with no one you've ever heard of!"
- A special halftime competition is in place to help sell tickets. The winner will get a 3-night trip to Nicaragua! The loser gets a 5-night trip to Nicaragua.
　
THE WAGER: 2-1 Toronto FC (2011: 17-11 with 5 exact scores)
FUTURE HEADLINE: "MAYOR FORD CLAIMS 'TRAIN OF THE NORTH' FULL OF NICARAGUAN GRAVY"

THE STARTING 11: Ways that TFC players are trying to gel

Like Magellan apparently...

It's the word that's sweeping the nation: "gel". As Toronto FC tries to explain away loss after loss, the collection of new players added recently has provided excusematicians (it's real - I looked it up) the new verb du jour. "Injuries", "lack of talent", "a new system", "Harden"... they can all go jump - "needing to gel" is the problem! Yeah! But how to achieve this "gelling"? Gelmaticians (also real) are observing The Reds with great curiosity to see how they can achieve such gelatinous status...
　
11. Watching Andy Iro pull the team bus by his teeth
　
10. Rooting through Collin Samuels' old locker - divvying up the uneaten Twinkies
　
9. Everyone wearing the outrageously comfortable Dr. Scholl's Massaging Gel Insoles!*
Today's Starting 11 is brought to you by Dr. Scholl's Massaging Gel Insoles  - designed to provide maximum comfort and support... "Are you gellin'?"
　
8. Lining up sandwiches in the lunchroom in a 4-4-2 formation - watching Aron Winter fly into a violent rage
　
7. Giggling hysterically as Torsten Frings screams at Ty Harden in filthy Bavarian slang
　
6. Going over to Bob de Klerk's house for his infamous Rutger Hauer Film Festival
　
5. Stay up late gossiping about cute boys and doing each other's hair
　
4. Playing Hide 'N Seek with Julian de Guzman (undefeated in 2011)
　
3. Turn MLS Table upside down - pretend they're 2nd overall
　
2. Joao Plata dresses as an elf - hands out gifts
　
1. Practicing Nicaraguan swear words

AFTER 90: Defendweak at Livestrong

TFC's brown "Playcrap" bracelet isn't selling as well



IN THE TUNNEL:
One of the league's most beautiful stadiums, Kansas City's Livestrong Sporting Park, is the venue as the "new" TFC attempts to re-ignite its season with a host of new players. The wish of a quick turnaround against FC Dallas this past Wednesday didn't go as planned but The Reds will try to hand Sporting KC its first MLS loss in their new ground. Have TFC gelled over three days? Will the midweek CCL match affect the line-up? Will Livestrong Park fail a drug test? Time to blow into Kansas...
　
ON THE PITCH:
1' - A sweltering Kansas heat welcomes TFC to Livestrong Sporting Park. The fans are ok though, they have a revolutionary technology called a roof. Oooh! Look on with envy sunburned TFC supporters. Kick-off...
3' - Danny Koevermans goes as close as possible to scoring his first TFC goal connecting on a Mikael Yourassowsky cross. Good save by SKC keeper Jimmy Nielsen
9' - Koevermans gets a beautiful pass from Torsten Frings and beats the offside but just misses the target. He's itching
14' - Massive double-save from Frei off of a cannon volley from Kei Kamara and an equally hard second chance. Goalblerone at his finest
17' - Torsten Frings is the absolute general of TFC. Maicon Santos is captain in armband only
27' - GOAL: TFC fail to clear a SKC corner - Kei Kamara with a spectacular overhead goal with an assist from Maicon Santos' stomach
SPORTING KC 1 - TORONTO FC 0
31' - YELLOW CARD: Eddy Viator being an angry Guadelouponian
32' - GOAL: Kei Kamara - completely unmarked - easily heads a cross past a helpless Frei. Apparently the gelling hasn't occurred
SPORTING KC 2 - TORONTO FC 0
36' - GOAL: Maicon "Mike Sanders" Santos is dispossessed in the midfield and stands around pouting while SKC quickly passes to Omar Bravo who walks around Stefan Frei. Well done "captain"
SPORTING KC 3 - TORONTO FC 0
43' - SUB: Aron Winter sees what the rest of the world does - that Maicon Santos is wasting a roster space on the pitch. Disgracefully subbed by young Matt Stinson
45' - Ref ends the half before things could get any worse for TFC
　
HALFTIME: SPORTING KC 3 - TORONTO FC 0
　
46' - Ryan Johnson comes out firing but a good save by SKC's Nielsen keeps TFC off the board
50' - GOAL: Danny Koevermans pokes a downward header past Nielsen which started from a deft Ryan Johnson cross
SPORTING KC 3 - TORONTO FC 1
55' - That stadium is too nice - we demand a urine sample
58' - SUB: Mikael Yourassowsky off for Ashtone Morgan's fresh legs
63' - GOAL: SKC tears open TFC's defence on the counter-attack with Omar Bravo getting on the end of a low cross and burying it past Frei
SPORTING KC 4 - TORONTO FC 1
65' - I bet TFC would score goals at home if we had a roof. That's science right?
68' - YELLOW CARD: Matt Stinson being aggressive. Why not?
71' - GOAL: Ryan Johnson capitalizes on some SKC defensive blunders and pokes it over Jimmy Nielsen. Quality.
SPORTING KC 4 - TORONTO FC 2
77' - That stadium is definitely on the juice.
80' - SUB: Torsten Frings gets a break with Doneil Henry getting some garbage minutes
84' - Is there an actual gel you can buy to make a team gel?
88' - Only thing to look forward to tonight is another replay of Nick Soolsma's interview with GolTV. Did you know he has a cat named Suarez? I do. Eight times today.
90'+ - End to a schizophrenic but mostly inept showing by TFC. Pity.
　
FULL TIME: SPORTING KC 4 - TORONTO FC 2
　
IN THE BATHS:
There was a quarter of an hour when Toronto FC supporters watched the match and thought that the gelling had happened. Sadly it was the first 15 minutes of the match. The Reds came out firing with some slick play but just couldn't find the net. Conversely, Sporting KC did find the goal and from that point, TFC lost their heads. Led in the wrong direction by some truly shameful, lazy play by "captain" Maicon Santos, TFC lost all of its composure and by the half they were out of contention. A couple of bright sparks in the way of Ryan Johnson and Danny Koevermans may soothe a few souls tonight but whether it is gelling, injuries, coaching or simply a lack of quality, Toronto FC is still very far from being a competitor in this league.
　
PLAYER RATINGS: Stefan Frei 6.5 / Eddy Viator 6 / Richard Eckersley 6 / Andy Iro 5.5 / Mikael Yourassowsky 5.5 (Ashtone Morgan 5.5) / Torsten Frings 6.5 (Doneil Henry - ) / Gianluca Zavarise 6 / Maicon Santos 3 (Matt Stinson 6 ) / Nick Soolsma 6 / Danny Koevermans 6.5 / Ryan Johnson 7
　
THE YORKIES' TFC MAN OF THE MATCH: Ryan Johnson
TALKING POINT: TFC needs to buy this gel we keep hearing of. Discuss.

THE MATCHUP: A Sporting chance

SPORTING KC (12th) VS. TORONTO FC (17th)
　
LIVESTRONG SPORTING PARK - SATURDAY 8:30PM ET
TV: GOLTV
　
THE KICKABOUT:
- Are Sporting KC truly a much-improved team or are they experiencing a "new home smell" blip?
- Have TFC's new players managed to gel further since their midweek loss to FC Dallas?
- Does Richard Eckersley's return tighten the porous defence?
- Will Aron Winter rest some starters with the important Champions League fixture upcoming next Wednesday?
- Has football seen the end of rainbow kits?
　
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "The Tour de Lance"
　
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
SPORTING KC: Omar Bravo, Teal Bunbury, Jeferson
TORONTO FC: Richard Eckersley, Torsten Frings, Danny Koevermans
　
THE ODDS:
- Torsten Frings yelling loudly at Ty Harden: EVENS
- A tornado lifting Nathan Sturgis and depositing him in The Emerald City (Seattle): 20-1
- Teal Bunbury suddenly discovering Mexican heritage: 50-1
　
WHO ARE YA?
- A protest is planned outside of the stadium on Saturday by unemployed wizards who claim the club's re-branding was "wizardist"
- The beautiful new Livestrong Sporting Park's rapid construction has come under a cloud of controversy with loud whispers of architectural steroid usage
- Sporting KC's re-branding has caused a ripple effect of Portuguese football identities in the American Midwest with the recent creation of clubs Benfica Topeka, Peoria Porto and Vitoria de St. Louis
　
THE WAGER: 0-0 Draw (2011: 17-10 with 5 exact scores)
FUTURE HEADLINE: "TFC SEEK HEART, COURAGE AND A BRAIN AGAINST EX-WIZARDS"

AFTER 90: "First day of the rest of our lives" postponed until Saturday

Dallastasaray: No Turkish delight



IN THE TUNNEL:
Before the transfer window season started we commented that TFC better have new players arriving like clowns out of a tiny car. Well, Aron Winter bought a Fiat and the players have come pouring out - so much so that no less than five new faces would take to the pitch on a very steamy night at BMO Field. Would tonight indeed be the dawning of the "new TFC" or would it be business as usual at "The House That Mo Wrecked"?
　
ON THE PITCH:
1' - Torontonians still 30 minutes away from usual arrival for the match, thus emptyish yet excitable crowds await. Kick-off...
2' - Biggest new name Torsten Frings goes for instant legend status with a free kick that tests Dallas' GK Kevin Hartman
7' - Crowd seems to have a nervous yet positive energy
14' - FC Dallas have complete control of the match and are shutting down any TFC attack with incredible efficiency
15' - YELLOW CARD: Eddy Viator is the violator
25' - Sad lack of Fries + Onion Rings on hand
37' - Once optimistic crowd now shaking heads and collectively sighing as it has become obvious that the "new TFC" has yet to gel
44' - First and only real chance for The Reds sees a cross reach Danny Koevermans' ample skull but ball's height doesn't allow him to get enough power behind it
45' - End of half as temperature and TFC's play both remain humid
　
HALFTIME: TORONTO 0 - DALLAS 0
　
47' - Surely part of Aron Winter's infusion of character players won't allow for TFC's old early 2nd half letdown would it?...
48' - GOAL: Brek Shea could have raised cattle with the amount of property awarded to him by TFC's defence. Ty Harden and to a lesser extent Andy "Mr. 100" Iro were guilty as charged as Shea blasted a great (and unobstructed for miles) shot past Stefan Frei who looked like he was having Vietnam flashbacks when the ball passed him
TORONTO 0 - DALLAS 1
50' - Still yet to see unholy union of French Fry and Onion Ring. Disappointing.
52' - 90% of the stadium celebrates as Joao Plata seems to score the equalizer only for it to be called back controversially as offside
53' - SUB: Mikael Yourassowsky off for the equally enigmatic Maicon "Mike Sanders" Santos
55' - SUB: Nathan Sturgis off for the equally underwhelming Nick Soolsma
60' - The Goalblerone makes a massive save from a very unmarked Shea shot with Andy Iro clearing the subsequent rebound off the line. Solid.
62' - Kevin Hartman sees Frei's save and raises it with an equally big save from a Maicon Santos attempt
68' - Crowd downgraded from expectant to anxious to sweaty
70' - SUB: Plata makes way for Gianluca "I'm Still Here" Zavarise
76' - YELLOW CARD: The massive frame of Andy Iro was eventually going to get a caution. He is a big man.
86' - Santos gets a bit Brazilian and glances a header just wide of the Dallas goal
90' - The un-serviced Koevermans' has a chance to be an instant hero but a sharp cross gets tangled in his ankles - should have been an easy tap-in and equalizer
90'+ - Referee blows for full time as future still on hold
　
FULL TIME: TORONTO 0 - DALLAS 1
　
IN THE BATHS:
Perhaps it was all too much to expect a team that was nearly 50% new to gel that quickly. But, after 4 1/2 years and many false dawns you can't really blame the TFC faithful for hoping for better. It was a mixed bag for the new faces with Frings and Iro looking solid while Danny Koevermans was left isolated and Eddy Viator a touch nervy. Some of the "older" faces however contributed to the loss in much bigger ways. Awful nights for Danleigh Borman, Nathan Sturgis and Mikael Yourassowsky illuminated that while many changes have been made, more are in The Reds' future. It will take a while for TFC 2.0 to come together but for now the future has to wait until at least Saturday evening.
　
PLAYER RATINGS: Stefan Frei 6.5 / Eddy Viator 6 / Ty Harden 5.5 / Andy Iro 6.5 / Danleigh Borman 4.5 / Nathan Sturgis 5 (Nick Soolsma 5) / Torsten Frings 6.5 / Mikael Yourassowsky 5.5 (Maicon Santos 6) / Joao Plata 6 (Gianluca Zavarise 5) / Danny Koevermans 6 / Ryan Johnson 6
　
THE YORKIES' TFC MAN OF THE MATCH: Stefan Frei
TALKING POINT: How many "new beginnings" are you allowed in one season? Discuss.

TFC doesn't sign Eddy Vedder

Viator: an Even Flow on defence



No he's not a the lead singer of TFC's new hair metal band (Iro Maiden?) but the club's latest signing will give its paper-thin defence a shot in the arm. Eddy Viator is a 29-year old Guadeloupe international who can play in the centre or right side of the back line. Cough, cough... Gargan... cough, cough, splatter... Harden.
　
The journeyman defender has played mostly 2nd tier club football in his native France and in Spain with the likes of Chateauroux, Amiens and the now defunct Granada 74. Viator also played in the recent Gold Cup for Guadeloupe where he performed admirably including during his start against Canada. By no means will he be a long-term solution to TFC's defensive woes but in the current state, he's a healthy body not named Harden or Gargan.

THE MATCHUP: Season V: 2.0

The "Chip Butty" app is way overrated



TORONTO (16th) VS. DALLAS (3rd)
　
BMO FIELD - WEDNESDAY 8PM
TV: TSN
　
THE KICKABOUT:
- How many new faces will Aron Winter throw into the starting 11?
- Are expectations too high for a rapid turnaround?
- Does Torsten Frings become the "spiritual" captain of the club?
- Will there be more deals between now and kick-off?
- Does the future really start now or is this yet another false dawn for long-suffering TFC supporters?
　
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "The Debutantes' Ball"
　
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
TORONTO: Torsten Frings, Andy Iro, Ryan Johnson
DALLAS: Kevin Hartman, Ugo Ihemlu, Brek Shea
　
THE ODDS:
- Program sales rising by 50%: 2-1
- Stefan Frei tearfully embracing Andy Iro: 10-1
- Ty Harden being traded during the halftime talk: 25-1
　
WHO ARE YA?
- The match will mark the first time TFC supporters have un-ironically chanted "Who are ya?" at their own players
- If match fit, Danny Koevermans is aiming to score his first TFC goal in the 24th minute as an "Ohhh, Danny Koevermans" song has the same amount of syllables as "The Dichio Song"
- Toronto FC could match the record for most new faces in a consecutive match since the 1972 Bermuda national team was lost in The Triangle
　
THE WAGER: 1-1 Draw (2011: 17-9 with 5 exact scores)
FUTURE HEADLINE: "REDS FAIL TO SECURE WIN - TRADE 7"

THE STARTING 11: Recent changes in Toronto FC's dressing room

"Mr. Bojangles can partner me at CB boss"



To say the last few days have been a time of great change at BMO Field would be a major understatement. While most people familiar with The Reds are used to the revolving door with playing staff, the sheer amount of new faces in such a short period is still quite monumental. Such change affects the club at all levels of course but nowhere can it be felt as much as within the club's most inner sanctum - the dressing room...
　
11. "Hello My Name Is..." tags
　
10. Dan Gargan and Ty Harden's permanently packed suitcases
　
9. A countdown clock over Julian de Guzman's locker
　
8. "Lonely Planet: Nicaragua" guidebooks
　
7. Stickers on Danny Koeverman's boots saying "Pass Ball Here"
　
6. Dicoy Williams and Ryan Johnson's new pirate radio station
　
5. Intercity bus & train schedules
　
4. Joao Plata walking around like he's 5 Foot Tall
　
3. Torsten Frings giant ghetto blaster pumping out the sounds of hardcore "Oompah-Pah" and David Hasselhoff music
　
2. Andy Iro keeps breathing life into dead mice
　
1. 25 Copies of book "What to Expect when you Expect to be Traded"

Trillium transfer sees Tchani leave T.O.

Must have seen the weather forecast

Well, at least Tony Tchani won't have to Tweet about the strange Toronto weather patterns anymore. The young defensive midfielder, who was the main prize in the Dwayne De Rosario trade, was shipped to Trillium Cup rival Columbus Crew today in a multi-player deal as TFC's transfer window shuffle continues.
　
Strong English defender Andy Iro and mercurial French midfielder Leandre Griffit join TFC as the third and fourth new players to join the club in two days. Despite the number of new faces in such a quick period, the sudden glut of numbers in the midfield makes it easy to imagine that the dealing is yet to be done. While Iro fills a big hole in the back, Aron Winter & Co. will still want a steadier back-four and the phones are likely still ringing.
　
So, see you all here this time tomorrow?

Dunfield in, Nana out as TFC open transfer window wider (Now with 50% more trade!)

Same stadium - new red shirt



The Reds made a curious pair of deals today in that they both seem to represent the beginning of a path to change rather than a conclusion. The club officially announced the acquisition of 29-year-old Canadian international midfielder Terry Dunfield from Vancouver Whitecaps while a deal sending Nana Attakora to San Jose Earthquakes has been announced by the player, but at time of writing yet to be officially announced by TFC.
　
The feisty Dunfield, most famous in these parts for his recent goal at BMO Field with Canada, had seen his minutes and performance dwindle lately with Whitecaps. Highly regarded for his grit and work ethic, the Vancouver native can definitely add some depth in the midfield but his acquisition will raise loud(er) questions over the immediate future of Julian de Guzman. With Tony Tchani returning to health and DP Torsten Frings about to enter the fray, space may be limited in the middle of the pitch.
　
The departure of Nana Attakora is a disappointing ending to a TFC career which started on Day One and which many supporters thought would last for years to come. The young capped Canadian emerged as a solid MLS back last year and many expected him to jump from strength to strength this season. Yet, somehow Attakora fell afoul of the new TFC management through a bizarre combination of contract dispute, apparent sub-standard form and a rash of injuries. It is hard to comment fully on this deal until the details of what TFC is getting in return are confirmed but the glaring alarm on this transfer is that a team which is desperately in need of defence traded away a potential defensive stalwart. It is easy to imagine that both deals are the first steps towards even further flux at BMO Field.
　
UPDATES BELOW AS THEY BECOME AVAILABLE...

 4:15PM - Toronto FC have confirmed a very big deal. The Nana Attakora deal now includes Jacob Peterson and Alan Gordon who all head to San Jose in return for Jamaican international midfielder/forward Ryan Johnson. The move opens a number of roster spots as well as affecting cap space with more moves, especially defensive, no doubt in the pipeline.

THE STARTING 11: Positives of having a -19 goal difference



Ah, the GD. No, not "God damn" (although TFC's may make you blurt that) nor "Gerry Dobson" (although you may blurt "God damn, Gerry Dobson stop showing me TFC's GD!"). The GD we refer to today is of course "Goal Difference" (or differential if you're a high falutin' professor type. Nerd.) Currently Toronto FC has the worst GD in MLS at a whopping -19, a full -9 worse than the next most useless club. It is not a stat to be proud of and indicative of how the season has played out so far - but it's not all bad at the bottom of the plus/minus barrel...
　
11. Lack of goals equals big savings on confetti
　
10. A positive goal difference is so bourgeoisie
　
9. Defenders AND attackers can feel equally useless
　
8. You get a free goal with every 20 allowed!
　
7. Has helped heal Preki's wounded pride
　
6. Number matches projected BMO Field attendance in October
　
5. It means that Danny Koevermans only has to score 40 goals in half a season to give Reds a shot at being neutral
　
4. It’s an amazing mini-golf score!
　
3. MLSE launching "-19 Cents Off Selected Merchandise" sale
　
2. Number matches BMO Field's Opening Day temperatures
　
1. Makes the club's "-12 in 2012" season ticket renewal campaign look downright reasonable

AFTER 90: Der countdown läuft

No pressure Torsten



IN THE TUNNEL:

A few days after suffering one of the most humiliating losses in the club's history (and there's a few to choose from) TFC continued its "Places De Ro Played Tour". Tonight it was the always difficult Robertson Stadium - home of Houston Dynamo. Whether it would be the oppressive heat or the usual strong home form of the Orange Crush, TFC would be up against it with one game left B.F. (Before Frings)
　
ON THE PITCH:
1' - A glorious sunny Texas night in Houston. Players ready, space shuttle in orbit, guns holstered. Kick-off...
10' - Having Richard Eckersley forced into the CB role hurting forward movement out of the back as it did against New York
15' - 75 minutes Before Frings
19' - You really expect to see Marco Van Basten playing in those Houston kits
23' - Neither team owning possession but Houston looking slightly more business-like
28' - Dynamo MF Je-Vaughn (seriously) Watson tests Stefan Frei from long-range
31' - YELLOW CARD: Eckersley picks up his fifth warning after a rash tackle meaning he will be suspended vs. FC Dallas. A cardboard box being considered to play CB
40' - 50 minutes Before Frings
45' - A half mostly muddled in the midfield comes to an end with TFC's rag-tag defence managing to hold the few Dynamo efforts at bay
　
HALFTIME: HOUSTON 0 - TORONTO 0
　
50' - GOAL: Danny Cruz flies past Danleigh Borman at the end of a very fast Dynamo counter attack and easily beats Stefan Frei
HOUSTON 1 - TORONTO 0
55' - Decent attendance considering Houston was nuked back in 1996 by President Thomas J. Whitmore during the alien invasion
59' - SUB: A poor night for Danleigh Borman ends with a replacement by Gianluca Zavarise. Yourassowsky drops to the LB role
63' - YELLOW CARD: Alan Gordon warned after late challenge on Andre Hainault. The two have been at handbags all evening
65' - 25 minutes Before Frings
67' - YELLOW CARD: Mikael Yourassowsky for being Mikael Yourassowsky
68' - SUB: Jacob Peterson puts in a decent 70 minutes on his return to action and is replaced by Nick Soolsma
71' - Someone get TFC a cardiologist because there is no sign of heart on the pitch
75' - Nick Soolsma makes a great individual run into the Dynamo box but no finishers available to take advantage. Paging Danny Koevermans.
79' - Dual Dynamo attacks thwarted by two big saves from Frei
80' - GOAL: On the ensuing corner, the ball drops too easily to Geoff Cameron who seals the win for Houston
HOUSTON 2 - TORONTO 0
84' - 6 minutes Before Frings
88' - Houston fans chanting "Canada Sucks". Could be worse - they could just shoot us
90'+ - If there was a heart monitor on TFC, the ref's final whistle made it go completely flatline
　
FULL TIME: HOUSTON 2 - TORONTO 0
　
IN THE BATHS:
The most alarming thing about tonight's damp performance from Toronto was how they failed to pull up their bootstraps after taking a pasting in New York. While the lack of skill due to the combination of injury and just being a poor team are explainable - the tremendous lack of heart shown tonight must bother Aron Winter. While the usual suspects like Eckersley and Alan Gordon hustled as much as possible, their lollygagging teammates nullify any hard work. While we've joked about Frings and Koevermans' imminent arrival, can their pedigree change the spirit of this club? Or, are more massive changes needed. The transfer window countdown is indeed on.
　
PLAYER RATINGS: Stefan Frei 6.5 / Dan Gargan 6 / Richard Eckersley 6.5 / Ty Harden 5 / Danleigh Borman 5 (Gianluca Zavarise 6) / Mikael Yourassowsky 6 / Tony Tchani 6 / Jacob Peterson 6 (Nick Soolsma 6.5) / Javier Martina 5.5 / Joao Plata 6 / Alan Gordon 6.5
　
THE YORKIES' TFC MAN OF THE MATCH: Alan Gordon. Barely.
TALKING POINT: Is a Frings actually two defenders? Discuss.

Major Torsten - the countdown's on

THE MATCHUP: "Houston we have etc. etc."

God speed L'il Danny



HOUSTON (12th) VS. TORONTO (16th)
　
ROBERTSON STADIUM - SATURDAY 8:30PM ET
TV: GOLTV
　
THE KICKABOUT:
- Is there any way that TFC can repeat its May 7th performance against Houston where they won 2-1 and actually looked promising?
- Will Dynamo's attackers even notice whether or not Ty Harden is in the line-up?
- When will the "will he, won't he" de Guzman drama come to a head?
- If Dan Gargan continues to be average will his local backers continue to exalt him to Lionel Messi status?
- Is the following 10 days off more of a blessing for Toronto FC or for its supporters?
　
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "El Problemo"
　
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
HOUSTON: Will Bruin, Brian Ching, Brad Davis
TORONTO: Richard Eckersley, Nick Soolsma, Nathan Sturgis
　
THE ODDS:
- Texan supporters un-ironically deriding TFC as "un-American": 2-1
- Winter & de Klerk getting patriotically weepy over Houston 80's-style Oranje kits: 25-1
- NASA looking for new monkeys to send into outer space - contacting Toronto FC: 50-1
　
WHO ARE YA?
- When Dynamo move out of their current home Robertson Stadium, the venue has been earmarked to host local events such as Children's Tractor Pull, Warren Moon's XXX Square Dancing League and "Electric Chair Sundays"
- On the topic of Houston's new stadium, many assume that Dynamo Stadium will be named after the team but it is actually named after famous Texan Running Man "Dynamo". R.I.P.
- Houston, famous for its Space Program as well as its citizens' love for firearms, has combined the two loves for a post-match "Shoot at the Moon Night". Those attending the Dynamo v TFC match are invited to come onto the pitch and try to shoot into Earth's orbit. Closest shot gets a high-powered assault rifle autographed by Dynamo coach Dominic Kinnear!
　
THE WAGER: 2-0 Houston (2011: 16-9 with 4 exact scores)
FUTURE HEADLINE: "COUNTDOWN TO 2012 AS REDS HAVE FAILURE TO LAUNCH"

AFTER 90: Reds get a wake up in the city that never sweeps

Harrison, NJ - drink it in.



IN THE TUNNEL:
A fine night at one of North America's finest football stadiums. Despite the excitement of playing in one of the world's greatest cities (well, it's bombed out post-apocalyptic suburb at least) TFC has rarely had a good time in the Big Apple's shadow. Oh well, at least De Ro's not there to rub any salt in the wounds. Can TFC overcome the 10-1 outscoringing (English be fun!) in the last 3 matches vs. NYRB? Will Kid N' Play be at pitch-side like a welfare Jay-Z? Get your inhaler we're going to The Garden State!
　
ON THE PITCH:
1' - The glorious $200 Million dollar Red Bull Arena would be such a good stadium with fans in it. Kick-off...
9' - Joao Plata starting where he left off against Vancouver forcing a corner after driving at goal
15' - Both clubs marching back and forth taking sharp shots at each other. Nick Soolsma followed right after by NYRB's Luke Rodgers
18' - Dan Gargan is marking Thierry Henry. More on this later surely.
25' - No C-List hip-hop stars spotted yet at Red Bull Arena
28' - Henry, Lindpere, Rodgers, Richards and Tainio - NYRB are filthy with offensive riches
30' - Soolsma slides achingly close but can't direct a Gargan cross past the giant gloves of Greg Sutton
33' - GOAL: TFC's brittle defence opened up by the quality of Thierry Henry who walks in and easily slots one past Stefan Frei
NEW YORK 1 - TORONTO 0
37' - GOAL: Reds unable to regroup as Luke Rodgers blasts a beautiful volley past Frei while Ty Harden looks on confused
NEW YORK 2 - TORONTO 0
40' - News that Big Daddy Kane was buying a slushee in the Red Bull Arena mezzanine yet to be verified
45' - NYRB's Joel Lindpere sends a screamer of a free kick past Frei as TFC's defence looks frightened of the ball. Somehow the goal is called off on a very dubious call which TFC will take as they run away for the interval
　
HALFTIME: NEW YORK 2 - TORONTO 0
　
45' - SUB: Danleigh Borman off for Ashtone Morgan. Sure. Why not?
46' - Sadly there was no halftime performance by Heavy D
51' - GOAL: Javier Martina hits the post but as TFC stands around licking their wounds, Joel Lindpere marches up the field and easily beats Frei. Good grief.
NEW YORK 3 - TORONTO 0
56' - SUB: Matt Stinson in for an underwhelming Tony Tchani. Meh.
60' - Kool Moe Dee spotted in upper deck... selling hot dogs
65' - NYRB's Juan Agudelo almost scores if not for The Goalblerone’s fingers...
66' - GOAL: He obviously doesn't like missing. On the ensuing corner Agudelo beats Harden easily and heads past Frei. Ugly.
NEW YORK 4 - TORONTO 0
67' - : SUB: Mikael Yourassowsky off for Gianluca Zavarise. Uh-huh.
71' - 2/3 of De La Soul seen giggling behind Stefan Frei
77' - If there were fans at Red Bull Arena, the "oles" would be deafening - TFC can't get a touch
82' - TFC has gone on late-match hiatus
85' - Two members of 3rd Bass just bought Henry shirts
88' - GOAL: Juan Agudelo picks apart Harden and flicks past Frei
NEW YORK 5 - TORONTO 0
90'+ - Much like BDP Posse's career. Over.
　
FULL TIME: NEW YORK 5 - TORONTO 0
　
IN THE BATHS:
In a way, a miserable loss that tempers the boisterous spirits of TFC may not be so bad. The club and its supporters have been buzzing over the last week about the Vancouver double, the NutCan and the DP signings but tonight's dismantling in Harrison was illuminating. Despite having Frings and Koevermans on their way, it is clear that TFC is still a very long way from competing with the best in this league and the silver lining of having their asses handed to them will be that there is no denying that. The recent good vibes may have tempted Reds' management to rest on their laurels but there can be no doubt that the transfer window still needs to be held wide open.
　
PLAYER RATINGS: Stefan Frei 6 / Dan Gargan 6 / Richard Eckersley 6 / Ty Harden 4 / Danleigh Borman 5.5 (Ashtone Morgan ) / Nathan Sturgis 6 / Tony Tchani 5 (Matt Stinson 6 ) / Mikael Yourassowsky 5.5 ( Gianluca Zavarise ) / Javier Martina 5.5 / Nick Soolsma 6 / Joao Plata 6
　
THE YORKIES' TFC MAN OF THE MATCH: Nathan Sturgis. Why not?
TALKING POINT: It was just a re-run. Discuss

THE MATCHUP: Bullish Reds aim to extend energy boost

"The Champagne of Football Clubs"



NEW YORK (6TH) VS. TORONTO (16TH)
　
RED BULL ARENA - WEDNESDAY 8PM ET
TV: TSN
　
THE KICKABOUT:
- Can TFC extend the momentum from their Vancouver double into Red Bull Arena?
- Will The Reds' injury-plagued defence be able to hold off an NYRB that has outscored TFC 10-1 in their last 3 meetings?
- Could Toronto get a break from the NYRB star-power with Thierry Henry and Rafael Marquez nursing slight injuries?
- Is time running out for Julian de Guzman to prove his "DP-ness"?
- If I drink 5 cans of Red Bull will this report be better than usual?
　
MANUFACTURED DERBY NAME: "El DeRosariNo"
　
PLAYERS TO WATCH:
NEW YORK: Joel Lindpere, Dax McCarty, Teemu Tainio
TORONTO: Julian de Guzman, Nick Soolsma, Mikael Yourassowsky
　
THE ODDS:
- Either club re-acquiring Dwayne De Rosario only to then ship him out for future prospects: 20-1
- NYRB's strong 2nd Half performances being linked to halftime oranges soaked in Red Bull: 30-1
- Instead of Jay-Z at courtside, NYRB to invite Kid 'N Play to sit in upper deck: 50-1
　
WHO ARE YA?
- Profit conscious Toronto FC considered a beverage-sponsored re-brand with leading name-change candidates being "Toronto Pop Shoppe City", "Slurpee Wednesday" and "FC Canada Dry Toronto"
- Red Bull Arena's hometown of Harrison, NJ is an ancient village first founded by Viking explorers from Scandinavia's Harrison Fjord region. The modern day city is affectionately known as "Newark's Doormat" and its main exports include window bars, abandoned shopping carts and Snake Plissken
- Weeknight matches at Red Bull Arena have a 10:30PM curfew as that is when The Warriors come out to play
　
THE WAGER: 2-0 NYRB (2011: 15-9 with 4 exact scores)
FUTURE HEADLINE: "FREE RED BULL IN PRESS BOX - OMG!THereWASthisguYandHEscoredaGOAAALLandstuFF - WHOOOOO!!!"

THE STARTING 11: Perks of winning the NutCan three times in a row

"I say, one believes Vancouver to never get a NutCan. God Save Me."



Two days later and we've still got NutCan buzz! Some have advised to seek medical attention, possibly an ointment, but we care not. It's thrice as nice! Yes, in the grand scheme of world football winning the Voyageurs Cup isn't exactly the Jules Rimet but for suffering Reds supporters it was a sweet and almost fated victory. A great game to top off the best version of the NutCan tournament so far and an extra thumbed nose at our "perfect" cousins from the west coast. However, winning the NutCan means more than just a chance to hoist some silverware - there are a few sweet perks that go with being 3-time winners...
　
11. The cup comes filled with Mini Kit Kat bars
　
10. You get to shake hands with Prince William... but not Kate
　
9. Trophy counts as a passenger on 407 Toll Highway
　
8. FC Edmonton has to be your butler for a year
　
7. Team gets to represent Canada in the 2011/12 CONCACAF Champions League... and 2012 Miss Universe Pageant
　
6. It forces the Whitecaps to talk about SoccerBowl '79 for at least one more year
　
5. Get to hang out with the US Open Cup winners at all the hottest new nightspots
　
4. Nutrilite supplements up the ying-yang
　
3. Invited to torch the ceremonial first car at the next Vancouver riot
　
2. Allowed to fill trophy with pot pourri - put in team bathroom
　
1. Can order the illusive "Triple-Double" at Tim Hortons

AFTER 90: Once, twice... three times a NutCan

See those three Maple Leafs Whitecaps? Yeah, those are ours.



IN THE TUNNEL:
No signs of torrential rains or other biblical wraths on the horizon as the two clubs make their way onto a hot and hazy BMO Field. The Canadian Championship and a spot in CONCACAF Champions League is on the line as familiar foes, TFC and Whitecaps, conclude what started more than a month ago. With a 1-1 aggregate, it was all to play for...

ON THE PITCH:
1' - A smaller than usual, but louder than recent, crowd roars Toronto on and hopes that the karma stays on The Reds' side. Kick-off...
10' - The Reds look a little vulnerable on the Dan Gargan-side of the defence as Whitecaps test the waters in TFC's third
13' - A 3/4 full crowd with a 3/4 higher volume than usual
15' - Maicon Santos can only manage to hit the side netting after running out of space after receiving a long range Joao Plata pass
17' - SUB: Maicon Santos hobbles off - replaced by Javier Martina
21' - GOAL: Camilo Sanvezzo silences the crowd after curling a beautiful free kick around the TFC wall and past Stefan Frei. Despite the softness off the penalty call, the goal was class
TORONTO 0 - VANCOUVER 0 (1-2 Agg.)
22' - Molotov cocktails put back in cupboards across Vancouver
25' - TFC find their composure and attack Whitecaps in a flurry with Julian de Guzman hitting the post followed by a scramble which saw Caps' keeper / adult video legend Joe Cannon make numerous stops
32' - Plata buzzes around Cannon forcing a save. Specialist video.
40' - Groans of anguish around Toronto as Javier Martina catches Cannon way out of net and seemingly directs the ball into the Vancouver goal. Seemingly because Caps' defender Jay DeMerit slides the ball off the line. Anguish because half the stadium and most cameras saw the ball cross the goal line. Starting to feel like karma has swung westward.
44' - As the halftime beckons, there is a sense of cosmic doom floating through the stands. Surely the God wouldn't do this after washing out the original fixture?

HALFTIME: TORONTO 0 - VANCOUVER 1 (AGG. 1-2)

45' - Worried faces in the crowd want TFC to come out flying... or massive tornadic activity to roll in
46' - The Reds do indeed fly out of the gates as "El MosQuito" Joao Plata dribbles a shot that teases the Vancouver line but doesn't beat Cannon. I know, too many entendres
50' - PENALTY: Plata is brought down in the Caps' box and coolly steps up to take the kick... and NO! Groans, bad karma and filthy swearing rain out as the NutCan looks headed westward... but wait... the officials claim that Joe Cannon got off too quickly (his line pervs) and Plata would get a do-over. The Ecuadorian Cucumber stepped up again and this time - GOAL: slotted it past Cannon
TORONTO 1 - VANCOUVER 1 (AGG: 2-2)
51' - Fires, looting reported throughout downtown Vancouver
56: SUB: Injured Ty Harden off for Tony Tchani who moves into the defensive back four
58' - Vancouver Lululemon stores smashed. Hot Yoga cancelled
61' - GOAL: All from the feet off Plata as the youngster's cross finds the foot of Mikael Yourassowsky who becomes the rarest of things - a Belgian folk-hero!
TORONTO 2 - VANCOUVER 1 (AGG: 3-2)
63' - Army called into Vancouver as SkyTrains overturned, armed gangs go granola crazy at Whole Foods, dogs & cats living together... mass hysteria!
70' - TFC managing to avoid temptation to go into defensive turtle
80' - Starting to turtle just a wee bit
84' - SUB: de Guzman off for Doneil Henry... ok, now they're turtling
90'+ - Whole stadium holding breath can't be healthy but TFC are scrapping and fighting defensively with a lot of heart...
90'+ - CHAMPIONS! BMO Field erupts in a way we haven't seen in a long time

FULL TIME: TORONTO 2 - VANCOUVER 1
(AGGREGATE 3-2)

IN THE BATHS:
For many of us who put up with the cold, the colder, the wet, the wetter, the scorching heat and a lot of dodgy football, it's these days when we remember why. A true roller coaster of emotion from frustration, to anger, to joy, to panic and finally exhausted elation - watching Toronto FC lift their third consecutive Voyageur's Cup felt very cathartic. This week with its wins, huge signings and now silverware feels like the dawn of the "new TFC" that we were promised. Who knows - the euphoria may be short-lived but it felt great for one day and gives us a reason to learn more about Nicaragua. For Vancouver supporters, this year's NutCan will go down as yet another perceived injustice for the team who just can't get their hands on the prize but history will only remember TFC's name emblazoned thrice. That and the riots.

PLAYER RATINGS: Stefan Frei 6.5 / Dan Gargan 6.5 / Richard Eckersley 6.5 / Ty Harden 6 (Tony Tchani 6.5) / Danleigh Borman 6.5 / Mikael Yourassowsky 7 / Nathan Sturgis 6 / Julian de Guzman 6.5 (Doneil Henry - ) / Nick Soolsma 6 / Maicon Santos 6 (Javier Martina 7) / Joao Plata 8

THE YORKIES' MAN OF THE MATCH: Joao Plata
TALKING POINT: Has Nicaragua ever seen a Torsten Frings? Discuss